BillyG..
I don't know if are really just trying to convince yourself or not about you not caring about your weight, but to not care about your health would mean that you have a very low outlook on life in general.
My father has severe diabetes and he is only about 15-20 lbs overweight. Diabetes is something that runs in my family and I've always been healthy but every year that I would gain 10 pounds was a year closer to being at-risk for diabetes. I can tell you, my father has gone through a lot of ****. When I was younger he actually have a get a small chunk of his back removed because it became infected. After that, he tried to control it, but he still ignored his diabetes. Oh sure, he took medicine and all.. but at some point he didn't make the total life change that he needed to and he is going through **** for it now. He became legally blind. He had to get various eye surgeries, TONS of treatment and shots, and now he is steadily moving forward, but VERY VERY slowly over these past 6 years. He used to be a real estate agent but his diabetes got so bad he had to go on disability. Do you think my father enjoyed not being able to see? Having to use a walker? Having to constantly go in and out of the hospital? Do you think he loves that he has to get shots every few months because it has seriously damaged his kidneys? Do you know how many times he has fallen and had to go to the hospital because of a low blood count? Sure, he isn't paying for it through his wallet, but it sure has taken over his life. If he gave up, he would have died. The fact that he is around today is testament to him eating better, losing some weight, taking his meds on time, and now he is even working little by little, trying to get his life back in order and he's been fighting and there isn't a day that goes by where he doesn't regret not caring about his health and life sooner. There are so many things he wishes he could have done in his life, and things that got pushed aside. I have no doubt that there are things you wish you could do (family) but your health and weight having taken over your life.
So don't sit there and tell me you are OK with your health.
I can't believe that you would believe you are content with your state of health because that would mean you really don't find anything else in life to be interesting except for food.
That isn't the case though, because part of you wants to have a family and you even said that maybe if you had children you would care, so it isn't that you are really happy with where you are, I really think you are just trying to not care to make things easier on yourself. You stated your family has been nagging you, and I think that if you are surrounded by a family that cares and loves you, then you must have at some point, had higher expectations in life until one day you decided "what's the point" and worked at warping your mind around this "I don't care, let me be" type of thinking.
I think you decided it would be easier to work at changing your outlook on your health and weight than to be unhappy about it and try and change it. You said you tried before, so that tells me you really aren't happy. I think there is something that goes beyond just losing weight with you, because you said you like the prison of fat and it sounds like you are just scared and tired of trying and failing.
I think you are lost and struggling inside, and you need to address and face whatever it is that has caused you to think like this.
The difference with this site is that there are many on here who WERE or TRIED to be at the place you're at right now, but they've taken the first step.
You think it is more acceptable to be happy with who you are than to try and progress for the fear of failing. This is what I believe based on the posts you've made, I really don't know though, only you do.
You say you want clarity, I think you need a little extra help in finding it, maybe talking to someone professionally and explaining all these feelings so you can get to the bottom of what makes you "different" from those of us that are trying.
I really do wish you the best of luck because at first I thought you were mocking us, but I can see that there is part of you that WANTS to feel motivated to change, and it is that part of you that needs to come out and expand. I hope you find what you're looking for.
I love to think I am exceptional, who doesn't? But, truthfully, I think I am not. I will gain every ounce back, the moment I stop caring. But that's true about so many things in life. You work on what you care about, and if you choose to, you can care about yourself, though you may need help in doing so (by that I mean, getting treatment for depression).
I would have never gotten my masters' degree if I'd stopped caring about my studies. I'm bright, and I never had to study "too hard," but I did have to put some effort in, or I wouldn't have accomplished it. Many of my peers worked far, far harder to get the same degree. And that's true of weight loss too, it may require different amounts of effort, but the degree of probability doesn't necessarily reflect the degree of possibility.
The percentage of people with a masters' degree, is probably nearly as low as the successful weight loss statistics, and the percentage of people with a doctorate even fewer (possibly more dismal than the weight loss statistics). Does that mean that no one should attempt higher education, because it's impossible? Well, it's obviously not impossible, because there are people in our lives (maybe even ourselves) who have done it.
So, I consider myself working on my "doctorate" in weight loss studies, and I am my own doctoral thesis. I am confident that I can do it, but there is always the risk of "dropping out." If I lose commitment, hope, dedication, or interest; I will regain the weight.
Hopelessness isn't always a choice. It can reflect clinical depression. Clinical depression makes EVERYTHING (sometimes getting out of bed) seem impossible. I have been depressed to the point of wondering whether it was "worth it" to get up to go to the bathroom (that's about as low as a person can get, I thought - but the fact is some people sink even lower than that and decide that it actually isn't worth getting up for).
Billy, with the attitudes and beliefs you've expressed, you most likely are clinically, and severely depressed. Anyone who feels they have NO dignity, is clinically depressed. Please seak counseling and medication.
