Inch by inch I get back to centered emotionally. The sweet eating at work was cut to 20%, I stopped eating at 7:00, and I did a little weeding and exercise. Today I am working for no sweets at work, a trip to the gym and an early dinner. Scale is 3 pounds into the newly termed 38Th parallel territory. The most dangerous boundary I know. I still want to give myself time to heal but I also don't want to be in this decade to the extent I can't get out.
Inch by inch. Choice by choice. Strengthening the resistance muscle.
Curly: Anxiety picks little things to get you going. When I was in CanadaI thought rats would get into my full recycle bin at work. Regarding your phone I would ask yourself: How important is it? You can always get a phone. There was no vermin in my recycle bin and I sent two students with it to the teacher's room who asked us to collect it. Done. BBE: All over the world people are always judged as "Not Enough" for any standard a culture insists on upholding and the marker is always moving. My husband raised a prize pig that should have won state but that year, the fashion was a different breed pig. Zoey Saldana the spectacular actress in Guardians of the Galaxy was not black enough to play Simone. SeaBisquit was too small and too angry to be a champion. Great fable: a master horse breeder was asked by the emperor to go find a superior horse. The breeder found one and sent a note to the emperor saying he had sent him a snow white mare. The horse arrive and the emperor was baffled. It was a dappled stallion. The emperor found that the horse was superior indeed.
I want to be the horse breeder in the story completely ignoring the outer shell.
It took me a while to get going today (post gymn, probably). Luckily, the weather’s been a bit sunny, though there’s new snow on the mountains, and I was able to do a stint in the garden. I ran the push mower over the strimmed and mostly dry grass, even though it’s February (it’s amazing that the grass was able to take it without clogging up) , and unearthed some steps which can be seen from the garden room by potential buyers. It’s starting to look reasonable now. I also cleaned some drawers and threw away some out-of-date herbs and spices. I can see why my friend started a whole year ahead when they moved long distance from a fairly large house to a fairly large flat.
Bill, interesting to hear that off label brands of toner can be OK. A friend told me that toner is more expensive than champagne! Good to hear about your literature course.
gardenerjoy, I was reading today about writers’ rooms and how it’s fairly common for books (and screen plays) to be written by more than one person. One of the examples was bringing in a certain writer because she’s very good at writing female dialogue.
curlyjax, I think I read that there are masks which have a transparent bit around the mouth, specially for working with people with hearing loss or other people who need to see someone’s mouth. You could always have a burner phone in hospital.
maryann, inch by inch is such a strong and careful way to move. Take your time. There’s no rush. Credit for knowing what is best for you.
I had a Dear Brother Hot Tub Therapy session this morning. That always leaves me relaxed, but not always energized -- especially now in allergy season. Fortunately, I'm used to that by now, so I have easy fun projects planned for the rest of the day. I do want to find the energy to fix a nice salad, though.
Saturday - Pope Gregory XIII announces the Gregorian calendar (1582)
Diet Coaches/Buddies - Spent the day working at my desk waiting for a phone call that's part of reorganizing all the coins in my piggy bank. Took the whole day to establish a firm appointment for Monday. I think that I want to do something simple that could be done by any clerk; they think that I need their grand account-organizing guru - presumably to up-sell. Whatever. It's an opportunity to try a little patience.
Adventure was attending a play at the American Repertory Theater, Becoming a Man, based on
by the same title. Was a journey into one man's challenge of relationships after his transition with the great line, "It's not just about becoming a man, but becoming a good man." The last twenty minutes, called Act II, was a facilitator led discussion with members of the audience. THAT brought out how powerfully some trans folks in the audience identified with the hero's challenges. An amazing community experience to be part of. One newspaper review noted that the writing wasn't Tennessee Williams quality even while acknowledging the power of the story.
Eating diverged with some peanuts in the afternoon, thinking that peanuts would make a phone call happen. Otherwise, eating was on plan, CREDIT moi. The theater is part of the new trend where food and drinks are sold to be brought to one's seats to be consumed during the performance. I'm so old that I can remember when one did one or the other separately.
Joy (gardenerjoy) - Always fun to hear of your Dear Brother Hot Tub Therapy session. Wish you well here at the start of allergy season.
