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Old 10-08-2009, 03:52 PM   #1  
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Default This morning my husband informed me...

He is done with me complaining about my weight! He says that for years all I did was complain but do nothing to change it. I do not love myself anymore and I hide from the world which is straining our marriage and our family. He says that because I hate the way I look I no longer take care of myself the way I once did, which is unattractive.

I think I just received the kick in the @$$ that I needed. I never realized that it was straining our relationship the way it was. I lost 25lbs but have put back 5 of them. I weigh MORE than my husband And the worst part is that only about 20lbs is baby weight from having my two children. When he met me I was 160lbs and now I am 295! All I can think is WHAT HAVE I DONE?!?!?!

So as of this evening I am BACK on track. This conversation has been a complete a slap back to reality.
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Old 10-08-2009, 04:03 PM   #2  
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Ya know..... you took it better than I would have and I am so glad you have realized that "this is the time". So, don't just do this b/c of his statements but do it FOR YOU! For the person you want to be..... Although I have to admit, if it wasn't for my son telling me he did not think I could do it and I quit every diet I have ever been on..... this may not have been my time, but everytime I wanted to quit, his words echoed in my mind.

As far as the "what have I done" statement..... that is not relevant now, you cannot change it, but you can change what you are going to do. YOU ARE SOOOOO going to do this.
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Old 10-08-2009, 04:27 PM   #3  
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Boy have I been here before!
I don't think I'll ever forget the time my (now) husband said to me "Well, you don't look like you did at 120 pounds".... Whenever I look in the mirror I hear it, and here I am 100 pounds heavier! I'm working on loving myself and trying to get some weight off because I feel like I am hiding and that I hold back from life because of my weight. I feel myself not wanting to go out, not wanting to meet new people, embarrassed. The worst part is missing out on things, like swimming with my kids, because I don't want people to see me in a bathing suit. So hey, we've all been in this spot, and we just need each other's support and understanding. And most of all, we need to do this for OURSELVES, not for anyone else and not because someone is unhappy with us. Love yourself and make the changes for YOU.
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Old 10-08-2009, 04:46 PM   #4  
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Woohoo! Let's do it!!!
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Old 10-08-2009, 04:54 PM   #5  
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It takes what it takes ! You can do it !
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Old 10-08-2009, 05:16 PM   #6  
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We get it. We understand! YAY for 3FC!

We can do this. We all deserve this. GO! GO! GO! Glad you found us!
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Old 10-08-2009, 05:27 PM   #7  
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I completely understand where you're coming from! I know a lot of people here do!

Although my husband has never said anything to me about it... I feel exactly like you do. I have that "WHAT HAVE I DONE" feeling too! I weighed about 150 when I met my husband. I now weight a lot more than that, and 80 lbs more than my husband. I am so sad because of it. I have gained just about 80 lbs in 6 years alone.

But, we are HERE! And we are ready to make changes!

You can do this, and so can I! Go for it, you deserve it!
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Old 10-08-2009, 05:33 PM   #8  
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i think we all had that moment. stepping on the scale, seeing your high weight. for me it was 220 and i PANICKED. it was: what have i done? how can i ever undo it?

my husband has never commented on my weight, i weighed 160 when we met. i slowly gained 60 lbs over about 4 years and he never said a word. in some ways i am glad for that because it probably wouldve just made me feel worse, but it also made it easier for me to gain weight because i knew he didnt care. i always tell him now that if i was single i never wouldve gotten that big, lol.

you need to have that moment of panic and regret to get yourself started sometimes. just don't focus on it. what you did is done, now you work on undoing it.

