So I met Robin yesterday. As you might imagine she is very sunny, just like her favorite icon. I also met her DH; they both showed us around their shop. It’s a really cool business. It was fascinating to hear how they make t-shirts, signs, coasters, etc. The prices are fantastic! Her DH did point out they FedEx. It is nice to put a face to a 3fc poster and I really enjoyed meeting them.
I’ve been having a lot of fun with my Mom as well. Today we go to Niagara on the Lake, we’re hoping the morning showers will keep all the Americans off the bridges to Canada for today.
WI- I was up 3 lbs Fri, down 2 lbs yesterday. I feel bloated today, so I’m guessing I’m up again, but didn’t get a chance to weigh myself.
Food – My Mom very kindly went shopping for GF food before I arrived. I don’t know why it didn’t occur to me that she would do this. I assumed we’d go to Wegman’s after I arrived (they have a good GF section). But you know what you do when you ***-ume. (grrr at me) So my Mom bought me GF bread, bagels, cookies, granola bars, GF beer, etc. For the most part all the things I try to avoid. Or to have once in a great while, not all in one weekend. (sigh) So I asked her to stop at Wegmans anyway and bought fresh fruit and veggies and have tried to balance eating a barely polite amount of the food she bought and eating the foods I know are healthy for me. I know from Beck that I’m supposed to just say no. But she spent a lot of money on that food and she wouldn’t have if I had just called her ahead of time and explained my situation. Hopefully I’ve learned this lesson. Anyway, my sister is also a celiac, will be here in 3 weeks, so what I don’t eat, she may…
Friday I was 600 calories over a typical weekend, and yesterday I was about 300 calories over.
Exercise – yesterday and today I woke up late (8 AM) so there was no time to do the wii before we went out galavanting. But we have been touristing, so I’m doing a fair amount of really slow walking.
Bill~ Kudos for 2 small samples! Even bigger kudos for not bringing a pint home. Dh and I did that last night, he taste tested the cranberry/blueberry bread with lemon creme fraishe on it. We decided the bread would be all gone by today But we did buy the lemon creme fraishe for the strawberries today. "If memory serves me, we last heard from you wandering the streets of Buffalo looking for a sign shop, LOL." She found it!! ChinaMaine popped over to the shop yesterday afternoon and we had a lovely visit. My husband and I gave her the grand tour! She is such a lovely bright person!!
ChinaMaine~ Thank you so much for making time in your busy weekend to stop over to meet us!! Did you get over to the peanut place today?
Tera~ Good luck with the interns. I understand how you feel about the Dr's who dont like to listen and just want you to do what they tell you. I'll keep my fingers that these young "whipper snappers" will be a bit more open minded.
onebyone~ Bill's thought process always inspires me...he mentioned that your aunt gave you a parting gift of your having your family back. A lovely positive thought. Congratulations on your new bike!!
Anne~ "if it ain't broke, dont fix it" I agree, I think maybe I'll just let it all go with the flow, and see what happens. I hope you had a good birthday despite stuff at work!
Today is our smoke-out. Hubs has everything marinating. Greens are all planned, and dessert is fresh strawberries and whipcream or creme fraishe.
Here is to a sane planned eating day! Have a great day everyone!
I just bought the Beck book, the first one as that was all the bookstore had. I figured, and was correct, that 3fatchicks would have a thread / support group for the book. I'm thrilled to find you!
I skimmed through the whole book and then went back and did the first three days kind of together. I'm starting day 4 tomorrow. I thought, I'd post my days here.
I hope to get to know all of you. By the way, the atom joke was a hoot. It made me laugh out loud.
I have fallen down. Saturday was aweful. I binged from evening until 5AM. Woke up this morning, okay. Binged from 3PM until 12:33AM.
So much food. I feel so guilty, not only because I really messed up my progress for the week (or two) but also because food costs money and I just consumed a lot of food I didn't need.
I feel a lot of depression from missing my boyfriend, which I don't really have anyone to talk to about. There's not a whole lot to talk about anyway, but I got to reading old messages we sent to each other, and it just really put me in an emotional state. I've also become aware that many of my friends think of my two best friends as being better then me, and don't really see me as a close friend like I see them, which added to that. Combine that with my all-or-nothing attitude and my auto-pilot decision to have a piece of pizza since I had a TON of extra calories to spend that day anyway (and pizza is excellent for getting extra calories in)...
