Oooh, I love this thread. I have totally done this before, and wish it had taken off better. Anyway...
You- stop being such a sneaky, controlling freak. You are going to lose your sons if you don't let them live their own lives and if you don't show the youngest one's girlfriend some respect. You don't have to like me- it is highly unlikely you will ever see me again- but stop messing with my friend! And by the way, what did you REALLY do with the stuff you "lost" when they were moving? That was just mean- they were some really special things in that box and you had no right to even touch the box, let alone take it out of the house. And I am convinced you knew that when you took it.
You- stop being so lazy. If you don't want to work, don't accept a job that someone is paying you to do when you have no intention of doing it. I'm tired of doing your job for you.
And you- you are SO cute and creative and smart. Thanks for being my little girl.