Honestly lately I've been feeling "skinny" although that's not the right word. I guess body confident would be a better way to describe it. Then last night I went to a zumba class, one I go to often. I'm always the largest person in the room. There are a lot of mirrors and watching myself try to do aerobic dance in a mirror is not easy sometimes. It does not deter me from going and trying my best. But for some reason last night I felt really fat. I felt like my stomach was sticking out, that my cellulite could be seen through my spandex and that my leg fat and belly fat jiggled as I jumped around. It was very distracting as I tried to battle those thoughts. I kept telling myself that I'm here, I'm giving 100% and I deserve to be here just as much as the thinner women in the class, that I too can move gracefully despite my fat, and I was afraid that people were repulsed by me. It was an ugly feeling and not one I know how to handle. I've been at this dance and exercise thing for months now and I'm really proud of how well I'm doing in terms of learning the routines and loosening up and expressing myself physically. But once in a while I get gripped by body consciousness. How do you all deal with that feeling?
I don't look in mirrors when I have that feeling, it just confirms physically what is in my head!
For the past couple of weeks something strange has been happening to me. I'm not really hungry. I mean I physically feel the need to eat and I respond to it but the sensation goes away very quickly with a very small amount of food. I can't finish a sandwich, I can't finish a salad. I'm so used to overeating but I'm not able to do it now. I've never been this removed emotionally from food before. I wonder if it's a passing phase or am I finally coming into a new level of proficiency in hunger directed eating?
If this was at a time in my life when I was on vacation and feeling carefree I would think of this as a passing phase. But right now I'm in the thick of it in terms of stress. It's at an all time high, and I've never been a person who loses weight and stops eating in response to stress. Stress is my biggest trigger in overeating. So this is a confusing plot twist!
Good for you! You are getting better and better at being an IE eater! It is so nice to control the food and not let the food control you! A word of caution, there are times that you may get "sad" for a lack of a better word that you cannot finish the food, but if that happens, serve smaller portions, that way you won't have that feeling. Good for you on your success!!
Good for you! You are getting better and better at being an IE eater! It is so nice to control the food and not let the food control you! A word of caution, there are times that you may get "sad" for a lack of a better word that you cannot finish the food, but if that happens, serve smaller portions, that way you won't have that feeling. Good for you on your success!!
Palestrina, on feeling fat, I read in overcoming Overeating that feeling fat is always about something else. I have found that to be true. I noticed you said you were in the thick of stress in a later post. Maybe that has something to do with it? I don't eat much with certain kinds of stress. (like mom stress) if it activates your adrenaline I think it dampens your appetite. I feel sad about not finishing my food too sometimes but I feel happy about how good and energetic I feel when I don't overeat. I have noticed that Overeating makes me feel tired and sluggish, almost the same way I feel when I haven't eaten in a very long time. That's awesome about zumba classes! That's great you are enjoying them, and yes it feels good to get hit on for a change.
I have been reading When Women Stop hating their bodies. I have never read it because I have Overcoming Overeating and I was worried it would just be a repeat. But, I found it used at a bookstore where I had a gift certificate so I bought it. Im so glad I did! It has been very helpful. It talks a lot about feeling fat and has some great insights I think. But, I realized just today that for myself in order to move forward in my journey, I am going to have to accept myself at my higher weight or any weight that my body happens to be. I don't really know how to do that since I feel so much better about myself when I weigh less. But, I don't think I can untie eating and dieting while Im constantly worried about my weight and gaining weight.
I have to stop "backsliding" into diets. Diets stop my progress every time. If I was happy with my body there would be no need for diets. I am going to do my very best to focus on this and not my food intake or when I am eating. I think that takes second place to how I feel about myself and my body.
Anyway, hope everyone is having a good Monday so far!
Body image is a timely topic for me. I've continued to have good IE experiences, but I will be seeing an old friend this week who has never known me obese. I've been in a panic and feeling deep shame over my body. I haven't felt this bad since before I started IE.
I'm fighting the diet mentality hard, but a big part of me wants to just lose the weight. I don't know why I keep coming back to this and losing the strides I've made in IE.
I guess it is natural and part of the process, but I wish I could better hold on to the peace I'd found.
Beginme body image goes hand in hand with the diet mentality, it seems to influence it the most. Hold strong and know that the voice that is telling you those negative things is not really your own voice, it's a sabotaging voice that needs to be shut down. Battle it with positive thoughts even if you don't believe them at first. My NT says that every negative thought about yourself should be battled with 3 opposing true positive thoughts! This becomes easier and more automatic with time. For example if you think "I am embarrassed for my old friend to see how far I've gotten" then battle it with "my friend loves me for who I am," "everyone has insecurities, I'm sure my friend has her own," and "I still have gorgeous hair and a killer sense of humor like I did back then." For example.
Just a few words. Overate yesterday, not going to obsess about it. I remember reading in the Weight Down book (another IE book) that when you eat, eat the parts you want first. She described how she was eating a pork chop and she ate the parts she wanted, she said she dissected that poor pork chop, well let me tell you I sure dissected mine for lunch! I ate the parts of it I wanted and threw the parts I did not want away when I was done! Feel good to do that, instead of oh, I need to eat the lean parts because I am supposed to and it's the healthier part. Heck no, I wanted the fattier parts and I ate them!!
