Oh my God I read this thread and I cannot believe that others out there do these same things. I thought I was alone. It makes me feel a little better to know i am not the only one who struggles with these issues. I do all of these same things too, ordering like it is for two people through the drive through ( i did this just the other day at Dunkin DOnuts, made sure to order a hot chocolate and a decaf coffee to go along with the 4 donuts i got). I wanted to order a whole dozen. And this was at 10:30 pm. At the store I have done the fake list and pretending they were for someone else. I have even gone to three separate grocery stores because i was embarrassed and would buy sooooooooooo much junk i had to go to different stores so it wouldn't look like i was buying as much as i did. And I loved eating in my car, I would drive around and eat, then find a place to park and eat some more, dump all the trash in some parking lot and then go home and eat.
One time in college i had driven to the library on campus to study. Of course i had my bag stuffed with packaged cupcakes, a whole bag of hersheys kisses, and god knows what else. I remember it was dark and it was raining and i was eating cupcakes in the parking lot when this lady knocked on my car window to see if i was leaving because she wanted my parking spot. I was so busy stuffing my face I didn't even realize my car was on and running still. I couldn't wait to even get inside before i had to start eating.
Also I have sooooooooooo many times gone and eaten something and then replaced it. I can recall manuy times eating whole things of ice cream, oreos, peanut butter, and then going out and replacing it and eating to the previous level so no one would no.
I would also love to eat leftovers out of the friedge at night and I would arrange the food on the plate that was left in a way so it wouldn't look like as much was gone as there actually was.
Typing all this makes me see that food is still such a huge problem for me. I hate eating in front of people as well. I love when i am home alone because i know i can eat and eat and eat.
I have ordered whole pizzas and eaten them in one sitting.
I have gone out and ordered chinese and eaten so much of it, then sprayed the house with Lysol and opened all the doors and windows to get the smell of the evidence out of the house before someone comes home.
I used to have food hidden all over my house, and when i am really bad i still do stuff so many things under my bed.
I could keep citing more and more examples but i am really depressing myself. Again i thank everyone for sharing their stories. At least i know i am not alone.
My family owns a convienience store. I can't even tell you how many times I would stuff my face with candy... and cookies. Then I'd have tons of sugar free gum available...I'd pop gum in my mouth as soon as I saw someone coming, and throw the candy in a drawer or something. I'd even brush my teeth so that my dad would have no idea I'd been eating cookies all day.
The worst was when I lived with my old roommate in college though. She'd buy tons of junk food...i wouldn't even have to pay for it. then we'd sit and watch tv and just eat and eat and eat. sooo bad!
The one I can remember the most as well I have had many, would be when i managed to consume 3 large bowls of cheerios 2 speachil k bars , four large american style cookies ( white chocolate ) A packet of saucers (sherbet type things) , galaxy minstrels (friggin love those) then followed by me evening meal of a large roast ...with strudel and custard for afters ...however I did try to stop myself eating the strudel by chucking it in the bin but unfortuantly that did not stop me and I fished it out and ate it anyway....to say the least it was not a good day ( this was all consumed within about 2 hours).
I still binge every so often just not quite to that extreme. I don't feel ashamed or try to hide it ....well apart from the bin eating Because people binge drink all the time and i do not see them trying to hide it so why should I. Yes i feel like a pig but tbh when I am feeling that emotional I really couldn't care less. I have done also all that was mentioned above as well as going to buffet restaraunts bymyself and pretending someone couldn't make it then gorge myself on the huge mountins of food.
Last edited by makelovenotwarcraft; 09-01-2008 at 07:12 PM.
I am a server in a restaurant. I sneak food a lot! I will go in the walk-in and absolutely gorge on whatever, like brownies (love 'em!!!). If I were to ever get caught in the act I think I would just crawl into the floor! But still, I take that risk and of course brownines are just the begining.
My binging really goes in cycles. I won't for the longest time and then WHAM! It is all I want to do. Once I give in it usually takes me a week or so to get it together, sometimes longer.
It somehow helps to know there are others like me.
When I was young I was more of a binger. I remember a postman saying that every time he saw me I was eating. I ate all the way home from school/shops/friends houses. I used to get large bags of Chips (French fries), if I hadn't finished them by the time I got home I would put them in my school bag (and stink it out) and then go upstairs and eat them, wash my hands and face with soap to get rid of the smell and then have dinner.
When I started working weekends while at school nearly all my money went on food. I would buy a Pizza meal for two (Pizza, wings, wedges, 2 liters of coke) and I would go to my room and scoff it all. That was my perfect evening.
As an adult it didn’t really stop, when I had an evening alone and I was staying home I would order enough Chinese for 3 people and eat it all in one sitting. I convinced myself that I was treating myself to a quiet night in. On the odd occasion that flat mates saw the amount of food I had I offered some poor excuse about having enough leftovers for the whole weekend.
