Hello all! I have been waiting for my copy of Dr. Phil's book to arrive in the mail from my book club. Well, it came today. I promise to put aside the trashy novel I am currently reading and catch up to all of you. By Monday, I should have something to post. I have been reading your posts for the past week, and I can't wait to participate!!!
Well, I finally received Dr. Phil's book and WOW - do I have my work cut out for me.
"Changing from the inside out" - Since so many of my dieting efforts have failed, this is something I've realized for some time now. I'm looking forward to learning how to do it.
"Your Goal Weight is a state of health and well-being that is congruent and in harmony with how you are physically and genetically configured." Does anyone else think this flies in the face of his weight table when taken in the context of Get Real Goal Setting? According to the table I should weigh what I did when I was 30. I'm more realistic than than and know that's not a Get Real anything for me. I believe the statement about "Goal Weight being congruent ..." but I think he contradicts that statement with the weight table.
"Your job is to unlock each door, step through it with a commitment to change and to keep moving forward until you've walked through all seven". I am TOTALLY committed to doing this right. I'm going to open each door slowly and in order - it'll take awhile but I believe I'll be learning so much about my self that I'd better take my time in order to comprehend everything.
About willpower - I really liked what he said about will power being related to depriving yourself. That concept really works for me so I'm with him regarding "no willpower".
I hope each of you will forgive me for not addressing each of the topic areas, but my approach to this is going to be"An Assignment for Life".So rather than addressing specifc sections of the book, although I'm sure I will from time to time, my posts will likely be more along the lines of insights I'm gaining from it. For example, for the past day and for the upcoming week my plan is to practice positive self-talk. I've learned that I internalize most things related to my (lack of) weight management and I'm very hard on myself. So, in order for me to succeed with the 7 Keys, where I think I need to, I'm going to take the time to practice each step for a few days (or until I think I've "got it"), before moving on to the next chapter. I've been taking extensive notes, spending a lot of time thinking about some of the passages and, well, treating this like I would taking a class.
I'm pretty pumped about all this and looking forward to what's next. The idea of being a better me, and not just size wise, has me very excited.
"You did what you knew how to do, when you knew better, you did better" ~ Maya Angelou
Greetings all,
"Was there anything he said in these chapters that really stood out to you and why?"
As he starts the chapter, I like how he illustrates in the very first pages that this is not "'quick and easy' but doable" and "there is no 'one size fits all' solution". For me those statments put me at ease.. kind of like "Good, I am not going to asked to run through some totally impossiable obstical course - He's sensable!" It seems like every diet on the market wants something crazy, that we all know deep down ultimately won't work. We all have jumped on some stupid diet band-wagon (cabbage soup diet, atkins diet, Xenadrine, Herb-a-Life) knowing full well in our heart that we would never be able to sustain that kind of life style. One thing I did not like about the first 8 pages is that he kept repeting himself... 8 pages of of one concept stated 50 different ways.
Seven Keys:
#1 - Right Thinking "unlocks the door to self-control". I feel that self-control is his replacement for will-power. I like this, it is more tangable to me. I feel like I can have self-control even when I am not in a dieting mood or perky, for lack of a better word. With will-power I feel like I am constantly haveing to be my own cheerleader and motivated all of the time.
#2 & #4- Healing Feelings & Mastery Over Food and Impulse Eating - these are very interconnected for me. Both definately play a big part of any weight loss I'll have. I am a total emotional eater, I eat when I am happy, sad, bored, and I usually over eat at meals, just because the food is there.
#3 & #7 A No-Fail Envrioment & Circle of Support are also very interconnected, with-out one, I won't manage the other. My biggest issue here is my husband with the turbo metabolism who has a very hard time understanding why I am cooking differently and why I won't go to Baskin Robbins with him. I won't even go into a Food Court most days. And he is totally resistant to the intergration of new healthier foods (fish, veggies, tofu).
Later in the chapter Dr.Phil goes into programming yourself for success. This is an easy concept to understand, harder to accomplish. In a household envrioment, it's not just reprogramming yourself, but your whole family as well. This will be my biggest challenge.
