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Old 10-13-2003, 07:17 PM   #46  
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SandyB: YOU GET A: for points!

Ok, first recipe I used turned out to be really good. It is Beef Lo Mein and is in the recipes here at the site. I was able to eat 2 servings and that was a whole plate full and it was very tasty. I also have enought linguine and sirloin cubes to make another meal.


Have a good evening girls and I will check back later!

Faye
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Old 10-13-2003, 08:22 PM   #47  
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Hi girls hope everyone is happy and dandy .

Yesterday was a busy day for me. i was helping a good friend from childhood celebrate her daughter's birthday party at McDonalds. I had been helping her all week with the favors and preparation. The little girl was really happy and it was kinda like my reward. See my friend has gone through a lot and this was the first b-day she has been able to celebrate for her daughter (she turned 5), with a b-day party.

As far as the mission I guess that would fit into it. I always try to help out my family with babysitting (at no cost ). I was also thinking of helping my niece this year, she will be going out on Thanksgiving and handing out sandwiches, and other food to the homeless people in the city. My sister came up with this idea, which I think is pretty cool. Her intention is to help my niece value what she has and not to take it for granted. I need to keep this one in mind for when I have kids. I have a big family (siblings) and my parents always struggled with finances as we grew up. Now they are doing a lot better, they have a house of their own, etc. But my mom especially has always made it a point not to forget the rough times and is always helping others...that's always been stressed in my family. We are always giving her our clothing, and other stuff we don't need or want anymore and she hands them out to theless fortune others. The best reward is to see the smile you helped bring out in someone....anyway sorry if I got carried away there. Great mission idea Faye.

Carrie- the girls are right. I used to think about the whole # of pounds i had to loose, but you know what...little by little I know if i keep at it I will get there. It takes time to gain it thus it will take time to loose it. Even if it 1 lb a week-hey at least your not gaining. Good luck in your weight loss and know that we're all here for ya.

Lisa- good luck with your missions and hope it all works out for the students. It is unfortunate and they should at least get some credit because it isn't their fault. They have no control to what is happening.

As far as the silly foods...some of them are funny. Hehee

-Mayo Sandwich- they are pretty tasty I guess or the sandwich spread(orange type).
-The "cup of noodle sandwich"-Andy came up with this one.

that's all i can think of.

Okay girls take care.
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Old 10-13-2003, 09:03 PM   #48  
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Hey guys, I can't talk much. Sorry I didn't post yesterday. SUndays are always my absolute Busiest!! Saturday I did just ok.. I got 3 points.

Sunday I got 3 again. No exercise.. running around w/ baby to church grandma's, etc etc etc..

Today I did great even though it was Canadian Thanksgiving. I got 4 points and even did yesterday's crunches to try to make up for missing them.

I have to go to work (I work nights..) and I'm late. I"lll write more later.

sw: 160
cw:156
GW:130
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Old 10-14-2003, 01:17 AM   #49  
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Good Evening,

I need to be in the bed, but, no, loooooooooooook where I sit, but I just couldnt go without catching up on what my fav gals have been up to, You are all such an integral part of my routine, my program, and my life, and I thank each of you for that.

crazy food, you name it (practically and I have done it,) I have put many things between 2 slices of bread, (use your imagination on that one girls!! ), and if it had cheese on it as well, well, that is all the better. I may have told you all this already, but, I had a friend once who told me I would eat s@*! if it had cheese on it, YEP SHE SAID IT! I HAVE EATEN JUST ABOUT ANYTHING THAT WOULDNT EAT ME FIRST! I will admit I have eaten off of other family member's plates when I would "volunteer" to clean up the kitchen, yeah right?? but, I know I am not alone there, and I will honestly say I have eaten off the floor when I dropped something, there were times I think I would have eaten out of the garbage, (right off the top of course), but I didnt (gratefully), in my past life...(and it is my "past life", I am no longer that person, and I feel so blessed), I would "mindlessly eat"...to the point of literal lethargy, I was in a food stupor most of the time. It was my friend, my lover, (well not exclusively, but the sex was not the substitute I needed, it was love I wanted), as I am sure some of you can identify with, it was my ever-faithful companion, and it betrayed me ultimately, no, I take that back..all of that compulsive overeating finally did something right for me, it brought me to this place in my life, and I can honestly say it has never felt better!!! If I said it before, it was so short lived! I cant explain it, it is just something I know to be true now, I will continue on this journey, I will become that healthy, strong, fit person I long to be. The best is yet to come, and I know it, because the good is "good right now"

