It would seem today is Day 5. My weight is low and my digestion ("going" like a normal person) is contributing to an overall "thin day." The weekend is chock full of parties as far as the eye can see, but (say it with me now!) THAT DOES NOT MEAN I "HAVE TO" BINGE.

If I weigh a "thin" 130 pounds the rest of my life I will be happy. I am happy today. I feel great today. I want to feel like this every day. I can make that happen. Binging will not help. It won't!

Sorry, just had to talk to myself about it for a bit.

***

Beila, hang in there. Read your own advice that you have given me and other posters and follow it! Binging will not make ANYTHING better. You deserve health and health does not include polluting your body with crap as self-punishment. *hug* I have faith in you!

fruitlady Glad to see you didn't binge. Suppressing the urges and working through them is so difficult.

firebirdgirl, desiresdestiny, ncuneo Great work on the continued binge-free count!

Scoot I'm so sorry you're going through that. I think about that a lot too and it has the same effect on me ("why bother?"). How I'm "healthy" but I'm not suitable to be on the cover of "Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue" and how I don't have the "self-control" to be my "ideal" weight, blah blah blah. A logical, rational person would stand back and realize that it's all stupid, that weight is a changeable variable and shouldn't matter, but it really feels like it does. I hope you can find some peace of mind despite that, binging really sucks and does nothing to help but I totally understand where you are coming from. *hugs*

Scoot, i get what you are saying. I feel that way inside when i am next to a pretty thin girl. Then again, i don't think i am pretty-no lie, and no pity please...i know what society thinks is pretty and I'm not it.--so I think if I were at least thin, that would be something.

mayness, sounds like your priorities kept you straight. I always look for the "way out" too.

firebird, good job on getting through a restaurant and not binging. another scenario that causes me to binge is going out to eat and NOT eating what i really want---then i get home upset--and binge on crap i don't even care about OR go to the store and buy the thing closest to what i denied myself IN BULK...and then eat it with a sense of "entitlement".

nc, i agree you said you "had fun" which means not feeling guilty about food is fun for you. I know how our twisted sense of perfection can cause us to binge...so realize you did eat and you liked! and you didn't gain.

beila, this may not be you...but i was reading some info about the adrenal body type....and it was talking about how the adrenal body type is already so stressed that low calorie and high exercise stress the body even more--which results in EVERYTHING being turned into sugar and fat storage any ways....and when i read your post about needing coffee to exercise i was reminded of myself...and thought i would mention it to you. adrenals constantly overstimulate their thyroid and burn out from it.

fruit lady, maybe it was a good thing the banana cake went to waste. i would love to try that someday though. i'm glad you didn't binge.

afm, i am still feeling very overwhelmed. I start school again on Monday, and in the back of my head i hear "are you INSANE????" BUT i know what i have to do. I can not look for a job with my lo so young...and I can't not have income...and I can get my BSN in one year. Thank God I have this site. I used to punish myself for JUST FEELING THE URGE to binge. Like i was some freak of nature--who acts like that??? I would tell myself.

I realize it comes from my bulimia days..where people would call me the skinniest fat slob they ever saw...or say things like stop $hitting on my walls and toilet (the splash) but they didn't know how to help me deal with my problem so all i ever felt was guilt for having the problem. I was told I was eating "all the food" and that was selfish when i was binging....Others said I was "too responsible to act like that".

and I would feel really low--when I just had to purge because the food hurt to keep in my stomach...and the cycle would continue.

anyways, i just felt like being frank because it helps not to just get it out but to get it OUT IN THE OPEN. Thanks.

oh yeah, i got through day 2!!!

End of the week, no binges here. Day 5.
I've been OP all week..now it's the weekend again!! :cry:
I have too many socials this weekend.
If I manage 2000 cals/day on Sat/Sun, I will be VERY lucky!!

Have a fabulous weekend everyone :)

Hi Jen :wave:
Great to see you posting :)
Hope your little one is doing well!!

Struggling a little at work. Had a couple cookies. This shouldn't be a big deal, but for anyone who has struggled with diet/binge cycles you know how rough it is.

3 more days ladies until we can finish this challenge and start strong again!


