My offer for FRIDAY FUNNIES

Each year the Washington Post's Style Invitational
asks readers to take any word from the dictionary,
alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing only
one letter and supply a new definition. Here are the
2002 winners:


Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which
lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the
purpose of getting laid.

Giraffiti: Vandalism painted very, very high.

Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit
and the person who doesn't get it.

Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are
running late.

Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.
(This one got extra credit).

Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off
all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the
Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

Glibido: All talk and no action.

Dopeer Effect: The tendency for stupid ideas to seem
smarter when they come at you rapidly.

And, the winner of the Washington Post's Style Invitational:

Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an *******.

************************
Insight for art teachers and others who love the arts...

We often forget the pleasures and insights that the visual arts bring to our lives._ In an effort to further arts education at your school, we are passing along some fascinating new information about Vincent Van Gogh.

Most people know of Van Gogh (1853-1890) as the artist who cut his ear off after having an argument with Gauguin, a fellow artist._ Or they know of his lack of success at his chosen profession._ He was only able to sell one painting and was supported by his younger brother until his death._ Many know of his severe bouts with mental illness, culminating in a depression that led him to take his own life.

What most peo ple don't know is the fascinating family that Van Gogh came from._ After much careful research, it has been discovered that the artist had many famous relatives. Among them were:

His dizzy aunt: Verti Gogh
The brother who ate prunes: Gotta Gogh
The brother who worked at a convenience store: Stopn Gogh
The brother who bleached his clothes white: Hue Gogh
The cousin from Illinois: Chica Gogh
His magician uncle: Wherediddy Gogh
His Mexican cousin: Amee Gogh
The Mexican cousin's American half brother: Grin Gogh
The nephew who drove a stage coach: Wellsfar Gogh
The constipated uncle: Can't Gogh
The ballroom dancing aunt: Tan Gogh
The bird lover uncle: Flamin Gogh
His nephew psychoanalyst: E Gogh
The fruit loving cousin: Man Gogh
An aunt who taught positive thinking: Wayto Gogh
The little bouncy nephew: Poe Gogh
A sister who loved disco: Go Gogh
His Italian uncle: Day Gogh
And his niece who travels the country in a van: Winnie Bay Gogh

Good Friday Morning :wave:

Sure glad it is Friday. It has been a busy week at work and a lazy week at home. At least we walked every night and worked out each night and I cooked every night. :( That's why I love Friday's. No walking, No working out, No COOKING. :D

Heartmom, WTG on all the exercising. It will help in the long run, if not with the scale, with inches.

Mom2Marsch, Have a nice trip.

Gator, These looked like navy with that bright blue panel on the sides. THey could have been black though.

Quilter, I fell asleep during CSI last nite too. I hate that. Love that show. Your breakfast sounds like an Egg MCMuffin :;): You are doing so great with your journaling. WTG on passing up the Doritos. I refuse to buy that stuff. My downfall is Cheetos. Enjoy your day off. I'm loving reading your posts. They are so upbeat and fulfilling. You sound like I did when I first started. I think you have got it this time. I know you will get to goal. It is supposed to be 58 Sunday & 60 Monday. Rain but who cares. Now if it would just stay like this. Take some legal food with you for your moving trip. Don't get in a jamb. Sometimes people moving will order pizza and yo don't want to be stuck.

Monet, I don't think you are supposed to walk on a treadmill barefoot. :?: Get those tennies on. Good luck on the job decision.

Deb, Loved the FF.

ACW, Hope your day is very special. Do something fun for you and stay away from the cake. :hb: :gift: :hat: :balloons:

Need to get started here. One Boss is gone today so that will be good. Have a great day. Be back later.

