Uber - Yay on day 1 of C25K! Like you, I was reluctant to want to run at my higher weights since I worried about my knees. But I also started to run at about 250 this time, and never regretted it. My 250 is pretty comparable to your 280, I think, though I will concede that I would likely lose the badass battle. But not by much. =) Yay for the feeling of accomplishment and the giant endorphin rush! I am so excited for you! And now -- you have talked me into both a tummy tuck and a brazilian blow-out. If I hang out with you much more, I may be filing for bankruptcy soon. =)
I am not keeping up with life right now, and I am still in the "want to eat everything" phase of this "trying to learn maintenance." I was up to 156.0 this morning. My biggest concern is that I was able to be pretty reasonable about food last night, even conceding to be hungry for an extra couple of hours so I could eat a lean-protein-based meal rather than the free pizza at the event I attended. But I woke up hungry, and proceeded to eat leftover shrimp and chicken and some cereal. Not horrible, but I am alarmed at my all-consuming need to eat everything. It was better this weekend when I actually got my scheduled exercise in, so I am going to try to focus on that. I am also going to do two difficult things. 1 - Be super focused on a number of tasks. (I'm good when I have a single task, but when I have a list of important, but ticky-tack things, I tend to get off-task between to-do items.) 2 - Accept that some things will go undone so I can exercise. I CAN do this. It's just hard.
Love that I can come here and vent and learn. Thank you, everyone, for being such a vital part of my support system.
Oh - and I wanted to add one last thing related to what Uber said regarding the slow metabolism. Yes, I think it's a fact of life for me right now. I will never be able to eat normally. I gain on small indulgences, and small indulgences tend to be significantly less what someone else my size and age and gender would eat normally. I field constant questions about how much I [don't] eat, which can be annoying. But I suppose the upside is that my grocery / restaurant totals will be relatively small, giving me more money to get sucked up into Uber's expensive beauty treatments.
Ok, so I'm way behind on everything. It has been crazy busy at work. We had one coworker who was unexpectedly gone for 3 weeks due to her husband's heart attack. And now another coworker is gone because her mother died. So, of course they should be gone, but boy is it busy.
So, I'll just go with this for now. Glad to hear that there are so many successes going around!
internet at home has been iffy so i brought the laptop to work and did some shout outs - but the wifi died. So i retyped them and it died again. so these are brief...
Dread - great epiphany. Being able to relax around food and neither obsess nor lose control is so hard for so many. I may go back and read your separate post a bunch of times while i try to get there myself.
Laurie - I don't think your "mommy makeover" surgery is vanity or a luxury. I guess technically it is cosmetic but there are also health benefits to getting rid of layers of floppy skin that's just waiting to grow all kinds of yeasty unfunness. You'll be glad you did.
Slash - sorry work is so crazy busy! I'm sorry for your co-workers but i hope everyone manages to come back soon to help spread the workload around a bit.
Uber - I did calorie cycling last time I made the hundred pound journey. I hope to do it again but right now I'm still struggling to just make sure i hit 1200 a day. But I'd like to cycle between 1400-2000. Maybe there's no hard data to back it up but i sure seemed to lose more easily when i cycled plus it gave me some breathing room on days i was more social and had more food choices. Very heplful as I try to attain Dread's newly gained insight into food sanity.
Mandy and Carter have both been pretty absent.... Even more absent than me. I hope they're keeping up the good fight. And also anyone else I'm missing....
I'm still healing and walking and losing in varying amounts... but further updates will have to wait. I'm posting this while the wifi is still up!
Vladadog - Really glad you got some internet access, but it's got to be incredibly frustrating that it is so inconsistent. I HATE losing work, and you lost it twice. But you posted anyway. And the persistence in the eye of the frustration is likely why you have had and are having so much success! Thank you for giving me a valid health reason for wanting to remove the excess skin. I'm feeling pretty good about my decision right now, but it might be a struggle to continue the optimism when I am writing the insane check.
Diane - UGH! Work craziness means general craziness. Glad you still found time to check in to let us know you're still around.
For me, things are falling apart completely. I have been fighting an insane desire to sabotage everything and to eat everything. This has resulted in me feeling physically wrecked, and I have not been exercising with any of the enthusiasm that makes me feel good. So, this morning, I bought a [*insert $12, 15,000-calorie monstrosity here]. Hear me out. I have been craving this particular item for WEEKS. I have been avoiding it because indulging in the craving often doesn't break that craving for me. But nothing else has worked, and even when I'm on track--like this weekend--it involved way too much white-knuckling. So I bought it on the way to work, ate a relatively small portion of it, and arrived at work feeling sugar-sick and pukey. But no longer craving this particular monstrosity.
