Yeah, I had started wondering about that, because there were moments I was quite happy yet still binged--and periods, like now, when I'm unhappy with my life as a whole, but don't feel like bingeing. If it was a purely psychological manifestation of me having issues, wouldn't it be triggered like mad these days?
So it really makes sense to me, now that I'm reading this book, that it had become more of a habit than anything else, a habit that my teeth/jaw problems broke by force, so to speak, and now it feels easier not to fall back in it, my brain being 'less wired' for it. (TBH I do have a few moments when I clearly overeat, but they're more of the enjoy-tasty-gourmet-foods-I-like type, without the mounting urges, the feelings of guilt, and all the other crap usually associated to binges. Heh, I'm French, and thus entitled by blood and birth to enjoying good foods, not banning them from my life. )
As a sidenote, today I managed to sit in front of the TV for 4 hours in a row, something I hadn't done in a long time, without bingeing. TV being a major 'trigger' for me, to the point of me not watching it much (and missing a lot of series I'd like to see!) just because of the fear of bingeing. And I didn't binge. I used to consider watching TV a trigger, because "it's a passive activity / I'm not active while doing it / I'm not doing anything with my hands / maybe I'm secretly feeling guilty about not doing anything constructive yadda-yadda [insert self-analysis to the power of ten here]", but come to think of it... we're just as "passive" when sitting at the movies, yet I never feel like bingeing in a theatre. So is TV really an *emotional* trigger? Or just a place where I developed a habit of bingeing, which I never did for theatres? Food for thought, huh.
And I do relate with the author about the dieting as original trigger part. I've always had a tendency to overeat when I was younger, but it was kind of 'light' (like, 2 bowls of cereal instead of 1 in the morning (but not more) or enjoying 2 slices of cake instead of 1 at family gatherings--without any associated associated, without any desire to isolate myself to eat, in other words: nothing close to what my binges would later be). And what a coincidence that a couple of years after I really started counting, which spiralled into restricting ("I can't have an apple it's 90 CALORIES OH MY GOD TOO MUCH!"), bam! There it was, binge eating disorder.
So. Not saying BED can't have an emotional/psychological basis. But I doubt that it's the major part *for me*. I very likely fall into the habit-binger more than anything else. And in hindsight, all of this really makes more sense now.
I've had perfectly normal days. I was literally searching my brain for any reason I might have had to binge. I would wake up, do yoga, meditate, have an awesome day at work and school, make an amazing dinner, read or draw...I'd be so content with myself and my life but suddenly that stupid urge would creep up and I'd give in.
The next day I'm asking myself "Wth were you doing?". I eventually started thinking maybe throughout the day I feel upset with my body being so overweight that it builds up and manifests as binge but I really don't think that's true, because I generally don't hate myself or my body. I do have moments throughout the day, like when I am picking out clothes for work or taking a lot of stairs, where I think "I wish I were slimmer..." but it doesn't hit hard or send me into a spiral of depresssion or anything. It's just a passive thought that is a little sad, but since I've been working on my disordered eating habits I haven't spent much time being sad about my weight because I realize the first thing I need to conquer are my disordered habits so I can eat healthier and lose.
Anyways...in a nutshell, I have had binges on good days and bad, on melancholy days and on super busy days, on stressful days and relaxing days...
and I have always been wondering what it is that's set me off. I suppose if anything does it it's being too tired. When I am really tired I just snap and start eating. I wonder it that's because I exert so much energy trying not to binge that when I'm tired or worn out I just can't find that energy in myself to stop the binge.
The prospect of being able to live my life without disordered eating is almost like a crazy fantasy to me. I have always either been too restricted or eating too much, and when I'm actually losing weight healthily I'm always fighting the binges.
I could easily lose 60-80 lbs this year, if I could just move past the binging. It's actually scary to think that people have beat binge eating and haven't got up every morning scared that this will be the day they fall to pieces again, out of their control..
But I'm feeling good after seeing all the positive responses on here. I think BED is a little treated and little studied disorder and that, like alcoholism or drug addiction, there needs to be a variety of treatments to help instead of one.