Jackie

Here are my FF:

> My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60.
>Now she's 97 years old and we don't know where the **** she is.
_____

> The only reason I would take up exercising is so that I could
>hear heavy breathing again.
> _____
>
> I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks.
>Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there.
_____
>
> I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures
>out what I'm doing.
> _____

>
> I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who
>annoy me.
> _____

> I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
> _____

> The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.
> _____

> If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small
>country.
> _____
> And last but not least: I don't exercise because it makes the ice
>jump right out of my glass.
_____
>
> You could run this over to your friends but why not just e-mail
>it to them!


And one More

Finally...........there is a rhyme to the reason of the strange
designation given to bra sizes:

Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E and F are the letters used to
define bra sizes? Here's the answer...
A - Almost Boobs..
B - Barely there.
C - Can't Complain!
D - Damn!
DD - Double damn!
E - Enormous!
F - Fake

Good Friday morning everyone. I loved the Friday funnies so far.
Kim-I'm trying to watch points and do SB too. I think that what is a typical day for Sugarbusters is in the WW point range too. My goal for this week is to start writing down my food everyday. And to continue to drink the water!!
Jackie-That is so great that you exercised everyday. Is today happy hour? When you say work out, what do you mean? Great advice about taking healthy food to a move-in day.
Deb-Great job on the running. It sounds like you are back into it. I'm still (slowly) training for my 10K in April. But my legs hurt so much, especially my ankles and knees. I guess it is my OLD joints.

Friday...

Down my last 1/2 lb and I ROCK! :cb: Man oh man, why do I do this to myself. There is a lesson for you girls, courtesy of me....don't pig out on the weekend, gain 9 lbs then spend Monday to Friday losing them. Bad plan! Now I am working on the rest of the holiday pounds and will catch up to JACK-K and TONI in February!

My computer kept crashing on me and I have to get my butt in gear and prepare for my son's birthday party. I am NOT eating any of the cake or junk, it is a determined fact. Thanks to all who wished me well on the AVON thing. I think it will be fun to pass around the books to my friends.

Have a wonderful weekend.

Friday funny--
Sorry if this is old:

REAL WOMEN vs MARTHA STEWART

Martha Stewart: If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix me up."
Real Women: If you over-salt a dish while you're cooking, that's too damn bad. Please recite with me, The Real Women's motto: "I made it and you will eat it, and I don't care how bad it tastes."

Martha Stewart: Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
Real Women: Take a lime, mix it with tequila, etc.,chill and drink. You might still have the headache, but who cares?

Martha Stewart: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.
Real Women: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake. You are probably lying on the couch, with your feet up, eating it anyway.

Martha Stewart: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
Real Women: Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year - no apples required.

Martha Stewart: When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.
Real Women: Go to the bakery. They'll even decorate it for you.

Martha Stewart: Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.
Real Women: The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust, so I just don't do it.

Martha Stewart: If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non slip grip that makes opening jars easy.
Real Women: Go ask the very cute neighbor to do it.

And, finally, the most important tip - and this is the one that I can relate to

Martha Stewart: Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.
Real Women: Leftover wine??????

Friday funnies
 

1. What do you call a man who marries another man?
A minister

2. One friend to another: you know, a little knowledge is a dangerous thing.
Second friend: you don't look dangerous to me!

3. There were two poets who were bitter rivals. One day they met unexpectedly and of course their rivalry renewed itself. "you know," said the first poet. "Since we last met, my readership has increased!"
"Congratulations on your marriage!" the second poet replies.

Quilter- You and I are very different wavelengths there! I can resist Doritos like crazy. Something about the smell turns my stomach. In fact, DH knows that if he eats Doritos, there is no chance of making out until the next day! How did you nuke the eggs? Just in a bowl? That does sound wonderful! I may have to try it next week.

Monet- I’ll be praying that the Lord will give you guidance about the job offer. It can be so hard to listen for His voice sometimes. If you’re anything like me, I know what I want and have a tough time swallowing what He wants for me!

Loving all the Friday Funnies!

Well, I’m off to the chiropractors this afternoon. While looking at my spinal x-rays the other day he asked me if I’d been dropped on my head… I think that might mean I’ve got a few problems :)

--Kat

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married.

