[lifechange]

Billy, Definitely an incremental approach. If you feel like you are going to fail you will. But you obviously have some level of interest because you are still here. So stay with us, and if your family and doc is talking WLS check out www.obesityhelp.com (DS surgery is more of an option for those who really can't change their eating patterns- sorry to any DS's if I am oversimplifying).
I knew that if I jumped into this journey full swing, it would be overwhelming and I would not continue. So once I knew I was ready to diet and succeed I did, and I did not exercise at first. I set 10% goals. I gradually added in exercise and it has made all the difference for me. I started slowly. I love that I can ride a bike, and enjoy my surroundings.
Mindset- you have to be ready. The only way you will get to the point of being ready is to think about it on occassion, stay on these message boards.
My husband has type 2 diabetes and needs to lose about 60 lbs but was absolutely not interested. He played with it a few times, lost and gained it back. Now he appears to be ready and is doing some exercise of his own accord- after several weeks he is actually really enjoying it. It makes you feel energized.
Re women- once you get engaged in life you will be suprised how attractive you become to women.

[bargoo]

Billy, tell us the truth. Are you going on a diet because your family is on your case ? Or are you going to diet to improve your health and quality of life ? If you are not motivated by your own desire to succeed, then you probably will fail.

[QuilterInVA]

Well don't lose weight. Eat everything you want. Hope you have good insurance to cover your future health problems. It also sets a great example for a poor lifestyle for your children so they can have health problems too.

I lost 214 pounds 30 years ago and have kept it off. I wasn't in the 98% because failing was not an option for me. I changed what I ate, when I ate, and my exercise and I was a success. I had very low self esteem when I was at my highest. I hated to leave the house. Now I have a full and active life. I am 67 years old, have a nice low blood pressure, no heart of cholesterol problems and I still workout.

[BillyG]

Originally Posted by Heather

Regarding an incremental approach, I took a "baby steps" approach to losing weight. I simply couldn't think about all the changes I needed to make right away.

I started by bringing lunch and snacks to work (to avoid the vending machine). And I watched portion sizes. I was serious about it, and committed, but couldn't deal with any other changes. I was also on "summer break" so my schedule wasn't as hectic. I might have started even slower if I had been really busy at work!

My family did a sort of intervention on me. My brother Neil is an engineer so when I tried the metabolism song and dance he shut me right down. He said to me that my immoderate eating was a matter of won't not can't. Deep down I always knew that but I just wanted to get them off my back and quit bugging me. He laid out an incremental calorie reduction plan. My sister gave me a bunch of recipes and bought me a whole bunch of fruits and veggies. Most of them rotted.

I am lying to them right now and saying that I am complying so that I can show no weight loss and I can tell Neil that he is full of crap. They got me this book called Volumetrics that shows how I can eat more food but take in less calories. BUT being the hedonist that I am I only like easy to chew foods that are prepackaged. I really need to start acting like "normal" people act.

It all boils down to behavior and hedonism. I know I am an extreme hedonist but honestly I don't care. I have never been this honest before.

[chick_in_the_hat]

Originally Posted by BillyG

I guess I am looking for a reward greater than food but what is greater than tasty food.

Can anyone list even three things that would be a more powerful motivator than food.

What I may need is a higher purpose.

I think about getting married and having kids but I am too fat to attract a woman that I would find attractive.

There are a lot of things greater than tasty food....and believe me, I KNOW TASTY FOOD.

Here are the first two that come to mind.

Passing dudes with $5000 bikes and Lance Armstrong outfits on the bicycle trail. (I have a $20 mountain bike)

Being able to shop for clothes anywhere.

There are a million more reasons...but you'll never know if you don't try.



Stick around...can't it only get better?

[lifechange]

Your honesty is completely refreshing and really the first step. It is so easy for us to make excuses. I remember my doctor saying to me maybe your weight is do to slow metabolism lets check you for PCOS. I told her my weight was because I loved to eat chips and read a book or watch TV at the same time. It felt so empowering to be honest with people about it.
You can lose weight on prepackaged foods- you just need to make better choices. 1 step buy a package of turkey pepperettes- 50 cals, no or low carbs, not much fat (but you do need to eat fat to lose weight- don't go low fat) and a great snack.
You can get some great ideas from the people on this board and if whole foods is not your thing- don't do it!

[fiberlover]

I love food, I love tasty food. I still eat tasty food. Dieting, or losing weight or being healthy isn't all about deprivation.