I didn't even realize that one "not on plan" food could honestly send me spiralling like this. The thought in my head when I made that decision made so much sense. My response cards to overeating don't seem to stop me very much. Perhaps I need to place more importance on them...
I feel like I'm going to be lectured for this, or recieve pity. I don't need either, but if you have any sympathy, something that can give me a little strength at this time, or a point in the right direction, that'd be well. I think there's a lot that TBDS can't really "fix" but I know there's some methods that I'm not using when I need to the most.
I feel terrible. You guys do so well on this! I'm sure you have your slip-ups, but I feel so abnormal amongst this group, haha.
Tomorrow is a new day. I'm NOT giving up! I will work through this tough spot.
Diet Coaches/Buddies - Followed my plan for the potluck: One plate, sparsely loaded, mostly vegetables. Skipped every single cookie, including homemade oatmeal raisin, and top-shelf oatmeal cranberry, cake-like breads with walnuts, and more. CREDIT moi. Interesting: I wanted to make my curried zucchini for next weeks lunches so I just prepared double to bring the extra to the pot luck. Well, the potluck consumed 4.5 pounds of zucchini (with two 29-ounce cans of diced tomatoes and four onions) and I had none left over for lunches. The lesson for me is that if you bring a vegetable to a potluck, folks will jump on it, LOL.
Was perfect weather for my afternoon walk; made the goal my favorite store that doesn't give samples to pick up bananas. CREDIT moi. Whole Foods also sells bananas, of course, but I chose to walk elsewhere just to avoid the samples. I wish I would develop the ability to just ignore the FREE samples. But at least I get to work the Beck-like strategy of choosing a different place to be.
Needed to get rid of an overripe banana, so for my afternoon snack I make a banana smoothie adding skim milk, a few strawberries, and a scoop of whey protein. CREDIT moi. It was tasty and a cool treat after a long walk, but not particularly filling even though about 300 calories. Good reminder to me that liquid calories don't register in my brain as consumed food.
onebyone - Yay that you leg didn't bother you at night; hope that continues. If those two pains return, that would seem to justify bringing it to a doctor.
Kudos for covert "head hunting!" Whatever it takes to make your thing a success. What veggies are your farmers selling at this early date?
Robin (RobinW) - Yay for "lemon creme fraiche for the strawberries" without buying the "cranberry/blueberry bread." I just love reading of tasty foods when I don't have to make the decision not to pop them into my mouth, LOL.
Neato that you hosted ChinaMaine - love it that these Internet connections evolve into face-to-face meetings.
Anne (wndranne) - Waving. HAPPY 40th BIRTHDAY today. May you have 40 more and 40 more after that - all healthy, and, in your final years, teaching your grandkids how to enjoy winning a triathlon. Hope your race goes well today.
Tera (twilit tera) - Kudos that you have such a positive attitude about your upcoming visit with your intern; neat thinking that their youth will open them to seeing all of you and not just their accumulated prejudices.
RE the quick drop: Nope, no need for concern with your pattern of healthy eating, sleep, and exercise. Just rejoice that this is the period when your body decided to make its move; write a memory card to have handy for when your body decides to plateau for a spell just when you think you've got the downward ramp going.
ChinaMaine - Yay for meeting Robin (RobinW) and family; the tour of the shop sounds fun. We'll have to think of a design for Beck T-shirts - perhaps NO CHOICE to wear to eating events where the food pushers dwell, LOL.
Great that you're having a good and active visit with your mom. Ouch for the missed clues on the gluten free food purchases. For some reason your tale reminded me of Reduced fat Spam, which has a few percentages less of fat, but remains, duh, Spam.
bucket (bucketwithapurpose) - BIg Ouch for the off plan eating. Kudos for getting right back on track today, starting with posting here.
You might want to do a Cheat Sheet on that, particularly since it happened so soon after those awful emotional feelings both missing your boy friend and getting vibes that your friends aren't seeing you as you had thought. Beck is big on the notion that before we eat there is a thought. For me, that thought is often an emotion, justified or not, but real for sure and a worthy platform on which to stand and reach for food.
Kudos for turning to your Response Cards; sorry they weren't sufficient. Good opportunity to work on more strategies. You might want to give yourself credit, even in your posts here, for the stuff that you are doing on plan. Giving myself credit was one of the hardest strategies to accept and work.
