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Old 05-18-2004, 09:11 PM   #76  
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Hey all. Happy, we must have cross posted this morning. I hope you are feeling better soon. Just take care of yourself. And hopefully Wednesday I will be living single again. I have to admit, I am feeling happy, yes, but also a bit depressed because I couldn't really connect with him or help him. Sigh.

Anyway. Chachee, have a great weigh in tomorrow. I am just hoping to stay the same this week. ANY loss will be great. With this cold, it is hard to think about anything, much less food choices. I am actually not eating horrible, but I also can't work out quite as hard. I got dizzy doing seated leg presses this morning. I only ended up doing 2 sets of weights, and was not working very hard on the PRecor. So I will be happy as long as the scale doesn't go up. I will spend this weekend cleaning, reclaiming my space, (being a bit depressed) and hopefully getting healthy again, then back to my goal of averaging 2 pounds a week. NO excuses. I want ot drop the bar down!

Have a good one all.
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Old 05-19-2004, 07:19 PM   #77  
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People, help! I'm feeling so discouraged about my efforts, the near imperceptible progress, the way it seemingly can be wiped out with a day or two of eating, non-exercise. It's like, why do I knock myself out working out so hard at the gym, trying to eat only healthy foods etc etc. when no one else really seems to care. Why not just be enormous, unhealthy, untoned etc etc. What a slump. This is what happens. This is why I don't make enough progress to actually get to the next place.

Words of encouragement, wisdom greatly needed!
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Old 05-19-2004, 09:00 PM   #78  
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OK. First, what happened that you are feeling like you aren't making progress? And what happened that you feel like no one else cares? Who should care? Who are you doing this for?

Just a reminder of the physics, here. The closer you get to goal, the longer it takes to lose because your body needs less calories to maintain the weight. Also, if you are lifting weights, you are gaining muscle - which weighs more. You know this.

I guess I would suggest looking at where you want to be. Are you fixated on a number, that may not be realistic for your body type and fitness level? I don't know, I am just asking. My friend that is trying to get me hooked on weights was all excited, because she weighs 180, and is wearing smaller size clothes then before she was lifting. I still think she had 10 pounds of keys in her pockets, because she does not look that heavy. No fat. All toned muscle.

Most importantly, be kind to yourself. Maybe it isn't like this for you, we each have our own reasons we are overweight, but the more you try to be perfect, and not make mistakes, the lower you feel when things don't go according to plan. And that isn't good. You do a lot of great things. You run (I am jealous), ride, lift. You work hard. You are taking good care of yourself. Give yourself a pat on the back, not a kick in the . . .

Well, ladies. I am roommate free. I am trying to remind myself that I did all I could, and a person has to realize they need help or have a problem to accept help. He didn't even leave the phone number of where he is. I have no way to get ahold of him. I should be mad at him for being a selfish prick, but I just feel sad. Oh yeah, Red, sorry. 2 months ago my father moved in with me. He is 55, and does have some health issues, but overall has a martyr complex - the whole world is out to get him, nothing is his fault, poor him. He made some bad choices, has no income, was living with his parents for 5 months before moving in with me. I told him I could only support him for a short time - and I feel like a selfish unloving daughter. Life sucks sometimes.


Have a good one all.
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Old 05-19-2004, 10:21 PM   #79  
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jolly, thanks for being so sweet and giving me a quick reply. It made me feel a lot better. It actually made me feel good that someone could be jealous of me running, something that is really hard for me. I just want to be lazy. I really do. I am very lazy. But when I do run and push myself to run faster or longer, I feel so good and so powerful and athletic and alive but it takes a lot to do it. But it IS so hard to do. So, maybe I don't look lazy but I know what I really want to be doing. I then feel so misunderstood because people think I'm all these things I'm not.

Unfortunately, I don't think the answers are so easy. It's kind of a complicated thing and perhaps you're right in saying I want perfection, or at least, I want to reach a goal that I have set, though I wouldn't call it perfection. It's not an easy goal, so sometimes I just get so sick and tired of the discipline that this goal seems to require. And, I am the only one who has decided to do this, there is no one else encouraging me, except bodybuilders who are extreme by nature of their passion. So when things get tough I have only myself to doubt (in the normal world) and that makes it harder.