Silverbirch - Congrats for "threw away some out-of-date herbs and spices." Reminds me of DW and her sister cleaning out their mother's kitchen: the spices were ancient - long past any contribution to a dish. It is strange to hear that you're mowing your grass in February.
maryann – Thanks for the great stories of "Not Enough" for any standard a culture insists on. Condolences to your DH for raising a pig who was out of fashion.
curlyjax - Yep, being heard through a mask is hard. About your phone at the hospital, would think it sufficient to put it in a zipped container, like a cloth toiletries bag, when you shut it off for the night. Can only imagine it being stolen as a target of opportunity by a contracted maintenance person.
Readers -
Quote:
Chapter 9Where to Go from Here
For example, one evening as I was working on this manuscript, I had the thought, I'm hungry ... Maybe I'll go down to the kitchen and get something to eat.
Judith S. Beck, Ph.D., The Complete Beck Diet for Life (Green book), Pg 203.
Another busy day at work which included getting up to speed on cpr. One of the town firefighters runs the class and has a fun and light approach so it wasn't painful to sit through. He also had opinions on the local hospitals which was interesting, based on his paramedic experiences. After work I went to another library to get more books so i'll be well stocked up for my recovery. Then on to get pizza for dinner and some dessert which definitely wasn't worth the calories, and then flopped into bed for the evening.
I won't need to help my BFF's mom as they rescheduled the move until next weekend, so that frees up some time for me today. It's the last push to get everything I can possibly think of ready, as DD is working and I have the house to myself. DD work me up really early, grumble, so I'm not as perky as I would have hoped in order to really think clearly, but I guess I can take a nap later.
According to the website, the surgical inpatient rooms are private, so that eliminates a lot of anxiety right there, hooray.
Bill-that play and experience sounds really interesting.
Silverbirch- reading your experiences makes me realize how long it takes to get a house ready to sell, so i can see indeed why your friend started a year before.
Maryann-I hear you about getting stuck in a decade, I have clearly let myself get complacent over the years.
I just can’t get going today so I’m giving myself the day off. I ate too much for breakfast and I’m working on a few crosswords. Tomorrow is another day. For now, I’ve bought myself a book to read and I’m going to light the fire as the skies are clear and it will be colder tonight. The full moon has just risen here and it’s bright.
gardenerjoy, I’ve started sneezing and have itchy eyes so I sympathise. It might be part of why I can’t get going today as well (plus eating too much for breakfast, of course).
Bill, cutting the grass in February is a bit mad but the temperature here is around the growing point (10C / 50F) on several days of the week and I also left the grass in a bit of a mess in the autumn. That doesn’t usually bother me but I want it to look neat for the pics! And soon we’ll be off to the S house for a bit. I have an eye on May when things grow madly and I’d like the garden not to be too far out of control when I come back next. Credit for attending the play which sounds very interesting. I can’t quite imagine people eating and drinking all around but I suppose that’s what used to happen before polite society arrived. And maybe even then. Maybe I’m a stick-in-the-mud about that kind of thing. Certainly I never eat in the street (as trained by my mother and grandmothers)!
curlyjax, credit for stockpiling books for your recovery! I’ve eaten some pretty awful desserts in my time which have led me to believe that dessert is almost never worth it. But then when I’m feeling weak I’m taken in and that doesn’t make me feel good three times over. That’s weak already, pretty horrible dessert and got taken in. So I understand!
Last edited by silverbirch; 02-24-2024 at 01:52 PM.
DH surprised me last night with a suggestion to hop up to the cabin so I could ski a few days. I have tixs for Palisades which is hosting Men's World Champion downhill. Needless to say it was a zoo. DH dropped me off, I scurried to the other side of the mountain and had a glorious day filled with challenging exercise. Tomorrow I will go to a smaller resorts with beautiful views of Lake Tahoe. I took a lesson in Canada and am really improving. I went down my one mandatory Diamond run ( the hardest) easily and then called it a day. Food was fuel. My favorite.
Silverbirch: If you can and wish to swing it I bet we would all love to see a pic of the house we have grown to care about. Curly: I am so glad you are getting operation done. I bet life just opens up after it. BBE: I don't why but your play made me think of Anne Frank. She was made famous by her experience and now she is being looked at as an author in her own right.