goodnight chickies, SU, great to have you back by the way!
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Old 10-14-2003, 09:18 AM   #50  
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FINAL POINTS FOR YESTERDAY:

LeeAnn: for points over the weekend and yesterday.
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Old 10-14-2003, 09:48 AM   #51  
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TUESDAY: Target Tuesday. I am trying to kind of follow the folks on Dr Phil Weight loss challenge so this weeks target is to examine what in your life caused you to start this self destructive path. Feel free to post at length about this. We are here to listen and learn too!

Since I have been "clinically" overweight since I was in grade school, though not obese, I can hazard a BIG guess. First of all, I had a dysfunctional family when I was growing up. My dad was an alchoholic and mom was a controlling cold woman. Not much love. Nothing the oldest sister or I ever did was good enough. I worked my behind off to get good grades but they never quite reached the mark. I wasn't the only boy/youngest like my brother and wasn't "frail" like the sister that is two years younger and was not married and out of the house like the oldest so I was the one she harangued at about everything. When I was in jr high/high school my mom was having an affair with a disgusting man and stayed with him until her death 7 years ago. We were abused by him until I had had enough and walked out taking my siblings one night. (I already told you this story at one time) You know me and I am not one to hold things back even embarrassing things. I sucked my thumb until AFTER Jack and I were married. My take on that was that IT kept me from becoming obese. It was my comfort and when I when I was in my marriage long enough to feel protected and loved, I stopped. I was a BIG kid not really fat, but by there little medical charts I was overweight. I took off weight wise during/after first pregnancy. Jay weighed nearly 10 lbs and no one back then encouraged you to exercise and get back into shape so it stuck. Four years later I was pregnant with the next one (which at the time I was upset with another pregnancy because the first one had been so horrendous) and again didn't take the weight off. Because my marriage was so stable, that was definitely NOT the issue, but our financial situation was. I chose to stay home with the kids to give them one parent at home with Jack being in the Navy and gone a LOT and that meant living just above poverty level. Let me tell you ladies, military people DO NOT LIVE high on the hog! I still have nightmares about places we lived and things we had to put up with, things my kids did without, churches that gave us stuff to keep us going, Navy Relief and our bank who loaned us money, checks I bounced to keep us fed, etc and the list goes on and on. THAT IN MY OPINION IS WHERE IT REALLY LIES. I THINK I FEEL I FAILED MY KIDS BECAUSE OF THE LIFESTYLE THEY HAD TO LEAD. I tried to make it normal for them, but we had to shop discount so they never got the name brand stuff, they were military brats in military towns and looked down on, they didn't have a dad a lot of the time so they missed out on that and when he was home he didn't know how to react with them so basically he didn't except for discipline and I overcompensated there, and I know they were embarrassed we had to take charity a lot.

I cannot go back and fix any of it. I can only go forward and fix myself and develop my relationship with my kids as adults. One child holds a grudge about it big time and the other one not at all. I have to face that fact that we as parents make mistakes and that we did what we thought would be best for the children even when we made mistakes. I don't think I am past "not being good enough" and I think that dd has taken over where my mother left off with that. In some ways I am still made to feel inferior and I am always struggling to prove her wrong, which is STUPID! Unlike with other people, I am always on the defense with her because she would use Thomas against us if we "made waves" so to speak and I adore that little boy so much! On the other hand and this is just recently since my son announced his engagement, she has turned a corner and I am having a lot more access to T and she is much more pleasant and I BELIEVE it is because she feels threatened that she will no longer be the big cheese having the BIG prize we desire (Thomas). There will be another camp heard from when ds has children.

