Last week I worked really hard and was successful with staying on-plan. This week I just cannot get it together and I have been over everyday. Today is so bad I haven't even tracked it for the first time in months.

I keep telling myself, I'll just eat a little more to abate the hunger. However, it is several little bits which add up to a lot. This week has just been really tough. Almost like a rebound of sorts. The really confusing thing is the ketone test strips are greatly in my favor. It makes no sense.

So I didn't track calories during the last 5pm-5pm calorie window, definitely over though. I wish I didn't feel so contented from not being hungry. I had intended to pick up calorie counting again at 5 pm but forgot. This is not good. I don't know where my focus has gone. It's like something broke with my extra effort last week. I used up some sort of reserve of willpower. I need to get back to basics and soon. The scale is still at a good place. Of course the weekend weights will bounce up.

Today was a bit concerning, really. I did my usual walks but they were very hard won. I got so winded, I had to stop a couple of times during each one. There was about 5 inches of fresh snow on the ground and the sidewalks had not been shoveled. I just don't understand why plodding through the snow made such a difference. I was also having a lot of foot pain even in my braces. I feel okay after resting a bit and my blood pressure is much better than it usually is.

I had added in a supplement for a couple of days. I had tried this one before and stopped taking it. I could remember why. Well, this go around it caused me to have trouble sleeping and my gut didn't really like it. I only took it for a couple of days this time. I'm not so keen to take all week but I am wondering if it would have a beneficial effect if I only took it once a week. I would also take it much earlier in the day.

So ultimately, I don't even know if I was on track today with calories. Since I didn't count properly yesterday evening, I picked a relatively random limit for today until 5:00 pm. I went over that but seem to be under a break even calorie limit. The ketone test strips are still in my favor. The scale is not. It did the typically weekend bounce up. It was a weight I haven't seen since January 19. Tomorrow will likely be above the month starting weight. I just don't get it. I could change my weigh-in day but it seems like weighing in on one of the worst days is best. That way I'll never be artificially low.

Counting calories tonight was not accurate but I did my best. I am re-engaging so that is a good sign.

I also wanted to add that being winded yesterday seemed to be related to my asthma. I'm not entirely sure what the trigger was but it was much better after taking my asthma medicine.

Today is official weigh-in day. I barely squeaked by with a maintain. Calorie wise I was only slightly over my limit. It was a challenge. It is not looking great for tomorrow but I will try my best to stay on track. Unfortunately, I went grocery shopping while hungry. I bought several things I shouldn't have.

I have several things I want to do to with regards to my journey (e.g.: eat more vegetables) but I just don't do them. I don't fully understand why. I even think about doing them in the moment but then make a lesser choice. I just can't seem to get out of my own way.

In looking back at my efforts, I noticed my metabolic indicators (i.e., FBG and BP) are better when I do intermittent fasting. For a while, I was very consistent with fasting 2-3 days a week. I should note that although there are claims you can eat whatever you want when fasting, it is not true for me. The fasting fell out of my schedule when I started working from home in early 2020 due to the pandemic. I just haven't been able to keep it up since then. Apparently going into the office and being in a different environment was key for my fasting efforts. I would like to do some fasting again.

Well, I made it through the day but it is not looking good for tomorrow. I am hoping to fast starting at 8:00 pm tonight. Fasting has been a challenge for me lately.

I had soup for lunch today and for the most part it worked well. Progressive has a line of lower calorie soups and the one I had was pretty good. I use to hate soup but in the last 3-4 years I have warmed up to soup. It is such a big change for me, I am still getting use to it.

Today, for Valentine's Day, my husband gave me a lovely card and beautiful flowers!

Well, I was kind of sort of on-plan. Let's see, so I managed to do a 16 hour fast. I also compromised a bit at ate to my maintenance calorie limit. As usual, it is not looking good for staying within my calorie limit tomorrow. Honestly, I am very bad at this. That is pretty much why I have this thread- to complain about how poorly I am doing on this journey. Nearly seven hundred posts worth so far. At least I am consistent. Consistent at posting and not losing weight.

I am so glad I tricked my scale into not rolling over to the next 10 pound increment until I was three pounds into it. My scale has no numbers and only states my weight relative to the starting weight. Every ten pounds (up or down) it resets itself. So last year around this time (and each year before that), I was fighting a gaining trend. Just about every weigh-in was "you are X pounds above your starting weight." It was very demoralizing.

This year, I clutched a three pound bottle of liquid soap until it reset. Then I was three pounds in. This year I hear "you are X pounds below your starting weight". It is such a better feeling on a psychological level. If I hadn't done this trick, all but two of my weigh-ins would have said above your starting weight.