Then again, that said, I still have a lot of fat on me. We're not talking anywhere near perfection yet. I am very strong and my training leaves little to be desired but I have a lot of fat, even for a regular person (as opposed to a bodybuilder obsessive). I'm only 5 feet 1 1/2 inches so at 154 lbs (even though I have a ton of muscle) I've got gobs of fat on my butt and thighs and great handfuls around my waist (where my waist is supposed to be). So I feel, and living in Japan where people are tiny and women are miniature doesn't help, like an Amazon, and I am one in comparison with the vast majority of people here. But I just want to get the excess fat off.

So, I guess, when you ask "what happened" it was mostly that I allowed myself to be my normal self for one night, which means kicking back with friends and enjoying an entire bottle of wine and a few cans of beer all by myself, little sleep, not being able to do my work the next day because I was too sick from the drinking and then eating all sorts of unhealthy food and sweets (which I rarely allow myself), then getting on the scale for the usual morning weigh-in and seeing a rise of a whole 2 lbs in two days. I had been so good and seemed to be making progress and then one night and one day of easing off and I have to see a kilo extra on the scale. The other major depressant was not being able to ride my horse because of the weather, wanting to get out to the stable but having too much work to do to just pay her bills and then wondering why I'm doing all this, the exercise, the eating healthy, the constant working, day and night with all sorts of freelance work just to pay the bills and then meeting bad luck and not getting to enjoy the riding anyway.

Oh, God, what a lot of moaning. Sorry about this.

So, yeah, I know no one else should care. I guess I just want some recognition and know I'm not going to get it. Here (and most everywhere) strong women are not wanted. If I want a pat on the head I should be weak and anexoric like 95 percent of the women here. I should be compliant and submissive and dependent on a man . . and well, I'm none of those things and don't want to be . . . (though it would be nice to have someone working for me and paying the bills but I've found no one willing to do that because I have none of the above) and it just gets lonely sometimes, especially when things are so hard (making enough money, working out so hard, eating in a very purist way).

Maybe I'm not committed to the extreme discipline yet and need to be tougher on myself. I get the feeling I'm moaning about the hard work needed in what I have decided to do for myself. So either I stop moaning, just do it, or change my goal. But if I change my goal, I'm not going to be happy with myself. I want to be thin, lean, to have the look of a sprinter, not a sumo wrestler. Perhaps the problem is that I'm trying to do it all at once but heck, that's what balance is about, isn't it? I did years of only working out and eating like a sumo wrestler and that's the way I look, big, strong, healthy. But I want to look lean and strong and healthy. For me, getting that lean part is SO, SO hard. I want to eat like you wouldn't believe.

Maybe I need to really look at my goals and commit to them again or change them, right?

So that's my moan. Over to you.

*****

I'm sorry to hear that your father has up and left without a word and left you feeling so sad. How could you feel unloving when you've been helping out? You did the right thing to give him a deadline, a time limit to your selflessness. There's nothing selfish (in the negative sense) about what you did. I really have a thing about people knocking being selfish anyhow. You've got to watch out for yourself and not let people use you because they will.

Don't worry about the no phone number. He's punishing you probably in his truly selfish way. Be glad he didn't leave a number. Don't buy into his attempt to send you on a guilt trip. Does your father have a drinking problem? You mention health problems. His behavior sounds like classic alcoholic behavior or something close. I've been there with boyfriends. In any case, yes, you're very right, he has to want to help himself before anything will change. Sometimes things have to get very, very bad before he'll get to that point, if he ever does. It's **** for family or lovers to stand by and watch things get worse but if they don't it won't get better. Very painful stuff. It's painful because you have to pretend and act hard and cold when you're not at all.

Well, don't want to read into things too much as I don't know your situation.

Thanks for reading this super-long message.

Last edited by redballoon; 05-19-2004 at 10:28 PM.
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Old 05-19-2004, 11:47 PM   #80  
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Hello All!

Okay, check it out.....I DID IT!!!! I lost 3 more pounds this last week for a total of 25.6!! I made my 10% goal, got another 5 pound star, got a 25 pound magnet, and am halfway to where I wanted to be by the end of the year. ALL IN THREE MONTHS TO THE DATE!! HAPPY HAPPY DAY!

I guess this comes at a good time. My friends, Red and Jolly, are a bit down. So, let's get started....

