The wind has stopped blowing. In the lottery of school closures I did not win. We were open at half speed - no internet or phones. It was fine for me having taught most of my life without computers. the problem was half of the kids weren't there so I couldn't launch into a topic. I let one class of 10!!!!! donate their pride points to watch a Go Fund Me movie. The other classes got extra homework help.
The black dog is nipping at my heals. Sigh! Everything I did yesterday was an effort. It was like the old days. I was very productive - taught all me classes, cleaned up the front yard, replaced a plant, did laundry and dishes, bought sewing needles but all with dread and sorrow. That is why it took so long to diagnose my depression. I was always productive but at such a cost. Went to bed at 7:00 and told DH I just want to be alone. He was gracious and understanding. This morning I will not chase the down trying to be happy. I will move slowly and methodically. I have a dentist appointment and instead of a meeting i will go to the gym and do any amount that is comfortable. Fewer people contacts, healthier food, more movement, positive and compassionate self talk.. That is the prescription.
I got a nice drop on the scale this morning after some worrying higher numbers. It's probably mostly dehydration from the hot tub, though, so I'll want to be very careful today if I'm going to sustain a lower number on the scale.
Today's excitement is a rare trip up to Whole Foods. I'm hoping that I can find my favorite powdered dishwasher detergent along with the handful of other items that I traditionally buy from there.
Exercise: 50, 310/1700 minutes for February
BillBlueEyes: I have so many office supplies! I overbought when an office supply store went out of business about 30 years ago. Then, I inherited my mother's stash and she also loved office supplies. I have lifetime supplies of many items. Unfortunately, I discovered that ballpoint pens don't survive a lifetime in the box. So, I ended up throwing out an embarrassing number of those. For an opposite reason, I'm embarrassed by the number of binder clips that I own -- those get re-used so a lifetime supply is probably a quarter of what I own.
onebyone: My brother was allergic to something in his immunotherapy. They ended up dripping in a steroid at the same time as his therapeutic drug, but that has its own side effects -- most noticeably that he didn't sleep for three nights after each treatment which isn't ideal for healing. I hope waiting a week does the trick for you.
silverbirch: I'm also being cautious with my back at the moment -- a little ice, a little heat, a lot of attention to how and when I move. I hope neither one of us end up with anything worse.
maryann: I like your prescription for how to handle down times.
curlyjax: Good for you for listening to the nurse and letting go of the concern. That's a good skill that I'm just learning to develop.
4:30am here. I just popped awake. I've had a good sleep tonight
I expect to get back to sleeping soon.
I didnt do my 15 min mile yesterday. I discovered that the skin under my toes cracked on 3 toes and threatens to crack on almost all the others. It was painful to walk
Also worrying to walk
Breaks in skin=infection. OMG I cannot have infections!
I called the Sunnybrook melanoma nurrses and left a message and got a call back as soon as they had answers. Answer: polysporin underneath. Keep clean. Cover if going out with bandaids or gauze.
The itching is subsiding and the redness of my skin is disappearing. All good.
Oh feeling sleepy now. Back to bed.
Wednesday-Leo I Eastern Roman Emperor crowned by the Patriarch of Constantinople(457)
Diet Coaches/Buddies – Had my first Dental Hygienist appointment since I started using the Waterpic teeth flosser twice daily, which I have done scrupulously every day for the three months since my last appointment. She had urged me to get one or to floss more diligently - threatening gum work if I didn't. Apparently it worked; she noticed the difference, saying my gums were healthier. I conclude that it was worth it. It's an extra step before I brush my teeth every morning and evening. My goal is to keep using it. The body tends to let teeth fall out as it ages just because it does. A little extra resistance might delay that process. My FIL took meticulous care of his teeth all his life yet they started to drop in his mid nineties. CREDIT moi for taking care of myself.
Eating was on plan, CREDIT moi. Afternoon snack was a small slice of toasted fruit cake - the last slice allocated to me. After it was gifted to us, I had planned to eat my share making it "on plan" albeit unnecessary calories.
While innocently browsing Facebook, there appeared a link to a production of the Triumphal March from Verdi's opera Aida performed at La Scala in Milano. This is the scene where elephants marched across the stage in the grand old days. If opera is to be overdone, La Scala is the place. My volume was turned high enough that DW came marching into my office in step to the music. We watched the whole thing together, vowing to get back to Milano to attend an opera in La Scala that has been around since 1778. So many place to go.
onebyone - Yay for a good night's sleep and for a treatment for your skin. Back to bed is just the place to be.
