And yeah, it might come across a little .. harsh maybe? But I suspect there might be an element of frustration there on the other end. I know when I say things like that, it's almost always borne from months (or even years) of listening to my husband talk and talk and talk about doing something but never doing it. And finally it's just "do it or don't do it but for god's sake shut up about it."
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Personally, I know what you mean about wanting someone to... what's the phrase? "Sh** or get off the pot"
The thing that bothered me this time was that I can't remember the last time I talked to her about wanting to exercise. I take her advice/tips about healthy eating (she recommended eating oatmeal, which I tried for awhile but the oatmeal was too bland, even with brown sugar), but I've never before talked to her about working out - I either did it or I didn't. So this was a one-time thing and that was her reaction.
But yea, if I complained about wanting to work out every time I talked to her, I wouldn't blame her for telling me to shut up and do it. I try not to beat dead horses.
But yea, if I complained about wanting to work out every time I talked to her, I wouldn't blame her for telling me to shut up and do it. I try not to beat dead horses.
Gotcha.
BTW, about the oatmeal - don't know if you're interested in trying it again, but I really dislike sweet things in the mornings. I eat my oatmeal with some shredded sharp cheddar, salt, pepper, and sometimes a dash of hot sauce. It's really yummy that way.
I went to a Christmas party at my aunt's house a couple of weeks ago and I hadn't seen her since last Christmas. She has been struggling with her weight for years - actually got a tummy tuck a few years ago and then gained it all back and more... I was told at my highest weight that I looked like her - I realize now that my actual build and bone structure is nothing like hers, I was just covering mine up...
She looked at me and said "you look great, you are half the size you were, how did you do it?" I said "Changed my diet, exercise a lot". Her answer "no, really, how did you do it?" My response again "Changed my diet, exercise a lot". It went back and forth two more times with the same question and answer. I don't know what other answer she was looking for. I added in some variations - eat less junk food, exercise five - six days per week, she still never really accepted it. Then, for the rest of the party she made comments about wanting to lose weight, wanting to look like Shan, etc. Before I left I told her that she had to stop talking about it and actually do it, that I had heard her talk about making changes for years with no follow through. That it was hard to make the changes that were needed, but talking about it wasn't going to do it. I think I hurt her feelings. By that point I was feeling pretty frustrated about her 'no, really, what else did you do?' mantra all evening. I guess she was looking for the previously mentioned magic pill answer from me!
BTW, about the oatmeal - don't know if you're interested in trying it again, but I really dislike sweet things in the mornings. I eat my oatmeal with some shredded sharp cheddar, salt, pepper, and sometimes a dash of hot sauce. It's really yummy that way.
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That sounds good. I'll have to try that. I was going to suggest if she likes it sweet, she should add some spices like cinnamon, or pumpkin pie spice. I'm like you, and don't want the sweet flavor. I use a tsp of butter and a dash of salt.
It's funny, I just never seem to hear that magic pill thing from people. They don't like that I did it just with eating better and exercising, because that sounds hard, but they believe it.
Of the loads of people who ask how I lost the weight, they fall into a couple of categories.
The ones that start off with, "I bet you workout a real lot" or something like that. Meaning that they think it's exercise that they're lacking and could never exercise "as much as Robin does". It is easier for them to accept that, then to think that they're doing the "food" part wrong.
On the other hand, many people will ask how I lost the weight and start off with, "I bet you starve yoursefl". They're the ones who would prefer to think that exercise is not as important a factor and think, "Well Robin just doesn't eat, of course I could lose weight if I would just starve myself as well. But who wants to do that?"
Then of course there's the ones who say neither. Not sure what they're thinking. They just may very well be the ones hoping that there was a magical pill that did it.
Last edited by rockinrobin; 01-03-2009 at 06:35 AM.
Oh gosh, that is the most fascinating thing to me. I mean, I never lacked for knowing what to do and why. Sure, I keep learning. But I have always had what I *needed.* But why did I wake up one day, and bam, no more doubt? It was done before I even started. I just knew this was the time.
It's interesting you mention that because for me in my HEAD I have no doubt whatsoever that this CAN be done, that I can lose the weight (especially now that my endo and I are working towards getting my hormones balance which is half the battle with my weight loss since my excessive weight gain was partially due to hormonal imbalances), but the problem for me is letting go of the doubts and fears within my heart. For some reason I have this disconnect between knowing and believing in my heart what I do in my head. What is "known" in the head is what lacks in the heart and vice versa. But I think the important thing for me this time around is that I recognize it and I'm working to mend that disconnect as I go along this journey because I think if I can constantly show myself whatever it is I believe or know in my head, that one day I'll actually start to see it with my heart and I'll believe it in my heart or I'll be able to start letting go of whatever I need to (the doubt the fear) and just maybe I'll finally have a head and heart that co-exists in harmony. I'll be honest that everday that this is scary for me emotionally because of what the fat has meant for all of these years, but I believe that if I can change my thought patterns and reinforce the good that I will begin to see it in my heart. I guess it's the principle of the laws of attraction discussed in the documentary "The Secret" and the book "You can heal your life" by Louise L. Hay that basically you attract the experiences in your life by what you think and your positive or negative thought processes. When I have concentrated on this principle it had worked in the past for me, so I'm just hoping that it can do it this time around too.