They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in.

Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?"

The pharmacist answers, "Yes."

Jacob says, "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"

Pharmacist: "Of course we do."

Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"

Pharmacist: "All kinds."

Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism, scoliosis?"

Pharmacist: "Definitely."

Jacob: "How about Viagra?"

Pharmacist: "Of course."

Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?"

Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The works."

Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?"

Pharmacist: "Absolutely."

Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers?"

Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes."

Jacob smiles broadly and says to the pharmacist, "We'd like to use this store as our Bridal Registry."

Friday Funny
 

Another one....


For those who've never had one, this is what you have to look forward to and for those of you who have already been thru this, I think you'll agree this is pretty much how it is!

Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there's no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam, and doing the following practice exercises, you will be totally prepared. And you can do this right in your own home!

Exercise 1:
Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast between the door and the main box. Have one of your strongest friends slam the door shut and lean on the door for good measure. Hold that position for five seconds (while you hold your breath). Repeat again, in case the first time wasn't effective enough.

Exercise 2:
Visit your garage at 3 am when the temperature of the cement floor is just perfect. Take off your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over and repeat for the other breast.

Exercise 3:
Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Press the bookends against one of your breasts. Smash the bookends together as hard as you can. Set an appointment with the stranger to meet next week and do it again!!

CONGRATULATIONS!
Now you have nothing at all to worry about when you go for your Mammogram!

And just a thought for all you women out there:
MENtal illness, MENstrual cramps, MENtal breakdown, MENopause.

Ever notice how all of women's problems start with men? And when we have real problems, it's HISterectomy!

Good Friday Morning Everyone:wave:

Just got in from my walk/barely jog. Was hot out there today (I know stop complaining and stop rubbing it in), and it was hard to get in much jogging. It took me 54:23. I could feel how slow I was going, but at least I went out there. When I went out on Monday I put on my fanny pack and boy, was it snug. I don't know if it's from A. Washing it and it shrank or B. Weight gain. I hadn't washed the darn thing since I had it, I think (years), so not sure which-heck, it could be both!:eek: Anyhow, today it was less snug. Could it be stretching out a bit, or did I lose, or both. Something to ponder today!

Well, I did a little work on fruits and servings sizes yesterday morning and boy, was I shocked:yikes: It's amazing to see what a "serving" if following the recommended serving size that would equal 60 calories and 15 carbs would actually be, almost nothing!

Here's a listing of fruits and serving sizes that all contain 60 calories and 15 grams of carbs ( a few were 14 and 1 was 16 grams of carbs, the rest 15)

Pear 3.5oz
Apple 3.6oz
Strawberries 7oz
Raspberries 4.3oz
Blueberries 3.8oz
Banana 2.3oz
Manadarins 4.8oz
Cherries 3oz
Grapes 3oz
Grapefruit 6.6oz
Orange 4.6oz
Peach 4.9oz
Canteloupe 6oz
Mango 3.2oz
Persimmon 3oz
Figs (fresh) 2.8oz

The one question I have to find out, if I can, and if it's been ever asked is this...since you can exclude the grams of fiber from the grams of carbs, thus, lowering the carb amount, but not the calories, would one be able to have more of said fruit???:chin:

Went and volunteered for about 2 1/2 hours or so yesterday at the church. It's actually in a warehouse area and the church is in the unit next door, but this part, in the front, has 3 tiny aisles of shelves with food stacked all over it and more stored in the back room. I re-organized the shelves and helped stock more food on them. It's all damaged goods, but nothing wrong with it, dented cans, boxes, and the like. We just found out about it a month ago and have been going there ever since to get some stuff. I can use all the help I can, esp. after the kids father didn't have a job and now that he has one it's paying less, thus, he's giving me less $$$ now. So, since I have no job and since I know they can use the help since it's run all by volunteers, I went and plan on going next week as well:)

MAE, you are VERY cute and we all say it because we mean it. You remind me a bit of an old member we had on the board last year, NANCE. Why was the proceedings postponed? How long were you married? BKM is also going through a divorce after 24 years of marriage. I've watched a couple episodes of Millionaire, but really haven't followed it, haven't watched the Bachelor at all though. Def. American Idol. Of all the reality shows, AMAZING RACE is by far my fav!