Joy (gardenerjoy) - LOL knowing that someone else has too many binder clips. Feels like I spent the first half of my life looking for some and now am destined to spend the latter half trying to get rid of extras.
maryann – That's some creative weaving about to teach half a class without introducing material that the other half will miss.
curlyjax - Oh Well, one needn't love their surgeon if their results are good. Congrats for being able to hear the reassurance from the nurse practitioner that "murmurs can come and go and not to be concerned." Loved the faux David Attenborough video.
Readers -
Quote:
Chapter 8Stage 5 - The Motivation-for-Life Plan The following techniques will help you remember why it's so worth it to keep up your efforts.
Go back to Phase 1. Remind yourself how easy it had become to practice these skills. Return to implementing them daily: . . .
Respond to your sabotaging thoughts. If you are reluctant to return to Stage 1 and get started again, it is probably because you are having the following thoughts:
It's too much trouble.
I can get back on track without doing the skills.
I already know what I need to do.
Judith S. Beck, Ph.D., The Complete Beck Diet for Life (Green book), Pg 200.
Busy day yesterday which is what I like, including listening to another colleague vent for a bit. We have a very good crew but of course people get annoyed with each other and situations from time to time, just like anywhere else. It was soo nice to have the sun again. I did get into some kisses at work-that free food again- but ate all my healthy food too. I got my car inspected without a hitch, then went home to make roasted pork tenderloin with a dry rub of brown sugar, paprika and garlic powder- sooooo good! And baked potatoes, and some greens.I scooped out the potato guts which I saved for later and ate only the jackets of two, with a little fake butter. Wow is that good. Dinner tonight will be the leftovers. Cleaned up then flopped into bed and managed to go to sleep before 10, which never happens. i wonder if I have a touch of something.
Maryann-I'm quite impressed you can get things done when depressed, I tend to be quite unproductive when I am. You have great ideas for coping with it.
Gardenerjoy- those office supplies can definitely multiply!
Onebyone-So glad you're getting a good night sleep and your symptoms are being treated!
Bill-I love the idea of elephants on stage in an opera! My parents used waterpics forever and my dad still has his teeth at 93, its a good investment indeed!
Tuesday started with high winds and heavy rain so I stayed inside and planned to clean. I managed a door and a bit of wall which is good but then my back complained. I’ve done some things and we’re moving in the right direction but I’m frustrated. No real excitement but I did see a very smart male chaffinch.
onebyone, so good that you’re practising patience. And to hear that Sunnybrook are paying attention to how you are, and how that affects your treatment schedule.
Bill, stationery! We have quite a lot (understatement) of notebooks of all kinds. Some are of historical interest (hardback with coloured edges to the paper and marked “Memo”). School exercise books of different sizes. Lovely ones bought by someone for a particular reason. And on and on. I think our collection is in two or three boxes and this doesn’t count the ruled A4 notepads. It’s lucky that I do write and take notes by hand but it’s still probably more than a lifetime’s supply. Unless I take up writing a book. Page protectors made their way into the house when the DD was in the sixth form. Apparently there was a box full of them for students to take as they needed them. I took a bagful back to the school.
curlyjax, good to be told not to be concerned by the nurse practitioner and to follow their advice. Credit! Medical appointments are dreadfully draining.
maryann, a personalised prescription to tame the black dog is the best idea of all. You know yourself. Credit.
gardenerjoy, good luck at Whole Foods! And careful with your back! I think mine is connected to over-striding. I have to be patient and practise like onebyone.
The black dog followed me all through my assigned prescription but he was irritated that he was not calling the shots - skipped lunchroom to reenergize with chess; left during my prep to a neighboring small town to get one of my Tiffany's repaired; stopped by a local nursery I didn't know was still around and found the perfect 48 inch curved concrete bench for the river house; recieve a crown;for my mouth; dropped the bench off at the River House 25 mins away and saw a beautiful sunset; came home and fell asleep. The day is done and I seem to feel better this morning. Tempted to deeply analyze the causes, I instead decided to follow the advice of a fellow AA member: "Who cares how the mule got in the ditch - get it out!"
Food was just food. and adequate for maintaining. My hope is to ditch the UPF chocolates i have been relying on and go back to the non-UPF version I have in the kitchen.About 20 mins of life exercise. I need to start laundry and packing for Banff on Saturday.