I keep meaning to get on and post but I think Im afraid Im going to jinx myself.
I am still trying to be happy with my body and completely stop focusing on weight loss. I have noticed a difference. I also have stopped working on ANY of the IE tools and Im just focusing on body acceptance and body love. I realized that for myself, any IE tool is perceived as a diet and a focus on weight loss so I just scrapped them. No mindful eating, no hunger scale eating, if I want to eat I just do. I have been at least being aware if I am hungry or not but not letting that dictate whether or not I eat unless I really don't want to eat. I realized my brain really gets in the way of listening to my body. I noticed this weekend that a stressful thing came up and I wanted to go on a diet SOOOOO bad. I can't remember if I mentioned this or not but I realized I had been using diets as a tool to manage my anxiety. I did not go on a diet.
Also, I had an event where I was going to see people I hadn't seen in a long time and I was totally tempted to barely eat for a week before so I would look the same way I did when I last saw them. But NO. I question my thoughts often now. Who says a flat stomach is better than a rounded stomach? (asthetically) Who says a larger rear is not beautiful? Where do we get our standards of beauty and why do I subscribe to them? I am pretty far removed from society in so many things ( the way I dress, my beliefs, etc, why do I continue to believe and imprison myself in societys beliefs? That doesn't even make any sense.
Today I was standing on the bus corner waiting for my kids. The bus pulled up and I felt self concious about my stomach, my size etc.. I told myself that I have an awesome and beautiful body and I felt better. I even noticed I stood differently.
Due to this change in thinking my eating has been changing on its own. I am hesitant to say I am eating less as to imply that is a good thing because as soon as I do that, I find myself subconsciously trying to eat less for weight loss. I just keep reminding myself I am not doing this for weight loss. Im doing it to take care of my body and feel good. I notice when I don't stuff myself at meals, I feel energetic and good and I get stuff done. I also notice when I don't restrict and starve myself or even just skip breakfast that I also feel really good and energetic and I get stuff done. I feel good. Today I broke out some of my old pilates and did some just to feel myself move. Anyway, that is where I am at currently. I am still working my way through When Women stop hating their bodies. It has been the reason I have been able to slowly change my thoughts.
How is everyone else?
Last edited by Pinkhippie; 09-29-2015 at 08:34 PM.
Pinkhippie this sentence really resonated with me "I realized I had been using diets as a tool to manage my anxiety. I did not go on a diet."
I am certain you are not the only one. Most of the women on this board go on a diet to manage their anxiety. They feel their eating is "out of control" and they turn the screws on accountability to help them feel like they're doing something.
A better way to think of it is not that out eating is out of control, but that it is completely and utterly in control. There might be other things out of our control in our lives but food is not one of them. If people could only understand what a valuable tool eating serves as, they would know that trying to control it is going to backfire.
I think you've reached new levels of understanding about your body Pink! The ultimate goal is to go beyond IE entirely and you're getting there!
I'm at the same place you are Pink. I'm just trying to eat. The difference between that and the whirlwind eating that dieters do when they aren't dieting is that I'm really trying to pay attention to my body and be aware of how I feel. If I want to eat, I eat. I totally agree that dieting is a way to manage anxiety. Whenever I get anxious I find myself longing to look at nutrition/diet websites. It's a way to distract myself from what's really going on... but I need to pay attention to what's causing me anxiety so I can actually fix or at least accept it.
I feel that I am making some pretty good progress in shedding the diet mentality. I know I could still fall back into that trap, but for now I'm doing pretty well.
I needed to add something to my husband's Amazon in order to get free shipping. so I started looking at the IE books since it's been quite some time since I purchased one. I settled on Michelle May's "Eat What You Love, Love What You Eat" and that led me to some of her videos which are on YouTube. There's one about exercise that really spoke to me, since I'm one of those people who really don't like to exercise at all.
I'd been slacking off on my walking over the last several weeks, and as soon as I watched that video I had a real "a ha" moment and was very motivated to get back to it. It was so freeing to just go and say "I'll walk until I feel that it's time to stop," and I found that my energy level was quite a bit higher than it has been recently when it comes to exercise.
Her message appears to be similar to others, but I'm hopeful that there will be a gem or two in the book that perhaps will give me a bit of insight I have not previously had. I find that I usually learn something useful from each and every IE resource I've consulted.
I feel that I am making some pretty good progress in shedding the diet mentality. I know I could still fall back into that trap, but for now I'm doing pretty well.
I needed to add something to my husband's Amazon in order to get free shipping. so I started looking at the IE books since it's been quite some time since I purchased one. I settled on Michelle May's "Eat What You Love, Love What You Eat" and that led me to some of her videos which are on YouTube. There's one about exercise that really spoke to me, since I'm one of those people who really don't like to exercise at all.
I'd been slacking off on my walking over the last several weeks, and as soon as I watched that video I had a real "a ha" moment and was very motivated to get back to it. It was so freeing to just go and say "I'll walk until I feel that it's time to stop," and I found that my energy level was quite a bit higher than it has been recently when it comes to exercise.
Her message appears to be similar to others, but I'm hopeful that there will be a gem or two in the book that perhaps will give me a bit of insight I have not previously had. I find that I usually learn something useful from each and every IE resource I've consulted.
Thanks for the post. I have been slacking on my walking as well. I am going watch the video as soon as I finish typing this. Have a blessed day all.