Well, that is it ladies, the crux of why I think I overate and came to this point. I have been working on letting the past go once and for all and making the present the best I can!

Faye
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Old 10-14-2003, 10:04 AM   #52  
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Morning Ladies,
4 points for yesterday......just barely got my water in, though.

dh lost another 3 pounds. Won't know about myself until Friday. He just keeps weighing whenever he feels like it. We weigh almost exactly the same right now, so we are very competitive about it. We both want to end up in the same place, too..

As for our mission this week.......the people I'm most trying to help right now is my family. I'm trying to make our home a more peaceful place. Less yelling, less stress in my own life to be heaped onto them out of frustration, more order, less laundry. I've always told myself I was a terrible housekeeper, even though as a sahm it is part of my job. But now I love how my house looks and feels when I care enough to work on it.

I'm also spending alot of private time with my son, 4 years old. He goes to kindergarten next year, but doesn't know his alphabet or numbers very well. He spends so much time emulating his older sisters, that his basic educational needs are being totally glossed over. So, I'm spending time with him working on letters, numbers, shapes, etc. I've spent 13 years focusing on things outside my home, now I"m finally working to improve my life from the inside.

Well, gotta go.....I think I"ll work on some menus today. That beef lomein sounded great! Another recipe on 3fc that's really yummy is the spinach/artichoke casserole. I love both of those veggies, all you do is mix them up with some cream of mushroom soup. Oh, and I add bacos to it after it cooks.

Stay everyone!

Julie
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Old 10-14-2003, 10:30 AM   #53  
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Oooops, I said I was going to go.......but I just read the target tuesday post Faye put up, and had to think about it and now I want to respond.

I was from a poor family as a child, too. Nothing as noble as being in a military family, though, my dad was simply a freakin' lunatic!! Bipolar and religious--I joke about the day he quit smoking, quit drinking and found Jesus all at the same time, something in him just SNAPPED and he became a nightmare. After my mom divorced him, he refused to send child support, never called on our birthdays or Christmas, you know--the usual. So, we lived on food stamps and welfare and the God sent help of my grandfather (my mom's father was a doctor, and helped us out ALOT). My mother went back to college so she could get a job to support us, and she did a great job! But it was very difficult on all of us. We also didn't ever have the name brand clothes, the right haircut, the right foods in our cold lunches. Thank God my grandfather paid for my ballet classes! Dance was the only thing that kept me sane during those years.

I remember when things got especially stressful, my mother would try to compensate for our lack of money with food binges. I don't know if she was trying to make US (me and my brother and sister) feel better with treats or if she was just bingeing because she needed to feel loved. Probably both, but I remember she would send us to the corner store with a fistfull of food stamps and tell us to get ice cream, oreos, and a Pepridge Farm coconut cake. Then we'd all sit down and polish it off at once!!! It makes me cry to think of it now, she must have felt so unbelievably lonely and stressed out. She didn't really have friends that she hung out with because she had to be home with us. We did live in the same apartment building as her sister, so our extended family was very close. We had sundays together with my grandparents. But her sister was morbidly obese and smoked like a chimney....and she died from it. Sadly, she had finally figured it all out and lost a couple of hundred pounds. But her lifestyle had been going on too long, and it just killed her.