Food Fix: I realized there are 1600 calories in one container of creamer. wow, I have been treating it as free. Hmmm. So today i add a rule: Creamer lasts from Sunday to Saturday. That is 230 calories I wlll now consciously commit.
onebyone: glad you found a little comfort.
silverbirch: I continue to find the 30 min gardener's advice handy: pick a small spot and finish it knowing there is another place for you to succeed tomorrow.
Joy: I have a store i go to for two specific items. I am reframing it from chore to field trip.
BBE: I have put the waterpick in my cart and will buy when I get back from Canada.
Curly: Free is tough to defend against.
No success in finding a box of powdered dishwasher detergent. I ended up with bottles of gel detergent because our kitchen stops functioning if we run out of something to use in the machine. I buy a brand that's supposed to be environmentally friendly. One of the reasons I stick to the box of powder is it feels like the most responsible packaging. I'm annoyed that it seems to be unavailable....a little research and it's clear that I'm not the only one annoyed. It's possibly discontinued and definitely hard to find.
Possibly related, I bought a treat while at Whole Foods that did not serve me well.
I also think that I need to deal with Valentine's Day. I'd like to think I could just pretend that I'm not impacted, but I'm pretty sure it's the reason that chocolate feels more necessary to my life than it is. So, here's a reminder that my Ideal Food Plan has more chocolate than anyone really needs and that I can't meet my weight loss goals if add anything to that.
Post Script: never made it to school today. Another student shot himself dead. I have been pretty inconsolable especially since I was down anyway. I called in the sub. The VP and Principal supported it. I went over to a friends house and am going to stay here until until DH comes home.
Detailed work with the foot person today left me exhausted. So I fell asleep. Credit, I suppose, for being able to go with the flow. Food hasn’t been 100%. I think I might stop having porage for breakfast and see what happens later in the day.
onebyone, great to hear that the itching and redness are going away. New word for me: polysporin.
Bill, credit for dental hygiene. New word for me: Waterpic.
curlyjax, credit for eating all your healthy food. Mmmm, baked potatoes!
gardenerjoy, bad luck in the quest for a box of powdered dishwasher detergent. That kind of thing is so very frustrating. Credit for making a plan about Valentine’s Day and chocolate.
maryann, quite terrible news. Again. Thinking of you all.
Diet Coaches/Buddies – Excitement was our second visit with our newly chosen financial advisor. She presented the results of a Monte Carlo simulation of 500 scenarios showing how our monies would fare over different possible financial markets. It's fun to see the single best case where all our investments are just right and we're fat and happy. More sobering to see the other 99.8% of the cases where we do OK. That's reassuring. Oddly, it changed abruptly when I turned 95; it continued for another year with DW living alone on 80% of our current living expenses, then totally ended. "The system stops at age 95; we could run it longer if you think if necessary." I can tell her at what ages DW and I will "age out of their system", so euphemistically stated, and she'll run the simulation again. No, it's pointless to run the same happy vision for longer with one or both of us living in our current house with no expenses for home health workers. Would be more useful to make up a few more realistic scenarios of home care, assisted living, and dementia care - all of which are super expensive. Am studying the numbers with fascination. And with a forced view that it's an end game being discussed.
Excitement more about our future was picking up our (8 yo) DGD from First Grade. She and a group of buddies built a ramp on a snow pile so they could slide down standing up. At the bottom was a steel grate. They ignored this. We, sheepishly, ignored them ignoring that. Thinking of how we'd explain to some distraught parent at the hospital that, yes, we'd seen it happening but hadn't wished to interfere with their creativity. DW reminded me that young folks have more cartilage than we do - a minor consolation. It finally wound down without disaster.
Eating was on plan with no daytime snacks, CREDIT moi. The fruit cake is gone. Dinner was a veggie burger on a bun with a fat slice of tomato and grilled onion, making me vegetarian for the day. The current versions of veggie burgers might be the most UPF that appears on our menu.
onebyone - Love reading that the Sunnybrook nurses get back to you so quickly.
Joy (gardenerjoy) - The only saving grace is that most Valentine candies are low quality. (Said the man that has absolutely loved Necco wafers since childhood, LOL.) I won the powdered dishwasher detergent lottery during my last trip to the supermarket. There was exactly one offering - fortunately it was Cascade, the one I wanted.
Silverbirch - Enjoyed the picture of the male chaffinch; they just don't drop by over here. Wish you well keeping your back under control; it's being asked to do a bunch these days. Perhaps you can promise it that you will reduce its burden to only one house in the near future.
maryann – What a tragic event. Sending supportive thoughts for you and all the kids in your class that you'll have to console when you return.
curlyjax - Good to be reminded that all of us need a shoulder on which to vent from time to time. Your pork tenderloin has me drooling.
