4. What a breath of fresh air to know that I don't have to come to terms with every dang issue I've ever had in my life/deal with issues from childhood/learn to cope effectively/learn to positive self-talk/become spirtually enlightened/be personally fulfilled to STOP bingeing. I've been a binge eater for nearly 25 years and if I had just known this, that information in itself would have helped with the actual behavior.
THIS. Oh my gosh, that was an amazing concept for me as well, really.
I just read your post to me in the other thread (the one started by walrus). I completely agree that this book was life-changing. Like I said in my other post, I was in therapy with an ED specialist and did CBT for quite a while. It "kind of" worked while I was devoting a LOT of time/energy to it, but I also felt that during that time it was a freakin' DAILY struggle (along with every other method I've tried). After reading this book (2-3 weeks ago I read it) I haven't felt that way at all and I have not binged or even really wanted to. A few observations from my own experience:
Yes exactly, the daily struggle from meal to meal, from one bite of food to the next. It feels like constant punishment. I don't want to be an addict in the sense that I'll always be a binge-eater in recovery.
1) I am not that far into it. 2.5 weeks or so. So, things could change; however, I've never gone more than a few days without a STRONG compulsion to binge. So, in the past, even if I stretch together a week or two of no bingeing, it was also extremely draining to be fighting the urges every day.
I'm in this for the 3 day. I'm not making any huge claims. But I haven't binged and it hasn't been that hard. I think what makes this feel different to me is that I've always felt that the binger was my true self and that I had to change my true self. But I think I understand now that's not who I am, I am a healthy person I have accomplished a great many things, the binger is NOT me, it's an annoying animal brain I have to ignore, not cope with.
2. Since I'm still trying to get my footing I haven't worried too much about dieting, per se. I do need to lose weight, so that might be the test when I start cutting down more on caloric intake (though I will do so very modestly) it still may have an effect. Will keep you posted.
As I suspected, my caloric intake is drastically reduced. That's because when I'm "sane" I eat like a normal person does, like the calorie counter I used to be that I never switched off. But I was jekyll and hyde, and when I was in my binge zone I consumed calories. Now that Mr Hyde is being ignored I'm my natural nutritious self. I'm not worrying about calories but I am aware of them, can't help it. I hope that doesn't get me into trouble.
3. Fighting of the urges: If you start looking at this in the context the author suggests, it's not the kind of struggle you're used to with fighting off binges. It's the difference between a light push and a knock-down drag-out fight (what it used to be with me). I *really* started to look at my urges/compulsion to binge as a primal beast; It may sound ridiculous but I picture Animal (remember that guy from The Muppets, LOL?) banging a drum, screaming for food. It's laughable how ridiculous it would be to listen to him when I'm not hungry. It's almost more like an "outer body"/objective experience to look at Animal and say "Shhh, stop being so crazy. I don't need to binge to survive." I love Animal from the Muppets!
...
Disclaimer -- This is *very* new to me, but it FEELS SO different than anything I've done in the past. I really am not fighting with myself every day. I honestly feel more free than I have in years and years.
Part of what makes me think this is different is my shift in self-image. For the past several months my sense of confidence comes from getting on the scale in the morning, and putting on my clothes. Lately it's been bad news day in and day out. My emergency fat clothes are too small right now. It's devastating and a reminder of my constant failure. Yesterday though, I tried on one pair of "fat pants" that I hoped would fit me and they didn't fit again. But it didn't devastate me!! I have no idea why but what came into my head was "oh well, I'm sure they'll fit in a week or 2, this is not my real body, it's the body of the binger and I'm not that person." Also, I get extremely uncomfortable being around all my skinny friends. But the past couple of days I haven't sweated it because now I know that they're not better than me, I know that I have the same power over food that they do, and I'm like them now - meaning I have the same relationship to food that they do now. I don't feel like a victim.
I hope you have success with this too.
Last edited by Palestrina; 11-30-2012 at 06:20 AM.
THIS. Oh my gosh, that was an amazing concept for me as well, really.
I HAVE come to terms with every darn issue in my life. Therapy has helped me explore my need to binge and made me realize something very very very important. It helped me understand that when my bingeing began as a teenager I was in a vulnerable state, coping with some pretty difficult situations. Because I didn't know how to cope with such heavy stuff I developed the habit of bingeing for comfort. In essence it was my way of taking care of myself. It was a huge revelation and I'm glad I went into therapy.
Unfortunately, all the big revelations about the inner me that came through in therapy did nothing to change my binges. So I kept uncovering and uncovering, and blaming myself, and thinking that I must be such a messed up person that there is no recovery from this. I thought I was depressed. But I'm not depressed, I love my life and my job and my friends and my future. I have some stress, but who doesn't? The President has stress but you don't see him gorging on fast food lol.
