Thank you owlteazombies and Southern Maven. I forgot about Rainbow Bridge! I will show that to the kids. They drew lots of pictures of him and we hung them up where his bed used to be. I think it helped. Thanks again everyone for your condolences on the loss of my pet. This group is so wonderful and supportive. I appreciate you all.

As for Nutella, I have only had it once. Im not a huge hazelnut fan so I guess I am missing the magic. I would much rather have peanut butter and chocolate mixed together.

So this evening I had one of those uncomfortable social interactions where I came away feeling like I said all the wrong things. I came home and my dh mentioned that he might want to go to school ( which I FULLY support) but I would have to work part time. I absolutely want him to go to school but I am terrified of going back into the work force after 6 years, especially with no degree. Although lately I have been feeling the call of early childhood which is insane because I am dealing with my own early childhood at home. lol ( I was a preschool teacher before kids but never got my degree although I was in school for it)

Anyway, I went to take my usual evening break after a satisfying dinner where I was completely full and I started feeling like I HAD TO HAVE a COOKIE! It was intense. I went in the kitchen, I found the cookies, and I wolfed that cookie down. It was like an imperative need. It almost felt like I had no control. It didn't even taste that great. It was a GIANT homemade cookie that I know from carefully mindfully eating little pieces over the weekend was delicious. Anyway, then I wanted to eat the whole kitchen. Like REALLY wanted to. Instead, I went on my walk, even though I really really didn't want to. I have been walking almost every day for 30 minutes for about a month and it always makes me feel good so I don't miss it. I got out there and started walking and really wasn't into it. I felt bad and yucky. Then as I walked some more I gradually started to realize that I felt bad and yucky in the first place and that is why I had to have the cookie. A lot of times now, I can pause in between the urgent demand/impulse for food and realize I have an emotion or feeling that is unpleasant and deal with that rather than eat. But tonight, I really didn't realize it. I just thought that I WANTED A COOKIE. Im so glad I have my habit of going on my walks or I might not have realized how bad I was feeling. So, I was able to deal with some of my anxiety and realize that I felt completely socially awkward and like I was a worthless, insignificant, unworthy person who cannot make social niceties or graciously accept a compliment. No wonder I wanted a cookie. I really wanted to change that feeling because it felt bad and I haven't felt it in a long time, but its deeply rooted from childhood/adolescence. I think anxiety about going back to work I would have noticed but combined with my social interaction and my feelings about it, it just snuck up and got me.

Anyway, learning experience yay!

A difference between now and a year ago is that I am not mad at myself or regretful of the cookie. I am thankful that I had this learning experience and will hopefully remember it next time I feel an urgent need for food out of nowhere.

Just letting you know, Pinkhippie, that that feeling of inadequacy in certain social situations that you described in your post will diminish with time. As you get older you will find your concern about what others think of you dissipates exponentially.

This is why you often see older people speaking their minds without a bit of concern as to how others react.

So as my late father often used to say "Old age has its compensations." (I lost him 4 years ago today - he was 97 years old).

I'm sorry to hear about your pet and troubles, Pink. I've been working through some stuff myself. I'm having trouble trusting my hunger/fullness and I'm overthinking it. It's led to under-eating and feeling depressed. The root cause of it is that I'm still subconsciously (consciously, even, I'll admit) wanting to lose weight. This stuff is hard. I am trying to take the Overcoming Overeating approach and eat like it will have no effect on my shape or weight. It's hard to undo years of the diet mentality, though.

SouthernMaven, I hope that ends up being true for me! I will be 40 next year. I usually do a lot better but I have a hard time taking compliments. (ironically it was about how young I look!) Wow, your father lived to be 97, that is wonderful. Im sorry for your loss though.

Locke, thank you. It does seem like its a never ending saga when it comes to working through stuff. I have the exact same problem and I have a very hard time overcoming it. Something that helps me is to frame eating when I am hungry as an act of self love and every time I am hungry I get another chance to show myself love by eating until Im satisfied. Thinking of it that way helps take it out of the weight loss realm for me. It's still hard though, try to stick with it and not give up. Years of thinking one way cannot be undone in a few weeks or sometimes even in a few years.

Hello everyone, I unplugged for a few days just trying to rest.