I read something the other day that made me laugh in it's sheer truthfulness - something about how Americans were the most researched, studied, and informed about food and yet we enjoy it the least.
How about we throw in still another four-word one-liner :
" Eat Less ~Enjoy More ! "
Great thread. I'm just waiting for that moment where my brain will grab hold of resolution, like many of you describe happening. I think there is just a sheer film of residual doubt, from old and worn-out thinking patterns, but at this point, I feel that any moment that shift will take place, and I will be 'electrified with purpose'. Thanks everyone !
Last edited by Hermit Girl; 01-03-2009 at 11:01 AM.
One of the things that I think got me started down this finally successful weight loss path is realizing that this wasn't an all or nothing endeavor. I think really we've been conditioned to believe that only getting off every ounce of weight "counts" at all (not only for vanity, but for health too). That if you've got 250 lbs to lose (or even 50) that there's no reason to lose "just" 10 lbs. So people think I can't see myself losing the ___ number of lbs. that I "need" to, so why bother starting.
So, if you can't see yourself losing x lbs, can you see yourself losing 10? If not, how about five? Two?
It was really something my neurologist said (although I'd also been reading it in magazines) that studies were showing that even a reduction in body weight by only 10% resulted in significant health improvements. I'd never had a doctor ever suggest to me that I only try to lose part of the weight I had to lose.
The big picture is intimidating, and it isn't often suggested that a person not worry about the weight they can't see themselves losing, but only start with the weight that they're confident they can conquer. Heck even if it is only 5 lbs out of the fifty - maintain that 5 until you think you can go for 10. But 9 times out of 10, I think that once a person reaches the "easily doable" goal, the more likely they'll be ready to keep going.
I think this really does apply to everyone. Now everyone will have a different number in mind of what they're confident they can achieve. Some people may have no doubt, from the beginning that they can reach their goal weight. Those were are less optimistic can definitely find a number they can feel confident about (who doesn't think they can lose one lb and maintain it?)
That may be my best advice to anyone in the future. Can you lose one lb and maintain it?
No doubt the answer would be "what good would losing one lb do?"
But I think the important thing for me this time around is that I recognize it and I'm working to mend that disconnect as I go along this journey because I think if I can constantly show myself whatever it is I believe or know in my head, that one day I'll actually start to see it with my heart and I'll believe it in my heart or I'll be able to start letting go of whatever I need to (the doubt the fear) and just maybe I'll finally have a head and heart that co-exists in harmony.
I know what you're saying here. Sometimes I think you have to choose to do the "act as if" thing, and trust that in time your heart will catch up. I've had "faith" and "grace" on my mind a lot lately, and I think it applies here. Not as religious concepts, but as spiritual concepts. I'm beginning to have faith that if I make certain choices, I will get what I'm supposed to get. That it's not always for me to try to *achieve* A, B or C - It's for me to put myself on the road. That there are some things you receive, not achieve.
I know what you're saying here. Sometimes I think you have to choose to do the "act as if" thing, and trust that in time your heart will catch up. I've had "faith" and "grace" on my mind a lot lately, and I think it applies here. Not as religious concepts, but as spiritual concepts. I'm beginning to have faith that if I make certain choices, I will get what I'm supposed to get. That it's not always for me to try to *achieve* A, B or C - It's for me to put myself on the road. That there are some things you receive, not achieve.
Good point Julie! I think for some people losing the weight is a very spiritual thing since to me the spirit and emotion are great players in what leads people to put on weight and then also in their weight loss journey. I also believe they work in tandem with your attitude, which I believe is everything when you are to work towards your goals you have in life, whether it's weight related or not. It's interesting how you mention things you receive rather than achieving because I once read a quote that said "Work on being and not having, for with what you are, you will have." I think that sums up your idea pretty well because if you are full of faith and grace and belief in yourself for what you aim to achieve then you will eventually get there and achieve it because of who are you and what you believe and not to worry too much about the achievement itself. Or at least thats my take on it.
This is my experience as well. So odd. Because I had ZERO doubts that I would get it done this time. Zero. So odd.
This is odd. Because this is exactly how I felt when I began that April day seemingly a lifetime ago.
It was if I had finally made a decision. And once I made the decision that was it. There was no more option. There still isn't an option. It's one direction (even if there are a few pitstops along the way).
There's that saying "hindsight is 20/20", but this is the one time in my life I feel I can see 20/20 going into the future. I not only see it, but I know it. Down to my core.
I do love this discussion. I think we all are on different roads, some of us the path is winding or even a bit backtracking, some of us are on the straight arrow's path. Some of us find the roads we have chosen or were forced to take to be more or less rockier than others, with varying degrees of obstacles in our way. Some of us are traveling at, above, or below the "average" speed limit (whatever that is, and since it's never really posted, none of us know what it its, anyway). Some of us have different destinations in mind, and some of us share fairly similar goals.
What I love about 3FC isn't that we're on a shared journey per se (because some of our journeys are very, very different from one anothers'), but what IS important is that we're all fellow travelers, and there's a kinship in that, that is hard to define, but very precious to me, nonetheless.