My own personal truth: For me it is all about the food. I work in a profession that requires certian physical standards be met, and I do meet them. I excersize an average of 5 times a week and love to work out. So, the food is what is killing me. Like I said earlier... I eat for every emotion and always for celebrations. That is one of my biggest concerns, the hoildays are comming and what am I gonna do? Half of Christmas and all of my Thanksgiving traditions revolve around cooking and baking and shareing the wealth of food with all of our neighbors and co-workers and family! But I digress.
So far what I think of this chapter is "Your right Dr. Phil, you are right"! For me this first chapter has been about control - about all of us taking back control of our own lives. I have read ahead and can't wait to get to the rest of the chapters with all of you.... to the action part of it.
I have been a lurker on 3 Fat Chicks for about three years. Occasionally, I would post something, mostly a looking for a recipe or information about a product. I have always read the different diet plans posted here and have been on those diets at one time or another. When I started reading Dr. Phil's book, I was terribly excited about finding out that you were starting a book forum to discuss the book. You guys are so insightful and I am amazed that so many of you have the same problems and deal with some of the same things that I do. I started reading and applying the Dr. Phil book the same day I got it. I have to, I feel that this is going to be my last chance at having a normal life at a a comfortable weight. I have lost 7.5 lbs. since I started applying it. I have taken food as comfort my whole life. I am not a spill-my-guts kind of person and unlocking why I over eat is making me deal with a painful childhood that I thought I had long buried and telling someone has been quite an ordeal. I haven't taken very good care of myself over the years. I am a 52 y/o RN and should have known better. Well, I guess I did know better, but never thought enough of myself to really do it. I have always been a shamed of my body and although I am out going I haven't let too many people get really close to me on a personal level. Thanks to God, that I have a wonderful husband and kids. Now a word to the wise. Quite a few years ago, I had to go to a female gynocologist. Mine had left the area and she was completely new to me. I have always hated the physical exam because I have always been so embarrassed about my size. I always try to make a joke about being so big and I have always figured if I make fun of it and address it before someone else does it would make things easier for me. As the doctor was palpating my stomach to feel my ovaries, she was very quiet and finally said, "Did you know there are people starving in Africa." I was so humiliated I have never gone back for another pap or pelvic. I have had quite a bit of pain with my abdomen for the last few months but it seemed like every doctor I've ever gone to has made my being overweight the cause of all my troubles so why go. The doctor I worked for even asked me if I knew what a salad was! Well, to make a long story short. I finally went to see the doctor and after a stomach and pelvis CT, they are sending me for a work up for ovarian cancer. I know that ovarian cancer is very hard to diagnose, but feel if I had been more comfortable with myself and my body things would not have progressed so far as they have. I was also diagnosed with severe arthritis in my thoracic spine. Doctor asked me if I had been having any pain and I said yes, but everytime I had complained to doctors in the past they just told me that I needed to lose weight. This doctor is completely different. He is a christian doctor and is one of the nicest men I've ever met. When he first met me I told him that I know I'm overweight, now let's go on to something else. He just laughed and said if you are aware of it than you need to deal with it. Well, enough. I guess this is has been cathartic for me. Dr. Phil's book is making me realize that I do matter, I have an obligation to my family to get healthy and stay well. I can't continue to wallow in self-pity and hide behind food. We went to Pizza Hut and I kept hearing in my head things that I had read in the book and I didn't make pizza the main course or the only course. Thank you Dr. Phil.
Hugs to you Nanj! I am so sorry that people are so rude and that it hurt you so. I'm so happy you have found a good Dr. and I wish you well. You really took a lot of courage to share that and I'm proud of you. Maybe you can now put it behind you and not hear that stupid lady dr.
Nanj....I, too, and sorry to hear that so many people have hurt you. Please come and post with us often. There are so many great people here who have been thru what you went thru and sometimes it does help to talk with them. I think Dr. Phil's book is going to help a lot of us.
