Ah, well, more ammo to beat myself up with. Same pattern as of late, eating too much in the evening. All the while, I am telling myself not to eat the next thing. My rules were neglected. I should be able to right the ship tomorrow and as usual, it will be a challenge though.

Another extremely bad habit popped up again, pretty much out of the blue. I ate something that I haven't had for three years and is not a food to eat by itself. So frustrating, I am backsliding. I can see it. I can feel it. I feel unable to stop it.

Yesterday, I didn't post because I had a rip roaring headache. I thought briefly about posting just that but even that felt like too much.

None of the things I have been doing to improve my health are habit. I have to encourage myself each and every time from food choices to exercise. I have a saying I repeat to myself so often it is almost a mantra.
Well, it turns out even though I can't see it, my dentist and dental hygienist can. I went to the dentist yesterday for a cleaning for the first time in almost three years and received the best report I ever have. The cleaning only took about twenty minutes. I have a cavity between two of my teeth that is only visible on the x-ray and was visible at the last cleaning. It looks unchanged. The dentist said it actually looks a little better than before but put it down to a different camera angle. They said to keep up my fantastic home care routine.

I didn't have the heart to tell them that my home care has been slipping ever since I started working from home two years ago. Specifically, I brush less often in the morning. I always mean to brush them after my morning coffee but then get busy with my day. Before the pandemic, I would always brush my teeth first thing in the morning before leaving the house.

Today was over on calories. The end of the month weigh-in was up two pounds for the month. It seems unlikely that tomorrow will be better. Tonight was a celebratory meal and not a light one.

My choices for the month are a two pound gain or a four pound gain. I just don't even know what to say or to try at this point. I will do my best tomorrow.

So I am working to stay within my current calorie limit and did well.

The ducks that hang out on my front line were walking around in the road near my house. It is so strange to see them walking. It makes me wonder if their nest is nearby. I also worry about them. They spend far too much time in the road.

I did well today and am on-track so far for tomorrow.

On-track for the day. I had plenty of calories to use during the day and I was very happy with that. Tomorrow will be a challenge. I'm not sure what makes the difference. I just didn't want to say no to myself tonight.

A duck, a squirrel, and a rabbit.....

It sounds like the beginning of a joke but it is what is on my front lawn in the morning.

It was cold and rainy today but we still went out walking. It was pouring down rain after the rec center. I had the wrong jacket so I ended up soaked.

I made it through today on-plan and am in good shape for tomorrow.

The scale is edging down from my recent pop-up due to traveling which is good. My pants are another story. Not too long ago, I finally bought a new pair of jeans that was a size lower than my previous jeans. At the time they fit and now they don't. It is so disappointing because my weight really hasn't changed. It seems things have shifted in an unfavorable way. I am hoping it is still a little bloat from my travels.

Just a thought
 

I can tell you that I have had persistent issues with shrinkage in all-cotton products, so perhaps this might explain the jeans. (Cotton bras are the WORST! But so are denim shorts, unless it's a blended fabric) I wish you the very best in your journey and much success.

Thanks Katybee! I wore them today and it was okay. The scale also edged down a little bit this morning. I have another pair of jeans that are the size bigger but need to get them hemmed. I want to do it soon because I am out of casual pants to wear. I only have my dress pants for work and my exercise pants right now.

I think I am within a natural fluctuation range. I am happy with that for now as I get refocused. I am still at a higher calorie target that should be more of a maintain level. I've managed to stick with it for the last five days.

No post last night because I was at the emergency vet with my cat. She is having an issue with her back tooth. She's okay for now but I need to get her to our regular vet as soon as possible to get it taken care of.

I am doing okay. I was on-plan for six days last week. I figure that was enough to dial down my calorie target a little bit. The fatigue and energy seeking behavior are my current biggest problems. I took yesterday off from exercise with the intent to catch up on stuff around the house. I pretty much rested instead.

I lowered my daily calorie allotment by 10 calories per day. I will stay at this level for a week unless I royally screw it up. If that is the case, then I will keep it for another week. I did well today and it is looking good for tomorrow.

I called the vet and I am a bit disappointed to learn I have to wait a week to get my cat seen. Usually, they are much better than that. They are also saying she needs more vaccinations. She was just there in August and was suppose to be brought up-to-date on everything. We left our previous vet because they would space the vaccines out and tell us to bring to bring in the pets every three months. Then they would charge for a full exam each visit.

This weight loss challenge has been getting me down. I say weight loss but it really is to improve my health. I know I will never weigh 95 pounds again. I've tried so many things including professional help. I am proud of myself for losing 30 pounds and keeping it off. I have so much further to go but have been stuck for nearly two years. My husband keeps saying we would be fatter if we weren't doing all the things we are doing. It is true but little consolation. I think it is fair to say that I have put in more effort than the average person. I just don't know how to get results since I fail at the most rudimentary advice. What I don't fail at is clearly not enough to edge off more weight. At least there is a part of me that believes just one more tweak and the weight will fall off.

Also, I am worried my job is no longer secure for reasons completely unrelated to me or my performance.

I did really well today and am in great shape for tomorrow. Now to repeat it 550 more times.

If I can get and keep my act together, I could be just over weight and no longer obese by Thanksgiving. I think about that a lot.

One of my dogs is really finicky. Recently, we had to switch to a different flavor of dog food and he has barely eaten for the last four days. He does this on camping trips even with his regular flavor of dog food. While camping, we have started to add egg to his food just to get him to eat something. Even then, he tries to pick out the kibble and only eat the egg.

Back again- 10 points for me! I did well again today and am in good shape for tomorrow. I have no idea what has changed. I haven't been sleeping well pretty much the last week. After work and before dinner tonight, I fell asleep on the sofa. Deep enough that I started dreaming. Really hoping I sleep soundly tonight.

My life has gotten pretty routine. Work Monday-Friday; 3 walks a day except Sundays; rec center Mondays, Wednesdays and Saturdays; skating Tuesdays, Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays; grocery shopping on Sundays. Overeat 5-9 pm every night- I'm working on stopping that one.

Last Saturday, I made a conscious decision to skip all four exercise sessions. My intention was to spend the extra energy on the housework I am behind on. I didn't and am disappointed in myself. I was just so tired on Saturday.

I'll need to go to the doctor in August to get a refill of my thyroid medicine. I keep hoping maybe a slightly higher dose would help. My pituitary is screwed up though and affects the testing they rely on to adjust the thyroid medicine. I really do need to find a GP to see if I can truly get help with this fatigue.

Made it through another day. Tomorrow will be a little challenging but I should be able to manage it okay.

My scale and my pants are saying I am not doing good enough. I keep hoping for a dip soon. It is hard to believe the month is half way over.

I did catch myself a couple of times today wanting to eat for the sake of eating rather than true hunger. Pleased to report I was successful both of those times.