I had so much love from my mother, and I still do...but I guess those years (from 11 to 17) were so hard for all of us. I wanted my family life to be "normal", like my aunt & uncle whom I idolized. He was a pilot, she was a stay at home mom with a country perfect house, always clean. She cooked awesome meals, sewed for her kids, she was thin and beautiful. In my eyes she was freakin' Martha Stewart! Now that I think back on it, the only time we ever saw them was during the holidays....and of course everything was "Perfect" while they were entertaining. She has since set me straight on the whole deal, like what reality was (she was severely depressed and ended up on Prozac for years---she's all better now)

So, over the past 13 years of my "family life"...I've cooked huge, fattening meals. Baked cookies, and cakes, and hand dipped chocolates. I've never denied my kids things I would have wanted (McDonald's wayyyyy too much!). I've not only ruined my body, but I"ve overspent our way into debt trying so hard to provide a picture perfect home. I now realize what I've done and am trying desperately to reverse the process before it's too late. I'm trying to get my kids into healthy habits, reward them with love-not food!, teach them about money and credit and how it can destroy you. We can have a peaceful, harmonious, stressfree "perfect" home without twinkies and ice cream. I don't need to go to Walmart twice a week to buy more STUFF! Our house looks nice with less stuff!

Wow, I've rambled on.........but this is the first time I've really made the connection between my childhood and my eating and spending behavior. Thanks for giving us so much to think about Faye!!!

I'll sum up.......FOOD DOES NOT EQUAL LOVE! STUFF DOES NOT EQUAL LOVE! LOVE EQUALS LOVE!!!! All you need is love...la la la la la

Later chickies!
Julie
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Old 10-14-2003, 11:33 AM   #54  
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Wow... thats a biggie... First let me get the other things outta the way so i can then focus on the tuesday goal. I got all 4 yesterday... even upped my iron horse workouts and lowered my calories to 1600. Okay, i hadnt really thought about who i was helping or going ot... then i read Julies post about helping her family. And that exactly what i need to focus on. Less yelling( i am a yeller) and more quiet understanding. I really think that once i get back on my bcp i will be better... TOM is due today or tomorrow and i am kinda all over the place emotion wise. I have struggled to make my home a beutiful place as well... i have repainted almost every piece of thrift store furniture i own. Just last year my husband and i bought our first new peice of furniture... a new couch. Everything else in our home is hand me down or bought second hand... which is fine. I love my home. It is finally becoming what i want it to be. A place where anyone who comes immediately feels welcome. A place where every room in the house is open to everyone. My kids and there friends come into our bedroom after sleepovers and crawl into or on the bed with us and we talk and laugh. I never had that... my parents room was off limits...even if i had bad dreams... i was told to go back to my own bed. I cook good meals to show my love as well... altho i cook healthy... i overeat and eat emotionally. or i should say i did. I have had many realizations since starting this journey this time... and i can soooooooo realte to u Pam. This time its 'different'. Cant really explain that other than to say that something just "clicked" in my brain. It makes sense now... Does that make sense?? LOL I grew up not really knowing if we 'had' money or not... i didnt want for much that i can remember... i know that i felt that i never quite measured up for some reason... i was constantly trying to get my fathers approval. My mother was a typical stay at home mom and had the same feeling of being "trapped" at times... Just wanting some time for yourself but then feeling guilty when u make it for yourself. Kids are great at that... i was, and so are my own kids now. I have a sister that while we were younger was fragile... skinny and i was always "big" god i still hate that word when its applied to how a girl or woman looks. My mom actually told me once that if i would just lose some weight i would have more boyfriends like my sister. Nevermind the fact that i didnt really want a boyfriend... i had plenty of male friends and that was fine for me then. I didnt really ever "date" If i found someone i reallu liked and they didnt feel the same i would remain friends... and vise versus. I didnt feel the need to waste time as i thought of it by dating just to say i was dating. Once i met my husband, i found someone who loved me for me... good, bad and ugly...lol
we struggled trying to keep ourselves afloat constantly. HE was still in school, so we both worked full time. Then when law school began he couldnt work so i did. We always worked it out so that one of us was home with our children... we didnt believe in day care and couldnt have afforded it even if we did! So i started eating because it was something i could control. I started gaining... i began a new job and lost 35 lbs in a matter of 3 months because i was working my *** off... and smoking again... i lived on diet coke and cigaretts for most of that year. well that is not a good life... We moved to Wisconsin for a law job for hubby and things started ot get better... but its not until we moved here to Eau Claire that i can honestly say that we have a good life. We still struggle with money, hubby doesnt like the company that he works for(neither do i) but for now it pays the bills and we love living in this community. the kids are happy and very well adjusted... all in all a happy family. So i guess i ate to stuff the feelings of not having control... and i wanted to make sure that my children always felt loved and appreciated. I love both my parents immensly... and life was different then... but i am raising my kids differently than i was. No subject is off limits... if they have questions they can ask... anything... i would rather they feel comfortable asking us than going somewhere else to get the answer. thats something i couldnt do with my parents... Oh i tried... believe me i did... but it was met with either angry silence or "you have a smart mouth" kinda thing...LOL Both my parents are proud of me.. and of who i have become... they ahve both commented on how empathic i am and how i am always willing to see the good in others... It was a revelation to me that they were surprised about it...lol i had always been that way, then again being a parent myself now i can see how sometimes life just gets in the way of seeing sometimes. Okay... i have babbled on enuf... I have a wonderful open and honest relationship with my parents, children and husband. Actually with most of the people i know. I am truely BLESSED to have found you wonderful women to share my struggles with. If theres anything i can ever do for any of u just ask... I am here.
Take care of U... love you all