FILLISE, glad to hear none of your family was involved in that tragedy in Kinston. I see today they are thinking it was a dust cloud that ignited. Never heard of anything like that happening. I'm sure it rocked the town in more ways than one, hopefully, things will get back to normal around those parts soon. How long was your SIL's family evacuated for?

JACKK, what does the Dr. say about your erratic periods, or are you like me and don't go? Old, geez, you're def. NOT old! Maybe you're finally getting rid of TOM, and to think, you don't have to worry about all the things that come with it either. I wonder if I'll look forward to that or not. I sure as heck don't like the hot flashes I am starting to get once in a while-those suck! CONGRATS on exercising every day so far-that's wonderful and sure makes me envious! Loved the Friday Funnies - THANKS!:D

DAWN, I hope you enjoyed your birthday cake! If you get/got right back on track, even with or without the exercise, I'm sure you won't have any problems with having had a piece, or two;) It's if we keep indulging and can't get back on track is when we have trouble, trouble and more trouble. Thanks for posting the FF's!

HEART, great going for doing 3 days in a row in the exercise dept. Keep it up and before you know it you'll be wanting to exercise and hate it if you don't. At least that's the way I was. Are you journaling your food at all? If you are staying on track and eating right, you should be losing, even if very slowly. Thanks for the heads up about the bread. I haven't seen it down here, but then again, there's stuff Flowers Bakery makes that we don't get down here. I'll keep my eye open for it and when I go to the Flowers Outlet, I'll ask them if they have it or may be getting it in. Wonder how it tastes. Good thing DH went to his friends, esp. after you ate that chili with all those beans. If you're anything like me, maybe he should of spent the night out!:lol:

QUILTER, hope you enjoy the day relaxing and possibly getting in some bead work. Your breakfast yesterday sounded quite yummy, if I had some Can. bacon I'd surely make it, as I have everything else. Whole Foods has the yummiest WW English muffins! I think when we learn how to eat healthy and we see all the positive results from it (weight loss, state of mind, etc.) we just naturally want those we lose who could benefit from doing something for their well being to follow in our footsteps. It also helps a lot if both parties are eating the same things and NOT letting the scent of Au de Doritos permiate in the air;) Maybe once PAUL sees you being back OP for a while and all the benefits, maybe he'll get on the wagon. Then again, he could be like ELI and not! Like PAUL, ELI doesn't eat all day long and then comes home, so famished, he'll eat anything in sight! His eating (and sleeping) habits are awful, but what can I say???

MONET, what kind of position are they offering you at the church? How did the TM burn your feet? Thanks for the Friday Funnies!

MARSH, sounds like you have a busy trip planned for next week! Girl, you aren't the only one who has trouble getting back on track when they falter, we've all been there, but luckily, in time (some shorter than others) do find our footing and get back running on the right track. Being 2 days fully legal, if your like me, just one more day and that should be it for you. You can do it!!!!:D Enjoy your trip and drive safely! LOVED the Friday Funnies!!!!!

LIN, I think journaling will def. help anyone, how can it not? To this day, it still helps me. Keep training, you'll find, in time, it will all pay off in more ways than one, far beyond the 10K you'll be finishing:D Thanks for the FF'S! I don't even know if I can qualify for real women status. Hope you don't mind, I did clean it up a bit to be a bit easier to read on the board.

GRACIOUS, glad to see you are back down, now I do have to ask, did you Atkins your way again, or was it strictly SB? Good luck with DS's bday party! What's the weather like up there today?