Krampus--You are doing good! You know it's not a big deal and acknowlegded it. You can do this!

K9Owner--This weekend will be good! Make good choices, and you'll be so happy to report back here that you conquered it all! :)

jendiet--What you described kinda scares me :( I don't have health insurance or stable income, so I the doctor is not an option. I just try my best to get exercise every day and eat whole foods. But yeah, I have read parts of this book called "The Schwarzbein Principle" and Dr. Schwarzbein describes adrenal fatigue and I'm afraid I might have that. I mean, the only thing I can say is that I feel my best with coffee or some green tea pills, which I recently purchased. They're called Mega T Green Tea, and it basically has green tea, acai berry, and some other herbs, and chromium too. Anyways, what test would a doctor perform in the case of adrenal fatigue patient? And for thyroid condition, what do they do? I can function without the caffeine, but I don't exercise that hard without them. I really hope my thyroid is ok. Thanks for the concern.

Fruitlady--Good job asking yourself if you're hungry before you ate food. Keep doing that! It works well! And good job remembering that you were on plan today and avoided the PB! I have to say, I kinda laughed at the fact that the cake got yucky in the hubby safe! I just imagined you opening an iron safe and looking at how this once lovely looking cake turned grosss and melted. I'm just glad that you were able to stay on plan at least, and not eat this yucky cake :) You're doing good! Day 9, and going strong!

Thanks, everybody, for your support and insight through last night's awful, pessimistic mood. :) It made me feel better that so many of you could relate to what I was saying. I have a lot more thoughts on the topic, but this isn't really the right place.

Happy to report that I did not continue to binge after last night. I did have a weirdly overwhelming mood swing as a result of a bad dye-job at a salon today, though, which is unusual for me. I havent felt so worked up about anything in.. years, probably. I really didn't need bad hair on top of all this self-esteem-related introspection, but life is funny that way, I guess. I was in tears for about two hours, and I have no idea why I felt so traumatized. But then it mostly passed. I'm not happy with my hair, but it's no tragedy. My moods are obviously just ALL OVER THE PLACE! No excuse to make myself less healthy, though.

Scoot--I'm glad you stopped binging :) It's always tough after that "break" in the clean cycle phase. Stay strong and on plan. I'm so sorry to hear about the bad hair coloring job. If it makes you feel any better, I recently had an awful haircut and felt bad too. You're right though. There is no reason in the world to make your body less healthy. Not even for a bad haircut. When I saw myself in the mirror sitting in the salon, I noticed my big chubby face and felt bad the whole time I had to stare at myself, but right after I left I just knew I couldn't make things worse by eating loads of junk food, thinking it would make me happier. As for your emotional times these past few days, could it be TOM? If not, maybe just stress related? Maybe try to take some time and enjoy the outdoors a little or something calming and perspective changing (like a hike, or nature walk, or people watching in the park/mall/museums). I recently went to a museum and it was free that day, so I was super happy, and just seeing all this great art, walking around the nicely landscaped parks and watching people was so nice and it helped me "escape" my routine for just an afternoon. Feel better :)

Sometimes I wish we also had a live chat board so we might interact in real time...and have someone to talk to when we are in 'crisis' mode. Thanks to everyone for positive feedback and I am happy to report that 'so far so good' - this is Day 11 for me and with last WI great results, hope I can maintain!

Happy Friday everyone.....
Day 26...stressed and tired but trying to take one day at a time....

come on ladies, we can do it...

258 today

working on earning day 2. I realised that i have a ton of excuses as to why i am up so much over last year and i could list them all here. the reality of it is that i gave up on myself: I wanted to be thinner/healthier but didn't want to work for it.

"Don't WANT it if you don't want to WORK for it!"

Day 26!

I'm going to come back to the thread tonight and read through it. I've been crazy busy this week and don't feel like I've been able to give support to everyone.

Have a great day today - Friday is just another day!

Day 4!

Day 4 is usually a weak day for me, but I'm not feeling that for some reason. I don't know. I'm not even as hungry this morning. And TOM started today. All good signs of a binge free/overeating free/craving free day.

We're almost there ladies! After today, only 2 more days to this challenge! Let's make it through the weekend

52!