I am now back in that place where I really, really want to lose more pounds... but I'm not actually taking the necessary actions to make that happen. Yet because I want it so badly, part of me honestly thinks that itself counts as effort and doesn't understand why the scale isn't going down in response. :-p

It's just so hilariously illogical - I know better, of course. I know that to lose I need to be tracking my food and really cut down on all those little extras - two things I'm not doing yet. But this irrational disappointment is nonetheless very real! And a familiar bad thought habit of mine.

In a just world, the intensity of your desire would act as a 2x calorie burn modifier, or something.

My dad has a tumor on his pancreas I'm scared crapless.

Sorry for such a negative post from a newbie.

Sweetpeas - that is really really scary and my heart goes out to you. I know you are worried and want to do everything you can to help him but be sure you take care of yourself too. If nothing else, try to get enough rest for yourself so you can keep yourself going for him. Try not to read too much into it until you have a definitive diagnosis. Once you have a diagnosis find the best specialists even if you have to take him to another city. There are wonderful advances in treatment happening all the time.

Sweetpeas- I'm so sorry! Listen to annieway, she gave you some great advice. Remember to take care of yourself too!

Mom just came into my room (I still live at home while I'm trying to save up money. Not by choice- parents made me empty my savings to finish school up here instead of helping me afford finishing up in Florida. Goodbye 17 grand.) and laid into me about "how I never help and leave everything for her to do and why can't you read my mind and knowww that when I ask you to unload the dishwasher, I also want you to load it again and clean the kitchen and blah blah blah."

Now, I love my mother, because she's my mother, and that's sort of obligatory, but I really don't like her. She has a habit of making decisions and then expecting other people to pick up the slack- like, she has a garden and she recently bought 4 adult chickens, and now everything is "oh, I'm too tired to do x, I was out with the chickens", or "oh, I had to weed the garden and now I'm too sore to make dinner- you do the recipe", etc, etc. Um... no one forced her to have chickens or a garden.

And yes, I know as a member of the household, I need to contribute to the upkeep, which is why I've been doing my own laundry since I was 16, maintaining the bathroom I share with my 20 year old brother, and doing miscellaneous chores around the house when asked. (As a side, what does she have my 20-year old brother doing? Not a **** thing. Not even his own laundry.)

I also happen to be really, really literal with a lot of things. She asks me to do x, I do x. Then she complains about why I didn't do "x+1" also. Um... that wasn't part of the conversation? If you want me to do the whole process, tell me. If you want me to brown the meat for spaghetti, add the sauce, and dump it in a serving bowl, don't ask me to brown the meat and assume I'll keep going!

Which I know is sort of my own issue to deal with, being literal, but if you KNOW how I'm going to interpret "do x", why get pissy at me when I interpret "do x" exactly the way you knew I would?

I got asked on a date and I declined because I am so hugely grossly F A T. yes I know blah blah should still go. but I wont because I feel SO FREAKIN FAT.
and, this is where I hope people wont judge me, if I dated this guy I would want to sleep with him, just for the sake of it, because its been sooo long since I had sex. yes I am a little bit slu**y.

Thank you so much ladies. I'm absolutely trying to follow that advice. NO GOOGLE NO GOOGLE NO GOOGLE. We will find out more at the biopsy on Wednesday, until then i've just been occupying myself with my 2 toddlers

*Shaking my head* I've had insurance with State Farm for 20 years. I've spent over $20K with them. I believe I placed one claim with them, ever, for $300. They had jacked my insurance rates by 62% due to an error on their part- I called them and got it straightened out but they didn't fix it and when they did the autopay from my account they overdrafted my account and I got hit with bank fees on top of the overage that State Farm charged me. I called and explained the situation and was told by the guy that spoke with me that he couldn't do anything but that his supervisor would call me. That never happened. I just cancelled my insurance with State Farm. They've made $20K off me and wouldn't correct a $100 error. I'm thinking that was a really stupid move on their part.

Yep, that sounds familiar Have a different insurance company but similar story

I'm in CT and it's been in the mid 80's all week and it's been pretty humid. I have to wear a sweater at work all day. Every day. Because the A/C is set to "arctic".

I'm hungry but I'm already "done" eating for the day

I'm right there with you, Mozzy.

Me too, Mozzy!

My 3 week mid-year break for uni is almost up and I feel like I've achieved nothing. I wanted to start writing a novel, but I've been feeling lost, and I wanted to get back into my weight loss, but my mum was here on holiday for a week and, well, I'm not used to change. Sigh. Oh well, time to get back into it today, even though the sun disappeared behind the clouds an hour ago. I think it's going to be cold, but it isn't going to rain. Phew!

My 22 year old brother is home for the weekend. He may be the most irritating person on the planet. The whole family just attended a 4th of July party at my Uncle's house and he just WOULDN'T SHUT UP. He's a shameless obnoxious know it all. He thinks everyone and anyone wants to hear every opinion he's ever had about any topic that comes up. He chimes in (or interrupts) even if he knows nothing about what he's talking about. This is one of the worst bouts of verbal diarrhea I've ever seen him dish out. UGH! Also it looks like he lost his job that he hasn't even held for 6 months (probably due to being annoying). My parents gave him a bunch of money to help him move out in January and it looks like it was all a big waste. This situation is already ugly and is about to get worse.

It seems that I was inadvertently lied to by my doctor. He said my PCOS pains would get better as I lost weight, but they seem to be getting worse again and becoming how they used to be when I was 64kgs. Great. I could really do without the lightning bolt-like ovulation pains which crippled me a few years ago... Thanks Mother Nature, I love how you love me