I tend to agree with Schumeany here (shocker, I know! ).
I think overall we're so messed up about food - as a culture and as a society and as individuals - that anything and everything can be seen as offensive or upsetting. Or pithy. Or whatever.
I read something the other day that made me laugh in it's sheer truthfulness - something about how Americans were the most researched, studied, and informed about food and yet we enjoy it the least.
"If we would just recognize that life is hard, things would be much easier".
Too many people are trapped in what I call joyless striving.
Life does not have to be hard. Weight loss does not have to be hard. I'm not fond of the saying that ends with "choose your hard"--because if we do not have joy along the path, let's just cash in now!
Weight loss DOES take effort. Maintenance once one has lost weight DOES take effort. It's not simple, although those basic rules hold.
However--that said--when I'm up several pounds, those saying really irritate me, too! heh...
Be joyful in what you choose to do. Rejoice in the fact that you can breathe, eat, see the sky, walk, exercise, care for others, and be cared for in return. Be happy that you still have a choice and the ability to change things. These moments are precious, always.
Jay, I am grateful that I wake up every morning and that I can breathe, and that I am lucky enough to be able to have money to buy the foods that I do. And on and on.
But nevertheless, I still believe that this weight loss/maintenance stuff is HARD. Simple, yet HARD.
It is a pretty simple concept except most unhealthy eaters are gonna put butter on those plants. Learning to make the right changes and apply them to creating new habits, that's where the struggle lies....
I guess my problem with it...and this actually wasnt directed at me, is when people say it in a way like they are saying something earthshaking.
Or in this particular case it was someone saying "DONT COUNT CALORIES just eat food, not too much, mostly plants"
When I get irked is when it is combined with "you dont need to (count calories, measure food, join weight watchers, weigh food, eat salad, dont eat krispy kreme, join a gym, run) JUST (do my little pithy mantra)
That is my real rant...funny sometimes you dont know what ticks you off at first. DONT count calories, just eat less. DONT give up your daily icecream, just eat less. DONT run just move more. DONT join a gym just move more
Which to me comes across as "if you need to do all that to lose weight you must have serious issues"
Without knowing what you asked for, its hard to know what a better response would be.
I mean, people ask me all the time how to lose weight. All. The. Time. And while I try to give a little more information than that, it really is a -simple- thing. I always throw on "simple doesn't mean easy", etc, but if someone asks me how I lost my weight, my response is generally going to be something like "eat less, mostly whole foods, move more, lift weights". Which is SIMPLE, but really, really hard to do a lot of the time. I don't ever JUST say those 9 words, but that is what any advice I will give boils down to.
Then again, if someone came to me and said "I'm really struggling with staying on plan" or "I'm having a hard time managing emotional eating", my response would never in a million years be "Well, just eat less and move more!" So I think a lot of it is context, and without knowing the conversation that sparked the original post, it is hard to say whether it is condescending or not.
On the debate on whether or not this is "hard", I think maintaining weight IS hard, or at least, harder than NOT maintaining weight, for me. But the REST of my life outside of my weight is so much easier that I'm willing to sacrifice that amount of effort...in the end, life ends up easier...the only parts that are HARDER are the eating/exercising parts.
But the REST of my life outside of my weight is so much easier that I'm willing to sacrifice that amount of effort...in the end, life ends up easier...the only parts that are HARDER are the eating/exercising parts.
I don't want to scare anyone, so I just want to mention this point the Amanda speaks about. The so-called sacrifices, not even sure if I would call it that, bring about so many fabulous results that it is more then a pleasure to maintain weight loss. There is not one single aspect of my life that has not been improved by my weight loss and now maintenance. So, yes, life is more joyful and easier.
At this point, all the things that I do to keep me at this weight are ingrained in me. I know what to do, so that is EASY.
But hey, it WOULD be easier and less time consuming to not have to shop constantly, and chop and dice and prepare and cook and clean up and on and on. It would be easier (& cheaper) to walk into Mcdonald's and get my meals there. It would be easier for me to not have to pack snacks with me wherever I go and just grab a donut or a muffin or something similar. Be a heckuva lot easier and again, less time consuming if I didn't have to exercise.