It still happens now with Chinese food. When my boyfriend goes away for the evening I always order a big Chinese. I am a little better at leaving some of it. I don’t know what makes me want to do that. I don’t feel lonely; perhaps it is because I can get away with making a pig of myself without anyone seeing. But what makes me want that food in the first place? What can I do instead of eating to treat myself when I have the house to myself?
I forgot to add that when I have my Chinese binges I go to order and when I arrive I say straight away half the order, and then I look through the menu for a minute to see what 'I' would like to eat so they think that everything prior is for the people at home. Dear me!
Wow, there are so many people that did the same thing that I did!!
I did all of these things.
I use go to a restaurant and order a huge meal for myself with the Milkshakes and the ice cream that go with it.. Then I would leave the restaurant, get into my car, and drive to the next restaurant. Sometimes I did that 5-6 a day!!
If I calculate it now, I probably had more than 10,000 cals on those days. Easily!!
Sometimes I couldn't wait to leave an event to go have food. It was like a high for me. I couldn't wait to leave some events (where I ate very healthy things) to pay a visit to the drive thru.
Then I will order meals for 4 people and feel in control...
When I think of it now, it is actually so very sad. I gave away my power and control to hamburgers. I am not that far into my new life style, but I hope that I will never see those sad days again.
Oh, another thing I did - I never use to answer my phone while at a restaurant, because then people will know what I am doing. So I will ignore it, and when I get home I will return the call and say something like 'oh, I didn't hear the telephone'.
Reading this again... I'm remembering that I have ordered delivery food before and right after paying the person as they're walking away, I'd call out loud enough for them to hear "Hey guys, food's here!" to the empty house.
I think I have been in denial for a LONG time about being a binge-eater. I realise that many people have more challenges with this than I do and I really commend you guys for just doing the best you can do every day.
When I was a kid, my brother was "hyper-active" (actually, I have thought he was bi-polar for probably about 20 years now) and my mom took him from doctor to doctor trying to find out what would cure him of his behaviour. At one point she was told no sugar, no white flour. We literally had NO treats in our house whatsoever. I remember distinctly being about 10 years old and something really bad had happened to me that I didn't know how to deal with (I was molested by a stranger in a park - that was the first incident really) and I would find myself very alone (this was during the summer) and I literally turned to sweets for comfort. I vividly remember taking my daily money (I think we got $2 a day) and walking to the bakery and buying boxes of Little Debbie's or mini-doughnuts and eating the whole box before arriving back home, because these were not allowed in the house. So a combination of not being allowed and needing some sort of comfort, I turned to food.
Summers were all about taking our money to the 7-11 and buying as much candy as possible. We both (my brother and I) had to polish this stuff off before mom came home because it wasn't allowed. I really don't think she knew for a long time that we were doing this.
I have since always turned to food when I'm feeling lonely, bored, angry, upset, depressed. It is SO easy for me to polish off the entire contents of anything really and I still have my moments today where I will do this and get through half of something and just throw the rest away. No one but you guys (now) know this about me. I really hate that I do this, but all I can do is just focus on what's important and try to push through my feelings.
I don't honestly "crave" anything. I can eat an entire box of plain crackers if that's all I can find in the cupboard. It's not like I actually like what I'm eating, I'm eating to fill something up in my life.
I have done so many of the things you guys have mentioned. It's embarrassing! I embarrass myself!
For the longest time I've known that I have an unhealthy relationship with food. I've been over weight since I was about 8. I believe now that the reason I started gaining weight is because I was turning to food for comfort, my mother had just married a man I hated (for good reasons) and she was pregnant. Throughout my early teens my real father would try and help me with my weight, and try to teach me how much I needed to be eating. The crazy thing was that I NEVER felt full, I could eat tons and tons so I never understood why people complained that they were full. It made no sense to me. I never even felt hungry because I never stopped eating long enough to be hungry. For the past 3 years, since I was 16, I've been on an up and down battle with food. It is crazy reading all of these posts because it is exactly what I do! Its sad too because I give myself one day a week where I don't count calories so that I won't feel so deprived. But on those days, whether I'm hungry or not, and usually I don't even want to, I binge like crazy. Now however, I do feel full, painfully full...of course that doesn't stop me.
Just last Friday on my "free day" I had almost half of a papa murphy's family size veggie pizza, 3 strawberry lemonades, half a vanilla milkshake and some french fries. Luckily that is not nearly as bad as usual.
My biggest trigger I find is tv, I will be happily watching my show then the commercials come on and I am drawn to the cupboards I just stand in the kitchen snacking until the commercials are over. Every time. All night. Who knows how many calories I consume each night that way. Recently of course I try to control it, I'll be sitting there literally talking myself out of going into the kitchen. Or even starring into the cupboards trying to tell myself I shouldn't be having anything, while I grab the nilla waffers.
