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Old 02-12-2004, 03:30 PM   #151  
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Old 02-12-2004, 03:34 PM   #152  
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Ouch!!!
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Old 02-12-2004, 07:26 PM   #153  
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A blonde was shopping at Walmart and came across a silver thermos. She was so fascinated by it she took it over to the clerk to ask what it was.
The clerk said, "Why, that's a thermos...it keeps things hot and some things cold."
"Wow, said the blonde, "that's amazing...I'm going to buy it!"
So she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day.
Her boss saw it on her desk. "What's that," he asked?
"Why, that's a thermos...it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold," she replied.
Her boss inquired, "What do you have in it?"
The blond replied, "Two popsicles, and some coffee."
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Old 02-12-2004, 07:35 PM   #154  
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O.K., I can't resist....just one more.

Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death at a drive-in movie?
They went to see "Closed for the Winter"
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Old 02-13-2004, 07:27 AM   #155  
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Old 02-13-2004, 07:53 AM   #156  
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I love blonde jokes!!!!!!!!!

My very blonde son just told me a real groaner.

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead walk into the bar. The bartender tells them if they tell the truth into the mirror in the bathroom they will get their hearts desire.

The brunette goes and tries it out, " I think I am prettiest girl here." Her pockets are full of money, she has a new sports car, and a mansion.

The redhead goes and tries it out, " I think I am the smartest girl here." Prince charming comes along and sweeps her off her feet.

The blonde tries it, "I think......" and instantly gets sucked into the mirror for lying.

Okay and this one is better.
The blonde goes to Best Buy to get a microwave. She asks the salesman how much for that microwave over there and he says, "Sorry ma'am we don't sell to blondes."

So she dyes her hair brown the next day and comes back again she hears, "Sorry ma'am we don't sell to blondes."

In frustration she shaves all her hair off and returns to Best Buy and again she hears "Sorry ma'am we don't sell to blondes." So she asked the salesman, how do you know I am a blonde. "Because that is a TV ma'am".

Okay my son is 12, but I laughed!
Miss Chris
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Old 02-13-2004, 09:36 AM   #157  
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Those were great!
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Old 02-13-2004, 11:04 AM   #158  
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Old 02-13-2004, 12:43 PM   #159  
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Default A dilemma

I especially like the mirror one.

Here's a dilemma for you....

With all your honor and dignity what would you do?

This test only has one question, but it's a very important one.

Please don't answer it without giving it some serious thought. By
giving an honest answer you will be able to test where you stand morally. The
test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation, where you will
have to make a decision one way or the other.

Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous.

Please scroll down slowly and consider each line - this is important for the test to work accurately.

You're in Florida...In Miami, to be exact...There is great chaos going on around you, caused by a hurricane and severe floods. There are huge masses of water all over you. You are a CNN photographer and you are in the middle of this great disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless.

You're trying to shoot very impressive photos. There are houses and people floating around you, disappearing into the water. Nature is showing all its destroying power and is ripping everything away with it.

Suddenly you see a man in the water, fighting for his life, trying not to be taken away by the masses of water and mud. You move closer. Somehow
the man looks familiar.

Suddenly you know who it is - it's George W. Bush!

At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to take
him away, forever. You have two options. You can save the life of George W.
Bush, or you can shoot a Pulitzer prize winning photo, a unique photo displaying the death of one of the world's most powerful men.



And here's the question (please give an honest answer):





Would you select color film, or rather go with the simplicity of
classic black and white ?

(Hope nobody's offended.)
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Old 02-13-2004, 12:48 PM   #160  
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I'm not offended. But I'm Canadian.
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Old 02-13-2004, 12:51 PM   #161  
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Yeah - that remark was for our American friends. Although I have a lot of friends in the US and I KNOW they would pick the colour file.
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Old 02-13-2004, 01:27 PM   #162  
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I'd go for the stark drama of black and white.
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Old 02-13-2004, 11:30 PM   #163  
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My honest answer...

I have been in this situation (sorta)...we were at the river, and these 2 kids (12 year old boys...kinda overweight) were riding around on a jet ski without life jackets or any flotation devices for that matter. Well they didnt know HOW to manouver the jet ski when waves would come or choppy water was there so...guess what? Jet ski flipped, and kids went a flying. They grabbed onto each other and managed to grab onto a pole that was for an old pier and held on for dear life!! So here are like 100 people or so...gathering to watch these poor kids cry help help! We cant swim!! Help!! The water was cold...they were starting to get hypothermia...anyhow, I popped out of the casino and saw what was going on and immediately ran down to the closest part I could on the next dock and then called to them and told them to LISTEN TO ME CAREFULLY: Both of you hold onto each other, and let go, and float on your backs over to here and I will grab you and pull you in...(cause of the flow of the current would of brought them directly in line with me). Surprisingly, they listened!!! I got part of myself into the water and held onto the outside of the dock and as they floated towards me, grabbed them and pulled them in. By this time a lady had come down and was on top of the dock and helped me too...but I still had them 1 handed...I am NOT that strong so it musta been an adrenaline rush thing. The poor kids lost their drawers!! Well..their trunks were down to their feet from the current. I popped out of the water and wrapped my towel around the two of them so no one else got a show and they promptly pulled up their drawers. Then..after all this..all of the lookie-loos started clapping!! I think they all thought the kids were playing a prank and that's why no one went into the water...but still ticked me off.

Anyhow, I would jump in and try to save whoever I could, whether its the President or an ordinary citizen...so long as *I* knew I could handle it. I'm a very good swimmer and not afraid of the water so that probbly either helps or hurts me.

My 2 cents...
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Old 02-14-2004, 07:12 AM   #164  
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Heck, Noodles. This is Scotch and Humour!
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Old 02-14-2004, 08:50 AM   #165  
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This is bad, but........

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.

What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this s***.."

What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with..."a recipe."
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