I was home alone for a week, and before my family left, they went to Costco and bought those huge cupcakes, a 5lbs bag of hershey kisses, 2 pepperoni pizzas, and a box of Twix bars.
The first night they were gone I ate the entire bag of kisses, half a pizza, and 4 cupcakes. The second day I ate half the twix, the remaining pizza and a half, and 2 cupcakes. Then I had to walk to the store and buy more food so they wouldn't know.
I am a "Secret" eater, so them being gone made it a perfect binge opportunity for me.
I had to laugh... when we have big family dinners or guests we always have dessert or treats for after dinner. Most of the time there's leftovers. I have, on more than one occasion eaten a half or more of a pie for breakfast. God help me if it had a graham-cracker crust. No self-control whatsoever...
Wow I thought I was the only one who did this kind of stuff.
I have gone to grovery stores and bought a bunch of junk, I would then divide it up into 2 or 3 seperate orders and say I needed it all seperate with seperate receipts for my co-workers. and then I would pay 1 order with my card and the others with cash.
So many stories here that mirror my own. When I still lived with my parents...well, lets just say my mom wasn't too happy anytime she saw me eat. Didn't matter if I was eating on a normal schedule or that I was eating something healthy, she made me feel that it was shameful to eat. I remember getting excited when the house would be empty so that I could finally eat. I'd plan in advance exactly what it was I would eat.
When I got to the driving age...well, things escalated. I found myself buying all the crap I'd never been allowed to have as a kid. Then, I'd drive to some empty parking lot and indulge. If I were with friends and I was buying something sweet or unhealthy, I'd say it was a gift for my mom. I once even bought my mom Godiva for Christmas (her customary present for Christmas, birthday, mother's day...), and gotten into it before giving it to her, so I had to go and buy another box.
Now, I try to buy as healthy as I can but do buy occasional junk. Even though it's my food, if I end up eating a box of pop-tarts quicker than your average person, I'll hide the box and go buy another "replacement" box so that my roommates don't know I ate it all. But, I'm getting better slowly. One of the things that has helped the most has been reading these forums and seeing that I'm not the only one to do these things.
One step at a time, one step at a time.
(Edit: I to have bought things at grocery stores as separate orders...and done the list thing where I pretended I was buying for a party- even the part where you mentally repeat "I'm buying for the party!" because god forbid someone out there have the ability to read minds hahaha, I've done some ridiculous things).
Last edited by CorinneIrene; 01-30-2009 at 05:07 PM.
Oh my goodness..I thought I was the only one with the Grocery List and telling the Cashier that my boyfriend/husband/guests were waiting for me..I'm surprised I made it to the car without breaking into the Chocolate..Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream? I'd eat 2 maybe 3 pints if I could fit it in my stomach then I'd purge. What a waste of money.
I still binge and have stopped the purging for the most part.
Thank all of you because I thought I was the only one.
Icicle- I have done that with brownies- and I also found out that the cherry chip cake mix tastes good straight to. I had no idea other people did that too, but seriously, if I were to bake anything the scent would fill the house and it would be obvious I ate an entire cake/brownie/batch of cookies etc.
I've done something like that, but with hot chocolate mix, there was nothing else in the house, I didn't even bother with the water, I just ate it by the spoonfull. I guess the hit was quicker that way...
you know, i wasn't going to post in this thread because i guess i felt like i didn't 'have it as bad' as you guys. but binging is binging any way you slice it. and i totally feel for you guys. and i can't say that i've kicked the habit because everytime i walk by a giant chocolate cake or smell a huge cheeseburger i still want to eat about 100. and i don't now, and i don't think i ever will again but the feelings are still there... and even now that i really think i've gotten my life under control it really helps to know that there are people out there that have been in my exact situation and are trying really hard to get over it too.
so i'm not trying to be self righteous- i'm not better than anybody and i still struggle a lot so i just wanted to say thanks to you guys for being you. you give me a lot of support and you don't even know it.
Leesa- I used to do the same thing, even with the low fat or sugar free mixes! My mother was always a health nut so when I wanted something sweet, I'd have to improvise. Didn't have to be so creative after I started driving and then moved out, though. It was always just that need to satisfy.
Corazonas- I think it's great that you're posting here- we all need that inspiration! Congrats on your achievements!
I related to the support from lurking...I could go just about anywhere on this forum and just seeing what people are doing provides such great inspiration.
In "celebration" of the upcoming holiday(despite the fact that I loathe it)...I used to buy myself candy hearts (yum) and various chocolates for V-day, pretending they were gifts for others- I liked to be my own valentine. Of course, I'd do that on any given day, but it would be especially bad on candy-driven holidays.
Resurrecting this thread just to get rid of some memories..glad, to be honest, that I'm not alone.
My worst binges:
- Heating a frozen pizza in the microwave and basically eating it all squishy and clumpy because I couldn't wait for it to bake in the oven
- When I lived with my aunt and uncle - due to family issues - I ate SO much. I'd heat up two frozen pizzas and eat them folded over like a calzone/pizza pocket, then finish off with 2 granola bars and a package of cookies - I gained 10 pounds in the 4 months I was there - surprised it wasn't more!!
-Eating a jumbo container of candy coated peanuts and having my dad yell at me
-This past Christmas, I took one of my mothers gifts from a friend (the irony) a box of chocolates. Ate the whole thing. She never noticed, but I feel so guilty.