Okay, I'm going to scrounge the fridge and decide what to eat for breakfast. I'll check in with you all later today at somepoint.

Have a wonderful weekend everyone!!!!!

{{{{HUGS}}}}:grouphug:

Debbie
194/1??/129
SB since 3/22/00
Reached goal 6/10/01

Here's a site that has not only many foods listed with their GI, but some portions as well, just another guide to help you along the way:)


http://www.ast-ss.com/research/food/...isting_all.asp

Hi Everyone! Sorry I've been MIA from the board, but it's been a rough couple of weeks since the trip. Things are staring to settle down here but we've been busting at the seams at the hospital. We're having to double up patients which we don't usually do & having to get an extra CNA & Extra nurses for each shift. It's good that the hospital is busy, but it makes it hard on the staff to pull extra hours, usually without breaks.

Anyway, I'm off today but need to get packed & ready as I'm off to a ladies' retreat tonight & tomorrow morning. Leaving at 2pm so I just have 4 hours to get in gear.

Sorry that I have not been able to read the board, just checked the first page to see if there were any birthdays, so

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ACW!! :hat: :gift: :hb: :grouphug:

Will try to catch up to all of you at a later date, but I do miss all of you here on the board. Hope all is doing ok. BYE :wave:

TGIF!!!!
 

Well as I sit here eating my salad with chopped smoked meat I thought I would post....

All in all I have been extremely 100% OP! Yeah!!!! I have an appointment with the Endicrinologist for the end of March which is another HURRAY!!!!!

The bronchitis is slowly fading away, though when the temps change it all kicks back in and yet, because of the inhalers and meds the doctor gave me, I just go home, take meds, and rest and the next morning I am back to "quasi-normal" :)

Bob - I just take Paxil, I wish I could take Wellbutrin but it upsets me...emotionally that is....wierd system of mine....but Kudos to you for getting the meds going and I will be right there with you as we watch the scale go down!!!!!!!

Quilter - What gorgeous jewelry - great way to keep busy as well...just think, your new hobby could pay off big time as well as it makes wonderful gifts!!! Meanwhile, I am sorry to have missed chat, I was in bed....resting and taking it easy.... I am doing fine though - just a long haul kicking this thing out! But every day I feel better and better....by the way, I am so jealous, a friend told me she is going to London in June with her husband - but they are going on a tour of England as well!!!!!

Deb - I am very sorry for my lack of posting and absence... but things are getting better..... I am enjoying getting my body back on track and starting to see the scale slope back down... I bought some whole wheat pita bread yesterday and thought about you - hahahaha - and wished I could live closer so I could shop for all that good healthy food at those wonderful stores around you! I would be skinny minnie if you were closer!

JackK - again, I am so sorry I missed chat - I will do better! Meanwhile, I am so jealous!!! You get a Wild Oats while Jacksonville sits through the dark ages!!!!

Melf - Have fun at your retreat!!!!!

Mom2 Marsh, Dawn, Linworth - thanks for the funnies :lol: they were very cute!!!

GRACIOUS!!! Congrats!!!!!! Good Luck with the Avon as well!!!!!
:cp:

Monet - I took your advice from your funny and told the lady in the office planning our get together next week that I was not going because I was not in the mood - she cracked up..... thanks!
OUCH about the feet!!!!!

Well, I am missing answers to a bunch of you - and hope that I can catch up.....Good luck on keeping OP over the weekend!

Sabrina

DEBELLI- *ducking* It is one of my creations...not Atkins or SB...it is me not eating many carbs and sticking with protein and fat with lots of water. It seems this is the only way for me to lose weight at a speed that makes me happy. I know what you are going to say though, I just gain it back when I fall off the wagon. I guess the key is NOT to fall off the wagon but go to SB when I reach goal. It is not like I am far away from my goal though, but I do want to move my perpetual struggle closer to it like you have. I hate that this is a struggle for life but I know it is.