Sandy
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Old 10-14-2003, 11:48 AM   #55  
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Good morning ladies.
Long time no see!

Looks like everyone is doing well!

Here.. well things have been extremely hectic. My sister had a baby on the 3rd. I am officially an aunt with a blood related nephew now. Hes just the sweetest thing! I am going to try to post his picture to show him off a bit! No guarantees that I will succeed tho.

Havent been on the scale so no weight loss to report. Everyone here has been incredibly sick for 2 wks with the stomach flu. I didnt catch it, but I've had to be the caregiver for everyone. Kids are finally back in school and I only have one that still has a cough.

Anyhoo.. I missed you all!

Ethan Wayne
7 lbs 0 oz
19 inches long
born 10/03/03
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Old 10-14-2003, 12:23 PM   #56  
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Angry

Good Morning Ladies......we went out of town for a few days to my Aunt's house[my mom's sister]she lives about an hour away,and she has an old classic truck that my husband is buying...while we were out of town we went to the theme park called wild adventures,we took some time out to relax and have some good ole family fun...we went out to eat ,went to the movies and saw spy kids 3d...went to a melon patch where it seemed they had zillions of pumpkins,all kinds ,even white ones...they had a haunted house ,hay rides ,face painting,pick and cut your own pumpkin,all kind of activities...then a big all day trip to the mall...it really did all of us some good to get out and have some fun..we also saw a funny haunted western show....my husband had 3 days off,and with the kids being off...it just felt great....anyway I'm back and I am ready to get going...my son has a soccer game this afternoon,and we are going to go to the park and walk...I am really trying to promote exercise and good eating habits with my children...so I involved them in the exercise as much as possible...Faye,I too grew up military...my Dad was Airforce...which he retired from....we never traveled though...my mom was terrified of travel,so we stayed put in a town in Georgia,where we owned our own place...we didnt grow up poor,as my Mom and Dad always worked,Daddy even worked two Jobs,he would leave the day job[military]and run a cleaners/store at night til closing...my Daddy was a go getter,always doing something...he was also a cubscout master as well...they were from Virginia and we always made 2 or 3 trips back there a year...my mom came from a very poor family[coal miners and they had 11 children and mom was the next to oldest...she married my dad at age 14...and they were transfered to mississippi ,where they stat till after my oldest brother was born ,then they went to Savannah Georgia,where mom and Dad lost a child[stillborn]which Dad was overseas,as he was a lot during our growing up...when he came back he was transfered to Albany Georgia,where we stayed and grew up....we were not poor by far as we were practically raised by nannies ,as Mom and Daddy working all the time ...buy Daddy took time with the kids alot to teach us about life...took us camping with the boy scouts...Indian ceremonies,as my Daddy was Cherokee,so he was really involved with the indians,he even did lectures at schools and Colledges...I was a Daddy's girl from get go,being the only girl,I never was fat as a child ,in fact always skinny,but I think where my promblems really stem from is the fact that I always felt my mama never really cared for me,and she had mentioned to me on several occasions that when I was born that she told them that she didnt want a girl...and growing up she always seemed distant towards me..always critisising me about something,and daddy always called me his "Doll"..that was his name for me.and she