Missing in Inaction

11 Jul 2010 In: Life
Today was going to be it.
New job started and behind me.  Hershey PA vacation behind me.  Bigger behind, behind me.  Today was the day I started exercising again.  In my mind, I picked out my Jackie DVD and was all psyched to do it.  After the Bethenny Getting Married episodes I DVRed, of course.  After one repeat of The Office.  After 3 loads of laundry, 3 squares of Symphony Bar that I swore I wouldn’t eat, and a trip to the supermarket (after having to feed children lunch on saltines because post-vacation, my house was void of real food).  After.  After.  After.
After 8 pm, I finally get around to working out.  I pluck the DVD case from my vast collection of dusty workout videos.  I am even wearing a sports bra and yoga pants that probably haven’t seen the outside of my dresser drawer since the holidays.  EMPTY.  Empty??  The last time I used it was in my laptop, I remember specifically.  Even if it was, oh, six months or more ago.  I search my desk, my drawers, all around the TV.  I search downstairs in the living room, even though I didn’t use it there.  I decide I cannot work out now because it is missing.  Nope, TurboJam wouldn’t suffice and the thirty-six Firm DVDs are not comparable and cannot be used.  Yoga, nope.  Treadmill?  No way.  It has to be Jackie.
There is always tomorrow.  Now I have wasted one hour searching and posting this (and, admittedly, reading other blogs in between) I have used up my time and must get started on my school work.

New Beginnings – after all these years

3 Jun 2010 In: Life

I cannot recall the last time I wrote.

Probably a month or two ago?  Before Chicago, before the summer term started, before chaos at work.  A lot was going on that I couldn’t write about, but now I think it is safe to share. 🙂

I am leaving my current company.  I have put in 10.5 years here, and there is no more room for advancement.  It has been wonderful – my peers are like family to me, I enjoyed what I did, and it has been a great learning experience and stepping stone to the career I really desire.  So, it was with a (very) heavy heart that I announced my resignation last Friday, and many tears have been shed since.  I was up many nights faced with the decision of whether or not I wanted to stay or go, but since making it, every person has shared with me that while they will miss me dearly, they think I made the smart choice and are looking for opportunities elsewhere themselves. 

That said, my new position will be in HR for a not-for-profit, more authority and involvement in the decision making process of policies, etc., which I love to do.  And, I am looking forward to working for an organization where every decision isn’t based on how it affects the bottom line.  That is all I can say for now, but I start towards the end of the month.  Whew.

This has been a really, REALLY challenging month for me.  From my boss getting ready to pack up and leave, the changes bestowed upon us at work (mostly bad), lack of communication, people leaving left and right (involuntarily), it has been tough.  Through this many of my employees have reached out and asked for assurance that I, too, would not be moving on, so a part of me felt obligated to be there.  In the end, I have to do what is best for my family.

This is making me depressed all over again.  Sigh.

Aside from that, summer classes are going well.  Kids are doing great.  Girl Scouts is wrapping up (can you believe I STILL HAVE COOKIES!??) and DS7 is having a ball in little league.  DS13 is graduating middle school in a couple of weeks, ugh, where does the time go?!?  Went on a trip to Chicago which was a lot of fun, wonderfulllllllllllllll shopping!  Didn’t buy anything though, lol.  Max is still up and running around, and furry again, for the time being.  Each month more with him is precious.

I don’t know when I will be here again, but I do know once I am transitioned into the new job, I will have a lot more time on my hands!  There is actually a benefit to NOT working at home, and that is leaving your work at the office and not checking email or returning calls at 10 pm, lol.

Hugs to you all, I still think of you often!

no title

3 May 2010 In: Life

Well, complete failure on the cookie mission.  Lol.  Complete, total, utter failure.

However, my trip went well.  Sort of.  Three of the people that I was going down to meet with weren’t able to come due to circumstances beyond their control, so that was a bummer.  But overall my meeting with the new person went very well, and I had a great time with the people that I did get to see.  I actually was really, really upset Thursday evening when all was said and done.  I am a very sentimental person … it was hard leaving there knowing that going forward, my company is forever changed by this merger.  Sigh.

Friday night was baseball practice, Saturday we took a road trip and took the kids to a zoo in Connecticut and ate dinner outdoors on the water, which was beautiful.  Sunday was yard work, and LOTS OF IT.  My arms are sore today!  But the yard looks good.  I threw out all my patio furniture cushions.  I need to find replacements.  Judging by the prices I am seeing online, it costs almost as much as the original set!

I just started to type out how busy the next couple weeks are, but then I realized … DUH.  They are ALWAYS busy!  But between this week and next week, we have 4 dentist appointments, 3 doctors appointments, opening day ceremonies, 4 practices, 2 games, GS, etc.  Fun times. 

Wow, I just got a phone call on my cell of a woman yelling that she has been trying to get dr-something all day and can’t get a hold of him, and when she does she is going to wring his neck! Lmao!  And she doesn’t buy me telling her she has the wrong number.  Oh-kay then …

I have a week before my “summer session” starts.  I took easy (I think?) classes … or, easier ones at least – a degree planning class that is a requirement (my mentor says it is FUN, we shall see!) and a fiction writing class which I think I will really enjoy, counts as my art gen ed requirement.  I picked things that would be enjoyable over the summer.

