finished today with 1699 cs and 56 carbs which is really good since I usually go into some kind of shock under 100 grams carbs.
Well, tomorrow is my day of "normal" eating. I am going to plan out my menu to stay at 1800 cs before I go to bed, and then I am going to stick to it. I just hope I don't go nuts because I am on a regular carb day. What is that anyway?
Still, I know eating low carb every day is a pipe dream. I don't believe in radical changes, that is how I landed myself with tons of disordered thinking about food. If others want to live on rabbit food alone, that's them. It's not me--at least not anymore.
I'm going for a happy medium here--something I have more than struggled with. I have to get As in my classes or I have a meltdown, I have to do it perfectly the first time--or I am my worst critic, I tend to hide from projects, because I can't bear turning them in and them not ending up perfect--meaning I will work on it until the last possible minute.
overachiever? yes. And it's so easy to fall into an overachiever lifestyle. I just pooh at people that are like "you did that and you do this at the same time???" "yeah. so what?". I have it alot easier than others. I am thankful for my blessings.
so NO no more crazy life altering fad diets where I will never once enjoy the grease laden potato chip disintegrating and leaving a pool of mouth watering fat on my tongue. I will have the rabbit food, with a small bag of chips on the side. I will have the baked salmon with kale greens, and steamed veggies, but don't forget the 1/2 scoop of icecream afterwards, sil vou plait.
oh yah. I am well aware of all the non-professional grammar and writing. I did it on purpose. I write APA formatted papers every week for my BSN, and this is a writing "break" for me.
An old "demon" is sitting on my shoulder today. I have always struggled with balance when it comes to eating. It is either a free for all, ( I have been gnoshing upwards of 3000 calories daily lately) or SEVERE restrictions.
Because I saw a 2lb loss since starting this new WOE. the severe dieter in me is trying to overwhelm my thoughts.
My mind turns back to the 2 year success I had with being a vegan and eating organic whole foods, yeah that was great. It was a severe way of living though. I snapped. I couldn't find balance and after 2 years undid all my hard work. I'm not going there again.
So my goal for today is 1800 cs. I will ignore carbs for the time being. The article said the dieters did not restrict in any way on the other days of the week. we'll see.
Thank you clownfish. I do appreciate the feedback.
so, I am feeling stress mounting. I am stressed about dieting and losing weight and of dieting and failing. I am stressed about having to leave my baby to go to work, and I am stressed about not having a job yet.
remarkably, I am not "stress" eating. I am actually hungry, but afraid of going into the fridge. I love cycling, and shifting things, but frankly, if you look at my items in my fridge and freezer, you would think they have a split personality. That's my all or nothing mentation showing up.
Well, I am going to eat a meal. It will be chicken nuggets, sugar snap peas, kidney beans, and some cantalope and chai tea for dessert. The word of today is B-A-L-A-N-C-E.
So, here's another thing. I was eating lunch, and I was making a cream cheese dip for my cantalope. And where did my mind go? I started to think about one of the guys that proposed to me a long time ago, I didn't know him long, but he was a sexy beast of a man, he was also a muslim. He bought me some yummy food that was spicy and creamy--I forget what it was called. His name also sounded like the word "Music".
I was still hopelessly in love with my ex, and like I said I didn't know him for very long, but he sure did smell good. We dated a few times, and he was just sure because of my upbringing and my lifestyle, that he loved me.
why would you think about that while eating? I guess my thought was that I recently found out that muslims believe the devil is in the nose? When we smell something we are tempted by it, and interestingly enough smell is the only thing that will not wake you up. Why we need smoke alarms. Maybe it was the smell of food, and how it sets off hunger in you that made me think of my muslim suiter? If I dig a little deeper maybe I was pondering why it was so easy for "Music" to propose to me, and not for my SO of 7 years, who I have known for almost 14 years. Is it because I'm not thin and pretty now? Aha there is the relation to food.
hmm....maybe I need some adderall just to eat lunch.
OK, stress is mounting 12 month old is teething, I didn't get much sleep last night, I just found out a project is due sooner than I thought and not much is done yet, and I'm in charge of proofreading. The teenager is being a TEENAGER, and trying to drive me crazy. I pulled the plug (literally) on his xbox and am forcing him to clean his room. I am getting alot of drama in return.
narrowly avoided a binge. I was standing in the kitchen waiting on dinner to cook, and I started nibbling, but I was stressed because this project was due sooner than i thought--tomorrow, instead of next week!