Sunday - 13th Dalai Lama (Thupten Gyatso) flees Tibet for British India (1910)
Diet Coaches/Buddies - Toured the museum at MIT. What a kick! As you'd expect, it was over-the-top techy things that MIT students and faculty had done. Loved looking at their solar car that twice won the cross-country race. Fascinated by an exhibit showing the six estimates that multiply together to predict the number of exoplanets we'll spot in the next 20 years that produce the gases that only come from life. Answer: One. I was allowed to change the estimates. I did; The new number, using my more optimistic estimates, is eight. Not a bad day's work to add seven planets supporting life that we'll soon spot. Spent so much time on each exhibit that I couldn't finish. Will have to go back.
Evening again with David Attenborough traveling from pole to pole showing me life that I don't normally encounter. When animals are pictured chasing another animal to eat, I found myself taking sides. Sir David had me rooting for the Wild Dogs to catch an Antelope. Normally, I'd be cheering for the Antelope. Decided that I don't want to be a King Penguin standing in the Antarctic cold for months balancing an egg on my feet covered with my belly fat. Waiting for Spring before my next meal.
Eating was on plan, CREDIT moi, except for a snack of peanuts. Can't wait for that jar to be gone. Excitement was inserting the new toner cartridge into my Brother laser printer with ease. It works fine. I'll be on edge for a spell waiting for it to explode or to print "THIS IS FRAUD" on some important document.
Silverbirch - We also had a full moon; fun to be reminded that it's a shared resource. A day off sounds like a grand idea.
maryann – Congrats for having the skill to take a run down the most challenging Black Diamond slope. And for having the good sense to spend the rest of the day on slopes that were just fun.
curlyjax - Desserts tend to look better than they make me feel after they're consumed. When DW serves freshly cut fruit for dessert after a family gathering, it's just the best.
Readers -
Quote:
Chapter 9Where to Go from Here
But I didn't, because I talked back to myself: Now, wait a minute ... You just finished dinner an hour and a half ago ... It's not time to eat, and your stomach doesn't even feel empty ... You just want to eat because you don't feel like working ... You're having some trouble concentrating because you haven't taken a break for a while ... Don't go into the kitchen ... E-mail a friend instead.
Judith S. Beck, Ph.D., The Complete Beck Diet for Life (Green book), Pg 203.
I decided to treat myself to a bagel and lox sandwich for breakfast which was delicious although ridiculously pricey. I cleaned out the freezer and fridge; I may still make meatloaf or something to freeze, and I need room. I unearthed some spinach tortellini and invited BFF to dinner later in the day. In between I did the dump run and cleaned both bathrooms, reminding myself that if I did this more frequently it wouldn't be so exhausting, and crawled into bed to rest for a bit. BFF brought Sangria which turned out to be "more juice than wine" she stated indignantly, and a salad mix from Trader Joe's that had a spicy dressing that was too hot for both of us, but we got some veggies in anyhow. Watched telly for a bit with DD who came home to tell us her orientation is officially over, which is both exciting and nerve wracking for her; she's on her own now, albeit on a very supportive floor.
I slept in quite late today. It's first day of using the Hibiclens to kill bacteria etc, and I wrote myself a big note to remember to use it with a fresh towel. I still need to figure out where to put a few things in my room, get groceries and do some meal planning which I suspect will involve some pre made meals from Wegmans. We're going to treat ourselves a bit for a week or 2 to make life easier.
Bill-I've never been to the MIT museum, it sounds really interesting. I'm impressed the King penguins mom and dad share the load of caring for the egg!
Silverbirch-A day off is always good indeed. I confess to eating in the street at festivals and fairs; once in awhile a sausage sandwich from a truck is just the best thing out there!
Maryann-how lovely to spend a weekend skiing. Sounds perfect for mind and body.
Feeling more like myself. I had a self awakening yesterday. The black dog and getting off HRT might have had a synergetic effect. I realized this because for the first time I am waking up at night with hot flashes. Sheesh. I have never had them. So I realized that there have been more physical effects than consciously understood. Also, the sorrow pit felt somewhat like when I hit bottom after Dr. took me off Yaz at 52. Too bad life is lived forward and not backward although I don't know if I could have changed anything. I will talk to shrink about increasing anti depressant if necessary. In any case, I feel less in the swamp. Another good day of exercise on the ski slope is for today. DH and I are really enjoying each other's company. He was actually on a vacation with buddies for 4 days and it was great for him. Just what the doctor ordered.
