There was a case in one hospital's Intensive Care ward where patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11 a.m., regardless of their medical condition.
This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery ... as to why the deaths occurred around 11 a.m. on Sundays. So a World-Wide team of experts was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents.
The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11 a.m., all doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits.
Just when the clock struck 11... Pookie Johnson, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so that he could use the vacuum cleaner.
A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.
"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room, "Why are you down here at this time of night?"
The husband looks up from his coffee. "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly.
"Yes I do," she replies.
The husband pauses. The words are not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?"
"Yes, I remember," says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.
The husband continues. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, either you marry my daughter, or I'll send you to jail for 20 years?"
"I remember that too," she replies softly.
He wipes another tear from his cheek and says, "I would have gotten out today."
An old farmer in Kansas had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't
been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five gallon
bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices
shouting and laughing with glee.
As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end of the pond. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not
coming out until you leave!"
The old man frowned and grumbled, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked."
Holding the bucket high in the air, he told them, "I'm here to feed the alligator."
Moral:Age and wisdom will triumph over youth and enthusiasm every time.
The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just take the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy....... The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.
Share this with other women who are good apples, even those who have already been picked!
However, Men are like grapes......
Men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the @$#% out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with!!
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man who's not a creep.
One who's handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long.
One who thinks before he speaks.
Says he'll call, and won't wait weeks.
I pray that he is gainfully employed.
When I spend his cash, he won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door.
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh, send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to "How big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And never attempt to hit on my friend. Amen.
Man's Prayer
I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a liquor store
and a boat. Amen
Bud and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as
airplane mechanics in Atlanta. One day the airport was fogged in
and they had nothing to do. Bud said, "Man, I wish we had something
to drink!"
Jim says, "Me too. I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a
buzz. You wanna try it?"
So they poured themselves a couple of glasses of high-octane
hooch and got completely smashed.
The next morning Bud wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels.
In fact he feels great, no hangover, no bad side effects. Nothing at all.
Then the phone rings...its Jim. Jim says, "Hey, how do you feel this morning?"
Bud says, "I feel great. How about you?
Jim says, "I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?"
Bud says, "No, that jet fuel is great stuff -no hangover, nothing.
We ought to do this more often."
And YOU Thought You Had A Bad Day....
16 Will Get You 20...
True Bravery
The Farmers Pond...
Women's Prayer vs. Man's Prayer