I have to agree with Kim. I'm only 5 feet tall and small-boned, and Dr. Phil says that I should weigh 99 pounds! I don't think I can remember EVER weighing that! I'm 44 years old and I know that I'm never going to weigh that amount. I was right with him until I got to the weight chart. It really brought me down, because even the bad charts that the doctors have don't say that I need to weigh in at that low number. What was he thinking? I realize that he was just giving a starting point and everything else that you guys said, but I think he'd been better off if he'd just left the chart out of it.
Nanj,
I am so proud of you for being able to speak about how you feel and to be open. I know it's hard, especially when your talking about something so personal.
I was an RN for over 20 years and I know that Drs are just people, some good, some not so good. However, that doesn't mean that they can't learn how to treat patients better. Too many of them are so full of themselves, they don't remember that they are just people with faults of their own. It's hard to find a good AND compassionate one, those are the most rare.
I think you are like so many women, myself included, that spend a lot of time caring for other people, but not caring for yourself very much. I'm hoping this book will address that in depth. If not, I know already that this group has picked apart the first chapter into fine shreds and I've learned more than I ever dreamed possible from everyones open, honest posts. I really think that this will be a wonderful place to find something that we have been missing so badly-a place filled with people that have common experiences, feelings and support each other.
I hope you continue to post and that you find out good news from the tests. Nikki
Location: I am from 29 Palms, California... but now live in Northeast, Ohio
Posts: 2,107
S/C/G: SW-245.5/CW-209/GW-170
Height: 5'5"
Nanj...
Dear NANJ ~ I too am very touched by you taking the time to open up to us. That took strength of character to do. I bet you don't even know how much you have helped others who may be lurking now going through the same thing and will now go to a Dr if they never have or till they find one that will care for them and help them as you have. There are just too many "Dr. God's" out there today that think they know more then the person suffering... when all they have to do is "care"! I praise the Lord that you found someone and he was a good Christian Dr. with a heart for people, no matter the size. There are many good Dr's out there, you just have to keep looking till you find one that will listen to you --- YOU are Proof of that!
May the Lord Bless You, Nanj!
My Prayers...
You are very Special!
Thank-you for sharing!!!
My heart ached when I read your post. I saw so much of myself in it.
I too had a hard time going to see the doctor for routine checkups mainly because they were so uncomfortable and because of my size.
Then in the summer of 2000 I was told I had cancer -- endrometrial cancer -- and that I needed a complete radical hysterocomy. I went into a state of shock -- they told me that with the symptons that I had had over 10 years if I had it checked out that possibly the surgery would not have been necessary. But I didn't go to the doctors as you I stated above. So on Sepember 7 I was operated on. I had to uproot my family and dry 12 hours to get to the hospital as our local hospital would not consider doing the operation -- I was to much of a health risk not because of the cancer but because my weight was causing to many other medical concerns. I was told the day prior to the operation that I would be in the hospital possibly for 14 days and that more than likely I would be in ICU for at least 4 days all due to my weight and the problems stemming from it. But the Lord was with me. I was operated on on Friday at 2 pm and the following morning before 9 am all tubes were removed including the morphine drip. They discharged me on Monday -- telling me that it was ok to make the long trip home by car just keep a pillow handy. And that is what we did. Of course there was the healing process of the surgery but that went well. The outcome of the surgery was good -- they told me that even though the cancer had been growing for 10 years that they got it all -- no chemo or radiation -- that I was cancer free. But of course I had to go through the regular check ups as all cancer patients do. Low and below this spring the called to tell me -- guess what the cancer has returned -sorry! Yeah, right, sorry! So now what? From May 25 until July 24 I went daily for radiation -- the cancer returned only in one small part -- just one cell but they had to treat it aggressively this time because of its return -- and they have told me that with me still having all this weight that there is a possibility that it will come back again!! Nice thoughts right. Well I have completed all the treatments and had a 6 week checkup -- doctor -- very good one I might say -- says oops, your not healed I can't properly exam you. I asked why am I not healed? He said -- this is the effects sometimes with radiation -- internal scaring -- so I am now having to see my gyno this week -- and if he can't get a proper exam then once again I have to travel to the cancer hospital -- this time 6 hours away -- to be put to sleep to see why I am not healing inside. Scary is the effects radiation can have -- permanent diahrea is one, the possibility that the scaring can close of the vagina so that any further exams cann't be done and also by the way if the scaring gets this bad they now tell me that having sex with hubby would be out of the question due to all the scaring. They didn't tell me that before the radiation. Mind you I still would have gone through with the treatment as getting rid of the cancer is the first priority.