One thing I will add: like a couple of you mentioned, I'm INCREDIBLY thankful I found this book when I did, at a time (the first time in many many years, since before I started getting out of control with BED actually) I'm actually pretty happy about my weight and not super anxious about losing. Being able to relax about my intake a bit and not worry about restricting is do helpful. I really admire those of you going at this while still knowing you want to lose weight too. I can imagine it must be doubly hard, resisting the urge to restrict, which is much more ego-syntonic, like she writes in the book. I feel like I got off easy, lol. I likely would not be faring so well otherwise-- the restriction/binge cycle was HUGE for me.
I ended up buying the book last night and finished it today. Definitely helpful, following the advice seems to be working well so far, though it's only been a day.
I've had perfectly normal days. I was literally searching my brain for any reason I might have had to binge. I would wake up, do yoga, meditate, have an awesome day at work and school, make an amazing dinner, read or draw...I'd be so content with myself and my life but suddenly that stupid urge would creep up and I'd give in.
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I know that feeling so well. It's like walking a tight-rope. You do really well all day long and then you fall off and suddenly there you are bingeing and you have no idea why. I always chalked it up to "I can't do it, I'm no good at being good."
Overeating is often referred to as an addiction like alcoholism or drugs. But part of the treatment plan for those things is complete abstinence. If you decide to recover from alcoholism you can never drink again, end of story. We often think "oh but we need food to live on, we can't stop eating" which is true but we do NOT need to binge to live, do we? So that we can cut out immediately.
We often think "oh but we need food to live on, we can't stop eating" which is true but we do NOT need to binge to live, do we? So that we can cut out immediately.
Bingo!!!!! We do NOT need to binge to survive.
I, too, came from a history of severe dieting . . .actually at the young age of 11 I was dieting. That's also when I started bingeing. That's *also* when my parents split up so that became a MAJOR red herring as to why my binge behavior started. (I always attributed it to me not coping with their divorce.) As she explained in the book, I may have been more susceptible to low self-mage/dieting at the time, but that's really the only connection with divorce/bingeing. The *real* problem was my restrictive dieting at such a young age.
It's actually scary to think that people have beat binge eating and haven't got up every morning scared that this will be the day they fall to pieces again, out of their control...
This is another of the reasons the book is interesting IMHO. What is scary in a lot of approaches is the "one day at a time" aspect. I mean, I DON'T want to get up every morning thinking "I have to be careful: the urges may be creeping back today, or maybe not, or maybe they'll do after I go to bed, who knows?" Is that really being recovered? Is that the only prospect we can expect? Who would actually rejoice at the prospect of living in fear? And there are more important things out there to actually worry about than stupid food and stupid junky urges.
So, well, if there's another possible approach, something that can give us a little more hope than "you've got to keep constant vigilance for years on end", it's really worth checking.
I have to say I'm really glad to be hearing from all of you. I was starting to feel very...alone. I always read that line, "You're not alone." and it didn't mean much to me. I know people have disordered eating all over the world, but you don't realize until you're really talking to people who are experiencing it that you really aren't alone and, while I wish none of us were fighting this, I am glad that I've found people who really understand.
People are always saying things like 'eat less and move more, that's all you have to do' and I just want to shake them! I know that's all I have to do, but there's this silly binging problem getting in the way!
After hearing those things over time I start to think, "Well maybe I am crazy, or broken or lazy or insatiable. Perhaps I will never get better because I'm not strong enough..." and then I hear from all of you. It re-inspires me. I want so badly, for all of us, to find what will help us overcome this. And not just battle it away day in and day out, trying desperately to hang on, but to really be free from it.
I think, if anyone wants to, I would like very much to PM or email with someone, maybe every week. We don't have to be 'diet buddys', and we don't have to talk about binging everyday. In fact, we should talk about other things! Because binging doesn't warrant that much attention. If anyone would like to PM me I would be happy to exchange emails or PMs.
In any case, you're all in my heart and I hope the best for each of us.
Ok, I'm coming clean: I'm struggling today!
For all my confidence and enthusiasm, I'm having difficulty this time...
I'm experiencing strong binge urges, have been pretty consistently for some hours, and I'll admit, I've been engaging with the thoughts rather than distancing myself.