would say she is no doll,so dont call her that...I had 3 brothers,and they could do no wrong in her eyes,she never hit them ,but me,all the timeI remember once when i was 17 ,i was working at the local movies,and before I had to go to work at 1o pm,I had to have the house spotless,and in sweeping the house,I stepped on a wasp that had gotten in the house ,first time i had ever been stung,so i didnt know that I was highly allergic to them ,so I went on to work,and later that evenin' my leg begin to throb,I ran the ticket booth,so I thought standing had made it hurt,but when I pulled my pants up ,I could see that it was swelled and red all the way to my knee...my boss called my parents and my daddy took me by the house to let my Mom know that he was gonna take me to the dr,and do you know she came in the bathroom where i was and beat the holy he__ out of me..I mean pulled half of my hair out ,busted my mouth and nose...slapped my face till it looked horrible...and to this very day...I can not firgure out why...I always felt like I wasn't good enough for anyt hing or any body,even though I was often told by others how pretty I was,and I had long beautiful hair and was offered to be sponsored for for a local beauty pagent by my boss ...of couirse that was out of the question for my mamashe took me out of school when I as 16..I really felt pinned up...she took me to work and picked me up...so when I met my 1st hubby at the movies...as soon as I was 18..I married him....it was not the greatest..as with him I still felt Like i wasnt good enough no matter what I did,and he was very abussive,and I tried to keep it hid and put up with it for 15 years...4 kids later ...I got wiser and tougher and left him...I now am married to a wonderful man,and we have a wonderful life together,and a wonderful child of 7....he makes me feel good about myself everyday ..and tells me how beautiful I am...but I really let myself go all those years because i always felt that i was not worthy of anything .....NOT ANYMORE THOUGH....I AM WORTHY AND I DO COUNT...it just took some understanding of whyI felt that way...why all the adult years when i was having babies and all ,why i didnt care about me...all I cared about were my babies...doing all for them and forgetting who I was...so that is why I wound up where I was...sorry it has been so long,but Faye thank you for this...somehow it felt good to talk about it...I loved my Mama dearly ,and i think in her last years she really tried to make up for all of it..I lost my Mama a year ago today..i still miss her terribly,as i do my daddy,who has been gone from this ole earth 10 years ,but certainly notfrom my heart...well ladies ,I love all of you and thank all of you for being here ...it really is a comfort to know I have friends to share my deepest ,most inner thoughts with....big hugs to all...will post later...need to go and walk... Joy
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Old 10-14-2003, 12:29 PM   #57  
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Talking Amanda is back!

Firstly, I am very pleased to announce that I got 4 points yesterday!. That means alot to me after 2 weeks of going completely off track. Today, I walked to the shops to buy some milk and I saw the cheese sandwiches on display.......but I just walked right past them - that is significant to me as I've been eating a cheese sandwich every day for the past 2 weeks and it's been hard to put a stop to it. I've found it very hard to get back on track - every day I've said 'oh I'll do it tomorrow' and we all know where that leads! Checking in here has really helped - seeing how well you are all doing has helped me to get back on track, despite a craving for fat! So thanks to you all for being here, I'm pretty sure that if I didn't belong to this group of lovely, kind and supportive ladies, I would never have got back on track.