Self knowledge however may avail me nothing. I still need to avoid the weight gain from my late 50s. I will focus on healthy food, now sweets at work, no eating after 7:00, and sitting while I am eating for this week. Same tune, same miracle when I actually follow through. Unlike BBE's foray in the museum, losing weight is not rocket science.
Today is the first of three days when we expect highs over 70 degrees. On Tuesday, they're showing a high of 81, followed by a low of 34. That's a big temperature drop for us! Wednesday, then, will be the first of several cooler days.
I'll plan to walk each day, including a walk with a friend on Tuesday.
Exercise: 45, 1425/1700 minutes for February
silverbirch and BBE: We've been enjoying the full moon here, too. We managed to see it rise on Thursday night and set, as a glorious orange ball, on Friday morning.
BillBlueEyes: The MIT Museum is worth a visit to Cambridge. Our youngest nephew worked on the solar car at his university -- they never had enough resources to compete with the likes of MIT but did pretty well, given what they had to work with.
silverbirch: I'm dipping into all my bags of tricks to get myself motivated to do anything that isn't watching YouTube videos or playing puzzle games on the computer. Even those are better than eating as a way to find energy, so I give myself some leeway.
curlyjax: It sounds like you're doing a great job getting yourself prepared.
maryann: I hope finding a physical explanation helps your situation. I guess going off HRT is bound to have effects -- not all of them entirely predictable.
A cold day here with an overnight frost. I’m very pleased indeed that I’ve done all my gait exercises which are quite detailed and a bit exhausting. I’ve also done a bit more towards the Cause and will be back on it tomorrow. The SO thinks the house is very clean (sub-text: has never been this clean). He’s probably right. We’re both working hard at it, together with all the different demands of daily life and other work. I staged the hearth today by laying the stove fire with kindling with nails in and other non-Instagram type things and shutting the door on it, and putting pine and alder cones in the kindling basket on top of much less rough wood. All artistically, of course, with great style. I’ll mop the slate tomorrow to make it shiny.
maryann, how lovely that you care about this house. Thank you. I’ll think about pics. Great to hear that your skiing lesson in Canada has helped your form. Diamond run! Amazing. So pleased you feel less in the swamp.
Bill, you covered a lot of ground yesterday, planetarily speaking! Quite thrilling! Fair enough not to desire to be a male king penguin. Yes, good to remember that we all see the same moon.
curlyjax, so good to hear how well you’re doing preparing for the op. I had to look up Hibiclens. What a great idea.
gardenerjoy, that is a big temperature drop coming up! I like the walking every day plan. Heaven knows why I’m not doing that myself at the moment. The moon is extraordinary. I’m always pleased to see it. Good to have bags of tricks to dip into!
This forum opened up to where I last left it and wow, it's been days since I checked in.
Not much to catch up on. The past two days I've done more decluttering at the studio. I was there yesterday with DH. It was a short visit and I was filled with despair just looking at it all. I asked DH for his advice and he offered his impression that [ needed consistency in my storage bins/boxes. That I have a mishmash of bags and bins and boxes with no lids so they could.never be neatly stacked. He suggested we go get some bins and that I continue to move my atuff from.the.nad.containers.into the new one and then label the containers.
Today I woke up excited to do the containers but then fell into despair paralyzed this time because I didnt know where to start. This time I talked it through with DH as he asked me questions and it came clear to him that I was trying to do too much. He said "why are you doing this? What's most important?" My answer was 2 fold 1) landlord will raise rent if I dont clean up and 2) studio doesn't function and I need to clean it out. Of these, the landlord part is top priority. I have until March 1st to really deal with how this space looks. So I need to make the space look functional and organised based on what my landlord sees and has to deal with. The inside of the studio will evolve once this fire is out.
Sleepwise-- not great. I am often wide awake between 1.and.4. My cold is almost gone now but its still.a little rough sleeping lying down. Tonight may be pretty good. Im trying to stay awake until 1am. Maybe that will help me sleep longer.
Foodwise--way off track. I'm ready to catch the next wagon coming my way.