I need to do better logging my food.  I have to figure out what is the best way to do it … I just don’t have time to do BOTH and enter it onto TDP as well as write here, but both are beneficial in different ways.  What to do, what to do.



Girl Scout Pledge

22 Apr 2010 In: Life

To NOT eat the cookies, that is.

Last night was cookie pickup.  The only thing worse than having over a hundred boxes of cookies in your house is having over a hundred boxes of cookies in the house, and a third of them are owned by you.  Sigh.

Many wonderful, well meaning family members purchased cookies to support DD but told the kids to pick them out and keep them.  So we have, seriously, 40-some odd boxes that are ours. 

Being a thin mint and samoa addict, I tried a do-si-doh for the first time last night.  Actually, I tried the entire row.  Minus three, one for each kiddo who wanted to try them but apparently, did not enjoy them like I did.  A row of cookies and 3 glasses of milk later … well … blech.

So, I pledge to NOT have any cookies from now until after my business trip next week, and then after that, to only have one serving of cookies, 2-3 times per week, worked into my calories.  Hey, a girls gotta live!

You guys are sooo wonderful …

14 Apr 2010 In: Life

I mean really, truly wonderful.  Thank you all for the comments you left me on my last post.  Wow, I was quite bitter and upset, wasn’t I?  Well, thank you for your responses. 

I really need to take the time to get here more often, sigh. 

Well, I am no longer angry or upset or whatever emotion that was when I found out.  It’s quite funny, XH hasn’t even had the nerve to discuss it with me directly yet.  Not that he really NEEDS to, but hello, we do still share children.  Oh well.

It is sunny today, the sky is blue.  My kids are healthy and wonderful little people.  My cherry blossoms are blooming, my little tree that reminds me of my grandmother.  I get to watch DS7 play little league, which is adorable.  I am slightly sore from yesterday’s workout.  Spring is here, and summer is coming.  I have a lot to be happy about.

Since I didn’t get a “date” from our new parent company that we are merging into, I am safe for a while.  I suppose this year at least, although I will still be keeping an eye out.  I have a business trip at the end of the month to the corporate office which consists of one half hour meeting with the new HR director, and then lots and lots of social time with my virtual coworkers who I’ve been working with for ten years who were recently given their dates.  It will be bittersweet, but I am so looking forward to it.

Okay, I am going to soak in a few rays in the backyard before starting dinner.  HUGS!

More bad news

29 Mar 2010 In: Life

Again, this is not really “diet” related … although I suppose it could be, since I have consumed four rather large cookies since hearing “the news”.

For my journal friends who know of my history, they know that my husband (who couldn’t have children) cheated on my when my IVF twins were 15 months old, 6 months after buying our new house, blah blah blah.  We are since divorced … separated almost 6 years, divorced a little over four years.  XH remarried a year and a half ago.  He moved 3 hours away from us so he is not here to help with the day to day care, and doesn’t have the kids often due to the distance.

Tonight I get the lovely news that his wife is pregnant.  A surprise pregnancy!  How nice!

How nice that for this asshole who couldn’t have kids during our marriage – I went through in-vitro for to have children that he doesn’t even emotionally support!  And financially is questionable too.

So he gets to lie, cheat, STILL LIE, have his kids for the fun stuff once a month or so, and have a whole new life/marriage/child/fresh start.  While I work my ass off to raise three children, work full time, school, all by myself.

Dear God:  Please tell me.  I truly MUST have been an awful person – a spousal abuser, a serial killer, something – in my past life, because nothing ever, EVER goes right for me.

He didn’t even have the decency to let me know himself, my 7 yo DD had to deliver the good news.  Lovely.  Maybe now he can get away with paying even less support and seeing them even less.  As if my 7 yo DS doesn’t have enough issues about not having his dad in his life.

I am just totally feeling sorry for myself.  Beloved pet with cancer.  Job going down the tubes.  And now this.

Someone please point me in the direction of the silver lining in this particular cloud, because I just don’t see it.  It is like every bad thing I get through, something crappier is waiting to happen.

It’s been a long time …

24 Mar 2010 In: Life

(Thanks Diane for checking in on me)

Well, some time has passed and life has been busy.  I haven’t worked out in a week, either.  Bah. 

Max had his surgery last Thursday.  He ended up having a large invasive tumor.  The news came back Monday that it was malignant.  In ferrets, adrenal gland disease is common (but most are not malignant).  So, the surgery has bought him so time but was not a cure.  In the next 3 – 12 months, we can expect it to return.  At that time we will manage his symptoms with medication, but when his quality of life decreases, it is time to let him go.  I have been crying about this ever since surgery.  I think today is the first day I didn’t cry.  I am trying hard to just give him lots of love for the time he has left with us.  Maybe God will bless us with another year or more!