Last year when I was visiting my family I did really well. I didn't lose any weight over the course of the winter and so I thought that I had made no progress from last summer to now. But now that I'm here I can see that eventhough I haven't lost weight I am much more comfortable and sane around food. My anxiety is low when hunger approaches. I enjoy my food fully. I overindulge when I really feel like it but most of the time I'm feeling comfortable being around food. This is a huge deal, I don't remember ever being comfortable in a place where I did not have full control of my food intake. Parents or not I'm in someone else's house, with someone else's fridge and pantry, and on someone else's schedule. I have access to a car but not whenever I want it and there are no fast food places here with drive thrus anyway. I feel no desire at all to sneak off and eat something. I feel no shame when I do eat something that my mother would not approve of (thank goodness they have cheetos here lol). She still says the same old things that used to trigger me to binge, now I can see them as triggers and I have the memory of what it feels like to be triggered by it but I stand up for myself. Like when it's dinner time and I ask "what should we eat for dinner" she'll say something like "it's night time now we shouldn't eat anything at all" I'll reply back "please don't speak for me, I'm hungry and I'm going to prepare something for myself to eat." She'll tell me to eat wheat bread instead, or she'll make disparaging comments about being bloated and eating too much herself. It goes in one ear and comes out the other, it is what it is and changing my response to it has been tough but easier than I thought. What's hard here is that there's not much opportunity to exercise. There is a gym but there is no air conditioning and I have no intention of sweating it out in 90 degree weather so that's not an option. Walking is not really possible, infrastructure around here is bad and sidewalks are broken, slippery or non existent. Plus it's hot. I am not a great swimmer so swimming is not enjoyable to me but it's the only thing I have so I make the most of it. I miss my dance classes.

I really enjoy being more normal around food now. I just wish it would lead to some weight loss. I've made so much progress in terms of dealing with food, hunger directed eating and feeling beautiful and confident in my own body. There must be a way to introduce gentle nutrition without triggering me upl

Palestrina that's so great that you've normalized your relationship with food. I would hesitate, however, to connect gentle nutrition with weight loss. I don't think the authors of Intuitive Eating ever meant for gentle nutrition to be about weight and shape- it's about preventing disease and feeling good. I tend to be more inclined to follow Overcoming Overeating's approach and throw nutrition itself to the wind and listen to the body. It's really hard, I know- I weight over 300 lbs so I totally understand the frustration with no weight loss.

Palestrina, I am also very happy to see what you wrote. You've come a long way, and I found your post extremely insightful.

And this has nothing to do with IE at all, but I am a bit frustrated with the Ticker Factory right now because for some reason it's not letting me update my walking progress. I've walked more than 63 miles but it's also apparent that I am not going to meet my goal of 100 miles by the end of this month. In the past that would have been cause for great angst, but now I am actually quite proud at what I have managed to do so far.

I've walked more in the last two months than I have in the last two years. I consider that progress!

Palestrina that is really great. I think your mom sounds so hard to be around in reference to eating and its amazing to me that you are able to remain aware and not be triggered. Good for you! I think you are on the right path.

Southernmaven that is awesome about the walking. I have walked way more than I ever have in the last two months too. I feel so good. Maybe when the ticker factory starts working again I will make a walking ticker as well. I like that idea.

Locke, I never thought of it that way. I see gentle nutrition as a method for weightloss. As a way to gently limit what I eat. That's all wrong isn't it? Nutrition is not a problem then, I feel that all the food I eat is nutritious, I don't feel like I lack nutrition. I guess I still have diet thoughts then. I don't know how to let go of my desire to lose weight.

SouthernMaven thank you! I do feel good about where I am with IE. I have taken up food journaling again so that I can assess my eating patterns. I am eating pretty consistently when I'm at a 2-3 and eating until I am an 8, and sometimes even a 9 on the hunger scale. I would love to eat when I'm at a 4 and eat until 7. It's hard for me to do. I always eat past satisfaction and into fullness. This is difficult for me.

I met an intuitive eater today! Not an IEer like me, but a real one from birth! She's visiting here from Korea and is super excited to eat the greek food. It really struck me because when she was finished eating she was really happy. She said "I would really like to eat that piece of cheese but I am full. Not too full but really satisfied, I am very happy!" It made me smile to hear it.