I realized what I was getting into and poured a cup of tea and drank it while I was cooking.
turns out, the project is NOT due tomorrow, it is due next week. God is merciful!
ugh, why didn't i just go to bed! I am still up and grabbed a glass of tea, and a serving of coconut thins. Come on jen. Still, I could have done alot worse. I was going to get some cantalope, but I probably couldn't resist the whole container. So better off with the thins.
Still it is not a binge, but I am over on calories. I have calories banked, but I would like to stay as close to 1800 regardless. Scale may not be kind tomorrow.
another binging factor--being tired. I will binge half asleep. Well my melatonin/ashwagandha is kicking in. goodnight folks.
not to bad. woke up to 197.4. I know that weight loss from the carb cycling is going to stick. If it weren't, I would have been back up to at least 199.
Very itchy today. I don't know why. It's making me irritable, which causes me to stress about little things.
I got alot of chores to do, house is a disaster, so I can keep my mind off it.
I haven't eaten breakfast yet, so I need to figure out a plan, yesterday I didn't have a plan, and I went a little over, today I am going to do better.
I'm actually seething MAD right now. I am glad I am not turning to food but turning to this outlet. My teenager is aggravating the pee out of me. For any mom that has heard their teenager making fun of them in any way, IT HURTS. It is disrespectful, and I am not used to being treated like that.
Our stupid dog Jeb ran away, and he has a problem with not coming back for hours and we are surrounded by pastures. all it takes is one crazy farmer with a gun, also one of the neighbors shot our neighbor's dog not too long ago. I can't stand for the dog to run away, I have actually thought about getting rid of him because of this, plus he chases the little mexican kids.
Well, we were riding around trying to find him and I saw some kids and tried to motion for them to come to the car, I have kids, I didn't think I looked that scary...but they just stood there, my window doesn't roll down, so I had to roll down the back window, and SHOUT. They hadn't seen him.
My teenager pops up, "mom you look like a creep, " instead of helping me find the dog and asking the neighbors he tries to act like he doesn't know me".
Then we get home and he gets on his xbox and before I am even in the house I hear him telling his so called "friends" how his mom just looked like a creep.
so i blew up at him and he ran out the door, and he came back and I talked to him and was in tears, and he apologized and I apologized.--that was so much better than what little debbie could do.
At some point in their lives many teenagers start looking down on their parents. He is asserting his identity by doing that, but he has to learn not to use hurtful language. Teach him by never resorting to hurtful words yourself, by not calling people names, etc. One day you will see he has become a sweet young man... I have three DS myself (25, 20, 18) and the two eldest ones went through their "hostile" phases; the youngest one is going through it now. But once it is over, I know they change: today my 20 year-old accepted an invitation to take breakfast together at a very nice place, in public and all! Just be patient!
What about the dog? Is it back yet?
Last edited by inglesita64; 05-20-2012 at 12:06 PM.
Thanks ingles. You are right, no tit for tat. He IS a sweet young man. I am glad your 20 year old doesn't mind being in public with you.
well, I did my zumba workout, it was frustrating because I get right and left mixed up and I guess that makes me have 2 left feet, I love to dance though. poor me.
I finished 45 min of zumba, and 18 minutes of yoga, my body was hurting after and I was hungry and thirsty and craving salt. The baked lays were on the counter and I couldn't resist.
so I had 1 1/2 servings.
I finished my calories 322 over 1800, so that is a bit high. I was losing with about that many calories before I started binging on icecream and cookies ALOT.
I have to total up my steps which are at 12, 242 right now.. to put that in perspective that is 5.80 miles.
Well, here's to hoping the overage doesn't hurt and the steps compensated.
so, it's late, i'm still not asleep, and I'm a little peeved with my SO for staying out so late. It is supposed to be a guy's night out, but I hate how flippant he is about taking risks.--I'll just leave it at that.
I'm sitting in the kitchen, and my face isn't buried in food. ACCOMPLISHMENT. I am feeling hunger pangs though. It's amazing how much I can eat. I have always been a big eater, it's a wonder I'm not 300 lbs. Though getting to 222 is getting close, pregnancy or no pregnancy.
I just got done overdosing on lifetime movies, there are always very trim very pretty women on that channel, and especially the older ones that are way sexier than me--they inspire me to get thin so I can look in the mirror and think "hot mamma".
well enough half asleep babble--I'm going to go try to lay down.
