Discussion 1: Dr Phil's Unlocking the Door to Permanent Weight Loss
Ok Ladies and Gents!
The day has finally arrived! YEAH!
We have a great looking crowd and I am impressed and excited!
This weeks discussion: Part One: Unlocking the Door to Permanent Weight Loss
Some Suggestion Questions that I have:
Was there anything he said in these chapters that really stood out to you and why?
"It's about changing yourself from the inside out" I have tried all the other stuff without looking on the inside. I know that so much of my problems is the emotional garbage that I have hidden down below that needs to come out one way or another..... I just keep shoving it back down with food!
"Your Goal Wieght is a state of health and well-being that is congruent and in harmony with how you are physically and genetically configured. It is the weight that is "right" for you - a stable, comfortable weight. I have always looked at those charts are what actress weigh that are my height and think "thats where I need to be"... never taking into account that 110#'s on me doesnt look good. I have been there a LONG time ago.... I am a larger boned, big busted girl.... Then I was looking at 125# until my 15 year old daughter got there and realized thats too thin for me also.... so now I am looking at 135-140#.... I do like that he says all the stuff about the charts being guides and that alot of charts are old and unreasonable. It makes me feel less guilt when I dont reach what those charts tell me I am supposed to reach!
"Your job is to unlock each door, step through it with a commitment to change and to keep moving forward until youve walked through all seven" Ok this one is harder for me.... I am someone that wants to jump right in and get to the plan.... what workout do I need to follow - what food do I need to eat..... Ok I need to stand on my head and twirl and I will lose 1# a twirl...ok.....so to slow down and do this journey is hard for me. That is why I think the book club is an excellent idea.... It gives me time to let this stuff "sink" in...
"what is your personal truth?"My currnet personal truth - what I keep saying to myself is that I am not worth what I have. Like I dont deserve to have a great hubby after being a single mom for 13 years, that I dont deserve to get paid what I earn, that I am ugly, an embarassment to my family, that I am stupid, and I am desperate. I have what I think of as small panic attacks thinking I will never succeed in losing this weight and that at some point everyone is going to realize how much of a fraud I truly am.......I know in my right mind that this is bull.... that I have earned everything... that I have struggled but my other mind doesnt think so.... the other mind is my mother telling me that there has to be a man out there that like smart, pudgy girls (when I weighed 140#s), how my granfather told me that i would like having sex with him because all the prostitutes on Hollywood Ave did it all the time, etc.... lots of wrong personal truths. That is what I am hoping to walk away from. To be able to look in the mirror and say I am beautiful, smart, sexy, funny, and worth everything that GOD has seen fit to bless me with!
What do you guys think of Dr Phils comment about not need willpower and that willpower doesnt work..... I am not sure if I totally buy into but it does seem to be truthful to some degree. I can be so dedicated for awhile and then poof no motvation, no nothing!
I am going to stop for now. I may bring up more stuff later... but would like to hear from everyone else! This should be one hoping group!
What do you guys think of Dr Phils comment about not need willpower and that willpower doesnt work..... I started my journey back in March with very little faith in myself. And zero "willpower." What I did was to challenge myself to see if changing other things in my lifestyle would effect my eating and self-esteem. I managed to lose the first 20 pounds, and plateaued, so I began to read, research and experiement with food and exercise. 6 months later, it's still working even though I have emotional issues to deal with. Stealing a quote from a buddy on another forum, "I guess I showed me" (that it can be done.)
"Your job is to unlock each door, step through it with a commitment to change and to keep moving forward until youve walked through all seven" . . . No problem. Experience has shown me that this will be a lifetime commitment, and even after reaching a goal weight, "maintenance" is continuing with a new way of life and lifestyle, thus incorporating forever a new way of eating/exercising and dealing with unnecessary emotional pain that only I allow to surface.
"what is your personal truth?" . . . I am lonely. I don't trust other women and the one I have trusted most recently let me down, and is also a negative influence, constantly *****ing about anything and everything. I depend on my husband to fulfill all my emotional needs. When he doesn't, I become angry, but it's a self-imposed anger because it's not him, it's me. Even though my anger is misplaced, it still happens and I end up making myself miserable. This all goes back to being a lonely child and having a mother who was unavailable and very critical when she did interact with me. I also have 2 siblings, older but whom I never bonded with. And both of them are messed up in their lives, much worse than I.