I tell you this not to scare you but to let you know you aren't alone. Should you ever want to talk privately please send me a private message -- it helps talking to someone who has been there -- there are so many more issues to deal with when you have been told the word cancer -- and I must say my husband and I am still dealing with them and I am sure will continue for the rest of our lives. Once a cancer victim always a cancer victim -- just different stages we go through with it.
But by the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ we can make it -- but we really need to get this weight off to help ourselves with this problem -- and we can do it.
I started with this book 3 weeks ago today and have lost 2 pounds since then -- not much but that is the first 2 pounds in months.
It is amazing how cancer is in everyone's lives somehow..... whether you are the person or one of your friends and loved ones.....
I had cervical cancer 4 years ago.... I was also having so much trouble with my endometriosis that I was bleeding 19 days a month. I had been having pap smears but they always came back bad because of the female issues that no one really paid attention to them.... one day my new doctor (a female) went to do some exploration and stopped cold. I was at level 3 cancer with heavy signs of level 4........ this was in August. Problem was due to my severe anemia they couldnt operate on me for fear of death.... They started giving me iron shots every other day... I had to have shots because i am allergic to Iron and pills dont stay down.... I was sick as a dog everyday for 4 months from these shots. At the start of my shots my one blood count was 1600 (it is supposed to be around 3500) and my other count was a 7 (which was supposed to be 12-14)....
I was a single mother of 2 kids at the time and had no one near that could help me except my neighbor and I didnt want to burden her too much.... I was trying to work fulltime, take kids to dance and baseball.... tyring to have a normal life inbetween constant throwing up and extreme weakness....
I was lucky. I have one of the few doctors in the world that truly cares. I am not some chart. I am not a number. She cried with me the day we decided on a hysterctomy ( I was only 31 years old). She held my hand and stayed in the exam room with me for an hour. She was wonderful!
My surgery was finally set for December 19th.... my mother came up to supposedly help me after surgery. The surgery went well. I was lucky. I had already decided that if she didnt get everything I was not going to go through chemo..... my standard of living was already gone and I wanted the last days to be good days.
I came home on a thursday before christmas. My mother proceeded to leave with my kids to go back home to have christmas at her house instead on friday. She left me alone on christmas after having a c-section hysterectomy where I wasnt to lift anything or climb stairs (bedroom and shower upstairs). Lowest point in my life. I thought about suicide ALOT!!!!!
I stared at my christmas tree all day and night the day of christmas and thought of death. I spoke to God most of the day. I was trying to figure out my place and why I didnt feel like I belonged. Why even my mother couldnt love me. Low was not the word.
Then on New Years Eve I decided to change my life. I was tired of being the one people always came to when they had a problem yet they were never there when I needed them.
I also realized that in all these years I had been trying to have this great close mother-daughter relationship with my mother and yet I had never asked her if this is what she wanted.... I was always calling her (single mom racking a phone bill!!!) and yet she never called me. I always made the plans for us to be together. Never her. I called her. Told her I was sorry for doing this to her. For making her feel obligated to have that type of relationship. That if she wanted one I was here but I wouldnt press her into it anymore.
The end of the story is that she now calls me and I still call her but it is more equal. I found a great guy when I stopped looking for him. And I have now been cancer free for almost 4 years without having to go through chemo....
I want to thank you guys for talking about what you are going through. I want you to know that you arent alone. I also want to thank you guys for reminding me to go have my checkup.
Have a great day!
Last edited by Angel26519; 09-29-2003 at 10:29 AM.
I will jump in a discussion tomorrow!
I am so sorry that people are so rude and that it hurt you so. I'm so happy you have found a good Dr. and I wish you well. You really took a lot of courage to share that and I'm proud of you. Maybe you can now put it behind you and not hear that stupid lady dr.
Nanj...