I don't know what your idea of tasty food is, but for me that isn't McDonalds or loads of chips and dip. Buffalo wings, maybe LOL!

I honestly just wasn't happy being obese. Yes, I had good self esteem, a great sense of humor, intelligent, all that stuff. But I just wasn't loving my body.

I have to say that the way I feel now has been so worth all of the time and effort it has taken me to get here. I am strong now, and fit and I love it! And I do still eat good food, now we have dinners out at nice places instead of running to Taco Bell or whatever. Food really means something to me now, it isn't just a narcotic that I use to drown feelings in mass quantity.

Only you can make the decision to lose weight and how to lose that weight. If you do it for anyone else, you won't make it. That's the statistic. Many, many people diet for others, to attract others, for events such as weddings, reunions and the like. What's the end goal at that point? When the event is over, what's your motivation.

The true successes on 3FC have found something else to keep them going, an inner strength that just pours out of their posts. I want some of that for myself, it's powerful stuff.

So if you decide to stick around and start the journey, we will be there for you. Take it one day at a time, one pound at a time.

[BillyG]

Originally Posted by QuilterInVA

Well don't lose weight. Eat everything you want. Hope you have good insurance to cover your future health problems. It also sets a great example for a poor lifestyle for your children so they can have health problems too.

I lost 214 pounds 30 years ago and have kept it off. I wasn't in the 98% because failing was not an option for me. I changed what I ate, when I ate, and my exercise and I was a success. I had very low self esteem when I was at my highest. I hated to leave the house. Now I have a full and active life. I am 67 years old, have a nice low blood pressure, no heart of cholesterol problems and I still workout.

You had things to motivate you. You hated being a glutton and you had one foot in the grave. Today people like me get great health care so we can afford to be irresponsible. I am an unabashed glutton. The difference between me and other fat people is I am not ashamed to admit it.

Maybe if I had kids I would behave myself. Most people in the US would not even find their kid's well being motivation enough. I am really not hurting anyone but the taxpayer.

Basically I am not like you. I am a real cream puff. I am not just saying it but morally you are a better person than me. I mean that sincerely.

[lifechange]

By the way you know you won't be fooling your brother! He's on to you.

[rockinrobin]

I think in order to lose weight and keep it off, you need to decide once and for all which is more important to you - eating the high calorie/high quantity food - or a BETTER, HAPPIER, MORE PRODUCTIVE, MORE MEANINGFUL, MORE JOYOUS, MORE REWARDING and hopefully LONGER - life. Not sure if you're "there" yet.

[PhotoChick]

I'm going to assume that you really do want some kind of help here - or are at least trying to figure things out, given your honest comments that you don't' want to change. If nothing else, I kinda have to admire your forthrightness here.

The thing is that no one of us can convince you that there are things out there that are better than what you perceive food to be. I can tell you all the things that have made a difference for me, but that isn't going to help you because you can't FEEL that.

You asked: Can anyone list even three things that would be a more powerful motivator than food.

My response to that is that I can list 20. ****, I can probably list 100, if you give me time.
~ Looking at myself in the mirror and seeing a figure again - curvy and feminine, and not wobbly with fat.
~ Being able to wear clothing that makes me look like a woman and not like a blob.
~ Wearing a skirt for the first time in 8 years and walking by a mirror and thinking "who is that woman with the amazing legs".
~ Being able to climb the stairs in my house w/out having to pause and pant for breath halfway up.
~ Going out with friends and not feeling like everyone is looking at the fat girl and wondering what she's doing with all the good looking chicks.
~ Going into a REGULAR clothing store and trying on size 10 and 12 outfits.
~ Being able to do my job w/out feeling at the end of the night like I'd been hit by a train.
~ Wanting to have sex completely naked and not feeling like I have to hide parts of me from my guy.
~ Getting my hair cut in a short, sassy style that shows off my tattoo, because my face is slim enough now that short hair actually looks good on me.
~ Wanting to get another tattoo in a place where I'd never considered getting one before because of the fat.
~ Getting on the elliptical machine at the gym and doing 4 miles in a little over 30 minutes.
~ Squatting 75 lbs. Me!!! At the gym squatting the olympic bar with 30 more pounds on it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

All of those things motivate me daily. Tonight my husband and I went to 5 Guys for burgers. He ordered fries and yeah, I really wanted a few. But every time I thought about eating some, I thought about the scale and how I've been soooooo close to the 150s for weeks now. I thought about how I have a size 10 sundress sitting the closet just waiting to be worn. I thought about how loose my black pants are right now. And I decided that was more important to me than a handful of french fries.

