Hi everyone,
I am a compulsive eater/mindless eater/emotional eater and occasional binger. I have never sought help really because I am just at the high end of my normal weight range, so I never thought I belonged. To top things off, I had anorexia once upon a time, so my psychiatrist is so focused on how far I've come from that, that she doesn't see how messed up my eating is in the opposite direction. I think part of it even came from ED recovery, as I did it much on my own, and I also rebelled against that part of me; so I will eat whatever I want whenever I want, and thought that is great progress. Now it is a problem. My main problem is snacking when I get tired of doing school work and that can be 20 times a night.
Welcome, AmethystJean! I'm glad you no longer struggle with anorexia. I'll be honest and say that I had a short time when I was headed toward anorexia. I was incredibly thin and passing out, worrying my parents as well as myself. Luckily, it never became tragic, but I didn't think I would ever struggle with yet another eating disorder. It can happen and in OA, there are people who I've met that have had a similar experience, so you're not alone.
I think it's important (if you don't mind me saying) that your psychiatrist know that just because you're not anorexic, doesn't mean you don't have a problem that needs to be addressed.
With regards to snacking at night and when bored or studying, I can relate! I had that issue when I was a student. Try to replace this with another action. Maybe you can drink some tea or chew gum. Perhaps go for a walk, or turn on some music and dance, to relieve some stress.
I'm glad you were able to stop eating the chocolate and almonds. I've done a lot of binging on chocolate almonds. I used to buy them "for the kids," but I would eat them all the time and until I felt sick. I'd stick them in my pockets and shove them in my mouth when no one was looking.
I've heard someone on this site say the following quote which sometimes helps me: If food is not the problem, then food is not the solution.
Eating to numb myself from feelings or to celebrate or for no reason at all always leads to regret. Always.
Have you thought about planning your meals and snacks in advance? I have found that writing it out the night before is helpful and gives me a reasonable plan that I can follow. Also, snacks are a disaster for me so I limit myself to one optional snack a day. It's not an easy adjustment, but it can be done and could help you change some of these behaviors.
Again, welcome! Thanks for posting and I hope you find us to be helpful.
I think it's important (if you don't mind me saying) that your psychiatrist know that just because you're not anorexic, doesn't mean you don't have a problem that needs to be addressed.
True, very true. I struggled for 15 years, and even then I was a compulsive eater and then went back to anorexia to compensate. I have been recovered from the restricting for 6 years, but obviously I have not dealt with all the issues.
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With regards to snacking at night and when bored or studying, I can relate! I had that issue when I was a student. Try to replace this with another action. Maybe you can drink some tea or chew gum. Perhaps go for a walk, or turn on some music and dance, to relieve some stress.
I have been trying to do other things that need to get done, or do some jumping jacks or other exercise to energize. I am going to try more water, tea and gum too.
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I've heard someone on this site say the following quote which sometimes helps me: If food is not the problem, then food is not the solution.
I like it. I will use it
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Have you thought about planning your meals and snacks in advance? I have found that writing it out the night before is helpful and gives me a reasonable plan that I can follow. Also, snacks are a disaster for me so I limit myself to one optional snack a day.
Planning would help, but I also find I like to eat things other than what I plan, so I haven't done much. I think if I plan my meals but can eat them whenever, it's better for me. For example, if I took my breakfast, snack and lunch to work then I can eat it as I like, but still be on track.
Recently, my husband's go-to breakfast (that I prepare for him) every morning is a regular peanut butter and grape jelly on white bread sammie.
Man, it used to be torture whenever he'd request a PBJ, I swear my salivary glands would work overtime as I made it and it would take every ounce of will I had not to lick the knife afterwards. I actually started making it with a steak knife to dissuade myself from licking the knife, lol.
This week, I hardly even noticed what I was making, I just slapped that sucker together without thought! Progress!
I have stayed away from jelly now for quite some time -- for me, jelly has a truly ridiculous amount of pull. I loooooooove jelly, on everything. As a child we'd have it with potatoes and with meats and on top of cream cheese with crackers, basically with everything -- spicy/savory and sweet all together always made my palate so happy.
So many other things I have been able to add back into my normal diet without trouble, but I'm not going to even try with jelly, it has always been such a powerful trigger for binges. But what's nice is that since I haven't been eating is for so long now it seems to be losing it's power over me. I mean, I can remember how much I love it, but I can have a jar in the house and not think of it at all. That was not always the case.
Just thought I'd share a happy moment of progress!
That devil jelly! She seduces me with her "organic cruelty free- sustainably farmed" come hither-ness. A "friend " brought back date syrup...no added sugar but of course it needs no added sugar ... it is date syrup... so like a ffool I have been adding it to my salad mixed with tahini... first just once a week as a treat then heaping pouring it on organic nut butter STOP
This is where I stop. I am done fooling myself b/c I have regained weight and already I feel sick with heartburn ...and my leg is throbbing and my ankle hurts today..b/c I have regained weight. So today I say STOP
Way to go Ms Snark!
I have to say, I had pbj for dinner today. I don't have a thing for jelly, but sugar is really addictive for me, and I kept going back for more. I had 6 corn tortillas. *shame* Luckily that's about 2 sandwiches worth, but I still felt a little out of control there with the repeated trips to the kitchen for more. Okay back on track. I'm with you Lucinda.
Zoe -- It really is kind of amazing, isn't it, that the longer you go without the pizza the less pull the stuff has? Thank goodness, too. I always tell people who are struggling right up front with letting go of certain foods that it won't always be such a painful, difficult battle to turn stuff down. That is gets easier with time if you just don't eat whatever it is. But I know that is hard for people to believe when they are in the throes of withdrawal!
Lucinda -- I think it is a good thing I've never had date syrup. Pre-vegan I used gobble honey like it was going out of style, so I'd bet I'd do the same with date syrup! Good for you for putting it AWAY!
AmethystJean -- Sounds like you nipped it the bud before you went crazy, yay! Well done you!
I'm wondering what has happened to mars735? I hope we see you post soon, even if it's just for a second to let us know you're ok. Hugs to you and to everyone else for that matter!
p.s. Today my friends are taking me out to my bday lunch. I'm determined to well despite the fact that I've been up since 3:30 a.m. I had time to workout, shower and do my hair and makeup, so at least there's some benefit to sleep deprivation.
I am feeling a great deal of stress, and I have no appetite. I now have to guard against rebound hunger when my appetite returns (usually with a vengeance) and making sure I don't use that as an excuse to grab just anything that's around.
