DS is disrespectful of me. Then when I put him in his place I'm a bad mom.
My dad doesn't call us, we have to call him. If I was alone and died the neighbors would call in the guys with the Hazmat suits, and he wouldn't pick up on that I died until two years later.
I lose an ounce a day if I'm really strict, then when I have a bite of birthday cake I gain a pound.
I'm 40-something and don't know what I'll be when I grow up. Then when I decide The Universe has a tantrum and punishes me in oh so creative ways.
God forbid that I actually feel joy. Every 2-5 years I'll feel Joy. Then Alien Ghosts (who else can I blame?) must pick up on that by some weird tracking device and something ALWAYS happens to counteract what made me feel joy by three times its opposite. So now I'm like an Old World throwback who is all superstitious of the Evil Eye.
DH - how is it that you can claim that "family traditions" are so stinking important to you, and yet when it came time to put the ornaments on the tree together, you couldn't turn off the TV for a half hour? Watching "Thor" for the fourth time was that fascinating? If I can trudge my butt out into the snow and cold to be there for the almighty cutting down of the tree, you can surely put down the $%^& remote for a half hour.
A terse thank-you to my scale: Thanks for the sucker punch back to reality this morning. Merry Christmas to you too.
Uuuuugggghhhh Dottington that's awful to hear that out of a partner's mouth.
I know frame size differs greatly among individuals but I'm about the same as your goal weight and there is still plenty of me to go around!
My whine is that I threw my back out shoveling. I was so close to being better and now I can't get up and down off the toilet, to put on/take off my shoes, or lie in bed without pain. BF nags me constantly to go to the orthopedist, that "I'm young and shouldn't have back problems" and it stresses me out hearing that!
it really really sucks to have to place a stalking protective court order out on a former friend but the peace of mind now that she is no longer harassing and threatening my family is worth it
Husband and I had an argument tonight. It was about a topic close to my heart, dealing with treatment of a certain population of individuals. He doesn't seem to get that he has a lot of privilege in this world compared to many and sometimes just spouts off in the most insensitive ways about "those people."
Um, hello????? My sibling is one of "those people!" I don't get upset very often, but right now I'm so mad I could spit...or cry. I had to walk out of the room before I said something I really regretted. His only response was to dismissively tell me, "You're just too sensitive because *sibling* is one of them." That's right, I'm just overly sensitive and it has nothing to do with his thoughtlessly hurtful comments about a topic he'll never understand.
i feel like the biggest idiot on this planet
last night i was in living room scribbling in my journal late in the night and a few pages fell out and i didn't noticed it....untill this morning when i went to kitchen and there they were tucked between cookie jar and vase . i guess my mom or my sister found them and put them there.
i started reading it and omg....after few lines read i almost had a nervous breakdown. it was two pages of my most embarrasing secrets, wishes and whines. about my weight, about my family that i don't get that well with, about roomates at uni and exams that i don't tell anyone. my biggest embarrasment were the things about my weight. at home i pretend like i'm ok with my body and look but i had written there my deepest secrets, how i wish to lose that weight, how i'm going in circles and that i'm out of control with my eating. nobody knows that.
and if my sister read that she's going to tell that to everyone plus mock me everytime she sees me. right now i'm home alone and i honestly have no idea how to handle this and how to behave around them. i don't even kow what to say to them or how to look them in the eyes.
this was one of my biggest fears that someone would find my diary and read all my secrets but usually i hide it in a secret place. i already got rid of some of my journals because i'm too ashamed.
i just want to go to bed and cray all day
i feel like the biggest idiot on this planet
last night i was in living room scribbling in my journal late in the night and a few pages fell out and i didn't noticed it....untill this morning when i went to kitchen and there they were tucked between cookie jar and vase . i guess my mom or my sister found them and put them there.