And I will admit that's a new mindset for me over the last 18 months. It is. I used to think like you - that what did it really make a difference. The fries would make me feel good and they'd satisfy me and who cares really about the rest.

Now that I have the rest, I realize how very very very very good it is. And I wish I'd been smarter sooner.

But none of us will ever be able to convince you that any of those things - or any other things - are more powerful than food until YOU decide to be open to them. Until you decide for YOU that a yummy apple with cheese is something you want *more* than you want a bag of greasy, salty, processed chips ... no one is giong to be able to convince you otherwise.

.

[lifechange]

Billy, If you are as adamant as you appear- I am not one to advocate surgery, but you might want to look at duodenal switch WLS- the lifestyle change from a food perspective is not so drastic-you can continue to eat the way you eat now for the most part but you aren't absorbing the fat. Drawbacks-risk of surgery, significant vitamin supplementation. Look into it as one of your options. I don't think the other WLS would work for you if you aren't willing to change your food choices.

[PhotoChick]

Oh, and about this:

Today people like me get great health care so we can afford to be irresponsible.

I'm gonna assume that you're fairly young and haven't yet begun to suffer the REAL problems associated with being extremely overweight. When the pain begins, maybe you'll change your mind.

Having new joints put in is NOT a simple or painless thing. My BIL had his knee joint replaced a few years ago. He's not even overweight - and he's a former Marine (macho as all getout) and yet the pain and struggle of rehab with his new knee joint brought him to tears many times.

My grandmother was severely overweight and had diabetes. She never controlled it. The last 10 years of her life were horrific. She had no quality of life. She went nearly blind (this for a woman who loved to read and sew and do needlework). She couldn't walk very far. She had to give up everything she loved because she was no longer capable. In the end she was asking to be let go.

You seem to have this view that modern medicine will keep you "healthy" despite being overweight. But eventually you'll realize how wrong you are.

.

[bargoo]

Why did you come to this forum ?

[kaplods]

From one hedonist to another. Hedonism can be just as big a motivator for weight loss as it can be for unrestrained gluttony. I'm still a glutton, I just am more in control of my gluttony than my gluttony is in control of me. Actually, I think I'm a more "selective" glutton (so now I'm a snob as well as a hedonist), more the gourmet than the gourmand. There are as many wonderful (sinfully wonderful, not just "kind of nice" low calorie foods as there are high calorie ones - actually more).

No Billy, I'm not afraid of death at all. I am a Christian, not as devote as my husband, and I don't have his simple, unquestioning faith - I am definitely a Thomas, wanting to know how, and why and "are you sure?" but I am not afraid to die tomorrow, or in five minutes for that matter. I figure there are two options, as a Christian, either my faith is right, and I'll be in heaven, or at my most doubt-filled times, there is nothing and death will be nothing, so I have "nothing" to lose. Either way, I'm "covered."

I too thought that I would never attract a man I found attractive, but I was wrong. I met my husband, and he's a fat guy too. Maybe I wouldn't have been attracted to him on the street, if I hadn't met him by phone first and fallen half in love before I saw him in-person. He's actually very handsome, in a viking-biker sort of way, and I'm not the only person who thinks so. I'm incredibly annoyed at how many women are willing to flirt with him in my presence (I'm obviously too fat to be seen as a REAL threat to them) even though he's cart-bound now (finally succumbing to a non-weight related bone and joint disease he inherited from his mother). His big, vibrant, outgoing personality is what I guess all those ladies are finding so attractive. I know it's what I do.

Fear did not motivate me in the least. When I was younger, I often didn't take dieting very seriously, my fat wasn't creating much of an impact on my life, and even at my highest weights I was able to do all the things I wanted to do, but slowly, without my realizing it my life started shrinking.

I was on disability when I finally started asking myself how had my life gotten so small, and how I could make it bigger. I just wanted to have MORE in my life, and I decided that I deserved it, and I was going to get it.

I had been working as a computer programmer (having changed careers from one in social service/teen addiction treatment, because I didn't have the physical stamina for all of the traveling involved in the job), and I'd been putting so much energy into my career, there wasn't time for much else. My health deteriorated and left even less time for anything but work, and finally my health deteriorated to the point, that I couldn't work. Then I had NOTHING left, but food and my husband (who was still working at the time, now he's disabled as well).