In some ways, medication may make it seem worse before it gets better. You've got to be prepared for that. Sometimes it's like "waking up," and seeing where you've gotten. It can be traumatic and ugly. But very soon, it gets much better. Medication often gives you the energy and confidence to start working in your own best interest. To feel worthy AND capable of changing your life.
My husband and I just went through this with a close friend of his. The guy wasn't overweight, but he had sunk into a deep depression and had become completely uninterested in his family - to the point that he lost them. His fiance left with their child and the children from her previous marriage (who he had become attached to enough to want to adopt).
Only after they left, did it become clear to his friends, how low he had sunk. They persuaded him to see a doctor, and sure enough he was diagnosed with clinical depression and given medication and he saw a counselor once - because he was intending to move back to Wisconsin to live with family, decided not to start counseling until he got established here. Even just the medication has made a tremendous difference for him. He was able to get the house in order and sell it and return to Wisconsin. The fiance may be a lost cause, as she is seeing someone else, but he's having regular contact with the kids and is rebuilding his life. He got his old job back (the one he had before they moved to Missouri) and is talking about the future again.
I see you in that same dark place, in which your life has collapsed into a small, dark cave den. Many people when they are depressed, do not get "sad." I know I surely didn't think I was. My life had just become very small. I was even able to make that "den" fairly comfortable, so I convinced myself that I liked it fine that way. The only thing that would have made it perfect was pain relief, and the ability to sleep comfortably. If a doctor had prescribed Vicodin instead of lexapro (an antidepressent that was supposed to help me sleep at night) I might still be in that dark, small den.
So, seek treatment for the depression (whether you realize it or not, I think you're clearly there) and when you start to feel that you have the ability to get control of your life, you will start to get the clarity you seek.
Billy, you have alot riding on this. This is about your whole life- if you lose weight you give up government support and that means a job. It must be overwhelming because it will change your whole life.
You have a choice, join the living, get out and enjoy life, enjoy the great gift of outdoors and stop being invisible. You are clearly a bright intelligent person share that with everyone. Life is too short. Its not about being afraid of death its about enjoying and respecting life. I lost my 30 yr old cousin in a violent tragedy 1 yr ago, we owe it to ourselves to enjoy every breath of air and respect ourselves enough to be as healthy as we can be. Respect life. You deserve to give that to yourself- you just don't believe it yet. You are the same as everyone else here on the board, you have it in you-its just a matter of time.
Personally, I would rather try to lose the weight and be happy then not at all. If I fail at keeping the weight off then at least I know I tried my best. My eating habits seem to be changing for the better. Instead of craving salty snacks, I am now craving fruits. I really think I can keep the weight off. And if I do gain a little weight back when I am done, well I will lose it again.
Not eating junk food isn't the end of the world. I have started thinking of junk food like this... it taste good for five minutes and then it's in the toilet later. It's just not worth it. Eating that stuff is not worth my health anymore. I LOVE the way I feel eating healthier, and I love my morning jogs.
I am sorry that you're unhappy and not willing to try dieting. That's your choice. There lots of things people have been told aren't possible, yet they do it anyway.
Last edited by Moonring05; 08-15-2008 at 07:08 PM.
Hey where does the 98% fail number come from? Where do the people who never need to diet fit in? 98% is a pretty depressing number until you can factor in the people who manage their weight without "dieting"....
"Hopelessness isn't always a choice. It can reflect clinical depression. Clinical depression makes EVERYTHING (sometimes getting out of bed) seem impossible. I have been depressed to the point of wondering whether it was "worth it" to get up to go to the bathroom (that's about as low as a person can get, I thought - but the fact is some people sink even lower than that and decide that it actually isn't worth getting up for)."
you hit the nail on the head with that one, kaplods. you couldn't have said it better.
Billy, I had [almost] the same thought process about failing, and life being too short, etc.
I've also struggled with full blown depression since I was a kid, and have had major issues with food. I nearly flunked out of high school at 15/16 years old my sophomore year. I missed 40 days of school in the second semester itself, and didn't give a damn about anything anymore. I would stay up all night long, and just slept it off during the day. I often contemplated jumping in front of a bus. (it seems like I'm getting carried away here, but I've got a point to make)
I went from being the most un-motivated, lazy, had the 'nothing to look forward to' outlook, yet I actually managed to turn it around. . .But it was a slow process.
I'm now going into my senior year of high school, AND have started work classes at a trade school.
I'm still paying for the slack from sophomore year too. I gave up this entire summer, AND last summer to re-gain the credits I lost from the 'bad' h.s. year.
I honestly thought I was just going to quit high school, because I didn't want to do it anymore. And I was only 15-16 years old. I'm still to this day very stubborn, but it can also be a good thing, at least in my case.