Thanks to Faye, Julie and Sandy for sharing their stories.

Here is mine..... I have always had a self image of being a fat and ugly person - from the earliest age I can remember (about 4 years old). Throughout primary school I was bullied and ostracized, and called fat and ugly. My mum is not an assertive person, so never addressed it with the school. It's important to stress here that I was NOT fat or ugly......I just wasn't a skinny 'prom queen' type. I look at photo's of me as a child and I am filled with sadness for the cute little girl who was constantly told and believed that she was fat and ugly. My parents are very emotionally repressed and I am very open and sensitive - they could not cope with my crying and sadness, so usually chose to ignore it. My parents also have a real issue with food and are very intolerant to overweight people - (even though they have both struggled with their weight in the past) - I was about 14 pounds overweight as a teenager, but my parents constantly monitored whatever I ate, even though I rarely ate in between meals. Dad's comment was usually 'are you eating again?'- even if it was just my normal set meal. I was a very unhappy child and teenager, which led to clinical depression when I was about 19 - again something my parents cannot cope with, so choose to ignore. I left home at 19 to go to university and that is when the weight really piled on - I no longer had my parents watching and commenting on everything I put in my mouth - so I went a bit mad with the freedom of it all . Also I was suffering with depression and low self esteem, so food was my comfort. My weight has piled on even more now that I am with Nigel - I have suffered some really serious bouts of depression and times have been really tough for us both - which has led to us both overeating and both putting on about 60 - 70 pounds over the past 2 years.
But in August I decided that enough was enough!. Me and Nigel have talked about getting married and starting a family, but I know that i will not get married until I am happy with how I look (I freaked out when I was my sisters bridesmaid because I didn't want everyone looking at me - I was about 150 - 160 pounds then and thought I was disgusting!). The thing is I'm 30 now and time is running out! I want to get married and have healthy pregnancies - so now is the time to lose weight. NO MORE EXCUSES - I am going to do this!

Love Amanda xxx
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Old 10-14-2003, 12:57 PM   #58  
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My story.. boring but still mine.

My family is a robust "we believe in feeding you" kind of family from the south. When you go visit.. you eat. When someone visits you.. you feed them. Always! My grandmother was heavier, several aunts and uncles are as well. Currently my mother is quite heavy at 235 /5 ft 1 inch,and is waiting and training for her for gastric bypass surgery due to such poor health.

When I was a child I was always sickly. Everyone always pressured me to eat eat eat. I never gained, so they pressured more. By the time I was a teenager.. I could eat a horse and not gain an ounce / weighing in at 105 on a heavy day - fully dressed at age 18.. but training told me to keep eating to gain.

I got accused and had rumors spread that I was anorexic.. devestating me so I ate more.. trying to put on a few lbs. I never could gain and I was miserable. This vicious cycle continued until I was 24 and pregnant with my 3rd child. I gained weight up to 172 lbs.. baby came and I dropped instantly to 140.. but less than 2 months later I was expecting again so I stopped losing. This time I got up to 232 ( all that training to gain gain gain kept me eating) I just had NO self control when it came to food. Baby number 4 came and I didnt lose the weight. I kept eating because I had always just done that. I stayed around 175 or so until I was expecting my 5th child. Then shot right back up to 232. He was born via c/section with complications. I didnt lose the weight. I was a size 18 and miserable, but I couldnt stop eating.
One day it hit me.. something has to change. My life is different and I am no longer that skinny, sickly kid who has to eat everything she sees to try to keep her current weight. I began eating healthy, exercising and dropping a little weight. I have been trying to lose since the birth of my last child in 1999. Its been a long slow process and I basically have had to retrain my way of thinking and eating habits that I had since early childhood.
I currently weigh approx 144.. possibly less. I havent been on the scale in awhile. I want to be 130-135.. but no less. Just as I do not wish to be heavy.. I do not wish to be overly thin again either.
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Old 10-14-2003, 12:58 PM   #59  
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First off, I want to thank you ladies for all sharing. When you look at our stories, you find a common thread that goes back to childhood. I do NOT believe in blaming other people for food I put in my mouth so I do not BLAME anyone for my obesity but myself, but writing it out helps us individually see what triggered our need to comfort ourselves with food. Collectively, we see that we have a tight bond between us. We are NOT freaks or different. That we are very much the same even with different childhoods and lifestyles. We now need to empower ourselves to greater things! Those things are past and our lives are ahead of us. We can make of them what we will and what we want is better health and joyful life from being at a proper weight! I applaud your courage for sharing with us today!