Red: We all have panic nights. I had one last night. I had to log on to the WW site and chat in the panic room. I'll explain more later, but the good side of what happened is I did not turn to stress or emotional eating. I solved it with talking and a big glass of water. We always need to keep in mind why we are doing this. For me, it's so I can be more active with my 2 year old. Also, I wanted to lose a bunch before my breast reduction surgery to prove my boobs don't get smaller, no matter what size I am. Take a deep cleansing breath, and go on with it. I know it's tough and we struggle, but that is what we are here for...to help lift each other up!

Jolly: I am so happy your dad is gone, but sad he chose to leave how he did. I know this relationship has been a struggle for you for quite some time, and you did everything any person, let along a daughter, should and would do. He has to take responsibility for his life and actions and can't make you miserable because of it. Look at the progress you have made since you got the okay for him to leave! It's like a horrible weight has been lifted from your physical address and your mental state. It has come at a great time for you. You are focused, ready for action, and making wonderful progress. Big hugs and know that it's his CHOICE to act how he does, nothing you say or do can change it.

My situation last night was horrible. The friends I cleaned house and did their laundry for, the ones who just had the baby, are mad at me for what I did. The wife said she doesn't like people coming into her house and moving stuff. The husband said he doesn't like other people doing his laundry. I was so hurt by that and all the time I spent over there making sure it was clean for them to come home to. Felt like I was slapped in the face. I came home after that and was going to eat eat eat. I got a glass of water, logged onto the WW panic chat and got some support. It brought me to tears, and that DOES NOT happen very often. I wasn't implying they didn't keep a clean house or that they were not able to do it themselves, I just thought it would be nice for them to come home and not have to worry about the house with a brand new baby.

So, I am doing my own thing, staying low and going about my business. I am going to write it off to immaturity (they are 23) and maybe the Baby Blues, but if it continues, I'll have a talk with both of them and let them know what my intentions were. That will be it and they can decide if they want to continue our friendship. I don't need ungrateful hurtful and rude friends.

I am okay today, just a little bummed, until my weigh in was tonight. Made me very proud of myself and my accomplishments!

Talk to you all later!

Chach
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Old 05-20-2004, 12:44 AM   #81  
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Chachee,

Congratulations on your loss!! That is wonderful news and you must be so happy. Do you realize what 25.6 lbs feels like? That is fantastic. You're getting there. I think the forces that be were looking to be kind to you because of your idiotic "friends." I can't believe that they would not have been overjoyed to have someone help out like you did.

Anyone would have been in tears for a kick in the teeth like you got. If you had done that for me I would have been in tears out of gratitude! Really, Chachee, I would dump these people. These are NOT friends. You don't need this kind of insolence, ingrates totally!! Lose them fast. Maybe not so easy in Alaska but if at any time people should be gentle it's when they have a new baby to be grateful for. If anything, these people sound like very closed, tiny-world kind of people. I mean, did you break their locks to get into their house? Did you hang their underwear out for the neighbors to look at? Well, even if you did. . . them not showing anything but infinite gratitude is inexcusable, period!

*****

Well, thank you for your encouragement. Yes, I guess that is what I was having this morning, a panic day, a tear-filled Chicken Little kind of "the sky is falling" kind of day, the world hates me, no one loves me, I can't do this anymore kind of major Wailing Wall kind of morning. Wow, and it's not even a hormonally challenging time of month. It must have been the wine. I never drink wine and I wondered why I was so ill yesterday.

Heh, Chachee, let me say one thing. Don't waste your money on breast reduction until you've lost a lot more weight. I used to be probably around 200 lbs (not sure, wouldn't go near a scale then) years ago, with no muscle whatsoever and I had huge boobs. Now, they're barely there. I was just reading how bodyfat has to get below 18 percent for women to start getting muscle definition on their thighs. My bodyfat is around 28 percent now. 18 percent would be pretty darn low. I was wondering why my legs always look so fat and when the fat is going to start melting away enough to show the muscle. Breasts certainly are the same. If you are over 200 lbs then you probably have at least 30 percent bodyfat still even if you're tall, unless you're a powerlifter and heavily muscled and even then you'd probably still be over 30 percent. So, I would definitely wait till you get your bodyfat under 30 percent. Can you measure your bodyfat or get it measured somewhere? Surgery leaves scars, costs money and is really unnecessary. Besides, the fat will come back. That's all breasts are is fat so don't think it won't go back there if your body likes to put it there. Don't look just at weight, find out about your bodyfat levels. When I first lost a lot of weight I wasn't doing any weight training and all I looked like was a smaller pudgy version of my bigger self. It wasn't until I started changing the composition of my body, in other words, reducing the fat and replacing it with muscle that my body started to really change its look and shape.

