Thankfully my husband has been supportive since day one, he even joined the gym with me a few months ago. If he truly loves you, he would NOT go out of his way to try to sabotage your weightloss efforts. The only reason I can think of as to why he may be doing this is insecurity on his part. Maybe he's terrified that once you do reach your goal, you're going to be so hot and decide to leave him! Odds are that won't happen (The leaving him part) but you are doing this FOR YOU, don't let ANYONE stand in your way!
Hmmmm ya thats a hard situation. My boyfriend is trying to follow the plan with me at home... more a less. However he has a weakness for nachos, and ends up eating them like 3 times a week lol. He eats them in front of me (they are my favorite meal in the world... 10X over), but he never offers me any. So i feel empowered to eat healthier things while he eats those. He occasionally says to me, "Come on, lets have pizza!" at like 1am in the morning (we used to go get pizza at 1am in the past, which is why i was as heavy as i was!), and i have to tell him..."i dont friggin think so!" (jokingly). he knows that im trying to eat well and since he is "trying" to eat well too, he wouldnt think of trying to make me eat or tempt me with things he knows i shouldnt have. Ive talked to him at length about what this means to me to lose the weight, and how badly i want to get it off.
I second what Miss.Kimberly said, i guess it is his insecurities thats doing it. Guys dont realize how much it means to us to want to feel sexy and to feel the need to want to lose weight so we CAN feel sexy. Most guys (like mine) will say, "I love you just the way you are", which i do realize, but i also want to look great to feel good about myself. Guys who have a little more meat on their bones arent viewed the same as women who are a little heavier. I guess we can thank society for that image. Guys just dont think like women do, we are wired much differently... and we are very sensitive. He probably doesnt mean to be mean to you or sabbotage your efforts at all, maybe he is just playin around with you... and being the guy that he is, just doesnt think its a big deal if you drink 1 shake.
Also, never should you feel like you have to do something that you do not want to do. Tell him (although you probably already have), that if you continue to buy things like that, although the thought is nice, you are just wasting your cash, cause your not going to eat/drink it. And like others said, he will get the point. Guys are just clueless and insensitive at the best of times.
That is really mean spirited. Shockingly so. What else does he do to undermine you? I agree when he brings you something that you do not want.DUMP IT OUT !! Right away. Do not taste it. Get rid of it immediately. What reason does he have to be testing you so cruelly ? What kind of a person would be so mean to someone they are supposed to love. Stay strong, do not give in to his sabotaging tactics.
i know he just waits for me to say something about my weight. Almost like a routine. We went to the army recruitment place to ask some questions for him, and the recruiter pointed out that he could be brutally honest when people apply. one thing he pointed out (while looking at me) was that he could tell me i was too fat (to enlist - not that i am. My husband is).
when i got home, i said to DH, "he says im fat, but i bet i can do more than any skinny girl he does take" he said "i was waiting for you to say something about that."
It's always just food he 'undermines' me with - least i think. Someone told me hes a bit of a douche but i dont really notice it now. He knows i like the publix sub he gets. He's stopped buying it for me now (thank goodness), but he used to get it... then i got him down to ordering it mayonnaise free. and i guess he got sick of asking for it like that and stopped all together.
He married me at my heaviest. about 225. i was about 189 when i met him.
that shake was like the biggest sabotage... just.. 50 points. And his mom's friend is on weight watchers, he mentioned he might take her one, one day. So i warned her
If he is doing this to get a rise out of you, then the simple solution is to not rise to the bait. If he brings you a horrific shake just silently throw it out. Just don't react.
All of that said, sometimes people who do this kind of "teasing" are really passive aggressive and it might be worthwhile to get some marriage counseling.
Wow. There's pranking, and then there's deliberate sabotage disguised as a prank. This is definitely the latter, and that's not cool.
It looks like you've lost a nice chunk of weight so he could be feeling insecure and might be subconsciously doing these things under the guise of "getting a rise" out of you. I wouldn't yell about it at this point; I'll just make it clear to him that it wasn't appreciated and any more food pranks would be a waste of money because you'll be throwing out the food item in question. When he does it again, try not to get mad; simply throw the item away and go about your day as if the incident never happened. When he doesn't get the usual payoff (you getting mad, which makes him laugh because he likes you getting passionate and angry) he'll stop this madness.
cant afford counseling. It's something i've looked in to.
Sometimes you can't afford NOT to go to counseling. Does his employer have an EAP benefit (Employee Assistance Program)? There is generally no cost for that. And most medical plans include mental health benefits in their coverage - couples counseling falls under that benefit.
Jokes make everyone feel good. I don't see how being mean to you on purpose is supposed to make you feel good. It isn't a joke. It's him putting his fun ahead of basic respect for you.
In the short term... I agree with the other posters. Don't play the game, don't mention anything about your weight to him. Don't eat anything he brings you. Not even one sip. Vent here if you need to in order to keep your cool around him.
If he does anything at all positive -- try to praise that. Like if he goes for a walk with you, or tries to help with the food shopping in a good way or something. Maybe he wants attention or something? Or he's feeling jealous?
Long term... I dunno. I'd have a hard time with that. It just feels so disrespectful.
Sometimes you can't afford NOT to go to counseling. Does his employer have an EAP benefit (Employee Assistance Program)? There is generally no cost for that. And most medical plans include mental health benefits in their coverage - couples counseling falls under that benefit.
Just saying.
we dont have medical plan with his work. It was about $400 a month for our family, which - with that, and bills and rent we barely afford, then gas (he drives 30 miles one way) we couldn't afford $400 on top.
Your husband needs to get his act together... prankster or not, it's unacceptable to treat you the way he is!! I'm also in a very less than ideal financial situation and just started getting counseling anyway, even without medical insurance. I just started googling sliding fee services in my area and made calls until I found the right fit and price for me. I'm sure you can find resources too, or PM me if you'd like and tell me more and I can help. Help is out there, and you deserve it, you just have to find it!
You do need help. I am afraid these tactics of his are just the tip of the iceberg. Check with the county you live in and see if there is anything available.
Extra stress from an unhealthy relationship will only perpetuate your weight issues. Trust. Been there, done that.
I think you really need to start doing some soul searching and getting to the root of your relationship problems or these situations are going to continue to repeat themsleves and most likely get worse. Eventually you are going to become resentful of his behavior (if you are not already) and that is going to play out in a bad way for both of you. He obviously has some issues of his own to even been doing this in the first place. NOW is the time to start fixing these issues. Better now than later when things are worse. And it will only create a healthier you and a healthier relationship in the long run.
I spent 7 years in an unhealthy relationship where I made excuses and pretended things were okay and only got hurt in the end. He is being emotionally and psychologically abusive. I know it may seem petty and simple and not that extreme........but it will only get worse as time goes on. My ex used to tease me for things and then say "I'm just kidding". I learned after a long time that someone who loves you would not kid around at your expense.
Stop the cycle NOW. Don't put yourself in a situation to be the butt of his "jokes" and "games". It's not funny. And you dont deserve it.