Anyway, the point is that I'm done with therapy. It's great, it's made me understand so much about myself, and I am not opposed to going back to therapy - it's just not a cure that's all. I want to LIVE my life, not dissect it anymore.
I HAVE come to terms with every darn issue in my life. Therapy has helped me explore my need to binge and made me realize something very very very important. It helped me understand that when my bingeing began as a teenager I was in a vulnerable state, coping with some pretty difficult situations. Because I didn't know how to cope with such heavy stuff I developed the habit of bingeing for comfort. In essence it was my way of taking care of myself. It was a huge revelation and I'm glad I went into therapy.
Unfortunately, all the big revelations about the inner me that came through in therapy did nothing to change my binges. So I kept uncovering and uncovering, and blaming myself, and thinking that I must be such a messed up person that there is no recovery from this. I thought I was depressed. But I'm not depressed, I love my life and my job and my friends and my future. I have some stress, but who doesn't? The President has stress but you don't see him gorging on fast food lol.
Anyway, the point is that I'm done with therapy. It's great, it's made me understand so much about myself, and I am not opposed to going back to therapy - it's just not a cure that's all. I want to LIVE my life, not dissect it anymore.
Yes, I totally agree. I'm not bashing therapy- I love it actually! I've had a couple of really amazing therapists that really changed my life. It's just that therapy didn't cure the binge behavior, that's all. (:
The other thing I was referring to that I liked about the book though was the fact that it reminds us we don't have to fix ourselves or our lives in order to avoid all "triggers," since they can only trigger URGES and urges are actually harmless if you know how to deal with them. It was so overwhelming for me before: I thought I had to avoid feeling sad or anxious or busy or depressed or "fat" (or happy, satisfied, relaxed, etc. too, lol). I tried setting up my life a lot of times in ways just so that I'd have lots of free time and no pressure, a lot like the author herself did, just so it would hopefully lead to less binge urges, and then get frustrated when it didn't work.
I HAVE come to terms with every darn issue in my life. Therapy has helped me explore my need to binge and made me realize something very very very important. It helped me understand that when my bingeing began as a teenager I was in a vulnerable state, coping with some pretty difficult situations. Because I didn't know how to cope with such heavy stuff I developed the habit of bingeing for comfort. In essence it was my way of taking care of myself. It was a huge revelation and I'm glad I went into therapy.
Unfortunately, all the big revelations about the inner me that came through in therapy did nothing to change my binges. So I kept uncovering and uncovering, and blaming myself, and thinking that I must be such a messed up person that there is no recovery from this. I thought I was depressed. But I'm not depressed, I love my life and my job and my friends and my future. I have some stress, but who doesn't? The President has stress but you don't see him gorging on fast food lol.
Anyway, the point is that I'm done with therapy. It's great, it's made me understand so much about myself, and I am not opposed to going back to therapy - it's just not a cure that's all. I want to LIVE my life, not dissect it anymore.
Yes, exactly!!! The chapter in last part of the book about therapy completely made sense as to how it "fits in" to the bigger picture but does not "cure" the behavior of bingeing. I do believe therapy can be very helpful in a lot of ways, but it did not stop me from bingeing. One of the "aha" moments I had while reading the book (and I had many! lol) was the notion that regardless of how stable/unstable, happy/unhappy, etc, etc, there were *still* urges to binge. That's what was so frustrating! Yeah, I've had problems in my life, but I'm not always walking around like a hot mess. Even when I was feeling happy and emotionally stable I *still* had urges to binge. So, then it became a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts. I'd think, "well, something must be wrong with me that I'm still missing," / binge / feel like a failure / repeat cycle.
I don't know . . . admittedly, part of me thinks this is too good to be true . . . because it's been working *so* well, but it also is reassuring I am not alone in feeling this way. Let's keep checking in with each other and see how things progress. So far, it's very encouraging.
Very encouraging indeed. It sounds like we've all had similar experiences with therapy... it's great but it doesn't cure bingeing. Yes bingeing is worse when I'm super stressed but I like to binge on vacation too, and on my days off, etc. It made me second guess myself like "I thought I was happy but my therapist is telling me that I'm not." So then I wasn't happy. ?????
Got myself the book yesterday, am a ltitle over 1/3 in, and... seriously, my heartfelt thanks to those here who suggested reading it. It seems to explain A LOT of things regarding my own binge eating disorder.
Mostly my binges have already backed off, though not completely gone, and while reading the book, I started to ponder about that, because:
What really got me to get rid of most of my urges weren't self-help books, therapy (I had a few sessions with a psychologist a couple of years ago), journalling my emotions, etc. Sure, considering the psychological aspects, reflecting about those, helped in other ways. But not with bingeing.
