This is the funniest thing I've read in months!! It's hysterical how I bet many of us thought we were the only person on the planet experiencing these things and as I sit here and read these posts I realize, holy cow, I'm not alone.
Oh my, 90% of these were/are so true for me too! They all had me cracking up! When I have to get up off the couch and I'm exhausted I tell my DH, "I need a village" bc it takes a village to get my big bootie off there! We laugh about it everytime...not sure if it is funny or sad or both!
- not feeling like I should be arrested for cruelty to animals when I go horse back riding!..LOL I haven't gone in years the last time I went I was 250 lbs and I felt like I was putting them through cruel and unusual punishment back then
*Not using an entire can of shaving cream on one giant leg.
*Having one, or even two, chins.
*Painting my toenails...comfortably.
*Not wearing the inbetween-the-legs part of my jeans thin and having to get rid of them long before anything else is looking/feeling worn on them.
*Being able to wear a cute shirt / dress without having to accomplish the olympic event of squeezing into a Spanx tummy tamer. And then having to remove it half way through the night because you just can't continue NOT breathing.
LOL@ the spanx tummy taimer olympic event! LOL it so is I HATE getting into nylons. spanx, girdles.. I have to brace myself and and really mentally prepare before I do because I know it's gonna take at least 5 mins to get everything tucked in and in it's place!
Ok, my turn! I read all 12 pages of this last night and my hubby couldn't understand why I kept laughing.
I've lost a few pounds and here are a few things that have already left my life:
* Heartburn - Goodbye I won't miss you! I was thinking about buying stock in Tums because I was taking so many of them throughout the day.
* Tendonitis - You know it, its when those first morning steps hurt so bad and after sitting too long its hard to walk. Amazing how about after 20 pounds lost it magically disappears.
I completely agree and can relate with all the stuff previously mentioned so here's a couple of new ones.
I can't wait to be able to REALLY sit on my husband's lap. He pulls me down to sit on his lap and I only put as much weight on him as completely necessary. Even though I think he could handle it all, I just can't bear to relax and let him have it all. How cool will it be to SIT on his lap, I'll feel so little!
Can I laugh about these yet? Not yet!
Went to a park and my husband and I wanted to play on the teeter totter. Now my husband is not a small guy. Um, why can't we play on the teeter totter... He keeps flying up and I fall to the ground. He wanted a pic of me up on the top and he had to stand up and push real hard to get me up in the air to take the pic. Even then if you look closely I think I am still on my tippy toes. Wow what a wakeup call that was!
I quit wearing girdles after a while because it added about 20 minutes to my morning routine. It was like stuffing a sausage back into its skin. I was so sweaty by the time I was finally ready to leave for work. Not to mention I couldn't go to the bathroom as often as I'd have liked because I had to do the whole routine all over again while trying to hide all the grunting and groaning and wiggling trying to get myself put back together.
To all of you who fly without a seatbelt... quit that! A little turbulence and you'll be flying around the cabin.
I used to fly a lot and had to always ask for an extension. Its not a big deal. As you walk on board and are greeted by a stewardess, quietly ask for a seat belt extension. She will discreetly bring it to your seat where you can quietly buckle yourself up. Its more embarassing to try to squeeze yourself into the seatbelt with the person next to you watching you. Once you use the extension and you have to pull all the slack up you'll feel so much better and safer!
Thanks to everyone for sharing your experiences,
Godiva911 (aka Chocolate Emergency)
OMG, this is hilarious. I can relate to almost everything that was said and I laughed out loud when I read the deck thing! My foot went right through my friends deck!
-fitting in booths or anything for that matter. chairs, airplanes, roller coasters, etc. whenever i go anywhere with anyone, i have to make sure the restaurant is "fat friendly". most of my friends love going to eat outside, but i feel like i always ruin their fun because i cannot fit in the damn patio chairs!!
-not getting made fun of by little kids at my sons school (you're moms as big as a hippo!)
-cannot wait til i can shave easily
-agree with every comment about the hooha and needing to lift the belly to see it/wash it
-i look forward to not having STOMACH TOE. it looks like camel toe but its actually my stomach!
-fitting into regular stores
-not having to go into the "fat stall" at work
-not having to wear capris and a tank top to the beach lol
-being able to walk around without thinking my ankles are going to break
-being able to sit in my bathtub again! i loved the comment about any water that was behind you not draining!
-not leaving the butt sweat mark!! how humiliating
Last winter DH and I were at Krogers. In line emptying the cart. I was leaning over the handle, down into the cart, when I heard one of the three girls behind us "Wow, wonder how she got that fat".
I turned around, looked them right in their faces and said "by making fun of fat people".
They just stood there stunned.
I went back to unloading my cart. And did not hear another peep.
DH and I laughed our butts off all the way to our truck.
wiezinthejuice ~ had the same experience; at the last place we lived, I walked out on our deck with my morning coffee and I went right through one of our deck boards (it was rotten though, but still) ... I have always been nervous ever since walking on decks of any kind and freeze every time I hear a board creak ...
Maria ~ have you ever tried vitamins with MINERALS for your boils? You may have to take them three times a day at first. I used to get them bad but since I started taking vitamins with minerals, I don't get them anymore (thank you GOD). I also added one Vitamin A and Vitamin E each day which are both good for skin issues. I also think eating all the veggies and salads and soups that I do now on top of them may help a tiny bit too.
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oh and the belly flopping thing is awful.. not only does my belly flop but my thighs clap! like an actual clapping noise like some one is applauding! maybe it's my thighs saying "that a girl get that big butt moving!keep running" LOL
I thought after reading this -- "Maria, you have your own orchestra!" And, it reminded me of when I was in a store recently and my undies are just a tad big now, and I could here my belly slapping or flopping or wopping; and the guy at the next cash kept looking around wondering where the funny sound was coming from ... man, I couldn't get out of that store fast enuff ...
When we moved to this place, I kept breaking the toilet seats; the cheap plastic fasteners broke on the first one here; so we put on an old solid oak one we had with brass fasteners but the seat itself broke in half; how embarrassing. Finally, the landlord went all out and got us a deluxe seat from Mayfair and it is really solid and sound!
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* Elevators ... If possible, I try to dart into them and pray the doors close quickly so no one else gets on ... Or wondering if the cable is going to snap. Or looking for that little plaque that displays the capacity/weight limit. *lol*
I am always anxious getting in them too; esp when it goes down a bit just before it goes up ...
Last edited by Justwant2Bhealthy; 07-17-2010 at 11:11 PM.
I would just love to be able to get in the floor with the 5 year olds in my Wednesday night church class and not make it a national scene to get out of the floor again!
This may really be TMI but oh well!
Having really awful sounding gas cause my butt is so big or sometimes it travels up the front. My daughter laughs her butt off at me every time.