I ate generously, hoping that would at least quiet the urges, but they're definitely still coming.
The animal brain is translating the urges into very convincing arguments: "I am thin enough that I can afford a binge," "Tomorrow is my last chance to binge for a month(last day I'll be at school for classes)," "Just one binge won't make any noticeable difference in my appearance to anyone," etc.
I KNOW it's just lower brain habit thoughts because 1) my higher brain is definitely saying no, and I know I really want to eat healthfully, especially this last week before I leave on vacation, and 2) all the many "reasons" I have to binge only make sense in the context of already having the urge to binge and reacting to it.
I KNOW all this, and I'm hoping that writing it down will help me to view these thoughts objectively from a distance and decide to not act on them. I guess I'm just having difficulty dismissing them as pure junk, giving them more attention than they're worth!
I don't want to give in especially after writing this thread about how my life was so changed and I was feeling so confident, haha....
I have to say I'm really glad to be hearing from all of you. I was starting to feel very...alone. I always read that line, "You're not alone." and it didn't mean much to me. I know people have disordered eating all over the world, but you don't realize until you're really talking to people who are experiencing it that you really aren't alone and, while I wish none of us were fighting this, I am glad that I've found people who really understand.
People are always saying things like 'eat less and move more, that's all you have to do' and I just want to shake them! I know that's all I have to do, but there's this silly binging problem getting in the way!
After hearing those things over time I start to think, "Well maybe I am crazy, or broken or lazy or insatiable. Perhaps I will never get better because I'm not strong enough..." and then I hear from all of you. It re-inspires me. I want so badly, for all of us, to find what will help us overcome this. And not just battle it away day in and day out, trying desperately to hang on, but to really be free from it.
I think, if anyone wants to, I would like very much to PM or email with someone, maybe every week. We don't have to be 'diet buddys', and we don't have to talk about binging everyday. In fact, we should talk about other things! Because binging doesn't warrant that much attention. If anyone would like to PM me I would be happy to exchange emails or PMs.
In any case, you're all in my heart and I hope the best for each of us.
You are definitely *not* alone. I also know around the holidays there is a lot of talk about overeating and blah, blah, blah . . . but bingeing is a totally different animal, so to speak! lol I kind of internally groan when someone calls eating an extra piece of pie a "binge" !! Of course I would never reveal how much I can put away in an actual binge, but overeating is *completely* different. Overeating is something a sane person does when there's yummy food and they want more of it. Bingeing is an act of temporary insanity (as we're not using our higher brains to reason).
I honestly don't think (anymore anyways) we are broken beyond repair or even that this is something we have to fight every day. I don't want to be in "recovery" the rest of my life either.
I'm not sure how to PM on here? Maybe it's because I"m not a full member yet, but if I do get it set up I'll let you know! I know we shouldn't be putting too much focus on bingeing either, but it won't hurt to keep checking in here periodically -- it really hasn't triggered anything with me yet.
Thanks for your support and you are all in my heart too; I believe we can all overcome this. We may have all gotten here via different paths, but they've converged now and that is meaningful.
BTW, I keep going back to an "image" when I think about higher/lower brain etc. and your little namaste avatar is what I picture hovering over my higher brain! I actually was going to make a drawing of that last week! For my lower brain, I picture Animal from the muppets or a figureless, goop. If I think of that image, it helps me to seperate them more.
Ok, I'm coming clean: I'm struggling today!
For all my confidence and enthusiasm, I'm having difficulty this time...
I'm experiencing strong binge urges, have been pretty consistently for some hours, and I'll admit, I've been engaging with the thoughts rather than distancing myself.
I ate generously, hoping that would at least quiet the urges, but they're definitely still coming.
The animal brain is translating the urges into very convincing arguments: "I am thin enough that I can afford a binge," "Tomorrow is my last chance to binge for a month(last day I'll be at school for classes)," "Just one binge won't make any noticeable difference in my appearance to anyone," etc.
I KNOW it's just lower brain habit thoughts because 1) my higher brain is definitely saying no, and I know I really want to eat healthfully, especially this last week before I leave on vacation, and 2) all the many "reasons" I have to binge only make sense in the context of already having the urge to binge and reacting to it.
