Thanks, Beila! :)

Day 6, I think. Almost a week! I fluctuated upward by a pound today, but I'm assuming that's just regular fluctuation since I havent cheated.

Jen- welcome!

Beila- Thanks, I'm going for the two week mark! Hubby tries to understand, but really doesn't. Half the time he doesn't even hear me speak! He's in his own little world! LOL

Everyone is doing terrific, let's keep going!


Day 8- Last night I put Peanut Butter cool whip frosting on the banana cake I made. As I was making it, I did eat the leftover P.B I made, it was 1 serving & had 1 piece of cake. I actually stopped at that, it didn't trigger me to keep going. I think because it was late & I wanted to be able to sleep without feeling sick. That's why I rarely eat at night, before 3pm. it feels safe for me to binge cause I can digest some before bed. So if it would have been earlier, I might have been in trouble. Oh, weight is down another 7ounces !

Morning of Day 4 today. I don't think it will be a problem. Binge weight is almost all gone and I've been exercising well and eating well within loss range because it's too hot to eat anything heavy.

Beila, hang in there!

mama, thanks and congrats!

desires, binging is the behavior we are wanting to change, so good job on not doing it. for me overeating OFTEN leads to a binge--because my sense of perfection is lost.

ivey, day 3 is awesome.

i really struggled through day 1, and could have binged on the spaghetti after dinner, but i didn't. I also felt myself going a little crazy with the nuts and dried fruit....but stopped, because food like that is easy to binge on. I kept reminding myself of how many carbs are in them...

so here i am closing up day 1 which was very stressful, with some bad financial news..and a fussy baby...but i got through--thank God.

Middle of the week--binge-free. Although, I could go for something :censored:
Darn TOM..I'll be glad when it finally arrives, so I can stop craving everything in sight! :mad:

Overeating tends to be a trigger now and then, its the emotions and stress that pushes me to binge...I hear ya though...gotta be careful cause I never know when what will hit..

I blew it tonight. Very consciously. I ate my normal meals for the day and was all on-plan.

Then, I got into a discussion with my mother about female thinness and its significance - how many times, positive characteristics are attributed to thin girls regardless of whether or not they're appropriate or deserved. And how, just as often, validity of overweight girls' positive characteristics can be diminished a bit, or overlooked, because of their weight. We talked about how my male friends - one of whom I've had serious feelings for for years - have openly admitted that they'd rather be with a thin, less pretty girl, than a fat girl who was very beautiful. They'd also rather be with a thin girl whose body was not shapely than with an overweight girl with great, ahem, "assets." Intelligence, mental stability and charm are also, apparently, must-haves, but you cannot get in the door with those attributes alone. Thinness above all else, and then comes the rest. And no matter how annoyed I get by this, I can't criticize someone for what they're attracted to. It is what it is.

I was thinking about all that stuff, and the deeper implications of it all, and how it is always going to affect my life, and I got very angry. Very angry, and very resentful. I want to lose weight for my own personal reasons, but it makes me so upset that the world is so determined to make me feel so much less valid as a woman because I'm fat. I'm typically confident that once people get to know me, they will generally find me to be pleasant and likable. I feel "good enough," in that regard. But it pisses me off so much to think of all the opportunities to make a good impression that I miss because people make a snap decision based on my appearance and don't give me a fair shake, especially romantically. It pisses me off that losing weight will help - though I know it will - because it's not as though I'm going to magically become a different kind of person when I lose weight. I'll still be me. If that'll be good enough then, it should already be good enough now. I'm not necessarily going to be healthier. I'm not even going to be much prettier. I'm just going to be smaller. Same girl I am now, just less! Why on earth is that so damn important to everyone? Why is it so important to me?

When I think like that - when I become resentful like that - I binge. I'm fully aware that it isn't hurting anyone but myself, but in the moment, in the frenzy, it feels as though I am somehow making a statement.

Sorry for the rant. Clearly irritable and opinionated today! I think I'll be back on-plan tomorrow. I didn't even enjoy the food. I'm just annoyed.

Day 2!

Yesterday was great. I ate exactly what I planned, pre-cooked some 300 calorie meals for later, exercised.

