Another dreary, gray, rainy ... um "cozy!" day Dinner was salad with homemade overcooked quiche. A serving isn't a major hit but is filling (made with eggbeaters and two eggs). DID have a square of extra sharp cheddar with two triscuits = 70 calories for a snack - DH was ever late in getting home. I don't like eating at 8 p.m. Today's his last day until Sunday night.
ICATM served me well last night (I Can Always Take More) ... but when I read it in Bill's note above, I somehow pictured it as I Can At This Moment. As in I can make smart choices right now. Maybe that'll be my motto - and just rework the acronym for whatever situation.
Brought my lunch to work (leftover quiche slice) but headed home and spent a few mins with the pets. With this financial project for the past four nights, time with them has been perfunctory. Time well spent, even though it was brief.
More issues continue with DH's older daughter. I've lost patience (well, it's further lost after losing it last year. And the year before. And ...) Hoping all goes well with the younger one at dinner tomorrow night. Not excited for that at all. At ALL.
Last edited by nationalparker; 10-14-2014 at 03:30 PM.
Hi All,
Yesterday on the scale I was the same weight as a week ago. We had plans to go to friends for dinner, and I felt it was going to be hard to keep calories at goal, which then led to anxiety and then I stopped for a snack after lunch, which then made me more anxious and by the time I got to dinner, I wanted more food. Some classic thinking patterns triggering low mood, anxiety and snacking. But I did track all my calories - credit.
I need to get outside and walk tomorrow - that helps my mood. I did get studio time in and also asked a friend to help me grout the big rainbow mirror this weekend.
My father was supposed to have surgery last week but someone's emergency kidney transplant bumped him to Oct 30th which is a long time to wait.
it was a busy day. it was on plan except for a wobbly bit at the end.
Coaches
Here's what i do: I have a very busy day with many new, unexpected, emotional things coming up and new situations triggering old emotions and then I procrastinate on stuff I need done for tomorrow and then I procrastinate on EXACTLY the stuff I really want to do and then I put something into a slow cooker that smells fabulous as it slloooowwwwwlllyyyy cooks all day and then I make a dinner than seems too small and then at the end of the day when I am fussing with the crockpot to get it ready for the fridge I think about nibbling. Bits of stuff are falling off the bone and I take a bit. Just to taste it I lie to myself and so I do that, and then a bit more and then a voice inside says, HEY...it's not meal time and nibbles are not a meal and you have had your snacks and your meals and you must stop. And I think NO I won't stop, I will have a "meal" then to satisfy you. And then I say, NO you WILL stop. Stop now. And so I do but not before pinching a bit more and then a bit more and just now I wanted to pinch MORE but I didn't. I have the disease of more. It is never enough. I did remember that and I do know what drive me to the food this evening and it was all that stuff above. And making a smelly thing to tempt me? Hello? I will take this as a major warning and reminder that I cannot be trusted around food when so over stressed. For now this is how it is and I am so gratfeul to have stopped myself and grateful to be able to tell others about it who "get it".
Thanks and I have got to get to bed! And yes, it was 25C here and still warm at 5 minutes to midnight! Nice.
I had a good food day and food has been healthy and very low carb. The rice noodles showed on the scale this morning which I knew they would with all the water carbs attract, but I had planned to have them anyway (who knows why but at least it was a plan). I see the new doctor tomorrow so will have to write out the whole wretched tale of my health issues and see what he can do! I don't believe he is a miracle worker but at least if someone understands what I am trying to achieve that will be refreshing
I am reading Grain Brain which is interesting - by a fairly solid neurologist and his beliefs about the effect of carbohydrates on the brain, alzheimers, dementia etc. Not far in yet but it does seem to imply as I believe onebyone once said that dementia is Type 3 diabetes.
I wasn't very productive today and not sure why but just faffed about and now I am irritated with myself - I have been procrastinating about a last major work chore and once I get past it things will go smoothly for a while. Unfathomable really. Anyway now I need to go and do something constructive for the next few hours before I can eat (which is all sitting there waiting to be cooked).
