I'm okay. I'm trying to work with my dietitian to find something that works for me. It's difficult because I want to lose weight but on the other hand I want to have a healthy relationship with food and recover from my eating disorder. It's a really hard path to follow, but I haven't given up the belief that I can find a middle path.
You sound like you're making fantastic progress to me, if it's any consolation. Healing from an eating disorder is a massive task, it's not something that happens overnight. You went into that latest diet with the best of intentions, and it looks like you realised quickly when it wasn't working for you and got out of it, rather than spending the next year fighting with it. That's great. You've obviously learned a huge amount, I'm finding your posts here really useful. What's your dietician like?
So I finished Eating by the light of the moon. Such a good book! So much to think about. I have decided to start journaling the way she suggests in the book and it has been very eye opening. For example, this morning I was cleaning the bathroom. I had neglected it for a week or so. Right after I was done I suddenly really really wanted some toast. I checked in and my stomach was a little hungry. I looked at the clock and it had been about 3 hours since breakfast. Snack time!
So I went and made my toast. I realized while I was eating it that it didn't taste as good as I had hoped for. When I was done I went and wrote what I was thinking and feeling right before I ate the toast. I realized that while I was cleaning the bathroom I felt like a failure as a housewife and like I couldn't accomplish anything or keep my house clean. I felt overwhelmed and hopeless. And suddenly I craved toast quite fiercely. I was actually hungry so I wouldn't have realized where the craving can from if I wasn't keeping a journal in the way the author recommends.
I had a lot I wanted to respond to for others but I'm on my phone and will need to get on a real keyboard to do so. Just wanted to share.
Last edited by Pinkhippie; 05-06-2015 at 04:55 PM.
Reason: Clarity
I did some cleanup in this thread because first and foremost, this site is a support site. This is also a support thread and although interested parties can ask questions in support threads/areas/groups, it isn't a place for criticism or arguments. If you have studies that question a WOE, there is a the weight loss news area. If you have questions/doubts about any WOE, you can also create your own thread that is not support focused.
And to address the question about "General Diet Plans and Questions", a diet is how you choose to eat, so this thread is appropriate for this area as a support thread.
If you have further questions about post deletion, you can PM me.
@Carol - thanks for replying. Do you find that it affects your eating habits?
@Pinkhippie - this book sounds really interesting, tell us more! So do you reckon what just happened was mostly natural hunger with a touch of emotional eating, then? Hunger is a surprisingly complicated thing. I also find it interesting that you were stressed out as a result of doing the cleaning. I have noticed that dieting is incredibly gendered, it is so often about women, and stereotypes about women and how they look and how they behave. And the housewife thing could be connected to that. It's funny how we can end up feeling that we have no value based on something as unimportant as cleaning! I get that sort of thing too.
Maybe we should have "support thread" in the title of the thread. Carol what do you think?
@Pinkhippie, sorry my post was deleted but I was saying in it that I'm glad you found some insight in that book. I'm still muddling through it because I'm caught up with the BoB book. I've yet to reach the part you mention about journaling, I can't wait to get there. It's such a beautifully written book that I find myself tearing up everytime I read a snippet! It's definitely a go-to book.
So I hope nobody minds that I'm reading up on BoB. I find that it's helping me and complimenting my intuitive eating. I tried the method a couple of years ago but it didn't work for me because at the time I was restricting so it kept backfiring on me. Now when I have some cravings that do not stem from hunger I automatically know what to do with them, I know that they're just thoughts that pass and go and I don't pay them any mind. The key though is to pay attention to my real hunger and take care of what I consider my basic physical needs - water, food, rest, intimacy, movement and laughter. What do you all consider your basic needs? That would make for an interesting discussion.
Anyway, when a food thought doesn't stem from hunger then I now know where I can attribute it to, whether it be stress or just neurological junk thoughts. It's early yet but I'm feeling really good about this. Something that's been happening that I didn't know how to deal with was fear of being hungry. I would get hungry and then opt away from the "healthier" foods I wanted to choose. I would talk myself out of salads and yogurts and all the stuff I love because a part of me was scared that those foods wouldn't satisfy my real hunger. Which is ridiculous, logic and experience have shown me that I'm fully satisfied after a healthy meal but for some reason I was eating heavier foods out of this fear. This BoB has really helped with this aspect. There are some things within IE and BoB that are at odds but I'm navigating through them without much problem right now.
@Pinkhippie - this book sounds really interesting, tell us more! So do you reckon what just happened was mostly natural hunger with a touch of emotional eating, then? Hunger is a surprisingly complicated thing. I also find it interesting that you were stressed out as a result of doing the cleaning. I have noticed that dieting is incredibly gendered, it is so often about women, and stereotypes about women and how they look and how they behave. And the housewife thing could be connected to that. It's funny how we can end up feeling that we have no value based on something as unimportant as cleaning! I get that sort of thing too.