I didn't know how much I was/am capable of. I even managed to lose a few lbs as well. I also had several failed attempts.
Billy, I can honestly say that I know you are capable of so much more. I can sense it by what you've stated so far. I can tell that you are very intelligent, and that you can do so much more than what you are currently at right now
As for your family "always on you":
They only do that because they love you, and want only the best for you. You're very blessed to have a caring family. And right now, it might seem like what they say/do is making you feel angry/annoyed/ maybe even sad, but that's not in their intentions, by all means. I hope that you will eventually see that.
I would/still do resort to food in stressful times, depressing times, and even when I was just flat-out bored.
The bag of chips might feel like your only friend at the end of a crappy day, but it can also be your worst enemy. I was always in denial, until I eventually realized that I maybe had a bit of a problem.
Realization is one of the first steps to getting better, and changing things for the best.
I, personally think that you're more than halfway there, Billy.
If it's dieting that you're worried about, then you are not the only one. Even those that are healthy, and have been successful in their diet attempts slip up, and make mistakes.
It happens to everyone; we're all human. It would be nearly impossible to never mess up a good day, ever.
Plus, it takes baby steps. You can't expect to make a huge change immediately, and keep up with it if you hate it.
Before this gets even longer than it already is, I really hope that you seek professional help, Billy. I'm genuinely concerned, and I truly mean it. If iI never got help, I don't even want to know what where I'd be.
I wish you the best, and if you ever need positive support, then you are in the best place for it! the people on this forum are absolutely amazing, and I don't know what I'd do without them.
Good luck Billy!
Remember that you are the only one that can make a change for yourself.
Man, this has been an interesting thread! Kaplods, I especially enjoyed your posts, but many of you (y'all) have made good points.
I was reminded of all the healthy things I love: fresh strawberries; a long walk with my dawg; good sex; hot veggie soup on a chilly day; traveling and walking all over new cities; shopping for cute clothes; squeezing canteloupes in the fruit aisle; and on and on. I haven't lost much weight yet, but I FEEL GOOD, and I want to feel good for a long long time. That's WAY better than fritos.
The % of adult Americans w/doctorates is about 1%; I'm one of them, and it was hard, but I really wanted it and in fact I enjoyed it (mostly); I like school. I don't always enjoy making healthy choices, but I love the results. I love my life. Thank you all for helping remind me of that : )
I feel OK now. I have free drugs for my diabetes. I have free pain meds. They can repair my joints for free. I have a CPAP machine for my sleep apnea. I have a handicap licence plate and Wal-Mart has the scooters. I can have glorious food delivered. Why should I give up all that for the long odds of losing 200+ pounds? I'd be a fool to try.
you don't have to give it up. enjoy it for as long as you can.
see no one can give you a reason to do what yo don't want to do.
i've lost 70 pounds over the last 2 years. my dh lost about 100 and then promptly gained it all back. i'm still losing. I don't have to take meds for anything (and i'm nearly 50) my blood sugar is normal. my cholesterol is normal. i have great insurance and can have any joint i want fixed but i don't need to. my sleep apnea has improved so much I don't need a CPAP machine. alhtough I can get one. I have handicapped plates for my DH and a bariatric wheelchair paid for by my insurance. LIFE is good.
I want to not have rashes.
I want to not be out of breath when i turn over in bed, walk to the car or get up off the couch and walk to the bathroom.
i want to live long enough to be a burden to my children. I won't do that at 300 pounds...
i have an ankle that i broke in 2001. it did not recover well and part of the bone is dead. to repair it might not work, the less i weigh the better is is for the ankle
with over 200 pounds to lose you are not even a candidate for joint replacement....
the truth is there is nothing any of us can say to make you want to lose weight.
losing weight as an adult for adult reasons (your health) is something that has to be internally driven. if you don't want to find that internal drive, I can't find it for you.
i remember someone brought up how the free drugs are paid for by tax payers (i think it was Beach Patrol). If thats the case, its coming out of tax that goes to the health care system right? I would hate for someone to have to go without adequate health care that they need because I chose to be a burden on the system, without trying to do something about it, because i knew i could get "free" drugs
I have to say that the tone of your blog, Billy is very different than the tone of your posts here. I don't know which is the "real" you, but I have to say the messages are conflicting at best. Do you know what you really want?
Are you really that torn and conflicted, or are you just trying to manipulate and provoke.
That's the only unity I see in the posts here and your blog. You have contempt for most people including yourself. Contempt is NOT a hedonistic value. True hedonists are having such a good time, they don't notice or care that others may not be, and they certainly don't have contempt or disdain for anyone who has chosen a different path, especially if it seems to make them happy. You express contempt for anyone with religious faith, when a true hedonist wouldn't care. "Good for them, they're doing what THEY like to do," would be a true hedonists' view, if they even bothered to notice what any of the rest of us was up to.