Beth (beth_on_the_beach) - Kudos for charging into The Beck Diet for Life. Beck says that those first 14 Program Days are the most important. Posting your progress here, along with your thoughts on each Day as you complete it is great for all of us as well. It's always helpful for me to review if I'm really sticking to the early strategies.
Glad you found us here on 3FC.
Readers -
Quote:
Success Skill 9 Get Back on Track - Right Away . . .
It is interesting that dieters can be so rational and reasonable in other areas of their lives. But when they go off their diet, they somehow think it is okay to compound one mistake with another. In fact, it doesn't make sense to eat one unplanned food and then go on to eat much more. Think about it this way: If you got a ticket for running a red light, would you continue to run red lights for the rest of the day? Would you say, I might as well run as many as I want and start again tomorrow? or course not! You would stop at the very next red light you encountered. . . .
The Complete Beck Diet for Life, pg 102
Last edited by BillBlueEyes; 05-25-2009 at 09:27 AM.
Reason: Typos
We went to Niagara-on-the-Lake Ontario. It’s a pretty tourist-oriented town at the point where the Buffalo River hits Lake Ontario. The river kind of flattens out there, so almost looks like a narrow part of the lake. Across the river is an American fort called ‘Old Fort Niagara’. I have such fond memories of both Niagara on the Lake and Old Fort Niagara. I’m a country girl at heart and when I lived in Buffalo, it would wear on me – all the people, noise, etc. So, I’d drive my young son up to Niagara-on-the-Lake every couple of weeks for a picnic dinner after we both got out of school. I’d soak up the view and silence, he’d play on the tiny rocky beach. I never really spent time in the town, which is mostly frou-frou restaurants and shopping. Anyway, it was nostalgic / fun day.
WI- up .5 lbs. Based on how I’ve been eating, and my relative lack of exercise, I figure I’ll be at least 1 lb up at the end of this trip. I’m going to make a real effort to be op today and tomorrow.
Food – Yesterday I was 500 calories over a typical weekend day at home, but felt I did reasonably well. We found an Irish café in Niagara-on-the-Lake that serves GF food and desserts. We had our afternoon snack there (banana toffee pie for me). I saved half for my after dinner dessert. I would have been op yesterday if I hadn’t had the dessert, but I have to admit I don’t feel guilty… We got take-out from there for dinner though, it was quiche made with a rice crust. It was really good, so am going to figure out how to make that at home. With brown rice it should be tasty and high fiber.
Exercise – my only exercise was really slow walking.
NSV: My aunt has commented on how much weight I’ve lost. I guess the rest of my family doesn’t like to comment on such things, because she's been the only person to mention it. That made her comments especially uplifting.
Happy Memorial Day everyone! Now that I've finished my food logging for the last 2 days, I'm going to try and do some personals before it gets warm enough to do some gardening with my Mom.
Tera A new low on Friday! and Sunday! I don’t think you should be concerned. I have these kinds of drops every month or so. I have come to assume that my body has been retaining water while I should have been showing more steady weight loss. Then all of a sudden my body seems willing to let me see the weight benefits of all my hard work – and the water weight drops all in a couple of days. For me, I then tend to go up a pound or two, and bounce around at a higher weight until I lose 5 lbs in a few days again. But that may not be your pattern…
Golden Cross – 30% discount sounds good. That along with a reasonable payment plan might work (or so I hope). More importantly I hope you and the doctor can negotiate a good plan for you. I’m glad you are coming prepared!!
bucket (with a purpose) I too have a tendency towards ‘all or none thinking’. One of the best things about CBT is learning to recognize it, because it can be a hindrance in many parts of your life, not just in dieting/exercise. Credit for being on the watch!
Robin Thanks again to you and DH for showing us around. It was really neat meeting you, and your business is fascinating…
Friday – Kudos for being op for food and exercise when you were so busy!
Eating at planned times or when hungry? I do a hybrid approach. I always eat 3 squares a day. The timing can shift based on schedule or hunger. But even if I’m not hungry, I eat a meal, even a light one. I’ve found if I don’t do this that I can WAY overeat when I finally do get hungry. By eating 3 meals a day, I am able to keep that voracious hunger at bay most of the time. If I’m hungry I always eat a snack. I have something planned, so I don’t get in the habit of skipping. But if I’m really not hungry, then I don’t bother. That said, I keep a sharp eye out for cues like headache, light headedness, sugar cravings to indicate that I need a snack even if I don’t feel hungry. But I don’t know that one solution fits all people, so you may need to try out a couple of solutions to find the one that works best for you.