I also have an issue with my body. When I was 17, I was beaten, raped and sodomized by a boy I had known since the 2nd grade. So I know I have tried to make myself unattractive for that reason. Also, mother's voice returns saying "that if a man really loves you, it doesn't matter what you look like." And the visual connection is a mother who was morbidly obese all of her life. One thing I have heard Dr. Phil say is that the mother-daughter, father-son relationship is the most important to a child, and that the significant parent is the role model for the child. No wonder I'm so screwed up!
dip
Since writing the above early this morning, I have spent the last 6 hours journaling, and had what I think was a large breakthrough moment. I easily blamed trying to make myself unattractive because of the rape. Actually, I began to gain theweight at 22, just prior to getting pregnant, not before then. My first husband was extremely jealous and turned out to be abusive. He even accused me of fooling around with the landlord and the butcher. I was attractive and men flirted with me, but I never gave him reason to believe I took any of it serious. I now remembered I was close to 160 when I got pregnant, from 135. When I delivered my son I was 232, took some off, but never got below 190.
Don't get me wrong, the rape did have an effect on me, but it was my family's reaction that hurt more than anything. I won't go into details but I will say that I was hurting that I am estranged from my siblings,- but not any more. This process, even this early on, is setting me free.
Thanks, Sunny D for your kind and thoughtful words.
Location: I am from 29 Palms, California... but now live in Northeast, Ohio
Posts: 2,107
S/C/G: SW-245.5/CW-209/GW-170
Height: 5'5"
Dip...
Hi DIP ~ I just had to say something about all you suffered. I am so very sorry! (((Hugs))) But you have come so far and showed everyone (and foremost - yourself!) that you are a' true survivor '... this is a huge step for you and you have already taken those first few tough steps and succeeded... you will do well! I am inspired by you and KNOW you will make it to the top!
May God Bless YOU!
Location: I am from 29 Palms, California... but now live in Northeast, Ohio
Posts: 2,107
S/C/G: SW-245.5/CW-209/GW-170
Height: 5'5"
Yeaahhhh!!!!
Hello everyone!!! Yeaaahh, the day is finally here! And I have gone for my Curves workout and am now ready for a "New Beginning"
This weeks discussion: Part One: Unlocking the Door to Permanent Weight Loss
Was there anything he said in these chapters that really stood out to you and why?YES!!! Tons!!! But here's one: Goal setting! {on page 32 - Paragraph 2} "When he states, "you will be able to see it, feel it and experience it in your mind, in your heart, and in your spirit" Yes!
"It's about changing yourself from the inside out"Another paragraph in the book really hit home with me pertaining to this {on page 8} ~ "To Get up each morning, look at yourself in the mirror, and see yourself not as someone who is overweight or out of shape, but as the someone you will become, a person with a greater level of dignity and worth who, for probably the first time ever, is finally going to succeed --- for a Lifetime." Here! Here!
"Your Goal Weight is a state of health and well-being that is congruent and in harmony with how you are physically and genetically configured. It is the weight that is "right" for you - a stable, comfortable weight.Now I think I have a good weight for me in mind. One time, years ago (in my 20's), I went down to 135lbs and stayed there for almost 8 years! Now I know I will not go that low but I think 145 to 150 is very reasonable for me. And attainable! I am 5' 6" and have been told --- you look fine! Not! I don't want to just look "fine", I want to "look great" and "feel great"! Thus... my new adventure. You would think that after losing it once and succeeding, I would be able to do it again easily - NOT! It's so much harder this time, but I KNOW one thing for sure... that because I am digging deeper emotionally I will figure out why I put that 55lbs back on this body and keep it off this time!
I am so excited about this new journey!!!!!
"Your job is to unlock each door, step through it with a commitment to change and to keep moving forward until you've walked through all seven"Me too Angel... I am very impatient and want everything to be different NOW! You know like in "Bewitched" (okay---now I am dating myself )... she would wiggle her nose and "poof" all better. But it isn't that way and nothing "worth while" IS! When you work for it - it becomes more of a treasure and a success. I want to work for it and do it right this time!
"What is your personal truth?"My personal truth hummm I think it is to achieve contentment and acceptance of "myself". I am so quick to accept others as they are but never ME. My mother said she never needed to punish me because I was always harder on myself then any punishment she could give me when I made a mistake. I think that was because I never felt like I could 'live up' to my father's expectations for me. I still don't know what he wants from me today! And issue to be worked through...
