Hi everyone! I'm so glad to find this thread!! I was fixing to start my own for the same reason lol. I am single (have been for a while) and I had tried all those dating websites (I yell at eharmony when it comes on lol) and the guys in my area that are on there are just looking for one thing or they aren't attracted to me. I know that there is someone out there for me but I don't think I'm where I need to be mentally and and health wise for God to introduce us...lol if that makes sense? I'm hoping to lose 100 lbs this year and after that I'm going to focus on dating again
That's a great idea, although i wouldn't focus so much on a number, but just whenever you feel good enough about yourself that you feel ready to date again. I did the same thing less than a month ago--gave up dating and decided to focus on myself. I am SO much happier than i was a month ago. I even decided this morning that i forgive my ex. Well...let's not get too crazy...i don't entirely forgive him...but i'm no longer focused on my anger toward him. I haven't even lost much weight but i feel like i'm a healthier and happier person. It's all in the mindset, i realized.
So I've never seriously dated and I'm actually the same weight I was in college, but I've recently become more confident. And I seem to be attracting guys. This is completely bizarre to me and has never happened before... and I don't think I'm handling it well. To be entirely honest I've been a little bit of a ho. Nothing extreme, but going off with guys at parties and making out. Also kissing guys I shouldn't or that I hardly know. It's very out of character for me.
It's not that I feel peer pressured and like I have to do it - it's more like "what the heck is going on" just surprise and confusion. And usually alcohol is involved. But I'm not unwilling or feeling bad about it (though I feel like I should be?). I just feel like I'm heading for trouble but I'm not sure what to do about it. It feels like the alternative is to go back to being a complete hermit like I was before.
I also find I can't tell if guys just want to be friends or are interested - I have no radar for it, unless they're literally all over me.
I realize this post makes me sound like a complete wreck, but I feel like the fabled kid who was raised by wolves trying to socialize with people. I just don't know how to act or pick up on the social cues. I'm friendly all the time to everyone and I think it comes off as flirting too.
Totally subscribing to this thread! I read through the whole thing & a lot of what you ladies posted resonates with me. I've officially been single since 2006...dated off & on with usually less-than-stellar results. I can definitely relate to the frustrations expressed!
My2cats- I would not consider you to be a bit of a ho from your post! It sounds like you are gaining confidence and just learning to balance that. I went through this when guys first started noticing me and I remember feeling good about it. I was just having fun with the fact that I could attract someone if I wanted because I never felt like I could before. My sister also went through the same thing after getting divorced and losing some weight. I think you are completely normal and the surprise and confusion over it will fade. You will start to get a handle on your own sex appeal and how guys react to it. It's just an awkward transition period.
So I've never seriously dated and I'm actually the same weight I was in college, but I've recently become more confident. And I seem to be attracting guys. This is completely bizarre to me and has never happened before... and I don't think I'm handling it well. To be entirely honest I've been a little bit of a ho. Nothing extreme, but going off with guys at parties and making out. Also kissing guys I shouldn't or that I hardly know. It's very out of character for me.
It's not that I feel peer pressured and like I have to do it - it's more like "what the heck is going on" just surprise and confusion. And usually alcohol is involved. But I'm not unwilling or feeling bad about it (though I feel like I should be?). I just feel like I'm heading for trouble but I'm not sure what to do about it. It feels like the alternative is to go back to being a complete hermit like I was before.
I also find I can't tell if guys just want to be friends or are interested - I have no radar for it, unless they're literally all over me.
I realize this post makes me sound like a complete wreck, but I feel like the fabled kid who was raised by wolves trying to socialize with people. I just don't know how to act or pick up on the social cues. I'm friendly all the time to everyone and I think it comes off as flirting too.
You are not alone in this boat. We could probably trade stories. LOL.
I think one of the things that hurts the most about gaining weight is that I became invisible to men. I didn't have any problems attracting guys when I was at a normal weight, but now it seems like I've become invisible to the opposite sex. I'm not confident enough to date right now, but it's still bothers me that this is happening.