Well, thanks again for your help. I am going to breath deeply and get on with it!

And, once again, you should be majorily PROUD of yourself! Good going!!
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Old 05-20-2004, 01:28 AM   #82  
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Am having problems with response time on this site tonight and have already lost one long and time consuming post. It figures... trying again.

What a rotten night for so many of you

Jolly - as Chachee said, your Dad has consistent behavior of breezing in and out of your life and leaving you all shaken up. You have done the good daughter thing, you are not a doormat (and don't have to be one) and I know how you feel when you talk about feeling guilty but please do not validate his needy behavior by punishing yourself. You've been doing great so far, don't let him knock you off the wagon and kick you in a rut. There comes a time when we all have to be grownups, like it or not.

And Red, what a day you've had too. I wasn't really sure what to make of your situation. Are you feeling guilty for taking a one day time out? Are you all work, work, work and no play? With the weights, is this a program of your chosing or have you been talked into something perhaps a bit more demanding than you intended originally. Sounds kind of like it's a bit of the blues, a bit lonely and not having enough "me time" balance. Then again, maybe it was the wine Glad to hear you're feeling a bit better. It must be difficult for you to be in Japan, surrounded by different things, trying to fit in but then again not comparing yourself to everyone else. If I may ask, what is your definition of "lean"? Are you shooting for something that might be a bit unrealistic? It would sound like from the type of workouts you are doing that you are "sculpted" rather than lean. Lean to me is straight up and down, sculpted is having great definition in the arms the hard, sleek curves and the collarbone showing that just looks awesome in sleeveless tops. I'll take sculpted any day. I still remember how Linda Hamilton looked in I think it was - Terminator 2 where she worked out to build up her arms. It was like whoa! I'd love to look like that!

Why do you eat healthy and exercise? Well, who would take care of you if you trashed your life, got drunk all the time, ate nothing but tempura and routinely woke up in the gutter or in your car (assuming you have a car)? We all do this, not because we always want to but deep inside, we know we need to and darn it, we do feel better when we're on the right track. Sure is hard though and boy can I relate to your feelings of "lazy" tho you are by no means lazy. And lazy begets more lazy... get the junk out of your system, stretch out and get back on the path again. One day, one step at a time. And squeeze in some horsie time too.

Chachee - congrats on another great weigh in. I'm jealous. And I'm also sorry for the reaction of your friends. I know some guys are really freaky about someone else touching their undies and I even know some guys who won't let their own wives do their laundry because they don't like how they do it. I think what you did was a wonderful gesture and I sure would have appreciated it if someone did it for me. Perhaps they were embarassed having someone see their house. I still think it was a nice thing to do, sorry they didn't feel that way. Great for you for grabbing the WW chat line instead of eating away your hurt. But then again, those are the tricks that got you to 25 pounds down. Take a bow girl

Gotta get to bed myself now, hellos to Lucky and Raven - catch you guys tomorrow.
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Old 05-20-2004, 08:01 AM   #83  
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happy, thanks for your reply. I was reading part of it outside on my phone on my way to the gym and I had to laugh when I read the part about eating tempura all day. I think you've hit on something! I think asking myself or fantasizing about doing things like that is just what I need for a good laugh. It's like the other day when I was outside the gym sitting there drinking coffee and saying to myself that I was going to have a giant ice cream cone, forget the gym and go home. It was a nice thought, and maybe just enjoying it was what I needed to get me to the gym, which is what I did and I had a great workout.

So I'm going to try that technique. I like it, this choice that we, of course, always have, but tend to forget.

I think I was feeling, not guilty about taking a day out, but by seemingly being punished for it by the jump on the scale. Normally, I'm the one telling people not to mind the scale so much and normally I don't mind it but I think the jump, coupled with my feeling wretched, not being able to ride (which I live for!), the ton of work that was lying before me and whatever else all, just had me down. I did get to the gym today. I mean, I love to work out, and though I only had time to do a leg workout I went into it pretty heavy. But afterward I felt kind of sick and now I feel feverish so I think this is probably the reason I'm feeling so low. Getting sick always knocks me down because I'm never sick. The weather here has been really changeable. Hot to cold and now there's a typhoon on the way. It's a small one but headed straight for Tokyo and supposed to hit tomorrow morning during rush hour. I hope I can get into work. And, by the way, I don't have a car, haven't driven in about 20 years. My license expired (I'm originally from Pittsburgh) and I haven't been in the States ever long enough to get it renewed.