What do you guys think of Dr Phils comment about not need willpower and that willpower doesn't work..... I must agree with you DIP & Dr. Phil... I don't think it has anything to do with 'Will-power'. I too had to turn it around to make the changes by challenging myself. I began in July, 2003 & found out that I am very competitive with me . I hold myself accountable for "MY" behavior, no one else is to blame for what " I " have done to myself... and now allowing you all in has given me another point of view in accountability. I like this in the book also {on Page 39} "The Formula: BE --- DO --- HAVE. BE committed, DO what it takes and you will HAVE what you want." So cool! Couldn't have said it better...
I am filled with JOY again about getting up in the mornings --- looking forward to sharing & enjoying one another here in this wonderful Forum and just love my new workout place at Curves and all my new Curves friends... what a great way to begin a day & a new way of living!
Well... second to Thanking my Lord for it!!
Thanks Angel! For all your hard work... you are great!
Hi there! I'm glad we're going a chapter at a time...I'm not quite finished the book yet (meant to finish this weekend, but, well, looks like it will be this week instead). Great starter questions - here's my 2 cents.
Was there anything he said in these chapters that really stood out to you and why?
Like many of you said, it's the time frame that gets me. I need to learn that I don't have to panic about how long it's going to take. I think I can do this by setting manageable goals - not losing 30 pounds by Christmas (scary!!), but losing 2 pounds this week (okay...that sounds do-able). That way, in 50 weeks, I'm there (or close)...I have to remember this year will go by either way. I think it's also a good reminder to read that I'm doing this for ME, to change MY weight...it's not going to swoop down and fix everything in my life, and that's okay.
Another thing he goes into is on pg. 25. He talks about how you can be a good person to other people and not be one to yourself. When I examine my values, the big ones that I come up with are that I'm honest and I keep my promises...two things I totally don't do when it comes to ME. Can I really be the good person I want to be if I don't follow my own rules with myself? I found this very important to my thought process.
I also LOVE the quote on pg. 21 " 'Even I don't wake up looking like Cindy Crawford' - Cindy Crawford". That's the best!
I have to admit I'm still nervous about having a person to be answerable to. I just don't have that in my life...which is why I'm on the board!
Willpower...hmm, not sure I totally agree with him here. I mean, I think you need a little - to finish the book, to follow the steps through to completion, etc. You probably don't have to rely on it exclusively - you achieve weight loss through appropriate programming, but you need willpower to get the programming done. Or maybe it's just symantics and I'm really talking about motivation. Anyways, I know this is often where I fall off - I'll do a step, and continue with it, but I end up being too lazy/unmotivated to move on to the next step once I've got the first under control (happy with my current success, afraid to fail on the next one?). Which is another reason why I've joined the board...being answerable to others is very motivating
It's about changing yourself from the inside out. I think as with a lot of others I too have tried to work on the outside instead of working on the inside. Because if you don't have the mindset it's not going to happen, for me anyway. I start out with good intentions and then end up quitting because in my mind I am a failure at losing weight. Of course had I known this years ago I may not be here today doing it once again.
Your goal weight is a state of health...I agree with this because not everyone is meant to be a size 1. I was skinny (to me) before having kids (135lb.s) and I know today that is too skinny for me. I know at my age and build that 150-155 is a good weight for me, "right" for me.
Your job is to unlock each door, step through it with a committment to change and to keep moving forward until you have walked through all seven... This will be a good thing for me because I too am impatient. Already reading the book I wanted to skip parts and check out the rest of the book, you know see what it is I need to do. But I didn't, I am working on being patient and working through the keys one at a time.
What do you guys think about willpower and it not working? Okay, now this one I am not too sure about. Because while he has a good point I think it does have a little to do with willpower, for me anyway. Maybe that's something I just tell myself as an excuse for failing, I have no willpower. Something definitely worth thinking about. It's funny because I never gave a lot of what Dr. Phil has said in his book a second thought until I started reading it. Now, that's all I think about and can't wait to read more.
What is your personal truth? My personal truth is that I am so negative towards myself. I don't like myself very much and I feel I don't deserve to look/feel good or to have anything good in my life. It stems from losing a DH, DS (feeling guilty) and being told growing up I was fat by a mother who wasn't so skinny herself and was never available to me emotionally, by some siblings and by so-called friends. Not that this is an excuse because I am the only one to blame for my behavior, no one else.