Today is a crazy, crazy day at work, and I am driving three hours this evening so that I can be on location for 9:00 depositions in the morning, and I am going with my husband. So, I am going to test my newfound detente with him to ask that he help me be smarter and more responsible about food choices. Fortunately, he likes to minimize food intake when he travels because he wants to avoid GI issues, so it may work out well enough. I am not going to be able to run today, probably, so I will at least try to make sure I get in my 11K steps walking. And on the drive, I WILL make time to either listen to a podcast that focuses on binge eating or healthy food or whatever or read something on these topics. Gotta get my head back in the game. Especially because my all-day sugarfest yesterday resulted in a FIVE pound gain on the scale this morning. Yes, I am officially 161 pounds now, and that was before I ate some of the monstrosity this morning. I am deciding between throwing it away and sharing it with my coworkers or kids. I think the right option is throwing it away, actually.
I feel like this is my moment of truth. And part of me wonders if I have been craving a moment of truth since I started this "maintenance" thing. In some aspects of my life, I avoid drama at all costs. But I have lived with weight drama for so long that I don't know that I know how to function without it. I love the thrill of losing weight. It is not nearly as exciting to maintain weight loss.
Back to work now. I need to focus on work stuff, then commit to investing the time to work things out in this rambling headspace of mine devoted to food and binge eating and dieting and exercise and overexercise and the desire to purge (though, thankfully, I have not ever actually intentionally vomited to "make up for" a binge). Thank you all for indulging my crazy. I feel hardcore crazy right now.
Vladadog: Glad to see that you posted after all of that! I probably would have given up. Ha! Always good to hear from you.
Laurie: I can see that maintenance might be tough after having spent so long on the weight loss track. It's a totally new thing to learn and get used to, so give yourself some time to get it all figured out. Good luck on your trip! I hope it all goes well for you.
For me, still crazy busy. I actually skipped running last night so I could work late. I wasn't really feeling the urge to run anyway, so I figured I might as well make some headway. I haven't been super motivated lately. I don't know if it is because of the weather being a little colder (and I'm sick of it), or if it just me. I went to spin this morning, and that was really good for me. This instructor talks the entire time, which normally would bother me, but she at least kept me out of my own head and more focused on the workout.
Man, I don't post for a day and there's already a bunch to catch up on! Obviously, I just need to get on here more lol!
Laurie: Okay, so, (a) I'm really glad you and your husband are doing so well, and that you're learning how to accept the fact that you completely and utterly deserve for life and your relationship to be good, and (b) it's got to be incredibly hard to switch from the intense drama of huge weight loss to the everyday efforts of maintaining it. I imagine it has to be a different kind of motivation. In my head, I kind of relate it to dating and then marriage. Like, you're in it for the long-haul now and it's a vastly different way of thinking and negotiating and reconciling. And (c) you should definitely spoil yourself. Take care of yourself the way you take care of others! Get that surgery and that Brazilian Blowout! Health benefits to getting the excess skin removed: psychological benefits (those who lose the skin are less likely to gain the weight back), and physiological (chafing caused by the skin rubbing against itself, yeast infections).
Uber: CONGRATS on starting C25k!!!! I'm so proud of you for being brave and just *trying* it! I'm super scared to try running right now, I've never run at this high a weight without injuring myself. I think I'm going to wait until I'm down to like 230 to start running again. Shin splints just KILL me. I think it's good for you to seriously consider a higher maintenance weight. You need to be healthy, but you also need a weight that is actually workable for you. It's no good to get that low and regain it back rather than just stop at a slightly higher weight and keep it off for good. I'll be sending you lots of good juju to get the scale below 280!!
Diane: Omg! Sorry your coworkers are having such a rough time right now. I can totally relate to having to pick up the slack in the meantime. Good job for still managing to get to the gym and get those workouts in even when you're drowning in work! Your motivation never ceases to impress me. Like, even when you're not motivated, you're still going to the gym and staying on plan. One of my goals is to be as dedicated as you and Laurie lol. I'll be sending you lots of good juju also to get your motivation back.
Vladadog: Yeah, I would have totally given up on posting lol. I'm super impressed with your motivation to type all that out multiple times. I keep re-reading my post too to try and burn that euphoria into my brain. I don't want to lose it!! Always glad to hear from you. Hoping your recovery is going well!
