MAD WIFE DISEASE > > He was sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife > > walked up behind him and whacked him on the head with a > > rolled up magazine. > > "Ouch!!" What was that for?" he asked. > > > > "That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with > > the name Mary Lou written on it," she replied. > > "Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Mary > > Lou was the name of one of the > > horses I bet on," he explained. > > "Oh honey, I'm so sorry," she said. "I should have > > known there was a good explanation." > > > > Three days later he was watching a ball game on TV when she > > walked up and hit him in the head again, this > > time with an iron skillet, which knocked him > > out cold. > > > > When he came to, he asked, "Now what was that > > for?"> She replied, "Your horse called". >
1.

:rofl:

Happy Mothers Day!!
 

Got this in the E-Mail today and HAD to share it!!!

Today's Issue is dedicated to Mothers everywhere. It includes some of our
favorite quotes having to do with Mothers and Motherhood.

1. God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers. - Jewish
Proverb

2. The heart of a mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will
always find forgiveness. -Honore' de Balzac (1799-1850)

3. There is no velvet so soft as a mother's lap no rose as lovely as her
smile, no path so flowery as that imprinted with her footsteps. -Archibald
Thompson

4. All that I am or ever hope to be, I owe to my angel Mother.- Abraham
Lincoln (1809-1865)

5. Youth fades; love droops, the leaves of friendship fall; A mother's
secret hope outlives them all. -Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809-1894)

6. Richer than Gold
You may have tangible wealth untold;
Caskets of jewels and coffers of gold.
Richer than I you can never be --
I had a mother who read to me.
Strickland Gillilan

7. My mother was the most beautiful woman I ever saw. All I am I owe to my
mother. I attribute all my success in life to the moral, intellectual and
physical education I received from her. - George Washington (1732-1799)

8. If I had a flower for each time I thought of My Mother, I could walk in my
garden forever. - Unknown

9. A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials, heavy and sudden,
fall upon us;
when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice
with us in our sunshine, desert us when troubles thicken around us, still
will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to
dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts.
-Washington Irving

10. There was never a great man who had not a great mother. Olive Schreiner


Things Mom's have been known to say.

* As long as you're living under MY roof you'll do what I say!
* Ill treat you like an adult when you start acting like one!
* You can look but DON'T TOUCH!
* Go to your room and think about what you did!
* How can you be bored? I was never bored at your age.
* You won't be happy until you break that, will you?
* You know I don't sleep until you get home!

http://d21c.com/AnnesPlace/Spec/MD19.gif

Very nice, Noodles... thank you. :)

When A Woman Lies...
 

:lol3:

:rofl:

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of
the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the
story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials
for his home.

She read, "...And so the pig went up to the man with the
wheelbarrow full of straw and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may I have
some of that straw to build my house?'"

The teacher paused, then asked the class, "And what do
you think that man said?"

One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he
probably said "Holy crap! A talking pig!"

:rofl:

:lol3: How bizarre... last time I heard that joke, the sexes were switched.

It takes one to know one.

:lol3:

Things NOT To Be Heard During Surgery...