As for lean, yes, I guess what I mean is sculpted but the sculpting is already there, just hidden by fat. I do remember Linda Hamilton's arms. I love that look and for it you need no fat. I like being very strong but am tired of looking hulky and that's the way you look if you're strong without the sculpted look. I really work hard at working out and I guess I'm just sick of not having the body I want. It's a fine balance though and I've always appreciated the amazing amount of work bodybuilders go through. I've worked out with bodybuilders for 20 years here and am surrounded by national champions and category winning people. But no, it's definitely something I love doing. It IS extreme but that's what I want so I guess I just have to commit to do what it takes to get there and stop my whining.

Well, I've got to go. Got a load of translation to do and I'm dead tired. Must get to sleep (It's already Thursday night here, we're 13 hours ahead of East Coast time.) Thanks happy for your concern. It really made me feel better and gave me something to use next time the self-pity starts!

Last edited by redballoon; 05-20-2004 at 08:05 AM.
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Old 05-20-2004, 08:36 AM   #84  
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Morning,

Chach....Way to go! I do have to admit I'm jealous Makes me think really hard about joining WW but I can't decide.

Jolly, glad to hear you have your big, comfy couch back BUT don't get too comfy, okay?

Red, hope you are feeling better about your efforts.

Raven?????

Jordan now has new glasses and at a discount! I hate it when I have to show my butt to get something taken care of but sometimes you just have to stand up and demand that the business people in this world act right

Okay, as for me, down 2 pounds and still doing the weights with my arms. Walking and getting outside every chance I get. Have had rain here almost everyday this week. Today is beautiful and the weekend will be in the 90's.

Happy, didn't mean to leave you out. I had to go back and see who I had mentioned Still not smoking!!!!!!! I think that's great!

Today I have to go buy a new ladder for the pool. Our big Memorial Day cookout is fast approaching and the kids will be in that pool no matter is it's cold or not! I am already planning what to grill and what sides to have so I can eat sensibly.

Lucky, are you still with us?

Have a good day ladies!
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Old 05-20-2004, 09:27 AM   #85  
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Good morning all. First - my dad. No, he does not have a drinking problem. I am pretty sure he is dealing with depression. I realize it has probably been a lifelong issue, as he often saw himself as the victim. I didn't realize how much Mom had to deal with, keeping him on track, until recently. It is hard, though, because we really did have a great relationship until the divorce. Then, he seemed to start making a lot of bad choices, and then withdrawing from people. Thanks, everyone, for the support.

Red, I understand lonely. I feel like I have no chance attracting a man, since I am opinionated, sarcastic, AND overweight. But I realize I use the weight as an excuse, and the chip on my shoulder is probably more unattractive then the weight. One suggestion is talking to a nutritionist and doctor to figure out realistic weight goals for your body type and weight training, and diet to get to that goal - if you haven't already. But the biggest thing is to make sure you take care of yourself. Feel better soon.

Chachee - Congrats on the weight loss! You are doing great. Your bat will have to be retired. As for the rest - you can come clean for me. I won't mind. HOnest! SEriously though, sounds like new parent nerves. Is it possible that they are getting long distance stress from their parents too? I know my pregnant friend is getting all that. But huge kudos to you for resisting the urge to eat. It is so hard to change those patterns. Way to go.

Happy - thanks for the support. HOw are you doing? School? Job hunting?

Hippee - I promise I won't get to comfy on the couch. I even got off it to workout this morning. Congrats on the loss, and for taking care of business with the glasses.

Have a great day all.
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Old 05-20-2004, 10:27 AM   #86  
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Knock, knock... Raven - you ok?
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Old 05-20-2004, 01:00 PM   #87  
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Hey ladies... *hugs* Happy.

I'm ok. I guess. I truly don't know what's going on with me this week. I've been teary, anxious, tired, moody, scatterbrained... the list goes on. I don't know if it's hormones, finances, the weather, or something completely different.

In any case, this whole week has been one trip and stumble after another.

I've been reading the posts, and hearing you guys talk about the stuff in your lives really helps me. I just couldn't find the words to post. I have this very annoying habit of withdrawing severely when I need people the most.