This morning I had some emotional stuff that tempted me a bit, but I knew I'd have to be late for the bus if I were to eat, and I like the 8am bus a lot more than the 8:30am bus so it motivated me to just brush my teeth and get out of there. It takes a lot to make me want to binge before 8am, lol.

Day 25 - shockingly I gained nothing from my week o' fun!

Scoot all I say is you have to surround yourself with good people who accept you for you. I was overweight for 10 years and my relationships are no different now then they were then. I wish I had time to expand on your topic, because it's really important - self worth - but I don't so all I can do is send you hugs and support - hang in there.

257 today. :)

Day 25.....exhausted but taking one day at a time.....

NCUNEO- I think it is interesting how our bodies work? It's like when I think I have lost, I have gained and vice versa.....

Been out of the loop for a while. Back from son's graduation and successfully got through many restaurant meals, Father's Day meal and at the WI today, posted a loss of 4.8 pounds. WooHoo! Feeling awesome as I have now gotten into the next decade of weight, by a two pound margin!

Day 3. Weighed in 1 lb HEAVIER than my weight after my last binge. Go figure.

Last night I could have gone WAY overboard. I ate some nuts and chocolate covered walnuts. It was NOT worth it. I just added more needless calories to my good day of eating and workout. Regret, regret...but moving onward...

This morning I felt "full" from having eaten past 9pm last night. I had a veggie wrap and it was sort of big, so I just was feeling full. I skipped breakfast and just had a coffee. So lunch, I felt hungry enough to have a normal lunch of fish burger patty and some grape tomatoes, with another coffee. I am trying to rev up my energy for a workout this afternoon. Hopefully within an hour from now.

I feel like today is going to be light in meals, due to my weight being a bit more, but it's gonna take a lot of coffee, water, and all the exercise in the world to keep me from binging.

Please, please, PLEASE help me with words of encouragement to NOT binge today. I feel kinda weak.

Thanks in advance all! :)

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firebirdgirl--Congrats on the 4.8 pounds loss! You must be so happy having lost that much weight and in your next decade by 2 lbs! Keep going at it, and stay strong!

K9Owner--good job avoiding the :censored:! Every day I think of some sort of :censored:, but as time goes on and with more binge free days, the power and frequency lessens.

jendiet--great job getting through the stress of the day. Be good to yourself and your baby. A strong and healthy mom is a strong and healthy family, and you'll get through these hard times, just as you have in the past.

krampus--glad you have lost almost all of the binge weight! remember when you get back to your "low" weight again, you are not going to repeat what happened last time, but you'll push through and go even lower.

fruitlady--YAY for not eating more than 1 serving of your own cake! You are definitely improving on your level of self control this week. Stay on that healthy path and remember that just because you treated yourself, doesn't mean you did something bad. You lost weight too, which must mean you are doing great with your diet and are in control of yourself.

ncuneo--That's AWESOME that you didn't gain any weight from your week o' fun! Remember this past week and how you had a healthy relationship with food, not feeling bad, and not gaining the weight. This will help you carry on to a normal life where you won't have the fear of gaining weight from eating food. But also keep in mind that it was because you never went over the rails, and that you stayed in control, and that is why you didn't gain.

Mayness--Glad you overcame your emotional stuff this morning. Don't let that bother you or derail you. You're doing good! You OWN Day 2!

Scoot--I don't think people, your friends, family, are judging you or feel different about you (or would feel different about you) based on your weight. That is just how you are feeling. We are our own biggest critic. We make judgements on ourselves. We declare that people would treat us differently if we were smaller, however that is just wrong to think. Self-confidence shows more than anything, and when you show that you are confident in your own skin to the world, people like that and they are attracted to that. They want some of that to rub off on them. A shy, insecure quiet thin girl will only hold a guy's attention for a moment until there is nothing left to say. An interesting, fun girl beaming with confidence will attract a guy and keep him interested longer. Guys THINK that they prefer the skinny, less attractive girl vs. the bigger attractive girl, but those guys are LOSERS, and are DUMB. You can't change ugly, but you can change your weight. Jennifer hudson, Sara Rue, and America's Next Top Models Whitney Thompson are Toccara Jones good examples of pretty girls big or small. If you asked those guys again if they'd rather date those girls at their heaviest or thin girls like actresses Heather Matarazzo, Sandra Berhard, Lili Tomlin at their thinnest (and think younger), I'm sure they'd change their minds! Also, what do you notice about the heavier girls in this example? They have more confidence. I know they are all celebs, but I had to give some examples of people that we all know about.