But hey, it would be easier if I didn't have to work to get money and I could, I don't know - steal it? But of course stealing money is not an option. Certainly not a good one. On top of it being wrong on so many levels, it's too darn risky. And not too far down the road, it would NOT be a very satisfying life and would actually wind up making life HARDER (umm, think prison).
Same thing with my eating and exericse. I could choose the easier path. But not very far down the road, it would NOT be a very satisfying life and would actually wind up making life HARDER (think disease, depression, low self-esteem, etc..)
I feel bad now. I am asked a lot how I've lost over 130 pounds. The basic simplified version is "Eat less, move more". It's so easy, even a cave man can do it...<grin>. Most heavy people *really* don't want to hear more than that. You can sence their uneasiness almost immediately. Being a fat person, I would ask people how they lost weight in hopes of a new miracle cure. Once I found out it was what I already knew how to do, I'd bow out of the conversation as quickly as possible. I think most thin people ask because they feel obligated and to explain away their staring! Of course there are always the "know it alls" that need to put in their 2 cents. When that happens I say something like..."Thank you for the advice, when I get stuck in a rut, I'll give you a call" ...lol.
My favorite is when someone asks me how I lost weight in a group setting, and then someone else answers for me...Gurr, that is irritating.
Without knowing what you asked for, its hard to know what a better response would be.
That's why I modified my rant. It's about when someone does say "I've been doing Calorie counting" for example and the response is "Dont calorie count, just eat less"
How is that helpful? Dont do a specific method of eating less, just do this nebulous method.
My specific rant is the belittling of the current effort, but not really providing anything concrete to go on. I mean what is the first thing we do here if someone says "I've been eating pretty good and not that much but I cant lose weight" We say "quantify...how much are you REALLY eating"
I don't mind honest, unbiased opinions, whether I agree with them or not. I love talking about weight loss and exercise with people who are really open and honest about the topic, all aspects of it, including how it can simultaneously horrendously difficult and complicated, and yet stupifyingly simple and occasionally even easy. I don't expect anyone (especially if they haven't experienced weight loss struggles themselves) to understand that their "advice" may not be new or profound to me.
What I do hate, is when the advice (whether I agree with it or not, either in theory or in practice) is delivered with condescencion or scorn. Now, I won't discount the possibility that I may occasionally interpret such emotions when they weren't intended, but I'm generally not paranoid or easily offended. In fact, I'm usually pretty unflappable, and am more likely to take such advice at face value when an insult was actually intended. But I've found that for the folks who really were trying to insult me, refusing to be insulted drives them nuts (so it can be the best "revenge").
I've gotten some good and true advice, and some bad and completely ridiculous advice that was well intended, but delivered poorly. That doesn't bother me, in the least. However whether the advice is true/good or complete B.S., when it is intended as a "how could you be so stupid as to not know that".... well I don't have much patience for it.
When I've received THAT kind of advice, frankly it has gone in one ear and out the other, and I avoid the subject with that person in the future. However, if someone is trying to be truly helpful, even if they give (and firmly believe) advice that is either oversimplified or even utter garbage (you have to eat grapefruit three times a day, or drink a glass of vinegar before each meal....) I don't mind and in fact like talking about the subject. In fact, I wish that weight loss, health, and fitness sometimes weren't such a taboo subject, as I've had some of my best conversations with perfect strangers, but it's funny how those conversations often started - with one or both of us, testing the waters to make sure the person isn't going to be offended. Heck, I think sometimes it would be more socially acceptable to talk about extreme fetish porn than weight loss.
How is that helpful? Dont do a specific method of eating less, just do this nebulous method.
Yeah. I'm with you on that.
It's funny ... two of the women in the office across the hall were talking about joining WW yesterday and they hollered across the way and asked if I'd come offer my opinion. One of them has worked there for years and knew me back before I lost weight. One of them has only known me for about a year. The conversation went a lot like this:
#1: Would you join WW for this?
Me: I know a lot of people who have joined and love it. I've done it in the past and it just isn't my thing.
#2: Well what did you do to lose all your weight?
Me: Counted calories, ate really fresh un-processed food as much as possible, and made sure to go to the gym regularly.
#2: I KNEW you were going to say that. I can't do that.