The weather was beautiful today, warm and sunny. A fierce winter storm is predicted for tomorrow though.

I went a little over calorie wise today. At lunch time, I ate over my planned calorie target intentionally using the rationalization that it is better to eat a few extra healthy things now so I don't overeat later. So I got the first part down- I ate healthy foods that put me over my calorie limit by a small amount. All in all, I still should have a calorie deficit.

At dinner time, I thought my choices were okay but lo and behold, I am already over my calorie limit. Well, rats! I need to break this pattern. I should have stopped to check where I was after each thing I ate. I will do better tomorrow.

I have a big stressor in my life and I am not sure how to make it better.

I see your struggles and I can identify with them. When I was having a lot of difficulty staying on track, I knew some of my issue was lack of planning and on some level I purposely didn't plan so I could go off program. I started planning my entire day the night before, I did any prep and portioning, and then I wrote down everything I was going to eat at each meal or snack time. If I felt I needed something, I went to my journal, it was already listed. For me knowing ahead of time that lunch was the salad in the fridge and the premeasured dressing and toppings, my mind didn't go to 'bad' things.

Hi Ann- I appreciate the kind thoughts. Here's the scoop on what happens when I do these things. I spend hours upon hours planning things out, shopping, and preparing food. Then when the time comes to eat what I planned, I make a different and bad choice. In some cases, I even need to throw away what I had prepared. Even worse, I end up feeling ashamed and stupid and will use it to beat myself up. I don't really know why I am like this and it is almost as frustrating as not being able to get the weight off. I am happy (and admittedly envious) these things work for you and I hope your journey to health is much quicker than mine!

Today I was over my calorie target again. The scale was looking good this morning though. I am in good shape for tomorrow. I will be skiing this weekend and will likely not post until Monday. I haven't slept well all week. I tend to sleep well after skiing so I am hoping to come back refreshed.

Skiing was fun. We left town on Friday and skied Saturday and Sunday. I hope it burns as many calories as it is reported to. If that's the case then I created a calorie deficit everyday. If it is not the case, I only created a calorie deficit two of the three days. I was above my calorie target for two of the three days. So one day was a smaller than planned deficit, one was on target and the other was over my calorie limit. The day that I went over on calories, likely would have been better if we had dinner right after skiing. On ski days, I skip breakfast and eat a light lunch. By the time the lifts close, I am starving. So on the day I went over, I was doing my best not to snack but still ate plenty before dinner. I was thinking of trying to go up earlier on Friday to try and ski a couple of hours on Friday. However, my nephew had a hockey game right when I needed to leave and I wanted to watch him play.

So for today, I am already over on calories and am at my break even point. This is using the simplest calculation that is available. There are others that will show that I am still creating a calorie deficit and I am sure there are some that will show I am already at a calories excess. I have four more hours to tough it out until my next calorie window opens. I am using all of my tricks that I can think of but I don't know if I have what it takes within me. Honestly, clearly I don't since I am still so overweight. If I had what it takes, I would have been at my goal weight long ago.

Losing weight is easier said than done! I blinked and like six bad habits popped up today. Stuff I haven't done in a long time - so frustrating. Years of better behavior apparently does not make a lifestyle change. I have confirmed my secret weapon does indeed help me, quite a bit really. If I had it available in my arsenal today, I would have saved nearly 500 calories.

It was really cold here (7F) for our walks. Luckily for me my husband showed some gumption today so we started earlier than I probably would have. We finished the last one right at sunset.

Apparently, I have quit. I stopped tracking at 5:00, didn't weigh or measure any of my food and have eaten all day long. I am still ferociously hungry. I don't know what has happened and I just seem broken. Before I more or less felt like I was damaged but now I just feel broken.

My inner thought process has been why am I bothering? I have bothered and gone thorough the steps for so long with such little reward. Even my session at the rec center was really hard. I barely finished my session and the last little bit was below my target heart rate.

Working to be back on track right now. I have been back on track for the last 18 minutes- LOL.

Just trying to work my way through my unintentional strike - no tracking of calories and no limits on food. Weirdly, the scale looks good. As usual, I hope it lasts. The good number on the scale not the strike.

Another interesting point is I have been going to bed a couple of hours earlier than usual.

This is ridiculous! For the moment, I've dropped out of my plan and the ketone test strips are negative. However, the scale is lower that it has been in weeks. Not a new low weight but almost. I could have really used a weigh-in like this after my perfect week of being on plan.

It is all moot though. Time for the inexplicable weekend bump up.