Basically what changed, is that I wanted a bigger life, and my life was so small that it could only get bigger, and I finally had the time for myself. I had nothing but time for myself.

It started with "writing the novel" I'd started twenty years ago. Bit, by bit I added things to my life, and some of those things had the side effect of shaving off a few pounds. I love to cook, and with hubby working and me home all day, I had time to cook. There are TONS of great recipes online, and I'm pretty handy with improvisation, so I started cooking. I've always LOVED healthy food, in fact it's my preference. Working all the time, my husband and I ate alot of food that was fast, but not particularly healthy. Cooking at home, I ate a lot fewer calories without even realizing it, and it seemed like I was actually eating more (check out the Volumetrics book, it really has a great principle - feel like you're eating more on fewer calories).

I thought about all of the other things I wanted to add to my life, and I started to add them. When I bought my bike I think it's been two summers ago, I decided that I wanted to ride a bike. We have some very beautiful bike trails in our area, and I thought "I deserve to ride a bike as much as the next person, as much as any skinny person (I may not have used the word person)". So hubby and I bought bikes (after doing some research as to whether there was special equiptment we'd need as super fat bike riders, as it turns out mostly not just a sturdy plain bike and a gel seat). I ended up having to buy a bigger gel seat than the one that came with the bike (my first five minute bike ride resulted in an injury my husband referred to as my being sexually assaulted by a bicycle - and he wasn't too far off).

Yep, just making a bigger life for myself is my only secret, my only change. I do more and go more places, because I want those things (hedonism and greed are my motivation).

Food still is on my my top five list of all-time favorite things. My husband, but not much else, outranks it. We're dedicated, even addicted foodies. I'm a condiment fanatic (even considering going to the Mustard Museum here in Wisconsin), and my husband and I have struck a deal - when I can get my condiments in the fridge down to just one shelf, we're going to the Mustard Museum). I watch the Food Network every day.

So I'm just as food-obsessed as ever, but I can tell you ten thousand ways to enjoy food on a calorie-controlled plan. In fact, I'm probably enjoying food more than ever, because I go the extra mile to make sure it's high quality stuff. And my taste-buds have become much more sensitive, the more crap I don't eat. I will spend a small fortune just on fresh fruit. Ranier cherries, white nectarines, ugli fruit (at $2 a fruit), fresh blackberries, super sweet varieties of pineapple (anything with Gold in the variety name). Watermelon, oh i love watermelon. In the summer I could live on watermelon and sweetcorn - real midwest sweetcorn, with the little juicy kernels, not the big dry kernals cityfolk think is good... Yikes, my mouth is watering.

And proteins - shrimp, lobster, crab, chicken, cheese, beef (steak, even liver - I love liver and onions) I love it all, and I can have it all, as long as most of the time I pick the lower calorie (but just as delicious) options. And it doesn't have to be fried for me to enjoy it. And if I want something that is high in calories - I don't have to eat it often, because there are so many wonderful choices that are low calorie (I make a South American shrimp cocktail I could LIVE on, and a huge portion barely makes a dent in my food allowance for the day).

Thai food - OMG how I love thai food - and a lot of it is very low in fat and calories, even low carb. Green papaya salad (jalapeno peppers a sweet and sour garlicky dressing, oh just about orgasmically delicious). Laab, a lean beef salad, spicy with lemon grass and cilantro and sometimes thin green beans.

Well, I could really go on and on and on, but really the secret for me really was just wanting a bigger life, and adding those things to my life one by one. Some of those things, I didn't even know I wanted. I certainly wouldn't have guessed that I wanted a bicycle. It wasn't until I thought I might be able to ride one that I even gave it a thought. The dog walking, I decided to do because I wanted a dog and our landlord won't allow it (I think our crabby, old, fat cat would have something to say about it as well), so I get to add dogs to my life by dog walking.

I swim at the warm water pool because I LOVE it. I hate seeing people sacrifice a way to enjoy such an amazing activity because they're afraid to be seen in a swimsuit. Anyone who doesn't want to see my fat, butt doesn't have to look at it. In the water, I am strong and young again. I can do all the things in the water I can't do on land, that's a big thing and I wouldn't let anyone take that away from me, least of all me.

A bigger life, that's it. And my life did not expand overnight. I just added more and more things in it, and food became less and less important (even though, as I said, it's still in the top 5).