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Old 10-08-2009, 06:08 PM   #9  
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He honestly did not mean it in a mean way. He has (in 9 yrs) never said a word about my weight. Always says I am beautiful, he loves me, etc. and I truly believe he means every word. I don't think it is my weight that bothers him as much as my attitude because of my weight. I am embarrassed to really go out anywhere besides the stores. I never want to meet new people. I hate how I look and even worse, when I try to doll myself up I feel like a pig with lipstick. I feel like I look ridiculous. I also want to take my kids swimming but I have stopped living because I'm overweight. This is what bothers him most.
So I am doing this for my kids, him and most of all myself. I need to be able to be proud of myself.
Thank you!
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Old 10-08-2009, 07:50 PM   #10  
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I know that you can do this. You definitely seem to be in the right frame of mind and have the right attitude. It's astonishing how much of our lives our weight can affect without us even really noticing, or at least thinking we are doing a good job of hiding our own dissatisfaction from others.
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Old 10-08-2009, 08:33 PM   #11  
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It sounds like he's really supportive. Comments about weight are so difficult to hear, but from what you describe, it sounds like it was more about how you feel about yourself, which comes from the weight.

He's not saying that he's bothered by how much you weigh, but that how much you weigh is affecting your confiance, your personality, and that's what is bothering him. Kudos to him for being sensitve yet constructive, and kudos to you for taking his comments in the spirit (that I think) they were intended and doing something about it!
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Old 10-08-2009, 08:33 PM   #12  
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im sure he wasnt trying to be mean, he just sees how unhappy you are and wants something to change. my husband never said anything about my weight and could care less, but when i start getting aggravated and wanting to give up he tells me not to. he doesnt care that im getting smaller, he cares because he can tell im feeling better about myself and getting out more. im sure if you were totally happy and confident at your current weight, he wouldnt care.

lol, and after posting this i see that the person above me wrote basically the same thing and posted it in the same minute.

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Old 10-08-2009, 08:51 PM   #13  
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Thanks everyone! You are absolutely right. I just thought my first post might have come across wrong.
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Old 10-08-2009, 09:40 PM   #14  
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I get you...my husband isn't upset with how I look for himself, but because he knows how it upsets me.

When we met I was 175 and (at 5' 10") relatively trim. I could wear his shirts and look sexy and comfy. Now you could get two of him in to my pants....and not in a good way!

Good for you for taking it in a positive way and using it as a kick start!
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Old 10-08-2009, 10:04 PM   #15  
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My husband and I had a similar discussion recently. We met and married at our highest weights - so the issue isn't weight-caused, but health issue caused.

I've always been fairly self-confident and sociable. Especially in the last decade, or so (ironically after discovering and largely embracing the "fat acceptance movement), I've not let my weight hold me back from being active socially or physically. My husband met a fat, but sociable, funny, confident, intelligent, witty, ambitious, professional woman. He now often finds himself with a frumpy, moody, indecisive, unemployed, unemployable semi-hermit.

About six years ago, my health took a nosedive. I was having all sorts of bizarre symptoms, and (to make a long story short) I eventually had to stop working, and go onto SSDI, and deal with the stresses of chronic illness/disability. Never knowing how or when my body would betray me (the scariest part of my health issues is an autoimmune disease destroying my sinuses and lungs, and possibly more generically blood vessels and connective tissue).

All those changes have affected how I see myself. I'm not as confident, I'm more prone to depression, I'm often anti-social, sometimes nearly agoraphobic - and it's not so much that I'm afraid to leave the house, as much as I hate to plan activities that take me too far from home and/or involve too many people in case I feel ill - I don't want to put my husband in the position of having to leave early to take me home.

When I'm no fun to be around, it's pretty natural for hubby to miss the old, fun me. Now that he's going through the same thing - I miss the old him, too. Having to give up our jobs and independence has thrown us both through a heck of a large loop. We're readjusting to lives that are very different than the ones we envisioned when we married.

It's not the same as your situation, and yet it is. Getting my health back, as much as I'm able, is largely going to depend on weight loss. While I was able to be fat, and active in the past, it's not working for me know. I do understand why we miss the old "us," we were a lot more fun to be around. It's going to take work to regain some of what we've lost, and to adjust to the parts that we can't get back.

Some of it, we'll be able to accomplish by "faking it until we make it." Some of it will come back naturally as we get our health issues under control.

I don't know what if any of our situation is applicable in any way to yours, but I do sympathize so much.

Last edited by kaplods; 10-08-2009 at 10:05 PM.
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