What got me mostly rid of the urges was not being physically able to eat, this past spring. So everytime a urge surfaced, I had to stare at it coldly, in a detached way, and say "Right now, I don't have the teeth I need to eat. Urges or no urges, I'm unable to eat. End of the story." There was no other way. Giving in to emotional thought would only lead to self-pitying, and it happened once or twice, and then I stopped because I had to focus on exams anyway.
I won't deny that there must've been a few emotional triggers at some point in my life. For instance, restricting and feeling frustrated because I was on a diet was a major one (this is the reason why I mostly don't count calories nor weigh daily anymore). But now I also wonder if at some point, that whole bingeing thing hadn't become an ingrained habit more than a crutch to cope. When I couldn't eat much during a few months, I didn't find myself malfunctioning, emotionally devastated, or anything; does this mean that my binges weren't helping in any way, or so little that whether they're here or not, it doesn't soothe my problems? What their absence did soothe, though, was all the guilt and self-deprecating thoughts.
I'm definitely going to read this book through and through, and try that method. I think I somewhat tried it without knowing it a few months ago, as I wrote above, but without knowing what I was doing. If now I do, maybe it will help for good this time?
Day 4, still on track although yesterday was confusing. No binges thank goodness but I'm not entirely happy with how my eating was. I felt hungrier than the previous couple of days and I ate when I felt hungry though not too much. Please allow me to explain what I ate:
6am- protein bar
10am - 2 scrambled eggs, slice of ham, 1 slice whole grain toast with honey
3pm - leg and thigh of roasted chicken (freshly made, low salt)
7pm - haldful of trailmix (peanuts, m&m's, raisins, sunflower seeds)
11pm - 1 strawberry frozen margarita and god knows how many tortilla chips with guacamole
So none of this was really a binge as none of the eating behavior falls into binge-mode for me, none of it was secretive. However, I am unhappy about the honey I put on the bread, I am unhappy about the m&m's in the trailmix, and upset about the tortilla chips though not about the guacamole nor the margarita (avocados are a super food, and I rarely ever drink and it was a celebration with friends).
So while I am happy I did not binge I am also upset about some of the things I ate and it becomes confusing because having any kind of negative feelings about food relates too closely to bingeing in my mind. I'm not sure I'm explaining it right but I had the sense of failure at the end of the day even though I didn't binge and it might have to do with the fact that I felt bloated like I feel after a binge. I'm still waiting to receive my book but is there any mention of this type of thing in the book?
Yay for everyone who is experiencing some success!! I love hearing it. (:
wanna- you may want to check out the BOB blog website. There are a lot of good articles there, and also great reader comments and questions that the author has answered!
I don't want to post here too often, since the idea is to let go of the bingeing and not focus undue attention and brain activity on the habit, but I am very glad for all of you working on this and it's great to hear that others got a lot out of the book like I did!
I started reading it yesterday and I have to say, she sounds exaclty like me as well.
I even struggled with anorexia when I was younger, like she describes, though I never did get sickly thin because I started partying and drinking a lot.
I am looking forward to finishing this book. I hope there is something in here for me. I think the first step for me was realizing it's not my willpower, it's a disorder, and then going from there and finding books and stories like this.
It's good to know I'm not broken, just a little dented. ^.^
Day 4, still on track although yesterday was confusing. No binges thank goodness but I'm not entirely happy with how my eating was. I felt hungrier than the previous couple of days and I ate when I felt hungry though not too much. Please allow me to explain what I ate:
6am- protein bar
10am - 2 scrambled eggs, slice of ham, 1 slice whole grain toast with honey
3pm - leg and thigh of roasted chicken (freshly made, low salt)
7pm - haldful of trailmix (peanuts, m&m's, raisins, sunflower seeds)
11pm - 1 strawberry frozen margarita and god knows how many tortilla chips with guacamole
So none of this was really a binge as none of the eating behavior falls into binge-mode for me, none of it was secretive. However, I am unhappy about the honey I put on the bread, I am unhappy about the m&m's in the trailmix, and upset about the tortilla chips though not about the guacamole nor the margarita (avocados are a super food, and I rarely ever drink and it was a celebration with friends).
So while I am happy I did not binge I am also upset about some of the things I ate and it becomes confusing because having any kind of negative feelings about food relates too closely to bingeing in my mind. I'm not sure I'm explaining it right but I had the sense of failure at the end of the day even though I didn't binge and it might have to do with the fact that I felt bloated like I feel after a binge. I'm still waiting to receive my book but is there any mention of this type of thing in the book?
