[Pipsicle]

650...

On-plan and completed a 18 hour fast. Since yesterday was 90 days from when I started this countdown, I took a look back. I have lost 9 pounds in that time. I feel like each one was hard won. It also seems to show my actual weight loss averages to 0.7 pounds per week. A little higher than planned.

[Pipsicle]

649...

Good news - I was at a new low weight yesterday!

Bad news - I broke a tooth today...

[Pipsicle]

648...

My tooth seems to be holding its own for now. The dentist didn't have an opening to put the crown on my tooth until two weeks from Saturday. I hope my tooth remains stable until then.

Here's the broken record part...on-plan, did my three walks, ended a fast (18 hrs), and created a calorie deficit. Here's the fun part. Last week while on a walk, my husband and I found a sheet of blank business checks on the sidewalk. When we got home, he looked up the business name but couldn't find them on the web. He was going to shred the checks. However, I took a look at them and saw the bank's phone number was on them. I called the bank to let them know I had them. I dropped them off at the bank later that day. Today, I received a lovely thank you note from the bank and business with a Starbucks gift card. It was such a nice surprise!

[Pipsicle]

647...

So I hit a new low weight today. I was really surprised. Unfortunately, I overate today. I didn't even realize it until I was almost 500 calories over. I think that means I am struggling with my appetite again but just didn't realize it.

It would be nice if things just showed up faster on the scale. Overeat one day and the next day weigh more. Eat under your limit and weigh less the next day. It would certainly lessen the frustration.

Since I am on the sloth plan and it takes so very long for the scale to go down, I am always looking for other indicators I am doing well. How my clothes fit isn't a good indicator for me either. I've lost over twenty pounds and everything still fits the same. I don't know why.

Other things I check are my blood sugar and blood pressure. They are just as frustrating as the scale. Sometimes they look good- really good. Then, they look worse for reasons I can't decipher. I also use keto strips. Those are probably the best indicator for me that I am actually doing something. They look good when I am on-plan and don't change when I fall off my plan.

I also have a sticker chart, a literal sticker chart, like one might use for a preschooler. It use to make me feel really good about all of my mini successes that don't translate to the scale until months later. However, I am starting to suffer from lifestyle change fatigue and I just keep thinking of how much further I need to go.

It is such an extremely long way. I can't even picture it. I can picture my future self through the end of next year. However, trying to picture myself two years out is something I'm not able to do but that is when my current plan will get me there.

[Pipsicle]

646...

Ran off the rails today. We shall see what tomorrow says..... BP confusingly looked good today.

[Pipsicle]

645...

Caught a lucky break and have a loss pending confirmation next week. Realizing my countdown here is out of sync with my tracking sheet. My plan is set up to lose a half a pound per week. Therefore, my end date calculation is set up using that goal. I think I will continue this countdown as is. If I get a bigger than planned weight loss it will converge again. Right now I am two weeks off track.

Was able to create a small calorie deficit and went on three walks. I was very hungry all day so I am really glad I managed any deficit at all.

[Pipsicle]

644....

10
10
10

[Pipsicle]

643...

10 minutes
10 weeks
10 months

[Pipsicle]

642...


10 minutes
10 weeks
10 months

So a while ago, I read this book. It's concept was how does each decision affect you in the future. For example if you eat this doughnut now, how will it affect you in 10 minutes, 10 weeks and 10 months. I don't think I have the right periods of time- it may be minutes, months and years. I liked it because it made you think about things in a different way. What I didn't like about is you can make it go the way you want. For example you could justify eating the doughnut by saying you'd be happy in 10 minutes and in 10 weeks/months it would let you make better choices since you weren't restricting yourself and causing a binge.

[Pipsicle]

641...

So it is looking like I will not have a loss for this month unless I have a 'whoosh" in the next couple of days. The really strange thing is I've had good weekly weight confirmations all month. However, I use my 'raw' weight as my monthly weight. Whereas, the weekly weights have to stay off a week for confirmation.

For the monthly weight, I can use the last day of the previous month or the first day of the new month. At the start of May, I was really excited because I did well for April. I used the first day of May because it was the lowest. I was thinking I was on a good track and I would be able to lose more. Now, I wish I had hedged my bets and taken the higher of the two.

Was on-plan today.

[Pipsicle]

640...

Not quite on plan but was able to create a calorie deficit.

[Pipsicle]

639...

Tomorrow is the end of the month. I am anxious to see if I can manage a loss for the month. If the scale is uncooperative tomorrow, hopefully it will be cooperative on Monday, the first day of June. I can pick from either date. I was on plan today (i.e, took 3 walks and created a calorie deficit).

I've realized there is another technique that works for many dieters but not for me. Stop me if I've posted this before- LOL. Anyway, IE (intuitive eating) does not work for me. My appetite is messed up so it will tell me I am still hungry when I really shouldn't be. The other way this worked against me was trying to eat just enough to feel satisfied. Because I could never get there, I was eating small amounts across a longer somewhat continuous duration which I think adversely impact my blood sugar. It would keep it elevated over a longer period rather than it going up and then coming down quickly.

[Pipsicle]

638..

No luck- looking at a half pound gain for the month unless I find some redemption tomorrow. I was on-plan more days this month than last month. However, I created a larger calorie deficit last month. The calorie deficit I created this month should have resulted in a 2+ pound weight loss. It was nearly identical to the calorie deficit I created in March and I lost 3.0 pounds in March.

Ultimately, it seems to be telling me I need to adjust my plan. Feels like a tall order since I am so challenged to do what I have been doing...

[Pipsicle]

637... or infinite....who knows....

Spoiler alert- I am in a foul, foul mood so the next few posts are likely to be very pessimistic. Read at your own peril.

Spoiler

So complete breakdown of my plan. I was on-plan all but four days last month, my best ever, and I lost nothing, zero, zip, nada, goose egg. The story of my life - my best is not good enough. The harder I try, the faster I fail. This really is disappointing as I made specific choices to do better and I don't fully understand what happened. I did better staying on-plan last month than I did in February, March or April and it included a decrease in the allotted calories to account for my weight loss in the previous months.

Weight loss slows, then you gain- that's how this works. I had a tough month in May but I stuck to it for literally nothing. Last month was my best effort. It was hard for me and I don't believe I am capable of more. I'll do my best to hang in there while I wrestle with my bitterness and discouragement. I feel really sad about this.

The two biggest changes I made last month were to go to full-time at work and decreasing to one walk (vs. 3) on Friday. I wanted to have a day to rest my sore feet and legs. It helped them feel better but seems to be to the detriment of my ultimate goal.

On-plan with exercise and starting a fast today. Squeaked by with the tiniest calorie deficit...

[Pipsicle]

636... On-plan

Spoiler

. Just wishful thinking that it is 636 days. The number of days left is actually infinite since I cannot lose weight doing my best. The scale doesn't lie and it is saying my plan is utterly worthless. Not sure what to do next so staying on my worthless, worthless plan that I can barely manage. Still very sad about the wasted month and how my level best literally amounted to nothing. Promised myself I'd lose this weight but turns out my word is as worthless as my diet plan.