So today I woke up to 261.6. I'm steadily losing between 0.5-1lb each night since my big sodium gain the past weekend, which is nice. I'm hoping to be at 258 by Friday, and the goal is to be mostly good this weekend so it should carry over into new lows next week. Went back to work after my little staycation this past weekend, and it felt like my day was just dragging on FOREVERRRR. Everything is good. Boring and good.
Non-scale victory of the day: the stairs are still tough, but I wasn't completely and utterly out of breath and dying when I took them today. Also, I took 12 flights of stairs total today lol.
Amanda Stairs! Good for you! It's such a great feeling when you can march up them without being winded, and 12 sets of stairs is awesome! Good work! And happy that you had a looong boooring day! I'm a former nurse and I used to relish the slow days because they were SO RARE!
Diane Yikes, sorry you are being slammed at work. It's so hard when people are out and you have to pick up the slack. Glad to hear that you made it to spin and hope that all the extra work leaves you with at least some time to focus on yourself!
Vlada I've totally had that happen-- written a long long post and then whoosh it disappears. So frustrating! Glad you are walking and healing! Keep up the good work.
Laurie Deep breath girl. Seriously. Ok, so you purchased and ate a binge food. I have done that more times than you can imagine. I know what it feels like to get that worm in your ear and it just doesn't seem to want to let go. I'm sure you have a bunch of techniques you use, and sometimes giving into the craving is a strategy that works. So you are taking care of yourself, even if it doesn't feel like it. White knuckling is awful. Exercising is awful. But you are doing a GOOD JOB. Do not freak about about your weight. If I could share a single pearl with you it is that it is WAY WAY better to weigh 160 than 280 whereas the difference between 155 and 160 is tiny and could be explained just by normal fluctuation. It is just not possible to alter your basic weight very much in a single day or even a single week. I know it's terrifying, as it always feels like we are either on our way UP or on or way DOWN and just hanging out feels weird. But give yourself time to find a maintenance style. I know you can do it!!! And you will feel so pretty with your Brazilian Blowout! Smooth shiny hair just works wonders for your self-esteem!
So, as for me. I had a disappointing scale morning. Saw 279 on the scale yesterday and then bounced all the way up to 281.8 this morning for no apparent reason. I have not been super-tight with food as one of my kids is home from college and so we've eaten a couple of meals out. I've been eating conservatively, but maybe no conservative enough to actually move the scale down. Did Day 2 of C25K today. It was considerably less euphoric than the first day. I don't know what is with my left leg that I've had on and off problems with it cramping up. I was able to finish the workout by keeping my pace slow, but I felt heavy and awkward... but, hey, I did it. My fitness has already picked up quite a bit, and I'm just trusting that the weight will follow. I have a feeling that I'm going to have to go a bit tighter on calories, but I'm resisting the urge to tighten down too much. If I could lose at 1400-1500 that would be really great, as I will for sure have to drop down to 1200 before long.
Quick check in. The good news? I finally hit 279 on the scale today. This gets me back to about what I weighed in October, before I put on fifteen pounds over the holidays.
The bad news? Got a message from my doctor that I have pre-diabetes. I'm kind of shocked as my dermatologist called me two days later with the results, but my regular doctor-- I'm just hearing now, two weeks later? It's especially odd as I was in the office for a follow up last week and she didn't say anything. At the time I was a little surprised she didn't go over my lab results with me, but I assumed they were all fine. Anyway, I'm not exactly happy because my mom has diabetes so this is definitely something I had been worrying about. This also makes me wonder if I should take a fresh look at the WLS to help me from progressing down this road. Sigh... so much to think about. On a brighter note, I did day 2 of C25k yesterday and lived to tell the tale.
Down 7.6 pounds for March. I'm soooo ready for April.
Uber - Does your doctor want you to come in to talk about your options? My understanding is pre-diabetes can usually be controlled with diet. Which you are already doing. Maybe there are specific diet things that will help.
Slash - I hope we both get a break in the weather soon!!!
Dread - did you make 258? Fingers crossed!
Laurie - well, I'm glad that craving is out of the way! But I totally totally understand where you are. You said: "It is not nearly as exciting to maintain weight loss" but maintaining isn't just easy coasting from here on out. It's always a constant battle. I know you can figure out how to get it in perspective. Personally I'm counting on your insights so I can use them when i finally get to maintaining.....
I am having the CRAZIEST day! I have skimmed through the posts, and am feeling more motivated today than in some time, but work today is unmanageable. I am going to try to sneak back here after my 3:00-4:00 meeting (seriously! on a Friday afternoon?), but if I don't make it, please know that even just spending five minutes skimming insightful posts means everything to me.