Went to Mohegan Sun with R, MBFF and her hubby.  That was fun!  Didn’t end up on the + side, but won enough to keep us playing for quite some time.  In the end, had a minor loss.  I don’t like gambling, but they have new Sex and the City slot machines which are FUN!  And addicting!  lol

School is going well.  Grades are very good, but I am putting in hours per day.  A LOT of work.  Deciding what I am registering for for the summer term.  I want to try to keep the courses on the light side so I can also enjoy some summer – if such thing exists.  Maybe Creative Writing – counts as my Arts requirement, and something I would actually enjoy.

Eating, meh.  Not as good as it should be.  Problem is, I don’t have much of an appetite or the desire to cook up healthy meals.  I am definitely in a cooking slump.  Slightly depressed over work.  Spent ten years with a company making this fantastic name/reputation for myself, all the be thrown away by the merger.  No one knows who I am and my boss isn’t even making it a point to see that they do because he is keeping me “under the radar”.  Whatever.

So, been really busy.  I haven’t even watched TV for the last few weeks,missed the last two episodes of Greys!  GASP!

Anyway, please please keep little Max in your thoughts.  Any prayers from animal lovers out there are appreciated! 🙂

Oh, and forgot to mention – two of three kids are home sick today with stomach bug, AGAIN.  I wish I kept count.  I swear this is the 6 or 7th time they have had it this year??

Sigh.  Life goes on.

Frustrated beyond belief

12 Mar 2010 In: Life

and has nothing to do with food or exercise.  Warning: I don’t usually speak like this, but I may feel the need to let out some profanity.

I have been working – work-work and school work – for over 12 hours.  I am sick of work.  I have read a management closing case 20 f-ing times.  I dont frigging get it.  I have no idea what the instructor is looking for from us.  She gave us a hint, she talks in riddles.  I am not the only one – others have posted that they are completely lost.  This is due in two days, but I have been staring at this the last 4 days and Ive gotten no where and I have vowed to be done with this tonight.

And, the chapter is Human Resources!

How is it that I have a 99.7 average in PSYCH but I can’t figure out WTF she wants in a class that is about WHAT I DO FOR A LIVING!?!?!?

It’s an article about how great a particular company’s diversity policies are.  But, somewhere in there, I have to look beyond that and find the hidden critical issue.  Another classmate thinks we need to speculate what could have caused them to make diversity a core value, but this doesn’t make sense either because then essentially the plan I write up to fix their issue would be what they are currently doing!?!?!?

ARRGHGHGHGH #)@%()#$_)!$_#I_#%(!_{#_{()$

I could use a plate to break right now.  I also have a huge headache from issues at work today, still.


What did I eat today?  Oh, 3 bites of oatmeal, 1 of DS’s leftover waffles, soup for lunch, 6 crackers (was supposed to be with soup but was so busy I forgot) intermittently through the afternoon for snack, leftover sloppy joe for dinner PLUS a PBJ sandwich afterwards.  Blech.  Oh, and a fun size M&M packet. 

No exercise, I have been working nonstop with the exception of 7-7:30, at which time I mopped the kitchen and dining room.  Can that count?

I did do my training DVD yesterday.  O U C H.  Firm tomorrow morning, pedicure and some light shopping in the afternoon, then would like to relax with R in the evening (whom I haven’t seen in 3 weeks) but that won’t happen if I DON”T FINISH THIS DAMN PAPER!

I hate college.  Even at 33.

Yogurt with a fork

10 Mar 2010 In: Life

Why is it that I never seem to have the proper eating utensil at work?

Interestingly enough, that could also be applied to my life overall: not having the correct tools to perform the action.  Perhaps I wasn’t provided with the correct tools growing up … but now I am making them out of scratch, and I am not doing such a bad job.

I am STILL SORE today.  Tonight was planned to be a Firm DVD, but now I am not so sure. And I have GS Cookie booth for two hours.  I need an evening of NOTHING.  I hate running around so much.  And I have no idea what dinner will be.

Breakfast was choc cheerios, snack is yogurt, lunch is lean cuisine.  Maybe just more treadmill tonight.

Back to work.

Mission Accomplished!

9 Mar 2010 In: Life

Maybe I have a future as a plumberette!  Two toilets ripped apart and put back together, viola!  Frustrating and a bit stressful, but accomplished which is awesome.

Today was Max’s CBC for next weeks surgery, fixed toilets, did two assignments and 40 minutes on treadmill … didn’t get to it until 8:45, but I still did it.  I am BEYOND SORE from yesterday’s workout.  A new one from Amazon … will post more about it next time.  Karen Something, celebrity trainer.  O M G.  A killer.  I literally was crawling up the stairs last night because my legs were shaking from fatigue.  Pretty awesome also!

Food today was okay, could have been better.

I decided to try “monthly goals” to see if this works better for me … maybe not, but we shall see.  I am aiming for 20 workouts in March.  5 done so far.  Maybe 20 is too lenient?

Major sirens outside, many of them.  Sort of creepy … I never really hear sirens at home.

Okay, have to publish.  Already 9:37 and still have lunches, dishes, laundry and then school work. 

Sincerely, Mario

(the plumber)

100 Pounds Gone Forever