Reading this book has brought a lot of things up that I haven't thought about in years and didn't really want to think about, which may be a good thing. So we will see how it goes.
I will do my full post later, but I wanted to put my two cents in about what I think that Dr. Phil is defining as will power. Over the years I have re-defined will power for myself. I was a consistent one pack a day smoker and I just quit. I woke up one morning and decided that I was no longer a smoker. I threw out my cigarettes, I had my carpets cleaned, my bedding, curtains and coats all dry cleaned, I took out the ash trays in my car, I got the inside of my car detailed and I removed all evidence that I smoked, I got rid of my matches and lighters, and no one was allowed to smoke inside my house, they would have to go outside. In essence I started my life as a non smoker.
This had nothing to do with will power, it had to do with commitment and finding the right set of tools to support that decision. In that one day I made my mind up to live like a non-smoker.
That is how I frame what Dr. Phil is saying about will power is something else that I can't quite frame yet, but am thinking about it. All I know is that quitting smoking was a helluva lot easier than shedding weight....
Just some words for thought......
Last edited by Rowan Bailey; 09-23-2003 at 11:39 AM.
Was there anything that he said that stood out?
When he said not to skip ahead and read about the diet, I did that before I even read the first chapter. I had to find out what his idea's about food were.
It's about changing yourself from the inside out.
Good point. No matter how many pounds you lose, if you don't like yourself, you'll never be happy. I wonder sometimes why I feel like I am never good enough. After reading the introductions and then the posts on this thread too, I realize I'm not alone with this feeling. Many of us have emotional scarring from the past and present injuries too that are causing us to feel like we are not good enough, just as we are right now. I remember lots of embarrassing, degrading things from my childhood and later life, but I need to remember that those things do not define me, I define myself.
Your goal weight is a state of health.
After going through a long term disability, I absolutely agree. I am looking forward to losing weight to feel healthier, to experience less pain and to be able to move like most other people do. This did make me think about my goal weight. I found a picture of myself when I was 135 lbs (15 years ago). I now think I looked too thin then, but at that time, I felt like I was overweight. I have a picture of myself when I started to lose weight last year. The difference from 274 (last year) to 222 (now) is amazing. I think I will have DH take a picture of me now at this weight, so I have something to compare to when I get below 200. I have my picture of myself when I began on my mirror and I think I'll keep a running picture log there so I can see where I am. It is so hard to look in the mirror and really see what I look like. I think I look one way, but really, I look completely different. Seeing a picture of myself seems to help me see my complete body.
Willpower and my personal truth-
I laid on the couch for over a year after my accident and barely got up to use the commode next to the couch. One day, I realized I was unable to sit up for more than 5 minutes without being completely exhausted. That was my moment of truth. I knew I had to get up and move just do something, or I'd be completely bedridden for the rest of my life. It took tremendous willpower for me to make the effort to start to exercise. First, I got dressed and sat on the exercise machine I was using at the time. This was exhausting and painful. I did this daily the first week. The second week, I exercised for 2 1/2 minutes the first day. I had to take the next day off as I found that I was exhausted. I kept at it, but it was from sheer force of will. I am not sure if it's symantics or not either. Other terms you can use are desire and determination. I know that if you want something badly enough, you can make it happen. But truthfully, willpower will only take you so far. After awhile, you do need something to keep you going forward because desire/willpower is not easily maintained for any length of time.
I have only read 2 chapters of the book so far, but I think he is saying that our weight loss success does not depend on our willpower. It depends on the changes we make in reprograming our lifestyles. I agree with him. Using willpower means we still want or desire to eat and are denying that desire. When we make changes, especially in our thinking, its no longer important to us.
I am waiting for the book to arrive from my book of the month club. I will catch up to all of you as soon as I get it. I read fast! So far, reading what you've posted, it sounds good.
Finally! Takes me forever to get everything done before I can sit down at the computer. I've been looking forward to this all day!
Was there anything he said in these chapters that really stood out to you and why? :
I don't think there was any one thing that he said that really stood out (outside of the Be--Do--Have line--I'm a sucker for tag lines like that), I've read a lot of self-help books over the past 10 years about the non-diet approach to wt loss. I think what struck me the most is how far I've come! At my worst I was a compulsive overeater/binger and then would purge. I HATED myself and couldn't STAND to think positive thoughts about myself. Now, after lot of practice with stopping negative thinking, I can actually say I'm PROUD of myself and I really like who I am! I've come a long way but still have some work to do with stress eating.