Today:
- 188.8 pounds [+1.8]
- Logged my food
- Under 20g CHO net
- Under 1400
- Gym tomorrow - I think
Diet Coaches/Buddies – Walk, CREDI moi, including sniffing about looking for things to give out for Halloween. I'm convinced that there's some small item of value to give out instead of candy - or food even. DW has decided on clementines and dark chocolates - choose one or the other. The good aspect of that is that I can eat the clementines that are left over.
Food was OKish; small CREDIT moi for that much. When looking for Halloween stuff I was wading amongst piles of candy that I didn't buy. Felt particularly good that candy corn wasn't calling my name. In the past, I've eaten tons of that stuff. Ouch for the memory.
onebyone – Kudos for "stopped myself" - good reminder that no matter how deeply we're drawn, we can stop.
Joy (gardenerjoy) – Like being reminded of the two sides of 'deserve': "I deserve to feel well more than I "deserve" any treat."
Cheryl (GosfordGirl) – That's a new thought for me, "that dementia is Type 3 diabetes." I haven't yet bought into the extreme blame on carbs; maybe I'll read Grain Brain to see if I want to go there.
maryann - Congrats for having a positive response to your MFP message; my immediate reaction was to want to slap its face, LOL. My car, my dishwasher, and my washing machine all have opinions these days.
nationalparker – Sending supportive thoughts as you continue to work at being a stepmother - hope you find the right way to move forward. Love that ICATM can serve any passing desire. Sabotaging Thoughts emerging from an acronym.
Margaret (Nuxmaga) - Ouch for bumping into food thoughts. Neat idea to get in some walking to soothe the brain.
curlypudge - LOL at the reality that a beach walk worked off only one Oreo. Yep, exercise burns so few calories.
Mountain Mamma - Always Kudos for an on-plan day.
Readers -
Quote:
Day 24Deal with Discouragement
Finding Encouragement
To motivate yourself, especially in the face of self-doubt, do the following:
Add up the difficult hours. . . .
It's interesting how the memory of these struggles tainted their whole week. As it turned out, most of them struggled for between 20 minutes and a couple of hours once or twice during the week. For the other 164 hours of the week, they hadn't struggled. During most of these other hours, they hadn't even thought about dieting. Yet they all initially reported that the entire week had been intolerable.
Judith S. Beck, Ph.D., The Beck Diet Solution (Pink book), pg 189.
I started Chapter 3 with its ten tasks last night. I don't want to overwhelm myself, so I'm working on the first two today.
Task 1. Gather supplies. For all the boxes, cards, and notebooks, I'm going to use one 3x5 file box with dividers to separate things. That's fussy enough. I already own the kitchen supplies.
Task 2. Set a modest goal -- 5 pounds. She wants, here, a list of rewards to celebrate each 5 pound loss. I generally suck at this reward-giving business. Either I want something so much that I'll get it for myself, with or without earning it. Or, I don't care that much and so the reward isn't motivating. Or, I won't give myself an earned reward because it's too frivolous or takes too much time or some other excuse. But, I made a list of the best ideas I could come up with right now on a 3x5 card and gave it a divider in the file box. Maybe future ideas will migrate there. And, maybe I'll get better at this with practice.
I started Chapter 3 with its ten tasks last night. I don't want to overwhelm myself, so I'm working on the first two today.
Task 1. Gather supplies. For all the boxes, cards, and notebooks, I'm going to use one 3x5 file box with dividers to separate things. That's fussy enough. I already own the kitchen supplies.
Task 2. Set a modest goal -- 5 pounds. She wants, here, a list of rewards to celebrate each 5 pound loss. I generally suck at this reward-giving business. Either I want something so much that I'll get it for myself, with or without earning it. Or, I don't care that much and so the reward isn't motivating. Or, I won't give myself an earned reward because it's too frivolous or takes too much time or some other excuse. But, I made a list of the best ideas I could come up with right now on a 3x5 card and gave it a divider in the file box. Maybe future ideas will migrate there. And, maybe I'll get better at this with practice.