True hedonism is much more joyful. The amount of contempt you express on your blog, shows you not to be a true hedonist, because if you were having such a wonderful time, you wouldn't notice or care what anyone else was doing or thinking. Contempt, anger and bitterness are the antithesis of hedonism. Hedonism is being the grasshopper, who doesn't have contempt for the ants, he's not even thinking about them, he's having too much fun.
For a hedonist, Billy you don't seem to be having any fun. Maybe it's time for a new philosophy.
I have to say that the tone of your blog, Billy is very different than the tone of your posts here. I don't know which is the "real" you, but I have to say the messages are conflicting at best. Do you know what you really want?
Are you really that torn and conflicted, or are you just trying to manipulate and provoke.
That's the only unity I see in the posts here and your blog. You have contempt for most people including yourself. Contempt is NOT a hedonistic value. True hedonists are having such a good time, they don't notice or care that others may not be, and they certainly don't have contempt or disdain for anyone who has chosen a different path, especially if it seems to make them happy. You express contempt for anyone with religious faith, when a true hedonist wouldn't care. "Good for them, they're doing what THEY like to do," would be a true hedonists' view, if they even bothered to notice what any of the rest of us was up to.
True hedonism is much more joyful. The amount of contempt you express on your blog, shows you not to be a true hedonist, because if you were having such a wonderful time, you wouldn't notice or care what anyone else was doing or thinking. Contempt, anger and bitterness are the antithesis of hedonism. Hedonism is being the grasshopper, who doesn't have contempt for the ants, he's not even thinking about them, he's having too much fun.
For a hedonist, Billy you don't seem to be having any fun. Maybe it's time for a new philosophy.
If you were more familiar with fat acceptance you would better understand what my blog is about. My blog is a critical reaction to the current fat acceptance movement that has become splintered schizophrenic and intellectually dishonest. I was very active in the movement and was a major contributor to big fat blog but is simply ran out of BS. I am the cause of my extreme obesity. I am not going to blame my genetics because I know better ans so does everyone else. Do I think people should be accepting of the obese? I guess my answer would be; it is not up to me or anyone else to demand that one group of people treat another group of people a certain way. I'm not God and the only will and behavior I can control is my own.
The reality is more fat people are like me than like the people on this site. Originally I said 98% of diet attempts fail. The fat acceptance movement's propaganda says 98% of diets fail. I make a distinction with a difference. Diets don't fail. People fail to comply and therefore do not lose weight and maintain good health. Again, I am like the 67% of Americans who are fat or obese and will not make the changes needed to get and stay thin but I am thinking of taking a shot at getting in shape just to prove I can do it. If only I were not a weak willed selfish glutton. Heck if only most Americans were not weak willed selfish gluttons. This is not easy for me to admit as I have an over inflated ego but then again that does not make me unique.
I have gotten help here. I gained wisdom and insight and it has been a great sounding board for me. I have admitted the exact nature of my "wrongs". I am still stuck at the idea of giving up my gluttony. It is though I lose more than I gain. Now like so many others like me I am living the life of Riley and I don't feel the slightest tinge of guilt.
Why should I pull my weight and pay my own freight? What is in it for ME?
Why should I pull my weight and pay my own freight? What is in it for ME?
Something that you and only you can decide is worth the fight. What's in it for you is your life. You choose how you live it and how you die it.
You don't want to lose weight? Great.. you're choosing a path that will certainly lead you to death far sooner than you could otherwise expect to live. You're also causing your family members more pain and anguish because they have to watch you die a slow, miserable death rather than live life to your fullest potential.
Wait.. you said you didn't care about death, so let's move on to the next part. You don't want to give up eating? Hey guess what.. you really don't have to. It all goes back to choices. Do you choose a meal that is filling, healthy, and delicious? Or do you choose a meal that is bland at best, and a heart attack waiting to happen in most cases? Fast food and packaged foods tend to taste like greasy cardboard. Even when I was regularly eating out, I couldn't say I truly enjoyed it - it was simply easier.
You say you'll never attract the kind of woman you'd be attracted to. Fair enough, but it's 99% in your attitude rather than anything else. Not a criticism, merely an observation.You have high expectations for your 'mate' but have rather low and discouraging expectations for yourself. Life is, once again, about the choices you make. You choose to not expect much for yourself, so potential 'mates' won't expect much either.
For every excuse you can come up with, each and every one of us here can come up with a solution or probably ten. Except, that's really not going to help you because it has to be yourchoice.
You want reasons to lose weight? I can give you many. But for reasons why you should lose weight.. well, I can't help you with that. Best of luck.