I can relate because yesterday was the first day since reading the book where my urge to binge almost took over -- not-so-coincidentally, yesterday was the first day since reading the book where I *also* was trying to be much more mindful of what I was eating. The past two weeks, I've just been eating what I feel like/when I'm hungry and not paying much mind to anything else. It worked great; however, I really want to lose weight. I'm not happy with the weight I'm at now.
She does say in the book this method is *very* difficult if you're restricting, so that of course makes it tough to lose weight and stick to this. I reminded myself yesterday -- I choose not bingeing first and foremost because I do believe weight loss will follow eventually. In fact, over these two weeks I've lost four lbs. just because I'm not full of bloat from bingeing. Considering my weight has fluctuated SO much for 20 + yrs. due to bingeing, I'm just going to have to remind myself not to be overly upset with any one food choice because I'm reprogramming my brain not to binge and *any* sort of restriction is going to lead to stronger/more urges to binge. I"ll take a 2 lb. weight loss in a year if I have to over going back to bingeing. Oh how I wish I would have found this book while I was at my goal weight!!!
Yay for everyone who is experiencing some success!! I love hearing it. (:
wanna- you may want to check out the BOB blog website. There are a lot of good articles there, and also great reader comments and questions that the author has answered!
I don't want to post here too often, since the idea is to let go of the bingeing and not focus undue attention and brain activity on the habit, but I am very glad for all of you working on this and it's great to hear that others got a lot out of the book like I did!
Yes, you're definitely right in not focusing too much attention on it. I am so glad you're doing well also and I truly think you're in the perfect position to implement it because you're in maintenance and don't have to worry about the restriction triggering more urges. Keep at it!
I started reading it yesterday and I have to say, she sounds exaclty like me as well.
I even struggled with anorexia when I was younger, like she describes, though I never did get sickly thin because I started partying and drinking a lot.
I am looking forward to finishing this book. I hope there is something in here for me. I think the first step for me was realizing it's not my willpower, it's a disorder, and then going from there and finding books and stories like this.
It's good to know I'm not broken, just a little dented. ^.^
I hope you find something in the book that resonates as much as it did for some of us. It's very empowering to know maybe we *don't* have to struggle with this the rest of our lives. I know, for me, it has affected so many aspects of my life and I'm tired of fighting it. Let us know what you think of the rest of it!!!
Got myself the book yesterday, am a ltitle over 1/3 in, and... seriously, my heartfelt thanks to those here who suggested reading it. It seems to explain A LOT of things regarding my own binge eating disorder.
Mostly my binges have already backed off, though not completely gone, and while reading the book, I started to ponder about that, because:
What really got me to get rid of most of my urges weren't self-help books, therapy (I had a few sessions with a psychologist a couple of years ago), journalling my emotions, etc. Sure, considering the psychological aspects, reflecting about those, helped in other ways. But not with bingeing.
What got me mostly rid of the urges was not being physically able to eat, this past spring. So everytime a urge surfaced, I had to stare at it coldly, in a detached way, and say "Right now, I don't have the teeth I need to eat. Urges or no urges, I'm unable to eat. End of the story." There was no other way. Giving in to emotional thought would only lead to self-pitying, and it happened once or twice, and then I stopped because I had to focus on exams anyway.
I won't deny that there must've been a few emotional triggers at some point in my life. For instance, restricting and feeling frustrated because I was on a diet was a major one (this is the reason why I mostly don't count calories nor weigh daily anymore). But now I also wonder if at some point, that whole bingeing thing hadn't become an ingrained habit more than a crutch to cope. When I couldn't eat much during a few months, I didn't find myself malfunctioning, emotionally devastated, or anything; does this mean that my binges weren't helping in any way, or so little that whether they're here or not, it doesn't soothe my problems? What their absence did soothe, though, was all the guilt and self-deprecating thoughts.
I'm definitely going to read this book through and through, and try that method. I think I somewhat tried it without knowing it a few months ago, as I wrote above, but without knowing what I was doing. If now I do, maybe it will help for good this time?
That is very interesting and it seems like your experience really validates the theory. Gosh, I never would have thought about that but a while ago I had jaw surgery and I certainly wasn't having urges to binge during that time either (and I couldn't eat). Hmmmmm. That's the thing with binges -- for me, it wasn't *always* about being in a bad place emotionally. Maybe because we (as binge eaters) are lead to believe bingeing results from not being able to cope emotionally we only notice the times when stress precedes our binges. During therapy, I conveniently forgot all of the binges that were preceded by emotional stability / happiness. OR, I started to falsely believe that maybe I really *wasn't* emotionally stable/coping even though I was. (If any of that makes sense, lol)