Now that I think about it, alot of my binges involve pizza :S
Last edited by summerlove; 03-04-2011 at 01:57 AM.
I've binged on everything pretty much sweet since I was about 10. But the worst experiences of my life were going to Pick N Save across the street from my college once a week to buy a whole birthday cake. I'd always say it was for someone...but I bought one so often, I'm sure someone scratched their heads. I am permanently scarred whenever I see a cake. I still have to get over that fear.
Last edited by racrane; 03-04-2011 at 01:49 AM.
Reason: spelling
I've done most all of the things mentioned & more. I remember when I found out I was "different". I swear my whole family (grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins...) have disordered eating. I never knew people didn't eat huge amounts of food until I became a teenager and started eating out with friends and I was the only one making 5-6 trips back to the buffet while everyone was finished eating. They would actually wait on me to get finished eating, they'd look at me and say "aren't you full yet?". I eventually realized I didn't eat the same way as they did. I started feeling like a circus side show act.
My family would go to Krystals and get like 100 krystals & bring them back home and we would all binge together. I didn't know that's what were were doing at the time but now that I'm an adult I'm pretty sure that's what it was. We prided ourselves in how many Krystals we could eat. I remember at one time I could eat 12. I just thank God there is not a Krystals where I live now or I'd probably be in trouble.
I've come to notice that not many of my family members have lived beyond 50-60 years old. My mom is 53 and I worry about the possibility of getting that phone call telling me she is dead. I don't want that for myself, my husband or my child. I'm hellbent on getting recovered and healthy.
I am so embarrassed about writing this. but I used to invite friends over and get lots of chocolate, chips etc for snaks. I would eat very little of the chocolate or the dinner because I was so worried they would see how much I could eat. After dinner, i would obsess about the food that was left to the point where I couldnt concentrate on the conversation. I couldnt wait for the guests to leave so I could go and eat more and actively discouraged them from helping in the kitchen so I wouldnt be in a position to offer them left over to take home. times where there was no food left over, id eat the left over from people's plates. I look back now on this with so much shame!
Also used to go to chinese take away and pretend I was buying for others and say things "so is the serve enough to feed three people" and they would say "yes its plenty" and I'd say "well... two of them are big men and they really know how to eat. haha. Maybe id get that and that as well. can always eat the left overs tomorrow for lunch and dinner..." but there was never any left over, coz I'd eat the whole lot as soon as I got home.
To this day, I can still eat a whole pizza on my own and even though I dont eat out of people's plates anymore, I dont invite too many people over either, as I worry about how id handle it. I've recently moved into a new house and last night I was thinking about having a house warming and I caught myself planning the menu of order lots of pizzas (king sizze) for dinner (justifying that it'll be much cheaper and also saves time) and bake lots of chocolatey cakes and then I started thinking about left overs and how I would eat them the next day for breakfast and have a day of eating pizza and cake as a break from diet and then thought "well what if there is not left over, and thought about getting extra pizzas". And then suddenly it clicked what I was doing! It's so disturbing and sick and I thought "no I dont want to repeat this. i make healthy food" but the minute I thought that, then I didnt want to have the house warming because guess what? I prefer the food at the social occasion to the socialising part itself. So then I looked back to my life and when I do socialise i start eating from the moment i get there (i have a friend who is an alcoholic and he starts drinking the second he gets to the party) and when I do talk to people, its always brief as i am thinking of going back and getting more food to eat before it finishes.
I just feel so sad and out of control and depressed and I dont know how to control this. Because even when I am on a diet and go to parties, I tend to watch what oether people are eating not saying. As a result I am lonely and have very few good friends.
Wow. As sad as I was reading these posts, I'm relieved that I am not alone. The person who resurrected this thread wanted to get rid of these memories but for me, it's important that I write them down and remember as I NEVER want to go back to this place. A few of my worst binges --
1) I ordered a 20 piece, a big mac, and two double cheeseburgers. I also ordered 3 cokes because I wanted it to seem as if I was picking up food for 3 people. And when he asked me what sauce I wanted for my nuggets I thought out loud what "he" (my ficticious friend) might want. I got home, laid a table cloth down on my bed to protect my bedspread from grease and ate it all within 10 minutes.
2) I ordered a large pizza with 3 toppings and one of those apple crisp pies from Papa Johns. Along with 4 bottles of coke. When the guy got to my front door I put my cell phone up to my ear and said, "Hurry up and get here, the pizza just arrived". And I had the foresight to turn my ringer off just in case someone tried to call during my imaginary phone call. Oh, and I ate both those things in one sitting too.
3) My last binge was at Christmas time. It was Christmas Eve and my sister was making a HUGE dinner. It was around 3pm and told my family I had a few last minute items to pick up for my nieces and nephew. My plan though was to go to White Castle. I ordered 8 doublecheese burgers and 4 cheese fries. Washed it all down with 3-20 ouce cokes. A couple hours later I was sitting down to dinner with my family as if I was famished. I never did buy those extra gifts for my nephew and nieces. I was so ashamed of myself and I hit an emotional bottom.
Oh, and one time I ate 4 big macs when they were 2 for $2. I went to the bathroom, stuck my finger down my throat to purge and as one came up it got caught in my throat. I lost conscienceness. Thank god my husband at the time was there to save me otherwise I probably would have choked to death. Seriously. But that didn't stop me from binging. Only stopped me from purging.
I still struggle with wanting to binge but as each day passes, that desire gets smaller and smaller. Not sure if it will ever go away though. :-(