Wow, I always thought I was a freak for doing all these things...but I guess it's somewhat normal for food addicts?
I've done so many of these things, it's amazing. I'd order two drinks with my food, or ask them to put it in two different bags, even going to far as to pay for one with "my" money and then pay for the other one with "my friend's" money to keep the change straight. I've turned the shower on when deliveries come and I yell upstairs that "food is here!" or I answer the door with the phone up to my ear saying things like, "Are you almost home? The food is here!" so the delivery person wouldn't think it was all for me. I used to take evening trips to Starbucks to "get us coffee" and then I'd order (at least) two desserts while there and shove them down my throat before getting home. I'd eat a six-pack of bakery cupcakes and leave the containers in my car so my husband wouldn't see me carry them in the house and question me about it.
One time, I was staying with my best friend for a couple weeks. He bought some creme-filled oatmeal pies (Little Debbie) and I ate the whole box after he'd opened it and eaten one. Over the course of two days, I went to the grocery store over & over buying him new boxes and eating them all within an hour. I finally had to tell him that I just couldn't have them in the house...this was after eating probably 5 or 6 boxes of them. It was a horrible confession, but he was totally cool about it. I felt awful.
Please do not take this as "preachy", but the kind of behavior I posted about and that you all describe is virtually identical to the "crazy" behavior of other addicts like alcoholics. You may want to explore OA (OverEaters Anonymous) which is part of this Chicks in Control section. The premise being that we can't control it cuz it is like an insanity and we have to try a different approach. We are intelligent ladies (sorry if there are guys here, but I do not think on this one) and we can so so rationalize our behavior and do these weird things. Academy awards?- we are way way better actors than those folks. Just throwing it out there. Basic thing is - you are not alone- you are not strange- you are one of many- 3FC is an amazing site.
pretty much all summer i'd be at work all day, eating well in front of everyone while constantly thinking about what i'd eat that night. on the walk home i'd go to mcdonalds, stuff the food in my bag and then usually get a tub of hagendaaz ice cream, and stuff that in my bag as well, come home and eat in my room. i find i really noticed my problem when i started hiding it, and when i started purging 2-3 times a day. i get a high from it, and for that 30 minutes or so of eating i'd feel amazing. now that school has started its gotten better, im usually too busy to be thinking about food, but still whenever i feel too full i still purge. its a long journey!
Whenever I binged, it was always on "healthy" food like cucumbers, frozen veggies with ff cheese, etc, so nobody ever knew, and when I finally came out with it, nobody thought it was a problem. It was especially bad when I lived alone. I recall eating a whole carton of eggs - but just the egg whites.
When my husband moved in with me, I flipped out every once in a while and began to throw out all of the food in the house, proclaiming that I was too fat to have food in the house.
I knew that the act and mindset was what I needed to treat, so I did OA, then didn't fully get over all of this (and still haven't) until having my daughter. The change in my body made me realize that I spent too much time and energy worrying about what was just fine in the first place (my body).
I still, however, will make sure others know that things I buy aren't for me. If I go to Wendy's for my husband to get a Baconator, I have to make sure to tell EVERYONE around me how my husband just NEEDS this, etc. It's sad, really, that I feel the need to explain myself.
I remember just walking and eating everything in the fridge when no one was home, which was quite often. I'd finish off the leftovers, the sweets, then i'd make my self a meal, then i'd have some form of dessert. I'd just eat and eat but i'd never feel full, and it kept me distracted.
Lately, I've only been eating half of my food and then taking the leftovers home. In a few days my fridge is packed and while my roomate's away I'll eat it all (in less than an hour) and then take out the trash like i just decided to throw it away, and I'm innocently munching on a bag of pretzels when she gets back in.
Last Binge? 30 mins ago. I ate a veggie philly, leftover fried rice, 2 pizza slices, 1 cup ice cream, and a large bowl of fruity pebbles. Now I'm nursing my last big red of a 24 pack and feeling horrible . The only reason I'm still not eating is because my fridge is completely empty.
Oh, thank God there are other people like me out there.
I'm a big "secret eater". I'll buy junk food or take out, eat it in secret, and hide the wrappers. I triple-wrap the McDonald's bag in plastic shopping bags so it can't be seen in the trash can.
Because people binge drink all the time and i do not see them trying to hide it so why should I. Yes i feel like a pig but tbh when I am feeling that emotional I really couldn't care less. I have done also all that was mentioned above as well as going to buffet restaraunts bymyself and pretending someone couldn't make it then gorge myself on the huge mountins of food.
I will go in the walk-in and absolutely gorge on whatever, like brownies (love 'em!!!). If I were to ever get caught in the act I think I would just crawl into the floor! But still, I take that risk and of course brownines are just the begining.