Bill Ouch for hitting the top of you ‘scale cycling range’ (I imagine your scale on a recumbent bike ) I guess when maintaining even small changes in food intake can have a long-term impact. You recently mentioned walking a lot less than you used to, could that be a factor too? I see from Sunday’s report you lost 3 lbs already, that sounds like water loss, don’t you think? Credit for sticking to your new plan in spite of it. Wow – your curried zucchini must be fantastic. But I think you are right – people love a good veggie!
DOMS – yes I’m sure it’s due to muscle growth. But I’m trying to learn to adjust my exercise up extremely gradually so that I get less intense DOMS. I hate being laid low like that…
Kudos for finding an op way to indulge your love of free food! Sounded so tasty too!
I love the idea of the NO CHOICE t-shirt. What do you think Robin?
Off plan, I'm afraid. I'm just going to have to admit that pizza is a trigger food and avoid it whenever possible. I was eating it all day long!
Today is better already. I will definitely be on plan.
Not much time for personals this time, I'm afraid.
Beth! Congrats for starting your Beck journey and thank you for sharing it with us!
Bucket: Okay, look up to the top of my post. Clearly, you are no abnormality here.
The thing about CBT is that it takes practice. The longer you do it, the better you get at it and the easier it gets. Part of that is learning new strategies as you encounter new triggers. Time to focus on making plans for the next time you feel lonely or blue. You can do this!
I haven't been around much lately. I can't keep up with all you guys so I mainly am a lurker here.
I just had to check in and tell The Beck cognitive therapy is working for me. You know I basically do IE. However, I came across a book about eating for the digestive system. I bought it because my chiropractor had told me that I don't digest my food a problem I think I had all my life. I've been doing all my Cognitive therapy things... cards, deck, credit, and memory cards etc all during this time. I the woman who didn't want to count anything any more used the digestive book and learned to count my calories, fiber and protein to get my food balance for me and it works. I've lost some weight since I starting Beck on May 1st and have actually lost 3.5 lbs so far this month. Not sure I'll make my goal loss for the month but I have lost.
I just had to share this with you because my metabolism was so messed up when I started this, but so was my "thinking". The Cognitive therapy of Beck has helped me get my thinking straight and to keep trying. So if there is anyone out there who wonders if this will work? I want them to know that it most surely does. Even if it doesn't look like or feel like it is working DO NOT give up. Keep working the Cognitive therapy as it is key to finding your way to healthy eating.
The truth of the matter is that I've been losing and gaining the same 20 lbs since last fall. I'll lose ten and then sabotage myself and gain most if not all of it back and then lose again. Up and down and getting no where. So, I saw someone on another forum talking about "The Beck Diet Solution," and ran out and bought it.
I've found it interesting so far. In the first chapters I wasn't really seeing myself in the examples she gave in the "self-talk" of sabotaging. That is until she got to the, "I don't care," line. I say that to myself all the time when I want to go off plan. I guess, I don't need the other lines because this one covers anything!
I tend to want to rush through things, such as reading the book in one night, but I'm forcing myself to actually do it day by day. I know, it takes time to make changes, so I need to give myself the time.
I did find Day Three interesting. It was about sitting down while you're eating. I realized that I never stand up and eat...ever. I'd never thought about it before, but I always sit down to eat. I think it is due to my childhood. My folks were rather formal and we always sat at the table to eat. Also, even if we wanted a snack say for example, cheese and crackers, we were required to slice the cheese and put it on a plate with the crackers and sit at the table to eat it. I guess, that's one habit that did me some good!
As I said before, today is Day 4 - Give yourself credit. I'm going to read the chapter now and I'll report this evening on how the day went.
Happy Memorial Day!
Beth
276/236/? First goal: 231
Last edited by beth_on_the_beach; 05-25-2009 at 12:17 PM.
Credit to me for eating 1/2 the amount of food I would have normally had (lately) for dinner last night and for sticking to whole foods. I ate some green thigns yesterday and will have green things tonight. I will have a vegetable every day this week. I am eating more plants and real food, still a bit too much but credit moi for evolving a plan slowly. We'll just keep to that for now.