Your Goal Weight... I really like his realistic wt chart. I always wanted to weigh 120s (you know.. the less the better)
Now, I just want to acheive a weight where I feel good, I don't need to be stick thin. I would like for my husband to be able to safely pick me up though
Your job is to unlock each door, step through it with a commitment to change and to keep moving forward until youve walked through all seven:
I'm really looking forward to going through each of the 7 doors. For the first time since I've been buying these books, I didn't look ahead!
Not sure about the willpower thing.. made sense when I was reading it. I always thought that it WAS willpower that determined whether you would lose weight and I didn't have any--felt like a failure, but since I've been changing my habits I've been losing and I don't think I gained any willpower (if that makes any sense..)
Sillymonkey--I also liked the Cindy Crawford quote! I'd like to see what she does look like at home alone.
Great!!!I just started reading and even though I am only 4 lbs over my goal weight, I keep going back up after a while so I know something is there for me. Getting nails done at 8 so I will catch up later. Mima
What great posts!! Everyone's thoughts are just as inspiring as the book! Thank you to everyone.
Was there anything he said in these chapters that really stood out to you and why?
It was good to understand that the diet industry has a 95% failure rate. It just put why taking this step for me has been attached to so much negativity. It also was a good reminder that this is not a turnkey solution; it is about building an entire life that supports being happy and for me, being happy is not being captive to what I weigh, not even necessarily that it needs to be a specific number, but a specific way that I feel about myself.
I realized that I am fixated on wanting the quick fix. I am currently doing hypnosis and that is all about re-programming the negative tape in my head. When you are being hypnotized, you can’t speed up the process, you have to be completely focused on what your being told to do, I am trying to put those same principles into place in reading and following the book in the order that Dr. Phil is recommending….so I am surrendering that I have absolutely no patience…urghhh
I don’t think that there was any major epiphanies, but the fact that this he is telling us the truth, no quick fixes, hard work, getting real, that we many not get everything that we have in our head gave me a calmness, and for the first time I felt that I was reading words that addressed me and not the reasons that what/how I have been eating has made me fat, but the reasons why I made those choices in the first place. This makes me feel more confident in the steps than “all you have to do is stop eating pasta!”
My comments about the will power are in my prior post….
I'm going to do a longer post later but I wanted to throw one thought out for the moment:
I was very disappointed in his GET REAL weight charts
I always felt like the other weight charts didn't reflect a realistic goal for me and as I read the first chapter I couldn't wait to establish a Get Real weight and then strive to hit it!!
I'm 5'3" and medium boned. The lowest I've ever weighed and maintained was in the 140 - 160 range so I had set 150 as my personal goal. Based on what I was reading I felt Dr. Phil was going to vindicate my position that the weight goals on the standard charts were way wrong. Instead, his goal for me was the same as all the other charts -- 125!! Don't get me wrong, I'd love to weigh this but I don't think it is realistic. Taken in the context of the chapter, I found this weight expectation a huge blow to my motivation.
Discussion 1: Dr Phil's Unlocking the Door to Permanent Weight Loss
Dip...
Hi DIP ~ I just had to say something about all you suffered. I am so very sorry! (((Hugs))) But you have come so far and showed everyone (and foremost - yourself!) that you are a' true survivor '... this is a huge step for you and you have already taken those first few tough steps and succeeded... you will do well! 
Yeaahhhh!!!!
Here!
)... she would wiggle her nose and "poof" all better. But it isn't that way and nothing "worth while" IS! When you work for it - it becomes more of a treasure and a success. I want to work for it and do it right this time!
I think it is to achieve contentment and acceptance of "myself". I am so quick to accept others as they are but never ME. My mother said she never needed to punish me because I was always harder on myself then any punishment she could give me when I made a mistake. I think that was because I never felt like I could 'live up' to my father's expectations for me. I still don't know what he wants from me today! And issue to be worked through...
. I hold myself accountable for "MY" behavior, no one else is to blame for what " I " have done to myself... and now allowing you all in has given me another point of view in accountability. I like this in the book also {on Page 39} "The Formula: BE --- DO --- HAVE. BE committed, DO what it takes and you will HAVE what you want." So cool! Couldn't have said it better...