i started reading it and omg....after few lines read i almost had a nervous breakdown. it was two pages of my most embarrasing secrets, wishes and whines. about my weight, about my family that i don't get that well with, about roomates at uni and exams that i don't tell anyone. my biggest embarrasment were the things about my weight. at home i pretend like i'm ok with my body and look but i had written there my deepest secrets, how i wish to lose that weight, how i'm going in circles and that i'm out of control with my eating. nobody knows that.
and if my sister read that she's going to tell that to everyone plus mock me everytime she sees me. right now i'm home alone and i honestly have no idea how to handle this and how to behave around them. i don't even kow what to say to them or how to look them in the eyes.
this was one of my biggest fears that someone would find my diary and read all my secrets but usually i hide it in a secret place. i already got rid of some of my journals because i'm too ashamed.
i just want to go to bed and cray all day
if they continued to read once they knew it wasn't theirs, i'd confront them on that....but who knows...maybe they just picked it up and set there....when I clean I just pick things up and put them in a better spot LOL....if it was me, I probably wouldn't say anything to them and just assume they just picked it up off the floor and set it down there....until they mention something that would only have been on those pages....and then i'd confront with "why do you say that?" or "how do you know that?" etc...
and for whatever it's worth, don't ever be ashamed of your feelings even if it was meant to be private....this is who you are, like it or leave it....always hold your head up!
I look at my life and wonder how I got here. I fell off the wagon and have gained almost 10 pounds when I was so close to my goal. I don't even step on the scale anymore.
I don't feel like I stop moving for more than a moment. I wake up, go to work, stand all day, come home and crash. I'm always tired or stuck in neutral. Outside of work, I no longer have hobbies. I haven't been to the gym in a month.
I repeatedly ask my boyfriend, whose work entails sitting all day sipping coffee, writing code, and eating doughnuts, to clean the apartment on his days off and yet it never gets done. He always has some kind of excuse or, "I'll do it tomorrow" answer. On Saturday, he said he didn't have time but he can't accurately account for everything he did between 11:30 and 3:30. Sunday was even worse, it was supposed to be the day he tackled the kitchen but we get home at midnight and the apartment looks almost precisely the way it did yesterday.
"What did you do all day?"
"I relaxed? I'll do it tomorrow after work."
"No, you won't."
"Yes, I will."
"I know you, no you won't, I'll do it myself."
Then, I start saying I'm tired to try to rush along our late dinner so we can go home and he says, "Yeah I'm getting tired too, I'm probably gonna go home and crash."
He did literally nothing all day, how is this man so terribly tired?...
I feel depressed but I'm also anxious so I haven't had the courage to call my doctor and ask for a therapist recommendation. I also wonder if I'd even have time to seek help at this point, when would I ever be open?
I bought my boyfriend a humidor for Christmas which is used to properly store cigars. You have to "season" them by using distilled water or something called Boveda packs - these are fairly new, as far as I can tell.
So I ordered the packs and had them sent to a friend's house instead of here in case he'd see them and know what they are. I intended to do the same for the humidor but for some reason didn't, thankfully...because despite her saying yeah go ahead and do it, she isn't home now. Hasn't been home for at least 3 days, if not more, and won't be back until a week after Christmas...
Any time we talk about work, this girl tells me how she aced all her classes and should have been a doctor or an engineer because she's definitely smart enough to be. But she didn't think to tell me she wouldn't be home for me to get my boyfriend's Christmas gift?!?!