Gardenerjoy, I know that you and I share some exasperation with Beck. When you started this restart I thought that I should join you as this might help me (and perhaps you). But I haven't got the green book and I didn't know if I could cope with Beck's voice at a time when my life is very full of annoyances and other things already.
But I should do something and a CBT approach is the best one, I think.
Any suggestions? From GJ or anyone?
PS I'm delighted you had such a great time out and about in England. The weather was quite glorious in September and you went to some wonderful places.
Another quick post to make sure i actually check in.
TODAY i will start over, yesterday was a bust. Funny how once you start on a slippery slope, how easy it is to just keep going! Overate ate two meals and did went crazy on evening snacks.
I need to get back to reading my cards, which i let slip, and incorporate some rules like "no choice" to evening snacking. Sometimes I will just chant "beck, beck, beck" like a crazed chicken, but that clearly isn't working, i need those cards!
Waving to all- its so beautiful out here, hope the good weather comes to you all at some point!
I am so happy to have found this group. This looks to be the most active Beck Diet forum on the Web.
I recently started the Beck Diet and have made my way to day 6, which requires finding a weight loss coach.
I am 36/f/5'3 living in Los Angeles. I have about 30 lbs to lose.
Would a forum member be willing team up with me and coach each other?
I have been dieting since I was 10 years old. So, I am pretty knowledgeable about nutrition, various diets, including the newer primal, paleo and such, and I have been on Weight Watchers at least five times (though not since 2010). I live by myself and do not have much of a social life right now, i.e., friends. So accountability is probably the hardest part of sticking to a plan.
I could very much use your help. I am tired of failing and quitting and really want the Beck Diet to work.
So another day. I have a tough time with picnic shoulder hams. I did before and I still do. I crave it like crazy. I think it's that it's such a big hunk of meat. Something about that over-sized primal, yes, I will use that word for it, primal thing calls to me. I don't want a delicate slice. I don't want to weigh it. I just want to use my two hands to tear it apart.... and in other topics, I am still royally irritated with DH as I got a call from the accountant looking for his signed tax returns. Has he done that? No. Will he do it? Don't know. Does he feel a need to take care of this, to finish it, to put it rest? Apparently not. I think he wants to stick it to me. The joke's on him though as I am about to drop the whole thing and I am getting set up to pay off the accountant on my own and he can cope with whatever comes next. I signed my forms. Things are happening. If he talked to me he'd find out I was going to give my tax return money, as I will get some, toward what he owes for that year and if he looked he'd see he is also owed money and what he ends up owing is not that big and yes, I was going to cover that too with money I make myself. But you guys reading this know more about my plans for us than he does. I have never been in this situation with him before. I mean never. in 22 years, never. It's scary from my end and unnerving at times. But I'm not eating over it and that's the good thing. I remain OP even with my wobbles. And actually this is old news compared with my mother getting a walker (I'm ok with it now) and it looks like we (and I mean me) are moving her to the lower floor of the building where she is so she is with more people right away when she walks out of her room. That's where the day staff is and where the activity rooms are. She is also now reluctant to use the elevator to go down to eat dinner. Instead she walks by the "Bistro" and takes 4-5 cookies every time she walks by and with no memory she doesn't remember she's eaten cookies 3x that day. Each time is the first time. So that contributes to her not wanting to go and have a proper meal. It's also pushed her into a size 2x, sometimes more.
Things are challenging right now to say the least.
I had my teeth cleaned today and I am grinding them like crazy! No doubt. Not surprised. I will get a night guard after two crowns and my chipped tooth is fixed. I had no idea my tooth was chipped. News to me. It felt like a make-work thing, truth be told, those crowns and that chipped tooth fix. Whatever. I am blessed with dental insurance for the first time in my life and it's there for dental stuff like this. Plus DH is partly responsible for my teeth grinding of late! His insurance can pick up the tab for that. The good news is that I have not had any more bone loss thank goodness. They were worried it was a sign of some kind of systemic problem, so happy to see it has stopped.