Today I opened the mail and we got our rent renewal lease. They want to raise our rent above the provincial guidelines so it would increase $51 and the rent on our place would be over $1200.00
I donlt know what the psychological difference is between 1100something and 1200 but I have a psychological line that says NO! I WILL NOT PAY $1200 a month for any place, let alone a place I DO NOT love.
And what does this mean?
We're moving.
Before September.
We'll have to give notice at the end of June. This means June will be my month to get the bulk of this place cleaned out. I'd say 80% of what we have will go bye-bye. Luckily it's garage sale season.
And then there's the decision of where to move. We have three choices uppermost in our mind: 1) stay in town but go somewhere cheaper. Trouble is, cheaper will be maybe 200 or 300 cheaper. It's better but not significant enough to make a real dent in either saving money or paying off debt or relieving the financial pressure off of me so I can work minimally and make things maximally...
2) go north, really north where it is very cheap but we're north, really north. I don't, honestly, want to do that. It'd be temporary and my DH says he really wants to go somewhere where we'd stay for 5 years or so. he hates to move.
3) so this brings me to going to Nova Scotia. I visited twice. I liked it both times. it has cheap rent $600, 1/2 of what we pay now. It has farmers' markets, it has lots of art and tourism, it has a fantastic art school where I can pursue, maybe, a Masters degree or at least take more classes and contine to develop my art. And that's what we're going to do.
It's scary.
And so what eh?
Anyway I found myself consuming one too many cherries after DH took pen and paper in hand and called me upstairs to ask me what I wanted to keep in each room.
Yikes.
DH is serious. Now I feel nervous. Is this the right thing? Should I do it? Will I regret it? Will DH and I break up over it? (irrational fear here I know)
To be continued...
billblueeyes There was a surprising array of veggies out at the market. I bought spinach. It was pretty much full sized. Some potatoes, probaby last year's crop, some blue oyster mushrooms and some white ones too, some first crop onions so adorable! Little tiny tender round things. Nice. I saw cucumbers, a good size and tomatoes too. Some local growers are wizards with greenhouses around here.
beth_on_the_beach I too have been gaining and losing the same 20 for about 2 years. I am at the top end of that cycle right now. I'm looking for a new way out and taking the time to figure out what that may be. Glad you're here with us!
pattygirl63Thanks for reporting in with your success! I am happy to hear it and it makes me want to get my book and begin again.
twilit tera Ah pizza. I haven't had much luck controlling portions of the stuff ever. Glad you're back on track. No reason not to be!
ChinaMaine Thanks for sharing your memories of Niagra-on-the-Lake. It sounds like you had a good visit. Nice that you met RobinW! I find that making a real person connection to an internet friend always makes me feel more connected to the group as a whole. Good job with your foodplan too btw. Kudos!
bucketwithapurpose So sorry you had a tough day. I've had my share and can't seem to get out of it but I keep trying as do you. We have no choice to stay down now do we? No. That is NOT how we want to live. So what can we do? Start again. Try again. Make a plan. If it doesn't work try another one. Just keep going until we get it. We are ALL the same, that's why you fit with us!
Kinda an emotional one at that. Lots of loved ones to be remembered, and troops to be honored.
Welcome Beth on the beach. It is always such an energy boost to get new members to our team.
Happy to hear mostly success in the team's news. Bucket, you have been doing so well, I know this episode will not derail you. I think BillBE had some good insight for you...for all of us, for that matter.
I saw a shirt -tail relative this weekend; she is one of the "naturally thin". She had been to some food fair "Taste of Minnesota", where you buy a bracelet for $5.00 and get to go around the fair and sample whatever you want. I asked her what she sampled, she said "nothing." She had gone around the booths first and decided there was nothing there she wanted to spend the money for. Wow. That's how naturally thin people do it. I would have paid the 5 bucks, ate a bunch of stuff that may not have been worth it, but it would never have occurred to me to scope it out first. Hmm. What a concept.
I am traveling for business for a cuppla days, so will probably be monitoring without posting. Will have to check in to get Anne's report on the race.