So now I'm trying to track down more of these Boveda packs near here if possible. If I can't, he just won't be getting to season his humidor for a week more and won't be getting any cigars for 1 to 2 weeks after that...
if they continued to read once they knew it wasn't theirs, i'd confront them on that....but who knows...maybe they just picked it up and set there....when I clean I just pick things up and put them in a better spot LOL....if it was me, I probably wouldn't say anything to them and just assume they just picked it up off the floor and set it down there....until they mention something that would only have been on those pages....and then i'd confront with "why do you say that?" or "how do you know that?" etc...
and for whatever it's worth, don't ever be ashamed of your feelings even if it was meant to be private....this is who you are, like it or leave it....always hold your head up!
oh no, they read it for sure! nobody mentioned anything at first and i thought the situation was going to be ignored...and it was untill now when i just heard my sister gossiping on the phone with my other sister telling her everything about it, how i'm so much more complexed than they thought at first and since i mentioned my weight thay thought i weigh less than i do in reality. i'm even more embarassed right now and i just want to go back to uni to avoid seeing and talking to them.
why do these things always happen to me?!?!? things were starting to get better, we were getting along so well and now this. i guess it's all my fault so it means no more spilling my feelings all over the place!
oh no, they read it for sure! nobody mentioned anything at first and i thought the situation was going to be ignored...and it was untill now when i just heard my sister gossiping on the phone with my other sister telling her everything about it, how i'm so much more complexed than they thought at first and since i mentioned my weight thay thought i weigh less than i do in reality. i'm even more embarassed right now and i just want to go back to uni to avoid seeing and talking to them.
why do these things always happen to me?!?!? things were starting to get better, we were getting along so well and now this. i guess it's all my fault so it means no more spilling my feelings all over the place!
Well, first, journaling is healthy so hopefully you won't give it up. Perhaps start doing it on a computer and store it on a thumb drive with a password from now on, maybe.
Second, that they read what clearly was private and then gossiped about it shows a serious lack of class on their part, and doesn't reflect on you in the slightest.
My mom would say, "This too shall pass." And while it sounds silly, the older you get the more you'll realize just how true it is. This will fade away.
eagleRiverDee- yes, journaling really helps me, i usually do it on my computer but when i don't have it with me i scribble on anything that gets under my hand .
my family..i can't even begin to describe it but with one word i would say dysfunctional i have a lot of siblings and i'm the only one that's away at university and i don't have the same mentality as them therefore i don't fit with them very well.i do appear self cofindent and smart around them but on those few pages i was totally the opposite-crazy, self confused and depressed.
i'm praying that it fades away very soon, but i know that my sister will bring this out as soon as the oportunity strikes and possibly when all the family is around. i can't sleep because of this and i just want to binge so bad!but i know it won't solve anything.
i was planning on starting to lose weight seriously in january and now i'm totally discouraged.
i think this is one of the worst situations i've ever been to there have been plenty.
thanks for letting me rant here and sorry for hijacking the thread.:/
It is so cold here that it's -2 but feels like it's -25. My university closed, which is crazy because they may have closed once in the four years I was there, but my job is still open. I work retail and I wouldn't call our "thing" important. So I'm really surprised to see people out shopping with 5 year olds in such frigid temperatures...and a little bothered that this is the priority on a day like this...
It is so cold here that it's -2 but feels like it's -25. My university closed, which is crazy because they may have closed once in the four years I was there, but my job is still open. I work retail and I wouldn't call our "thing" important. So I'm really surprised to see people out shopping with 5 year olds in such frigid temperatures...and a little bothered that this is the priority on a day like this...
as long as they are dressed for the temperatures it shouldnt be a big deal at -2 degrees....i dont know if people down south are prepared for the weather, i really have no idea...no one should be taking out little kids if they are not dressed for the weather
i'm born and raised in alaska, lived here all my life....if it was -2 here i'd still be doing all my regular activities....just need to park the vehicles in the garage so they won't refuse to start lol
where i grew up in Interior Alaska, my high school closed at 50 below zero...now that's cold brrrrr
but the peace of mind now that she is no longer harassing and threatening my family is worth it
I don't get upset very often, but right now I'm so mad I could spit...or cry. I had to walk out of the room before I said something I really regretted. His only response was to dismissively tell me, "You're just too sensitive because *sibling* is one of them." That's right, I'm just overly sensitive and it has nothing to do with his thoughtlessly hurtful comments about a topic he'll never understand. 