I'm ok.. I mean.. nothing is overtly wrong. I'm just not feeling like me. I've made a few realizations lately that hit me so much harder than they should have. I had a very big fight with Richard not too long ago. It started because he was in a foul mood, my daughter made a joke that he didn't think was funny, and he jumped all over her for it. Ok .. I started out (I think) reasonable in saying to him that I though his response was uncalled for, and of course, it escalated. Ok, that was a while ago, and things are all smoothed over now, but there was something really bothering me about the whole thing. It took me weeks to really understand what was trying to burble up from the depths. And I only stumbled onto it because of a conversation with another lady from another board about training horses, of all things. She's had serious issues with her father in the past, as well, and we've found a connection. May I dump this here? I have nowhere else to dump it really... my journal, I suppose... but I feel the need to actually reach out to people I care about, and you guys fit the bill. I hope you don't mind.

I idolized my mother, you see. She was everything, everyone to me - in my mind. I put her on a pedestal. She could do no wrong. She was my friend, my confidant, my advisor... sort of. Well, not really. So this is where things started to fall apart. You see, when my boyfriend (or anyone else, for that matter) strikes at my children (verbally, physically, whatever) I try to be rational about it, but if I determine that it's unwarranted, I intervene. I protect, and if it escalates, watch out. I get rabid. That said... it ocurred to me that I couldn't remember once in my life when my mother intervened on my behalf when my father would start screaming at me. I've tried... I thought maybe I was just forgetting things. But the more I think about it, the more memories I dredge up (and that is such no fun), the more I realize all she would do is cry, too. She might have made some feeble comment, but once his wrath was turned onto her, she would crumple like tissue paper. She never defended me. And that realization has hurt me so much. Maybe that's why I do defend my kids the way I do. It begins to dawn on me that until I was in my late teens, I was, in effect, alone. My father and brothers abused me, and my mother - bless her spineless heart - loved me so much and couldn't advocate for me, couldn't stand up for me, couldn't protect me. I didn't even realize it - I grew up with no defenders, no one to stand between me and the world. No wonder my head is so screwed up. My mother grew up without a father. Only one brother out of 5 kids. She was surrounded by women, and sometimes I think my father's aggressiveness, his abusiveness just floored her. She had no idea how to cope, what to do. Excuses... I don't know. I don't know why realizing all this hurts me so badly now, 10 years after her death. Other than I guess having my rose colored vision of her shattered. I feel betrayed, abandoned... delayed reaction, eh? I just never realized...

Anyway. I'm sorry. I guess that little girl in me is just overwhelmed by this. Yet another twist in my brain that impacts my present day life. Writing it out has helped. Putting it out there in black and white where I can look at it logically does make it less hurtful.

So now I'm trying to find the path back to me after this little explosion in my head. You know - this is kind of sick, but have ya'll heard that song "Fighter" by Christina Aguilera? I remember my brother saying to me one time that the reason he was doing the things he was doing was to make me tough, so no one could hurt me when I got older. Sick. But when I think about everything I went through, in a twisted way it's true.
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Old 05-20-2004, 01:38 PM   #88  
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Hi Ladies,

So much to post, but letís start with my dear friend Raven.

Raven: Girl, itís really a tough thing when we come to certain realizations about our childhood and our parents. I grew up in an alcoholic home with a very verbally abusive father. He was a rough and tough kind of a guy. (A logger from a little hick town, so you get the picture.) He drank and drank and we just put up with it. Horrible fights and some really horrible situations. My momís way of dealing with things was to eat or to take us kids and go away from him for a couple of days. It was very traumatic now that I look back on it, but it didnít seem so at the time. Well, cut to recent past/present time, my way of dealing with stress or emotions is/was to eat. That is how I always saw her deal with things or to just avoid them or run away from them. Itís hard when you want to be daddyís little girl and daddy isnít all that nice, huh? Well, it got really bad and my dad lost his vision after a drinking binge. It finally scared him sober. He regained his sight after a few days and has not ever touched alcohol since. Stick with me, as this is a long story also, but it gets better. We had a tough time as kids after that, because we were so used to going to my mom for answers to questions/discipline because dad was always so drunk he couldnít make decisions. Once he got sober, the power shifted back to him and it was a very hard adjustment. Never really looked at him as head of the household, because he was usually passed out or drunk. I think it really impacted me and fortunately, we have all been able to talk about things and deal with them. I have a great relationship with my father now, and I am luck he is alive so we can have that relationship. My mom and I have a love/annoyance relationship. I love her, but she really gets on my nerves when I am around her for an extended period of time. I donít know why that is, but it has always been that way since I became an adult. It probably will always be that way, too. I know itís tough realizing a bunch of these things, but at least you can get to the bottom of things and trace why you are feeling this way. You are such a great protector, itís hard to know that you werenít always protected growing up. We are all here for you and Iím glad you are working through these issues.