Coaches/Buddies Triathlon went great today. No back pain to speak of and my time was not awful. And I had a great time. Once again I am doing a flyby post because my brain is going to shut down really soon now, and I have to get DD tucked in after DH finishes up the usual routine.
Beth on the Beach I agree with mary blu that newbies are an energy boost.
I too find ‘I don’t care’ to be my Achilles heel. When my inner adolescent fat chick pulls out the ‘I don’t care’ attitude, I’m all too often led astray. So far I’ve been most successful when I’ve planned ahead of time to avoid her ‘I don’t care’ attitude. The skills on hunger (I think it’s skill 6) had the most power for me. But there’s so much to learn in all of it I think…
bucket (with a purpose) I’m just catching up on the posts from the weekend. So sorry Saturday was a blowout!
CREDIT for posting after being off plan. I know I’ve skipped posting after a bad evening (my blowouts are always in the evening…) When I skip posting I have a much harder time getting back on plan. So your instincts to come back here, when I imagine you thought of skipping, were good ones.
Tera’s right, a lot of the skills take time to really internalize. You’ve been practicing them for just a couple of weeks (maybe less?), so with practice it will get easier. I’ve found there are situations that cause me to go way off plan. And I don’t know how to completely avoid them yet. But I’ll figure it out eventually, and so will you…
One thought – perhaps you aren’t quite ready for completely ‘free’ days. Laying around, watching tube, reading old emails, etc. Perhaps you might consider structuring your time a bit more until you have more practice on the Beck skills.
Oh and just one more
Tera Ouch for the pizza!
Anne wow you are having such a tumultuous week. Kind of reminds me of one-by-one. You both seem to be at a pivot point, where your lives may change a great deal, but they might just change a little. Times like these can be exhilarating and terrifying at the same time.
I really hope you have control over the changes coming your way, rather than having them thrust upon you. I find the former is much easier to deal with… (Not surprising or particularly insightful I guess. )
the triatholon went well! Can’t wait to hear more…
one by one Friday’s funeral for your aunt sounds as if it was really moving. Thoughts and hugs coming your way…
Your family life growing up sounds difficult – I like your way of dealing with it – ‘friends’.
Yikes - your symptoms do sound a bit alarming. Going to a doctor is wise – I hope you do it. Of course weight could be a factor in what you’ve experienced. I think most of us on this thread are too big for our frames. I believe every 10 lbs of weight loss can significantly affect our frame (positively). Yes going to a ‘real’ group is probably the right thing to do. We can be here every day, but you’ll get something different from a support group.
Bike- what a way to turn around your post into something happy and positive. It’s this ability that’s going to get you through the many changes ahead of you! Kudos! Bravo!
Sunday at a farmer’s market, exploring future options at a festival, and a bike ride. Perfect! Credit! (and glad your leg wasn’t bothering you…)
Monday (let me just say you’ve had quite a roller coaster of a weekend. DOUBLE CREDITS for keeping a positive, constructive attitude in the face of it. IMHO it can be quite positive in the long run to be in a situation where a major life decision isn’t required, but might be best. It could be that 18 months from now you may be much, much happier with your life, and your future.
Kudos for choosing green things.
Trish (pattygirl63) It’s good to hear from you. Especially since Beck is working for you… Don’t be such a stranger!
flyby report on Saturday
I also met her DH; they both showed us around their shop. It’s a really cool business. It was fascinating to hear how they make t-shirts, signs, coasters, etc. The prices are fantastic! Her DH did point out they FedEx. 
It is nice to put a face to a 3fc poster and I really enjoyed meeting them. 
But we did buy the lemon creme fraishe for the strawberries today. 
ChinaMaine popped over to the shop yesterday afternoon and we had a lovely visit. My husband and I gave her the grand tour! She is such a lovely bright person!!
Congratulations on your new bike!!
Here is to a sane planned eating day! Have a great day everyone!
Saturday was aweful. I binged from evening until 5AM. Woke up this morning, okay. Binged from 3PM until 12:33AM.
Welcome Beth (beth_on_the_beach)
Sunday's Report
and Sunday! 
, shoes 
decisions decisions
I too have been gaining and losing the same 20 for about 2 years. I am at the top end of that cycle right now. I'm looking for a new way out and taking the time to figure out what that may be. Glad you're here with us!
I agree with mary blu that newbies are an energy boost. 
)
Especially since Beck is working for you… Don’t be such a stranger! 