Readers -
Quote:
Chapter 8Stage 5 - The Motivation-for-Life Plan The following techniques will help you remember why it's so worth it to keep up your efforts.
Go back to Phase 1. Remind yourself how easy it had become to practice these skills. Return to implementing them daily: . . .
You will need to firmly remind yourself of how helpful the Beck Diet for Life Program was the first time around.
Judith S. Beck, Ph.D., The Complete Beck Diet for Life (Green book), Pg 200.
Satisfying day at work again. I chatted with a colleague from another department while working on a project and that was fun. I decided to eat the prepared lunch with elders which is always a satisfying thing to do, but then I eat too much, but oh well. I haven't planned my meals out this week and its been a bit hit or miss, wayy too much bread. I think I have a touch of something, I'm a bit off, but it isn't covid. BFF invited me for dinner today and I declined feeling guilty, but she has a cold and i just cannot get sick right now. My life is on hold until this surgery is over. I watched the movie First Wives Club last night and marvelled at seeing Bette Midler, Diane Keaton and Goldie Hawn 25 years ago! I guess they were all in their forties and looking amazing.
Maryann- that is so heartbreaking, Im so sorry.
Silberbirch- I tend to hoard notebooks, I use them a lot too. I had to stop myself from buying them in August when the school sales are running; you used to be able to get 10 notebooks for a dollar!
Gardenerjoy- Valentine's day does make me feel like I need chocolate, its everywhere! I hear you about your kitchen not functioning if the dishes aren't getting done.
Bill-good for you for planning your future even if its a bit gloomy. I need to train my brain to remember about the low quality chocolate
Dear Niece flew to Ireland yesterday. She landed in the middle of the night in my time zone so I'm not sure when I'll get confirmation that she's where she meant to be, but the airline's website said that everything went fine. The last time she flew, I let the airline's tracking map take up way too much of my day. I was careful to not let that happen yesterday. CREDIT! It was fun once, but watching a tiny icon of a plane somewhere over the Atlantic isn't a good use of my time.
The purpose of this trip is for DN to get married to her UK fiancé before the rules change making it harder for her to get a spouse visa.
Food was in line with my Ideal Food Day yesterday, but I want to be more aware at supper time of serving sizes. I wasn't all that hungry and could have got by with half of what I ate. That's the kind of choice that makes the scale move. Otherwise, my Ideal Food Day is a maintenance plan.
Exercise: 60, 440/1700 minutes for February
BillBlueEyes: We're also thinking through various scenarios for getting older. Every time I think I understand a worst case scenario, I learn of another expensive thing that can arise in elder care. Yikes!
onebyone: I hope your skin continues to improve so that you can get back on a path of treatment.
silverbirch: The male chaffinch is such a pretty bird. Good luck in finding a breakfast that works for you.
maryann: Thinking of you and your students today.
curlyjax: I often have a set limit for how much bread I eat in a day. Or in the evening, since I associate some sleep problems with eating too much bread too late in the day. Good for you for limiting your exposure to germs ahead of surgery.
Following my shrink's advice, I am taking the rest of the week off. I do not like leaving the kids but I realized this morning the shrink was right. I am not ready to go back. This is especially true when the school has strictly forbidden teachers talking to the students. If a student feels sad I am suppose to send them to the counselor. This is ridiculous since I know the kids and the counselor's have 350 plus kids a piece. Also, the last two suicides ( unbelievably at least once a year) I have been removed from the classroom because I have started to cry. Not out of control, mind you, just showing grief. I can't be put in that situation again. I can't fathom why the whole staff isn't in tears. I really can't fathom how the world doesn't stop revolving. The boy's sister is in my class. The father made her show up yesterday. A friend took my class and said she was playing it normal. I fully support her choice to go through this how she chooses. The family I believe has been a mess for awhile and sh cannot see her mother per custody suit. My shrink says holding the grief part isn't my strength. My strength is day to day relationships and I can certainly do that when I return from break on the 20th.
I set up the class with a good sub , two aides and important lighter movies. Acceptance is the answer to all my problems. I accept I am to stay home. Acceptance doesn't necessarily mean approval. I do not approve of myself staying home but I can make healthy choices. Laundry this morning and hours gardening down at the River House.
Wednesday-Leo I Eastern Roman Emperor crowned by the Patriarch of Constantinople(457)