So much venting. I always feel so bad for dumping all this personal stuff here. I don't mean to. I often erase this stuff but I feel lonely and alone with it all right now. I know things will change and this will pass and we'll come out the other side, I know it, but right now I do not want to eat over it. I am 4 days shy of 60 days no sugar and no seconds - I'd say 94% accuracy with that which is a miracle really- I am not interested in bottling things up and then eating over them.
Eating on plan but please no credit. DH has been out of town so there's nothing unhealthy in the house and I eat when hungry, not because it's 7 pm. The challenge will come in a few days when DH and his ice cream returnth.
Lexxis, hope your sister is feeling okay, or as well as can be expected during treatments. Gardenerjoy, yeah, I too have a problem with rewards. And feel guilty about them if the weight is regained. But for some people they are great. BBE - Sigh. Halloween candy, my weakness. I'm sorry but today's Beck quote doesn't do it for me - implying it isn't much to struggle between 20 minutes and a couple of hours once or twice a week because the other 164 hours of the week were okay. Well, it depends what side of the cookie you are on. A dentist thinks it only takes 30 minutes of mild discomfort to fix a cavity but to the victim it is really HOURS of MISERY spent in that dental chair! Curlypudge - yes, all you can do is start over. maryann - congrats on the goal! Gosfordgirl - hope you like the new doc. Silverbirch - I have no suggestions other than what you said about the CBT approach. 1x1 - Wow, almost 60 days of no sugar? That's great! DashMB77 -
Running late again so need to check in and then make dinner (I am not good checking in later - it just doesn't happen). Food on plan today - no surprises fortunately. Saw the new doctor and he is absolutely engrossed in all the stuff I read and keeps talking about "the only evidence based diet" (the one I eat - paleo/primal). Totally unfazed by my blood work results. Ordered a whole pile of other tests. It was nice to talk to a doctor who actually spent a LOT of time reading the research and who explores his theories and looks for evidence.
So there are a few tweaks to what I eat (to see if the autoimmune issues are being exacerbated) and a few changes to supplements and I go back in 5 weeks - so at the very least it was interesting and worth the 40 minute drive!
Debbie / Lexxiss - hope all is well and that your sister is travelling OK
BillBE - Good to look for alternatives to usual Halloween 'stuff' - I like your DWs ideas (not sure the trick or treatsters will go for dark chocolate?)
Gardenerjoy - good to see the enthusiasm and motivation that a new beginning brings - you are right into it!
Silverbirch - so we might be seeing more of you? I find Beck an annoying voice in my head but it does seem to do the job. It is a voice, along with the voices here, I have to listen to
Curlypudge - Ouch for the slippery slope - hope you get a hand up here.
Dash - welcome! Really glad you found your way here. The list moderator will tell you soon what to expect but we all act as coaches/buddies for each other
Maryann - Another angel - Credit! You have been working hard for it
Onebyone - good to see you here offloading. And credit for so long without sugar - that is really big
MountainMamma - I am so lucky to have total control over my environment. I am sure my resistance would be non-existent with the challenges a partner brings so I hear you.
Today:
- 189.2 pounds [+2.2 sigh]
- Logged my food
- Under 40g CHO net
- Under 1300
- Gym earlier today
Dinner was salad with homemade overcooked quiche. A serving isn't a major hit but is filling (made with eggbeaters and two eggs). DID have a square of extra sharp cheddar with two triscuits = 70 calories for a snack - DH was ever late in getting home. I don't like eating at 8 p.m. Today's his last day until Sunday night. 
it was a busy day. it was on plan except for a wobbly bit at the end.
Wednesday - White Cane Safety Day
When you started this restart I thought that I should join you as this might help me (and perhaps you). But I haven't got the green book and I didn't know if I could cope with Beck's voice at a time when my life is very full of annoyances and other things already. 
This looks to be the most active Beck Diet forum on the Web.