It's nice to have a visitor, I've been really lonely here. Greece as you may all know has had some socioeconomic problems lately and the greeks are frazzled. Everyone is unhappy, argumentative, agitated, scared, and frantic. It has affected me.

Palestrina, I have been journalling again too. I have always been really resistant to journaling my food and hunger levels etc but this time around feels different. I bought myself a pretty little notebook and have been writing down every single time I eat. I am not censoring myself and I am trying not to judge.

I used to eat to an 8 or 9 quite often but I managed to dial it down a bit by promising myself that I could eat again whenever I was hungry, even if it was 15 minutes later and also carry the Overcoming Overeating "food bag". That was hard to do but it really helped me get a little more in touch. I realized I was eating way past fullness because I was feeling like there would be no more food in the future because I would not allow myself to have it. Other times I would eat way past fullness and still do sometimes because I was eating in a stressed environment or because I was stressed.

Im hoping I can keep the journaling up. That is cool you met an IE er! I imagine people in Greece would be upset right now. I have been following the news loosely about their economic situation.

I think this is exactly why I eat past fullness. Because I worry that I'll be hungry in an hour or 2 and that I'll be embarrassed to reach for food. I watch my mother who is actually an intuitive eater in terms of what she puts in her mouth and a small amount of food keeps her satisfied for hours! Yeah sure I'd eat until satisfaction then too but when I eat until satisfaction I'm hungry again really soon. I don't trust that this will change, am I wrong to think this? This will keep me fat forever.

I am absolutely convinced that some people have bigger appetites than others, no matter what they eat. Of course you'll have the low-carb zealots tell you otherwise, but I don't think what you eat has a thing to do with it.

One thing I've noticed about myself is that there often seems to be no rhyme or reason to when I get hungry. Some days I don't have any appetite at all, and then other days I can't seem to get full no matter what I eat.

And I am a person who has ALWAYS eaten beyond satisfaction, even when I was thin. Which is why dieting is so horrible for me.

Palestrina, I'm not sure if this is helpful or not. Just some thoughts I'd throw out there. As I recall, you did lose some weight when you first started IE. I know you probably don't weigh often, but are you still at that point? If so, I'm thinking that if you continue on now you will eventually lose more, but that it may be microscopically slow.

The thing that helped me with this mentally was to look at each hunger experience as an opportunity to practice the skills I was learning with IE. Mindful eating, eating to satisfaction. So, my goal was actually to get hungry quite often so that I could get the most practice. I also don't think it matters if you get hungry again really soon and eat because your body will be needing food so you will be meeting your body's needs, and isn't that what IE is all about?

As far as your mom, are you sure she is an IE eater? She sounds to me like she has a lot of food hang ups, and she is very judgemental about how you eat. I just can't see a true IE er even caring what other people eat. I mean not that it matters but I don't think you should compare yourself to your mom or try to emulate her. As far as appetite goes, back in the good ol days before I got sucked back into the world of dieting, I would have a week of being really hungry and eating a lot, and then another week of not being hungry and eating little. Like Southernmaven said above, some days are more hungry than others. I found that it really balances out if you are listening to your body and not trying to regulate your food intake with your mind.

I apologize if any of my comments are out of line, its just what I have observed based on your postings about your interactions with your mom and food.

Pinkhippie, not out of line at all, I appreciate the feedback. The reason I call my mother an IEer is because she is very in touch with her hunger/fullness. She won't touch a piece of food unless she's hungry. You can't get her to sample something unless she's actually hungry for it. She announces when she is approaching fulness and then seems very satisfied when she does. I've never heard her making any remarks to anyone else or even commenting on someone else's food intake, just mine. I'm sure she'd love for me to be thin and fit just like her and the judgements come from a place of love and wanting the best for me. It doesn't make it easier knowing that.

I've never thought of eating as an opportunity to practice more skills. I've been glad to face food only 3 times a day for a while now. Hunger still feels like a weakness, something I can be criticized for while I'm here. "You just had lunch a couple of hours ago!!" she'd say. Then she'd tell me she's disappointed.

My mother trusts her body. She just doesn't trust mine.