Vlada I did not talk to my doctor-- yet. There was apparently some kind of screw up as I know that these results were in the office more than two weeks ago-- and I've seen her since then, so I don't know exactly what happened. I just got a message from her assistant that I could just recheck in 6-8 weeks, or come in if I wanted to start meds. I guess I'll make an appointment to go in and talk to her. She knows I'm trying to lose weight. I had already dropped 13 between my first visit with her and the follow up, and I've lost another 5 since then...I was doing the bad thing for the past few years, which was worrying that I was putting myself at risk for diabetes and so avoiding the doctor like the plague so I didn't have to face it-- so in that sense, I'm lucky to be only pre-diabetic, so there is still room to reverse it. My mom was diagnosed about 20 years ago, and they didn't diagnose pre-diabetes then, so her first diagnosis she was already in full-blown diabetes. But my mom was only moderately overweight, never obese, so I figured that I was a prime candidate.
So, all well with me. Woke up this morning to find that my mother had made a full breakfast-- bacon and biscuits-- for my college daughter who was going back to school today. Such a sweet gesture, but the smell of bacon, eggs, and biscuits is overwhelming for a person who tries to stick with coffee with milk only in the morning. I resisted, and ate a boiled egg when I got home from the airport to stave off any additional cravings.
I'm frustrated with a minor workout problem I'm having. When I push the incline or speed on the treadmill, the muscle that runs along the outside front of my calf starts to cramp-- just on the left. It's been happening on and off since I started exercising in late Jan, and it doesn't happen every time. When it happens, if I slow way down or stop for a minute or two, it goes away, but yesterday, I pushed through and completed my workout and then it still felt a bit sore/tight after. Planning to do day 3 of C25K today and worried that it's going to do same-- I suspect it's something about my gait that is affecting left side only.
And, the good news? 278 today, so firmly into the new decade. My first mini-goal is 262, which was my maintenance weight before the GREAT GAIN OF 2016. Diane, Amanda, Carter, and anyone else, hope you guys are having a great day.
And Hi Laurie. Looks like we were posting at the same time! Hope your day calms down!
Oh my gosh.... so slammed at work. I thought I came back on here yesterday to post, but I never did. Not a lot of time today either... so shoutouts to all the good stuff going on out there. Uber: sorry about the diagnosis. I hope your doctor can help you with working through that. Keep us updated!
For me, not much to say. I'm planning to take a little time this weekend to get my head back on straight. I think if I set some small goals on my workouts, weight and diet, I can keep the frustrations away. I was hoping to get back to normal much faster than it is actually happening, so need to think about it a little bit and calm myself back down.... Injuries suck!!!
Uber: I'm so sorry to hear you got diagnosed with pre-diabetes (and thank God it's pre and not actual diabetes!!!). We're always here for moral support! You're doing so great with this weight loss, and I'm glad you're going to be checking in with your doctor on what's going on. Hopefully the weird muscle gait thing resolves! I've got the same issue with my right foot getting more sore than my left foot while walking.
Vladadog: Ha, no! Although I did almost make it back down, just not quite. More on that below.
Laurie: Hope work doesn't drive you too batty! Glad you're feeling more motivated
Diane: Work is driving everyone crazy today! Glad you checked in Small goals are awesome!
Alright, guys. I haven't been exactly good this week and did NOT reach my goal of 258 today. It's alright, though. I'm still floating around the 261 mark, which is still a decent loss from my starting weight, and I'm definitely noticing my fitness level getting better at the gym. I've been indulging in small things here and there (some chicken nuggets at work and a small cup of sweet tea, a big pickle the other night, last night I ate a lemon with salt, as examples) but nothing super calorie-filled or too crazy. Mostly salty things (I LOVE SOUR SALTY THINGS) but I've been trying to drink lots of water and minimize damage. Tomorrow, we're having steak for dinner, and then I'm going to commit myself to a *perfect* week next week. Just one week! Seven days! I can do it, I know it! Starting this Sunday, seven on-plan, perfect days.
I'm...surprisingly disappointment-free about my weight right now. I feel good, I'm looking a tiny bit better, and my fitness level is improving. The stairs aren't horrible, and I'm increasing my speed and incline on the treadmill every day. I'm eating about 90% on-plan, and I'm doing extremely well with saying "no" to most of the food and drinks offered to me. Overall, it's going well. Which is why instead of focusing on my weight goal, I'm just going to focus on saying on-plan from Sunday thru Saturday next week.