#1: Why not?
#2: I can't eat that "healthy" stuff. That brown rice stuff and vegetables and .. you're gonna tell me I have to exercise right?
Me: Well, yeah. (smiling)
#1: I just want to join someplace and have them do it for me. PC if you were going to join somewhere, where would you join.
Me: Well ... erm ... I wouldn't. I don't do so well with joining things. If they tell me I can't have something, it makes me want it. It's easier for me to count my own calories.
#2: That's just too hard.
#1: Yeah. I think I'm going to join WW.
Now how much you wanna bet that in Feb they're going to come back and say WW doesn't work for them?
But I'm really reluctant to go into more detail than that because I know the response I'm going to be met with across the board is "I can't do that" (which really means I *won't* do that). That and Woman #2 is always trying some weird new fad. Now she wants to cut out all dairy ... because dairy is making her fat. Last year it was becoming veggie (except for some chicken and some fish and well a hamburger every once in a while).
PC, just before Christmas I had that EXACT same conversation with one of the checkers at my grocery store...down to the thing where I said I didn't like to join things because I am not big on other people telling me what to do or what I can eat...I prefer being responsible for my own decisions...but that I did know people who joined WW and it worked great for them. It just wasn't my thing.
Then, however, she went on to say that all that weight melting off of me was just incredible. That it wasn't fair I had lost so fast and that just counting my calories and getting some exercise had worked for me. She told me she has tried every fast, cleanse and new diet there is, and she always gains it back or doesn't lose an ounce. Hello? It did not melt off of me...I burned every one of those little *******s. And five months is a good pace, but it is not "so fast". It was steady, but about 2 pounds a week which is well within the realm of reasonable. As for the fads, I just wanted to throw my hands in the air. I wanted to look at her and, yes, say, "EAT LESS AND MOVE MORE AND STOP THINKING DRINKING LEMON WATER FOR A WEEK IS THE ANSWER TO ALL YOUR PROBLEMS!" That is not what I said, because I know this is hard, but I do not like having my weight loss discounted simply because I managed to lose it in a reasonable, sane way that did not starve me or purge my insides or whatever. What I did say was that if she was interested I would be happy to write up the general plan I followed for her...she said not right now. With the holidays and everything, she doesn't want to start a new "diet" until the New Year. I just nodded and wished her good luck.
I do understand why some people think they "can't" do certain things, when they really mean they aren't willing to, but even so alot of them wouldn't have to make many of the changes they think they would (especially not all at once).
If you don't like "that healthy stuff, like brown rice," so don't eat brown rice. There's no "rule" (well there is, but the rule is B.S.) that changes toward a healthy diet have to all be made in one day.
Same with adding the dreaded "exercise." Who is saying that you need to put in an hour on the treadmill every day before it "counts?" (Well, a lot of people... but they're wrong).
Eat healthier foods and eat fewer calories
This doesn't mean you have to go from eating 4000 calories of junk to eating 1000 calories of brown rice and raw veggies. To lose 1 lb a week, you only have to give up 500 calories a day, and if you're eating alot of high fat and high sugar stuff, you can often save those 500 calories eating what seems like more food. Yes, it means swapping out some of your favorites and trying some new foods, but 500 calories a day is not such a gigantically terrible sacrifice. And if it does seem so, then why not only cut 250 calories a day and lose 1/2 pound a week.
Exercise More
You can't do an hour on a treadmill? What are you able AND willing to do? So do that. Even if it's 5 minutes, it's a start.
I think too many people are afraid of change, because they're intimidated by the changes they think are required. They think they have to do a complete overhaul on their life, overnight. And some people may succeed, doing just that, but I think that starting with small changes is for many folks more doable, and yet they don't consider it, because the small changes don't yield impressive enough results.
So when people hear "eat healthier, eat less, and move more," they translate it mentally into something like "eat nothing but raw greenery, eat no foods I like, and spend at least an hour, ideally two every day pushing myself physically until it hurts really bad and I can barely move the next day."
The mistranslation, I think is the real barrier to weight loss - people assuming that they must "suffer terribly" in order to make changes.
).
Learning to make the right changes and apply them to creating new habits, that's where the struggle lies....
