Hopech - I did ok at the dinner party. I had a small piece of dessert, so I'm not feeling guilty about it. I don't know why it is so hard for me to be social. I don't know if it's just my personality or if it's because I'm fat and embarrassed about it. I think it mostly has to do with the fact that I grew up with an alcoholic dad. I could never bring friends home because I never knew when my dad would be drunk out of his mind. Now that I'm an adult, I like to take responsibility for my actions, so I try not to blame my dad for the way I am now. I have the power to change what I don't like, so I will.

What keeps everyone motivated? I need some inspiration lol.... I'm exhausted and I don't feel like exercising today and then I start thinking forget this it's to much work. Being on a diet makes me too hungry and miserable so I am counting calories and making sure I burn a lot more than I eat. It's easy but when I don't burn as much as I want I get frustrated and want to give up.

Is it that you don't want to be social or you do want to be social and just don't know how? I believe that you will change what you don't like and I would be happy to support you along the way. Even though we can change and know what we SHOULD do it's not always the easiest thing to do. BTW great job going for a small piece of dessert!

Hopech - Thank you so much for your support!! I really really want to be social, but I don't know how. I freeze and I can't think of anything to talk about. I'm not a very funny person, so telling jokes is out of the question. When people take the time to get to know me, they really like me because I can act differently if I know someone well, but I get very stiff when meeting new people or when being with a big group.

hopech- I am not all that great at self motivating too but I just keep telling myself that I will feel better after the workout and not working out will absolutely make me feel worse (even though you think you want to skip the workout) so I try to push through it. It doesn't always work but its something I try.

Prettymom- I am the same way. It takes me a really long time to warm up to people and act myself around them. This is the reason I am also not all that social. I will be working on the same thing!

Kay - Maybe we can learn together. It is so much easier to make friends online Maybe we're afraid of rejection and don't even know it.

Hopech - As far as motivation goes, I just started my weight loss journey again this week, so I still have momentum. I keep telling myself that I'm only going to eat healthy and exercise for one day. Just for one day to prove that I can do it, then I start over the next day. If I start thinking that I have to lose over 100 lbs, I get too discouraged and want to give up. I have convinced myself that I deserve to have the kind of life I want, and I'm not letting food take that away from me. You can do it!!!

PrettyMom- you're probably right. I used to always think I just didn't want to offend anyone or rub them the wrong way, I have an odd sense of humor and don't always follow the beaten path so really I think it comes down to the fact that I don't want to offend anyone... because I don't want them not to like me, right? Which is so backwards. I love your 1 day at a time plan, I really need to try that.

PrettyMom & KayNicole


You do deserve the life you want! I'm glad you realize that and are working towards that. I'm happy to support you both in any way that I can. I am a social person, I'm not overly outgoing but I have lots of friends and do a lot of social things but lately I don't want to go out because of my weight. I would rather my friends come over or we hang at someone's house. That way I can hide behind baggy clothes and I don't have to find something to wear. Anyway I brought that up because maybe I can help bring you out of your shell lol that is if you want help and if not that's fine too maybe we can just support each other on our weight loss journey. I love your idea of taking it day by day! I guess in a way I do that too, I've been trying to burn anywhere from 500-1000 calories more than I eat a day. So everyday I strive for that 500 and hope that I can do more but as long as I do that 500 I'm happy. I never actually said that to myself so I think I might try your idea, it's a good one.

BTW ladies my name is Cindy and it's nice to meet you both

Hopech or should I say Cindy?- I want to answer your motivation questions... I think health is my biggest motivation. I have several friends that are ten or more years older the my 35 years. The health issues that they are dealing with scare the crap out of me. I know that 30 minutes of exercise and 5 servings of fruits and veggies improve my health even if I never loose 100 pounds.

To be honest I am also motivated by clothes... My jeans are currently to tight and I do not want to buy the next size up so I am motivated to get back on plan. I also would love to buy cute clothing that is not available or not flattering at my current size. I work with what I have but I will have some real fun when I leave the plus size clothing stores.