So, I wanted to say to all of you who have lost weight and are now feeling more attractive, ENJOY IT!!!
Sorry to report that I seem to still be invisible to men.
I recognize this is likely due to my own standoffishness which was cultivated over years of being a kicked puppy but I honestly thought the weight loss would lead to better things and newfound confidence and an easiness I never had in social situations. Nope, maybe when I hit goal.
Moviegirl - Congratulations on your weight loss!! I feel for you. I hate that feeling of being invisible. I didn't have problems getting men to notice me before, but I've always been very uneasy in social situations. Maybe that's something that we can work on while we work on our weight issues.
I think one of the things that hurts the most about gaining weight is that I became invisible to men. I didn't have any problems attracting guys when I was at a normal weight, but now it seems like I've become invisible to the opposite sex. I'm not confident enough to date right now, but it's still bothers me that this is happening.
So, I wanted to say to all of you who have lost weight and are now feeling more attractive, ENJOY IT!!!
This is so true! With every pound that I gained I felt that the opposite sex seemed to be less and less interested in me. I eventually lost all confidence and wasn't able to date for a whole year. But I have a great feeling that with every pound I will successfully lose I will gain more confidence
So have I told you ladies about the runner I see at lunch from time to time? My goodness this guys is such a dreamy beefcake. He never looks tired and sometimes he runs with a log over his neck and shoulders.... I mean a 7 ft long tree trunk of a log! He is such an inspiration, and a pretty one at that. I just thought I would share that mental picture. Anyway he makes me think that I want to meet someone who is active and healthy (to help inspire me) but that means I have to also be active and healthy in order to even end up with someone like that. lol SO I guess I will continue to focus on myself in the mean time.
How are you all doing?
Last night I came across an email from match dot com with a list of potential dates for me. I clicked on a few out of curiosity. I found it very interesting that the two "chubby" guys on the list were asking for potential dates to be either "slim" or "trim and toned". What gives??? I found it very interesting that these guys would not give a chubby girl a chance even though they are chubby themselves.
Haha MsCake, that would by a scary yet intriguing mental picture!
pretty- Guys kill me sometimes. They often aim out of their own league. OR you see the guys that used to be jocks and now have let all that muscle turn to fat over the years but still see themselves as a strong, not quite as trim, guy who should be dating cheerleaders. Personality plays a huge role in someones attractiveness and it is sad when people wont even give that a chance.
my2cats - I'm sure you'll get use to it eventually. I think its normal to be unaware of social cues especially if you've been big your whole life. I've never had anyone flirt with me at all. EVER. I wouldn't know what to do with myself if it ever happened!
PrettyMom -I think it's one of those imbalance things. At least they have laid it out there so you don't waste your time with them knowing that you have different priorities.
I think I'm a bit lonely lately. I try not to be . My BFF always complains and says its not fair that we are in our 30's and haven't found love let. I try to be the positive one and say that its better than being stuck in a crappy relationship. And I do love my freedom. I guess I just wouldn't mind it if a guy found me somewhat attractive once in a while.
That said i am tired all the time lately and TBH i don't have the energy to look after a pet let alone a child right now so its probably good I don't have any (children or pets!).
It sounds like you are gaining confidence and just learning to balance that. I went through this when guys first started noticing me and I remember feeling good about it. I was just having fun with the fact that I could attract someone if I wanted because I never felt like I could before. My sister also went through the same thing after getting divorced and losing some weight. I think you are completely normal and the surprise and confusion over it will fade. You will start to get a handle on your own sex appeal and how guys react to it. It's just an awkward transition period. 
My goodness this guys is such a dreamy beefcake. He never looks tired and sometimes he runs with a log over his neck and shoulders.... I mean a 7 ft long tree trunk of a log! He is such an inspiration, and a pretty one at that. 
I just thought I would share that mental picture. Anyway he makes me think that I want to meet someone who is active and healthy (to help inspire me) but that means I have to also be active and healthy in order to even end up with someone like that. lol SO I guess I will continue to focus on myself in the mean time. 