Red: Thanks for the input on the surgery, but we are scheduled for August 11th, and I am going to have it done. I have, as some would call them, pancake and saggy boobs. They have been that way since I was in 7th grade. I have been this size for that long, and the problem is that I developed so fast and so big that my skin couldnít keep up. As a result, they are very large and such a big weight on my shoulders. I have lost now around 60 pounds and while the circumference size has changed, the cup size has not. They have always been this size as long as I can remember, even when I was 160 pounds in high school. The doc says that no matter how much weight I lose, they will remain the same sagginess/droopiness. The procedure needs to be done, as I can no longer sleep on my stomach, and my back is having so many spasms itís almost daily I have to take a muscle relaxer. Thanks for the info on the body fat! That was good info! Thanks for the kind words, also! I am proud of myself!

Happy: I loved how Linda Hamilton looked in that movie also. I agreeólean means stick straight. Toned is curvy and womanly. That is how I want to look. Who wants to be straight when we can be curvy, right?!

Hippy: Great job on the loss! Slowly but surely, huh? Thatís the way I am doing it! I am so glad Jordan got the new glasses! Show your butt! Itís a good thing!

Jolly: Iím glad you are roommate free! Take some down time and enjoy it! But not for too long! Enjoy your weekend and donít sabotage yourself for your Monday weigh in!

Thanks for all your encouragement, everyone, with my situation with my friends. Iíve decided I am going to do my own thing with my son, lay low and when they call or come around, so be it. Iím going to write off the hurt feelings and sadness to post-partum. If it continues, Iíll talk to them, but for now itís over and done with. I just know where the boundaries are now. Red, maybe I should have hung the undies outside? Heehe!

Have a great day!

Chach
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Old 05-20-2004, 01:55 PM   #89  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RavenToy
I remember my brother saying to me one time that the reason he was doing the things he was doing was to make me tough, so no one could hurt me when I got older.
Yes, and Johnny Cash sang a song about a man who named his son Sue because he knew he wouldn't be around to protect him. Eee gads, what a life you have had Marian. If only people could understand just how much their actions impact someone for the rest of their lives.

I am glad you popped in and wrote out your feelings. All I can say is that we often wonder to ourselves Why oh WHY do we do some things, act a certain way or let people treat us a certain way. And I think when you have an ah-ha moment after some deep and scary thinking like you just had, sometimes it seems too incredulous to believe. It's like a car wreck, we don't want to look at it, yet... we can't seem to stop dwelling on it. Most certainly the kind of situation that is really unsettling.

It seems as if a couple of circumstances have come together over the last year or so that have brought you to a crossroads in your life. Question is... Do you stick on the safe path - safe if not a bit restless and boring and the price for safety is giving up your dreams. Or do you walk out on that tightrope, no safety net beneath you while those around you look up and say "are you freakin' nutso woman?" - which makes you question your confidence. And although that tightrope walk is scary with the possibility of you crashing down and setting yourself back, you can't help but think that once you reach the other side, that's where you wanted to be all along?

Then again, maybe I'm just totally off base here. In any regard, talking helps. You know that your feet and ears never stop growing and I'm older than all of you I think so that means I have the biggest ears to listen, so talk away, as much as you need to - we are all here for you *** with a squeeze on the shoulder and a ruffle of your hair, I'll be back later ***
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Old 05-20-2004, 02:06 PM   #90  
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Chachee, reading about your breasts I couldn't help but remember what one of my large busted friends said to me -- you know you're big breasted when they have to take 3 different slides on your mammagram because they can't get the whole breast on only one plate. I can't imagine what it must be like to have the ruts in the shoulders and the constant back pain - I didn't have boobs at all until I gained about 50 pounds and now that I have them, they always seem to be getting in the way and catching the drips from the imaginary hole in my chin . Even if you do "shrink a bit" after more weight loss, I'm sure you won't mind. Just keep your eye on the goal and think perky, perky, perky, perky!
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