I KNOW all this, and I'm hoping that writing it down will help me to view these thoughts objectively from a distance and decide to not act on them. I guess I'm just having difficulty dismissing them as pure junk, giving them more attention than they're worth!
I don't want to give in especially after writing this thread about how my life was so changed and I was feeling so confident, haha....
Comments appreciated!
I hope you are still holding on!!! However, if you did slip, please don't think that negates the internal shift you've made with bingeing. Remember, even the author binged after her own revelation. I think it's something that's going to come more natural to us the more we practice it. If you slipped, you slipped, but either way, just put it behind you and remind yourself it *has* been working and it will continue to -- just don't give the urges any more power than they already have.
I've managed to burn a few images in my brain that help: The first is what I mentioned to the previous poster (Walrus) with my higher/rational brain being seperated from my lower brain and what that "looks" like to me. The second is from the video I looked at of another person bingeing. For some reason, watching someone else eat so insanely has stuck with me. I guess because I was able to *truly* be an objective observer and internalize how crazy the behavior is.
mottainai, don't get sucked into an all-or-nothing mentality now. Every bit of strength you have will be tested, just remember that this is a sign that your animal brain is putting forth its best effort. Being aware of that is the first step and it seems you already know that. You don't have to be completely perfect in order to inspire us!
For me today has been a tough day. I haven't binged in several days and I thought I'd see a reflection of that on the scale this morning, but I only lost a half pound. I'm trying not to think of it as a setback and trying to focus on conquering my bingeing rather than losing weight but part of me thought that the absence of 4-5 drive-thru meals would have helped me cut a few calories. But on to why today has been tough. I got very little sleep as my son had a terrible fever and has been crying all day long. I still have not binged but my animal brain is screaming at me "just pick up a burger, you don't have time to do this brain stuff today, your son needs you, stop selfishly of thinking of your own health right now!" I did indulge in some creamy pasta but I could hardly eat half of it, I wasn't in binge mode.
Anyway, moments of weakness will always present themselves.
Kris, I did a little searching on youtube today but couldn't find any bingeing videos. I only found videos of people talking about their binges and video diaries. Where did you find these videos?
Kris, I did a little searching on youtube today but couldn't find any bingeing videos. I only found videos of people talking about their binges and video diaries. Where did you find these videos?
I watched the video, and yeah, I get what you mean. I already find that we all more or less look stupid when eating (the chewing motion itself is all but elegant) but this will indeed make me think twice. ^^;
(I wonder, though, is she looking totally zoned out because of the bineging, or because she's watching TV? We all probably look zoned out in front of the TV, I think.)
Wannabeskinny -- Here's what I usually say about those why-haven't-lose-weight-yet questions is: don't even bother trying to understand what the human body's up to. In the past, my scale has shown weight *loss* after a McDonald's binge, and conversely. My advice would be not to bother with the scale, and to try to avoid thinking about weight loss as a whole (because of the potential risk of triggering too many thoughts and letting that darned animal brain get into the breach).
Mottainai -- I know those thoughts, oh yes... "I can afford it because I'm thin enough now," "it won't make a change", "while I'm at it I might eat all the cookies, so that there won't be any left and then I won't binge anymore", yadda yadda... Those thoughts are just so silly and illogical. o_O I hope that writing them here helped you go through today. I know that if I see such things into print, instead of just telling them to myself, they allow me to react rationally and not give in.
(Incidentally, I'm trying to learn to meditate, and it reminded me of what I read in the book. I try to do things like focus on the noise in the street, on the sound of the wind, etc, and just consider them as "this is the noise of..., here's a car passing by...", and so on--instead of letting those trigger thoughts like "...but it's only one car, if I were in a big city instead of that small town I'd hear so many more cars, and it'd be great because it'd mean I'm in a city again and not in that town I hate and [insert polluting thoughts for 10 more minutes, and then insomnia if it's at night]". I think the technique for one is very close to the other. Who knows, maybe a bok about binge eating might help me meditate. Or the contrary.)
)
If I think of that image, it helps me to seperate them more.