What sort of journalling are you doing?
Hi Esofia! Yes, I think that is what all my years of work on IE has finally led me to. Natural hunger influenced by emotional eating. For example my food choices or maybe eating more than my body needs or zoning out while eating.
As far as the cleaning goes... I am a Stay at home mom. I have been for 6 years. Yes Im lucky to stay home but right now I think I am in burn out mode. A few months ago I started fly lady and the house was amazing! I felt so accomplished. Then I really started to stress when the house would get the tiniest bit messy. Then I realized I had transferred my self worth to how clean I could keep the house. A bunch of stuff happened recently that made it difficult to keep the house clean, hence, me feeling like a failure. I am working on figuring out the burn out thing. Its so true about dieting being gendered and our roles in society, like keeping the house clean really play into that.
The book is amazing for really focusing on the emotional aspects of eating. It kind of takes the focus away from your body and weight loss and puts it on why you have disordered eating. It's also full of stories to illustrate the points she is making. Its truly an amazing book for me right now. I don't know if I would have been ready for it awhile ago. It's also all about your feminine power and balancing it with the masculine. It has an awesome chapter on sexuality, menstruation, speaking your truth, being assertive, etc...
The journaling is writing what you eat, the time, what you were doing previous to eating what you were thinking about previous, how you were feeling previous, and if you are physically hungry or not. Like I said, its been really eye opening and made me aware on a different level of how much my emotions affect what and how much I choose to eat. Also, since I gave up food as a coping mechanism most of the time, I find that I am sad and depressed and my feelings are always about being overwhelmed or sad or mad. So, that is hard to look at but its necessary I think. So yep, there is your novel!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Palestrina
Maybe we should have "support thread" in the title of the thread. Carol what do you think?
@Pinkhippie, sorry my post was deleted but I was saying in it that I'm glad you found some insight in that book. I'm still muddling through it because I'm caught up with the BoB book. I've yet to reach the part you mention about journaling, I can't wait to get there. It's such a beautifully written book that I find myself tearing up everytime I read a snippet! It's definitely a go-to book.
I love the stories! It really brings home to me in a way that other books haven't been able to, the "lessons" that we must learn to move forward. I really need to read it again soon, it is that kind of book.
I haven't yet read BoB for some of the reasons you mention that you like the book. I worry it would trigger me.
Last edited by Pinkhippie; 05-06-2015 at 08:02 PM.
I just had a few other things/thoughts I wanted to mention. Random things.
What I am doing right is different than anything I have done before. Usually, I have the distraction of weight loss as my goal in my head, focusing on changing my eating, or if I am actually dieting, then I am distracted by all the shoulds and shouldn'ts.
This is the first time I am eating the same way, not focusing on weight loss but on getting better about speaking my needs, and what I need to do to be happy and being aware of my feelings. I am like a lot of books say to do "playing detective".
It really makes a difference for me. I have no distraction of yay pretty shiny weight loss to come. I am just living my life. And opening my eyes and my heart to what is really going on and I am just so surprised. I had no idea I was so unhappy and tired and overwhelmed and sad. I can see why I ate all the time, it was a lot easier to do that and focus on my weight or my new diet or even how to eat intuitively than it is to look at and feel where I am in my life. I guess because eating/my weight is something I can control and do something about, where as my life, feels like its not. i used to get so giddy when a new diet seemed to be working. Positively euphoric. "this is it!" I would think " this is the secret I have been looking for to lose the weight, its working!" But, it never lasted. And weight is really not my problem, my life is. My weight is a symptom of my life being/having a problem. Anyway, wanted to share my thoughts with others who might understand.
Last edited by Pinkhippie; 05-06-2015 at 08:22 PM.
@Esofia My dietitian is just typical. Prescribes eating exchanges like one-two carbohydrates, one vegetable/fruit, one protein per meal, etc. for people with EDNOS and BED. She knows I want to lose weight but I'm also trying to heal my relationship with food so it's trial and error. I'm still counting calories so I feel like I shouldn't be posting here. I definitely want to do IE when I get closer to a normal weight, though. I just have about 200 pounds to lose and I don't think I'll ever get there with IE alone.
I haven't yet read BoB for some of the reasons you mention that you like the book. I worry it would trigger me.
I can umderstand that. There is a behavioral component to my ED that IE doesn't reach.
I've been having some awesome eating experiences lately. I'm at a point where I can eat mindfully around chaotic circumstances like family dinners. It's getting to be really fun.