Cindy- you're sweet! I do plan on being more social this year so hey, any tips you have I will gladly take. lol Oh and I also like to hang out at home or a friends place in relaxing clothes... I went to visit a friend in San Fran (which I have been to a bunch of times) so I thought we would have a quiet night of catching up. No, she wanted to go out on the town. What!? I didn't even take clothes for going out, I wore powder blue corduroy PJ pants, a long sleeve tshirt and a purple and black fleece jacket... to a bar in SF.

5aday- Clothes are a huge factor for me too. I refuse to buy the next size up and sometimes I even buy clothes on the tight side as a motivator. It doesn't always work lol but eventually I get to wear them. My weight is always yo-yoing. I don't do fad diets or anything, just sometimes I am fit and healthy and others I am lazy and eat terribly. That is part of why I think one day at a time is better for me.

KayNicole- I buy clothes that fit at the time of purchase. Sometimes I grow out of my jeans lol. If they are too tight for three months and I have not done enough to fit back into them I buy at least one flattering outfit at my current size. I am trying to treat myself with pedicures and shopping rather then food. It is important for me to look good now and not wait until l reach goal. I find looking my best now motivates me to make better food choices and get some exersice in. When I stop putting effort into getting dressed in the morning I stop trying in other areas of my life.

Hi Ladies,

Clothes is a huge motivator for me too. I haven't been able to wear beautiful stylish clothes in a very long time. I have to settle for the granny look because trendy clothes would not look good at all. I know there are a lot of plus size stores that sell the trendy clothes in bigger sizes, but they never look cute on me.

I am still having a hard time finding friends in my new town. HELP!! I know I should probably go out more, but who has time? My resolution for this year (apart from losing weight) is to make new friends.

Laura

Add me to the list of singletons.

I'm almost 35, single, no children, and no prospects for a boyfriend or anything. I didn't plan on being 35 and eternally single with no kids; I feel like I'm in this "catch 22" because my parents emphasized that I needed to get my education and focus on my career as I got older.

Now that I've done that, my male friends are telling me that guys aren't interested in me because A) My accomplishments are intimidating or B) Guys don't feel "needed" when they date me. So what usually ends up happening is that I'm the "girl with the great personality" but more than likely, that's followed by "I don't like you like that".

But I still need companionship and want to feel loved! What gives?

So I guess I was damned if I do and damned if I don't.

I am currently seeing a therapist to get over feeling so lonely and also to stop being so frustrated with this one area of my life that I absolutely cannot control. I have driven myself crazy trying to analyze my "dating behaviors" and "what I'm doing wrong", trying to make sure that when I am dating that I do "everything right" - which has gotten me absolutely nowhere.

Add my weight issues (for the longest I thought that's why guys weren't interested, especially since I'm so tall and I feel like the jolly green giant most of the time) - and I can be pretty neurotic and hard on myself.

Working on all of the above, one day at a time. Glad I found you guys.

Hi everyone. I'm actually the one who started this thread, and I'm so glad to see that there are single girls giving each other support! I was doing so well last year but, unfortunately, the holidays were my downfall. I went off plan from Christmas and haven't managed to get back on. Luckily I've still been eating fairly decently (except for jelly beans - my nemesis!) and still been gymming, but today the scale showed 69kgs, and I know it's just going to creep up again. So today I'm recommitting. So my question is: Can I come back please??

Hopetech: I try and trick myself when I go to gym. If I can't face 40 minutes of cardio (my usual), I promise myself that I'll just do 15 minutes, or 20 minutes rather than not going. Inevitably when I get there, it feels good, so I do more. But if I want to stop at 20, I allow myself to. I'm of the mindset that any is better than none.

grneyed (that's a hard one to type!): I'm so with you!!!! I get told that I'm intimidating to men because of my profession and qualification (I have a master's degree - big whoop!). So I know what you mean! I keep thinking that the right one is going to think I'm great because of my profession, but it makes it hard in the meantime.

PrettyMom and KayNicole: Settle in girls - I'm soooo not usually one to pass out advice, but I have got to make you believe this: you are NOT responsible for other peoples' actions or feelings. Sounds simple, I know, but think about it. That's what you're doing when you're thinking about how you react around other people - you are taking responsibility for how they feel. If they don't like something you do, it's their responsibility to tell you that! Sorry, this is sounding so preachy - not my intention at all! I just want you girls to believe in yourselves!