POINTS POINTS POINTS POINTS...........

Julie:
SandyB:
Amanda:
Me:

I went over last night after dinner and I got hungry. I have adjusted my menu so that I have more of a filling snack after dinner and before bed to keep from overeating. I am well on track today!

Debbie: You nephew is BEAUTIFUL! Not all newborns are. He is just gorgeous. Can't wait for ds and future dil to start a family so I can have more grandchildren.

Joy: Sounds like you had a wonderful time!

Well, I have messed around enough. I need to get the upstairs cleaned!

Faye
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Old 10-14-2003, 01:32 PM   #60  
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It sounds to me like all of our stories have a similar thread... "I'm not good enough." I feel the same.

I have to admit that my mother came from a very wealthy family. Somehow I've always felt a little ashamed of that. But to the point, she came to America when she was 15 as a foreign exchange student, and stayed. All through her schooling her family paid for everything and she didn't have to work. So when she got pregnant by mistake, she was devastated when they cut her off.

By the time I entered the picture, she was living with the husband -who was forced upon her by his mother to do the "right thing". My earliest and only memory of him was when I was Very little, but walking (18mos? 2 years?) and I entered the livingroom of our trailer to see him throw a stereo at my mother in a drunken rage. We left.

Since then she has worked, scrimped and dragged our butts out of that lifestyle and back into the one to which she was accustomed. Needless to say, there were a LOT of babysitters (and sex abuse), and a lot of potential fathers who didn't stick around. When she finally met my stepdad (who I adore), she had dragged us up to middle class and ground the need to be debutantes into us. We used to have to walk with books on our heads, learn how to walk toe first in straight lines, which fork to use, how to fold a napkin, etc etc...

Her biggest disappointment in me was that I was the fat nerd in school. The one that the other kids laughed and pointed at. There was very little graceful or ladylike about me. My baby sister, like a lot of siblings, was the exact opposite: beautiful, graceful, athletic, and head of the honors society in high school.

The sex abuse continued into college where one of the dorm monitors raped me once a semester until I finally got enough $$ to get my own apartment with my own locks. Food was the least of my probs then, and I used it whenever necesary- which was constantly.

Personally, I was hiding behind food. I wanted to hide myself. I wore baggy clothes and ate everything that came my way. I was hiding from the shame that I had been used, that I wasn't the kind of girl my mother wanted me to be, that the other kids wanted me to be... because I was dirty. So I hid.

I continued like that until I met Julie and her husband (Thank God for sending them into my life!) How they had the patience to just let me barge into their lives and then continuously try to realign my screwed up notions of myself and the world around me, I'll never know. They showed me how to fight: physically, intellectually, emotionally.

So here I am, now happily married with a wonderful family, a good job and GREAT friends. I've worked out a lot of things over the last 7 or 8 years and now all that's left is to stop hiding.

I think I can do that now. I think we can all do it together.

------------------------------------------

WTG-I fit into my favorite pants again.
WTG2-My next door neighbor told me how great I look and that she wished she lost her babyweight so quickly.

-Lee Ann

Highest weight 200
SW:160
CW:155


GW:130
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