Monday - Roman Inquisition demands Galileo abandon his belief in heliocentrism (1616)
Diet Coaches/Buddies - Excitement was a visit by the (3.5 yo) DFGD, DS, and DIL. She continues to be the most energetic kid to come to our house. Lots of joy in her energy. This time it expanded out of her space. She broke a nail brush shaped like a hippo. Wouldn't have been a big deal but it wasn't a toy. It was a gift from a friend from her kitchen when she moved away permanently. Was an inexpensive item, but wasn't a toy and wasn't in a kid's reach. DIL had to have reached over and handed it to her. Ouch! The things that she usually breaks in her enthusiasm are the toys set out for her to play with. The good news, of course, is that it's a small deal and might even glue back together.
Had a fun chat with my DS about my plans to buy an AI computer to play with making my own Deep Learning application. He jumped right in the fantasy helping me to design a $150K box that would calculate a zillion instructions per second. "And heat your whole house," he added helpfully. His company uses Deep Learning to continuously tune the application that does the first pass of the work that they do for their customers. Does better than 90% of the busy work but a human has to make the final judgments. I was surprised that Deep Learning is a common business tool. I need to catch up.
Eating was on plan, CREDIT moi, with two unplanned snacks. At an event with nibble food set out, I dipped into the cashews - the very tree nut that I don't allow in my house. I could argue that it's my plan to have them when opportunistically available but that's a wimpy plan. It also doesn't explain why I dipped into the peanuts that we set out for DS and DIL. The good news is that good looking cookies were available in both situations and I ignored both.
onebyone - Smart to have figured out your priorities in your studio. Labeled bins works well if you have someone who helps with the mechanics. I, personally, can't sort stuff and label bins at the same time; I need a helper.
Joy (gardenerjoy) - Those temperatures are just too high for February. Hope you get out to enjoy them. Makes me happy to hear that kids at a bunch of universities are designing solar cars.
Silverbirch - Love hearing how you've staged the wood burning stove. Hope you get feedback at the closing (legal signing of papers meeting) of the house with the buyers that it was that marvelous stove that cinched the deal.
maryann – Neat that you had another good day on the slopes. Maybe being a ski instructor for adults is your side gig in retirement.
curlyjax - A bagel with lox is so good; glad that it's not in my daily vision. Congrats to your DD for graduating to being on her own - however nerve wracking the new level of responsibility seems. Remind me when you've scheduled surgery - isn't it close?
Readers -
Quote:
Chapter 9Where to Go from Here
So I did, and I was immediately glad that I hadn't strayed from my plan. After a few minutes, the desire to eat went away completely.
Judith S. Beck, Ph.D., The Complete Beck Diet for Life (Green book), Pg 203.
Completed the two grocery stores which did include a few cookies from Whole foods. The lemon shortbread was really good, that's one I would indulge in again. I indulged in two entrees with two sides each from the deli counter, and managed to snag spanokopita as one of my sides (it isn't one, but there is a guy there who is quite generous with the portions and he tends to let one get away with things). I was going to make meatloaf etc and freeze things in small portions, but decided I didn't have the energy to deal with it all and get everything else done. I did more laundry and finally dealt with figuring out what to put where in my bedroom. I've been reading various folks experiences of after their surgery, and there is a mixed gamut of what folks are able to do and how much pain meds they need. I've shared a link below of what my surgery will entail-its animated but still not for the squeamish My surgery is tomorrow but I may check in anyhow in the morning as I don't think I need to leave the house until like 10:00. https://www.google.com/search?q=anim...JK9tdSsQY,st:0
Bill-oh dear about the hippo. I'm unfamiliar with Deep Learning so you're ahead of me!
Silverbirch-Hibiclens is part of the pre-surgery ritual. Three days worth including the day of, and fresh towel each time. Too funny about the house never being this clean-there are always more satisfying things to do than clean!
Onebyone-ugh I'm sorry you're not sleeping well. Nice that DH will help with clearing out.
Maryann-so glad you are DH are doing well. My anti depressant supposedly has side effects of helping with hot flashes. I get them but not really bad, and thankfully not at night.
Gardenerjoy-wow that is really warm! beautiful walking days.
Saturday - Pope Gregory XIII announces the Gregorian calendar (1582)
My surgery is tomorrow but I may check in anyhow in the morning as I don't think I need to leave the house until like 10:00.