@Locke - I probably can't speak for the thread as I'm a newcomer, but please do keep posting here! I'm still counting calories, but I have started doing it on and off rather than every day, and for me it's about gradually integrating the principles of IE and similar approaches into my life. It's definitely how I want to be maintaining my weight, so I am hoping to be completely on IE by that point. Possibly earlier, I'll see how things go.
I've realised why some of this is triggering me. It's when it reminds me of my abusive mother, who had thoroughly disordered eating and did her best to project it onto me. I already get nightmares about her regularly, sadly (I have PTSD), but the other night I had that recurring dream I used to get in my teens, where I couldn't open my eyes properly. So one thing I think I'll do is limit how much time I spend in this forum. Folks who can recommend books, can you tell me which ones to avoid? Basically, anything that goes on about mothering. The Eating in the light of the moon one sounds very appealing, but could someone tell me whether it mentions mothering at all? It sounds like the sort of thing it might do, learning to mother yourself and so forth.
Stress eating - by now I tend to just have a small bit of chocolate, about 3g, or a couple of raisins or something, as a little treat. Is that the sort of thing that's still unwise, do you reckon? I'm not sure whether it's OK to have small treats to cheer myself up, or whether that's an unhealthy pattern to be in and could possibly get worse under more stress.
I had to take prednisone for 6mo once and 4yr. At the end of the 4 I tapered off and that's when I lost 40lb on IE. I've gained back a little this winter after 5 yr. 6lb but I never got to my early marriage weight. I am 5 '4" and weighed 120 when I got married and 115 in hs with no problem. I only got back to 155 with IE,
I can umderstand that. There is a behavioral component to my ED that IE doesn't reach.
I've been having some awesome eating experiences lately. I'm at a point where I can eat mindfully around chaotic circumstances like family dinners. It's getting to be really fun.
Thats awesome Palestrina! I do want to check out the BoB book one day, when I can handle it. I am still working on mindful eating, especially during family dinners. Talk about chaos!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Esofia
@Locke - I probably can't speak for the thread as I'm a newcomer, but please do keep posting here! I'm still counting calories, but I have started doing it on and off rather than every day, and for me it's about gradually integrating the principles of IE and similar approaches into my life. It's definitely how I want to be maintaining my weight, so I am hoping to be completely on IE by that point. Possibly earlier, I'll see how things go.
I've realised why some of this is triggering me. It's when it reminds me of my abusive mother, who had thoroughly disordered eating and did her best to project it onto me. I already get nightmares about her regularly, sadly (I have PTSD), but the other night I had that recurring dream I used to get in my teens, where I couldn't open my eyes properly. So one thing I think I'll do is limit how much time I spend in this forum. Folks who can recommend books, can you tell me which ones to avoid? Basically, anything that goes on about mothering. The Eating in the light of the moon one sounds very appealing, but could someone tell me whether it mentions mothering at all? It sounds like the sort of thing it might do, learning to mother yourself and so forth.
Stress eating - by now I tend to just have a small bit of chocolate, about 3g, or a couple of raisins or something, as a little treat. Is that the sort of thing that's still unwise, do you reckon? I'm not sure whether it's OK to have small treats to cheer myself up, or whether that's an unhealthy pattern to be in and could possibly get worse under more stress.
Hmm, Yes there is a chapter in that book about how to connect with your wise mother, even if or especially if your own mother was lacking. I have big mom issues as well, even down to nightmares but for me I found it healing. Im trying to think of any IE books that don't talk about mothering but Im drawing a blank... any books that discuss the emotional aspect seem to talk about mothering somewhere. Maybe Thinside out, by Josie Spinardi? she doesn't get much into the emotional aspect of IE.
I think its ok to keep eating to help yourself as that is the only tool you have in your toolbox. The important thing is to be aware and kind to yourself. Asking yourself why you feel the need to eat in a non judgemental way can be helpful. In my experience, trying to purposely not eat in response to stress or emotion without working on other ways to take care of yourself never works in the long run and leads to feeling deprived. For me at least.
@Esofia My dietitian is just typical. Prescribes eating exchanges like one-two carbohydrates, one vegetable/fruit, one protein per meal, etc. for people with EDNOS and BED. She knows I want to lose weight but I'm also trying to heal my relationship with food so it's trial and error. I'm still counting calories so I feel like I shouldn't be posting here. I definitely want to do IE when I get closer to a normal weight, though. I just have about 200 pounds to lose and I don't think I'll ever get there with IE alone.
Locke I missed this. I am glad you are still posting here! I think you have valuable insight and experience to offer and I like knowing how you are doing. I think that trying to heal your relationship with food definitely puts you over here in the IE support thread.
