Bumper Stickers


Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted.

Guys... just because you have one, doesn't mean you have to be one.

Heart Attacks... God's revenge for eating His animal friends.

Try not to let your mind wander... It is too small and fragile to be out by itself.

Hang up and drive!!

I love animals, they taste great.

EARTH FIRST! We'll stripmine the other planets later.

"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."

Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

Watch out for the idiot behind me.

Keep honking, I'm reloading.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

Kids in the back seat cause accidents; Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

Honk If You Want To See My Finger!

Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!

Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.

Is it time for your medication or mine?

Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?

If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?

Seen on an old, beat-up car: "This is not an abandoned vehicle."

"Born Free. . . . .Taxed to Death"

"Cover me. I'm changing lanes."

"Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition."

"When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS."

"I'm out of bed and dressed, What more do you want?"

Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!

I intend to live forever - so far, so good.

"Sorry, I don't date outside my species."

"I may be fat, but you're ugly, and I can lose weight!"

"The more people I meet, the more I like my dog."

"Montana --- At least our cows are sane!"

"I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian."

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Anarchy is better than no government at all.

I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert....

Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.

I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

Oh, very good, ellis! I need a few of them!

Sorry, it was all I could come up with at 2 in the morning.

One of the best ones I ever saw was:

Mean People Suck, Nice People Swallow ;-)

Miss Chris

OMG! Miss Chris! I love it! Let's print bumper stickers!

I got a bunch of silly jokes today. Here is the first cute set of things I got :


Marriage is like taking a hot bath. After you've been in it for awhile ... it isn't so hot.

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and think, 'Well, that's not going to happen.'

If you're playing a poker game and you look around the table and can't tell who the sucker is---- it's you.

I asked Mom if I was a gifted child... she said they certainly wouldn't have paid for me.

According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman is their eyes. And women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars.

In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take prozac to make it normal.

Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a barbecue?

Doctors can be frustrating. You wait a month-and-a-half for an appointment, and he says, "I wish you'd come to me sooner."

Some very dumb jokes:

1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?

Unique Up On It.

2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?

Tame Way, Unique Up On It.

3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?

They Take The Psycho Path

4. How Do You Get Holy Water?

You Boil The **** Out Of It.

5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?

Dam!

6. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?

A Stick.

7. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?

Nacho Cheese.

8. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?

Subordinate Clauses.

9. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?

Quatro Sinko.

10. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?

Spoiled Milk.

11. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?

Frostbite.

12. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?

A Nervous Wreck.

13. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?

Sanka.

Last one:


GOOD NEWS! Canada has offered to help the U.S. in the war on
terrorism! They have pledged 2 battleships, 6000 troops and 10 fighter jets.




BAD NEWS, With the current exchange rate that comes out to 2 canoes, a Mountie and a couple of flying squirrels

Thanks Ladies!!! (And I use that term loosely.....) I needed a good laugh!!!!

Thanks, Squeak!

A blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.

"What's up?" he says.

"I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman.

He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says "Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!"

The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closet floor.

"You rotten SOB ," says the husband, "my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids!"

More jokes... we need more jokes...!!

The guys at work only tell me really gross, do not repeat this ever again, your brain needs washing jokes.

Miss Chris

He said . . . I don't now why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said . . . You wear pants don't you?
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He said . . .Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said . . . That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board
while I sit on the sofa and fart!
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He said . . . What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said . . .Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
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He said . . . Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm?
She said . . . I would but you're never there.
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On a wall in a ladies room . . . "My husband follows me
everywhere."
Written just below it . . . " I do not!"
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Q. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it
take to do the dishes?
A. Both of them.
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Q. Why don't women blink during foreplay?
A. They don't have time
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Q. What do men and sperm have in common?
A. They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human
being.
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Q . How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
A. He buys two cases of beer.
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Q. What is the difference between men and government bonds?
A. The bonds mature.
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Q. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A. We don't know; it has never happened.
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Q. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and
good-looking?
A. They already have boyfriends.
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Q. Why are married women heavier than single women?
A. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the
fridge.
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Q. What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in
common?
A. They're married.

Great, Kat!