[LisaP916]

Originally Posted by Lovely

I don't know if you belong to any denomination, but there are sometimes counseling services at religious houses for attendants.

^^^ This. I was just going to suggest this.

[LisaP916]

Originally Posted by Jinksie

no religion. Im agnostic. He's atheist. We have a a whole bunch more of problems too. This isnt the only one =p

Jinksie, I'm not really sure what to tell you at this point. You asked what to do, and you've gotten a ton of suggestions here - all of which you've shot down for one reason or another. No one can help you if you're not prepared to help yourself, whether with your weight loss journey or with the rest of your life.

[jessy 49]

Originally Posted by Jinksie

cant afford counseling. It's something i've looked in to.

You can't afford counseling bec he's busy buying unwanted and unneed crap at Coldstones. Same goes for the Publix subs.

This guy is being cruel to you. You need to sort out what you're going to do about it.

[Somni]

I know around here anyway, a lot of the counties have mental health services with sliding scale fees. They can be really great for making sure people aren't paying more than they can manage so they keep getting the help they need. My sister has struggled with a lot of issues and my parents are tight on cash so I've been hoping they'll take advantage of that great resource while it's around. With budget cuts all around these days, who knows how long they'll last. Maybe there is something like that around you too!

I'm very sorry that he is causing extra stress and challenge for you. Keeping on track can be hard enough without all that.

[dcapulet]

Originally Posted by Somni

I know around here anyway, a lot of the counties have mental health services with sliding scale fees. They can be really great for making sure people aren't paying more than they can manage so they keep getting the help they need. My sister has struggled with a lot of issues and my parents are tight on cash so I've been hoping they'll take advantage of that great resource while it's around. With budget cuts all around these days, who knows how long they'll last. Maybe there is something like that around you too!

I was going to suggest this. Also, domestic abuse hot lines (I'm NOT suggesting this is abuse, BTW - I don't know anything really about your situation) should be able to hook you up with free or nearly free counseling. There is a national number for DV and MH that can get you headed in the right direction for counseling, which may be good if you have many issues together.

[Munchy]

Originally Posted by jessy 49

You can't afford counseling bec he's busy buying unwanted and unneed crap at Coldstones. Same goes for the Publix subs.

This guy is being cruel to you. You need to sort out what you're going to do about it.

The reason why I never went to counseling with my ex-husband is because I knew I couldn't trust him to be my best friend and number one cheerleader in life, which is what a husband should be. He did cruel things like your husband, and just wasn't a nice person.

I just celebrated two years from my divorce, and I've never been happier. I had to get away from his toxicity and since then I've had two promotions, our small child is well-adjusted, we are about to buy our first house, and we just don't deal with any bulls**t anymore. Meanwhile, he is still dealing with car problems, expensive tickets, warrants for arrest, and unemployment.

What I hated while I was married was that all of my hard work to have a life of normalcy was undermined by his childish and wild behaviors. My daughter and I are NOW financially and emotionally stable every single day. It's PRICELESS.

I'm not saying that divorce is the right thing for you, but I know what it's like to have someone that you married and live with not consider your best interest, and that is wrong.

[Lovely]

Originally Posted by Jinksie

no religion. Im agnostic. He's atheist. We have a a whole bunch more of problems too. This isnt the only one =p

There is a possibility of free or cheap counseling services in your area depending on where you are and how hard you look/how far you're willing to go.

But beyond that, if you really aren't going to go for counseling, then there are only a few things to do.

1) Stick with him/Put up with him. Don't attempt to change the issues and have them keep coming up like clockwork.

The above could work in a situation where he's just more annoying than detrimental. Sometimes people we love do stupid things and there are a number of ways to handle it. If there are no -major- issues at hand, then it can certainly be good to ignore the dumb and focus on the positive.

2) Attempt to have a serious discussion with him about the direction of your marriage. Or find ways to show him how much his actions harm you and your relationship.

You might say that he won't sit down and shut up long enough for a discussion, but I promise you if you mention the D-word almost everyone shuts up long enough to listen. I caution that a person should only bring up that they're considering a divorce if they are actually considering a divorce. Otherwise it might feel like crying wolf, and that just adds problems.

3) Leave him.

This is usually the last resort of most couples. If the problems you're having are so severe that your life would truly be better without him, then this is certainly an option. Though... I'd have to cycle back around and say that counseling first is best to determine if divorcing him is the right move.

You might find that if your problems with him are severe enough...and you do wish or have been thinking about divorce... that he and you might find the money for counseling.


These are all if the situation is out of control. If it comes down to a few little things that you guys disagree on, and you can find ways to overlook or work around it, then clearly a divorce isn't going to be at the top of the list.

No matter what happens, I really do wish you and your family the best. And in the meantime... you are still in control of what you put into your body. You are in control of how you react. Can't always control others, but we can control ourselves.

[Koshka]

Originally Posted by Jinksie

no religion. Im agnostic. He's atheist. We have a a whole bunch more of problems too. This isnt the only one =p

If you live in a city served by a Crisis hotline or Crisis intervention service -- call them. I used to volunteer for one we had databases of places for free or reduced cost for counseling. Also call the United Way. They may have options.

All of these things require some work to do and you may have to check multiple places, but it can help. Sometimes people didn't want to get counseling because they felt it would do no good. And sometimes they were right. If that is the situation here -- you feel that you can't achieve anything through counseling -- then you need to look at what that says as well.

I'm not saying any of this is easy.

[PacSunMama]

Originally Posted by Jinksie

i dont get pissy either. He thinks my shreking high voices (im not even 100% sure what i do) is funny. I'm Australian, so i have an accent that sometimes comes out heavy English when im (as he calls it) "pissy".
my husband is the perpetual prankster. This is no "sit down and talk " with him. Through one ear and out the other.

If he thinks it's funny, or that your reaction is funny, then don't give him the pleasure. Take that shake and hold it if you need to until you find the nearest trash can. Show him that you can do this with or without his help, and don't give him the satisfaction of being upset over it (I'd be seething, but smiling just to piss him off!)

I'd just be really careful to prepare your own food, shop for your own groceries, etc. until it's clear that you can trust him to be able to take this seriously and not disrespect you. Be very even with your tone though, show him that it's NOT funny and that you take this very seriously. If he likes the shrieking, don't do it, even if you want to. Calmly tell him "Not only did you just waste our money, but you seriously just showed how much you disrespect me. I don't find this funny, and I won't play games with you over this." Once he finds that it's no fun to play games with you, he will hopefully move on.

[yoyoma]

Maybe it makes sense to avoid eating out with him entirely. You could budget your food/entertainment dollars and you each get the same amount per month. He can spend his on shakes and subs, including the ones he buys to tempt you (which, if he continues, you absolutely should just trash them to show how he is completely wasting his money). You can spend the $$ on massages, manicures, hairstyling, movie night with BF. Or you could use the money to buy gourmet healthy foods (e.g. lobster) for less than the cost of eating out.

[mmel3283]

Um...I didn't read all of the responses...BUT...my response would be:


"If you're going to keep Sabatoging my weight loss efforts...I'm going to start sabatoging our sex life"

[mercuryblue]

haha Mel ya, thats perfect girl! Women do hold a lot of power over men, in a lot of ways. Absolutely you should tell him that, that will sort his wagon real quick!