Thinness doesn't mean you are attractive. Attractiveness means much, much more. Those guys you asked don't know anything, and don't let their opinions cloud your own opinions and judgement. Also, I think you should be asking "what guys find attractive in a girl" vs. "thin and ugly or big and pretty". Maybe their answers will help change your mind about them.

As for your convo with your mom, it's not an easy thing to talk about, and since we all seek approval from our parents, try not to talk about weight with her if you think the answer will make you feel bad or offend you. I also try not to discuss negatively charged topics with my mom, because it once led to me binging right after.

You say "that the world is so determined to make me feel so much less valid as a woman because I'm fat", yet that is not true. It's in your own mind that this is true. The world is not against you. You are just feeling resentful due to the conversations that you just had with your mother and your friends and you believing their statements and opinions to be fact. You say that you can't criticize them for having their own opinions, and that's what they are. They are just opinions, their own judgements. That's not how the world is. No is trying to make you less valid. If anything, it's BETTER to not be with or conform with those that make you feel less valid as these people are not worthy of your time or love, and are superficial and do not appreciate the inner values of a person. And think of all the marriages that end in divorce because the woman gained weight after being pregnant so many times and lost their figure and the guy cheats on her with some skinnier girl who isn't even that attractive. Yeah, I've heard this story so many times. Who wants that guy? Look at Tiger Woods and Elin. Jude Law and Sienna Miller. Jesse James and Sandra Bullock. And then there's guys like Hugh Grant who had hottest woman in the world, Elizabeth Hurley. WTH? Steer clear of guys who care about looks. They are just looking for you know what.

You say that: "When I think like that - when I become resentful like that - I binge. I'm fully aware that it isn't hurting anyone but myself, but in the moment, in the frenzy, it feels as though I am somehow making a statement."

What kind of statement are you making, and to whom? I don't understand, and I'm just curious as to what's going on in your mind. This is where the root of binging comes from. It's this moment of crazy, frenzied eating that overshadows the real reason why we started to binge in the first place. Is your statement: "Look at me world with your judgements and criticisms, I'm binging, and I know it, I'm hurting myself, look at what you did to me, making me gain this weight."

When I binge, I'm really trying to notice what is going on in my head...and I'm finding out that it has more or less to do with 1) being alone and 2) being afraid of success (failure). This is based on some realizations that have taken some time for me to figure out. You must be thinking, "there is no logic with this picture." Yeah, there isn't. Why do I stuff myself when I feel alone? Why do I stuff myself eat when I feel afraid of success? Most of the time, it's because I'd rather deal with something pleasurable like eating than deal with the stress of being alone or being busy with trying to get to where I want to be in life. So eating has kept me busy by drowning the feelings and thoughts of failure and being alone.

Anyways, thanks for reading...I hope you find some answers or insights in what I had to say.

Beila- Stay strong, just think of how badly you want to lose weight. Remind yourself often! I came close to binging today, I asked myself if i was hungry. Answer was no, it took some more arguing with myself, but I took the time to think if this is what i really wanted to do, did I want to ditch all my efforts? No! I ended thinking about binging right there & was fine since.


Day 9- It was rough, I wanted to make peanut butter and eat it with anything that would go with it. Took time to think it through & I realized I can still stay on plan for the rest of day. I don't need to make it worse & I'm not even hungry. I was already over my calories from a stupid thing I did this morning. I ate the rest of the cool whip I had, dipping strawberries in it. When I added up the calories, it was 460! Stupid mistake! It was a struggle cause I knew i had already went over my limit, which made me weak. But stayed on plan, ate my normal lunch & dinner.

I'm much happier, less nervous and feel better since I lost some weight & there is none of hubby's junk in the house. If I would have binged, it would have been on healthy stuff, but still a binge. Oh, had to throw the banana cake away, the icing should have been refrigerated, it was in hubby safe locked up and got yucky! After that 1 piece I had, I didn't get to have anymore, i'm glad I had to toss it!!! My weight stayed the same & that's ok. My mind is at ease.