Welcome Amy! I haven't been here very long. I am trying to log in as much as possible, but since my modem died, I have to borrow my mom's pc.

Yes the Easter bunny visited my kids, and yes...I ate some chocolate. Especially the Baby Ruth miniature bars...yum!! Anyhow, always a weakness for me.

Irish Fairy: okay, I now know the details of your audition, you are so brave, I admire that!!

GrammyL: I know things will get better, so just hang on! I was probably every parents nightmare when I was younger! My parents didn't know what to do with me. Sad thing..they couldn't help me. I had to help myself. Being responsible for myself, and not using other people, was a hard lesson to learn. But it was a valuable one. That's the only way I got better. So from what I have read..you are doing the right thing! 100%!

irish you should try sing snap.. you can record your fav songs and listen to the on there it is really cool http://www.singsnap.com/.. i think you might enjoy it and its pretty clear if you have a mic on your comp.. see what you think.. you can make your songs private or you can share them with the rest of the sing snappers.. lol there are some real american idol blopper people on there so its kinda fun to listen to them... can this one sing or not...... lmao.. its actually can be really funny .. anyway see what you think..

Hi all, I'm still here.

Today is my dad's birthday (he's deceased) so I ate way too much, of course. Dh and I also took our dog for a nice long hike at a nearby park though, so I'm not going to beat myself up for it. Todays just a sad day. That's life.

The park we went to is really nice. I just discovered it last Wednesday. It's barely outside of town (5 min drive) and it's on the river. It has nice paths and I think the trail we took today was at least 3 miles. We were tired afterward, but it was a good tired. I want to walk there on a regular basis. Exercise outdoors is always more enjoyable for me.

Dh is back from New Mexico. We should know by next Friday if he got the job. He is also interviewing soon for his current position. I'm hoping he is offered more then one job, so we can really think about where would be best for us. :crossed:

If anyone like quirky films, we just rented a great one. The Darjeeling Limited is so funny! It has Owen Wilson, Adrian Brody, and Jason Swartzman (love him) in it! I highly recommend it.

I hope everyone had a great weekend!

Irish ~ I wish your Mom lived close so we could support each other. I think it would be easier if my ODD would take responsibility for her life and take care of her kids the way you do. At this point I feel like I have to watch over Jose in particular because he doesn't have a Dad that can watch over him, he is in prison and his side of the family doesn't care at all. Will, YGS, his Dad is in the picture and his family even though they are all worthless so I don't feel so obligated.

I told DH this weekend that I am scared of moving on to this next phase in life and that we have never really been alone. He just chuckled and doesn't understand totally because he has always worked out of town and really didn't have the obligations that I have had over the years to raising kids. Then we were sitting yesterday after we took Jose home and cleaned up the house and he looked at me and said "So this is what its like to not have kids". I looked at him and I said "Yes, scary isn't it. No mess, no noise or entertainment". He said "No, I could get used to this". I said "Yah right, HAHAHAHA". It was a sarcastic laugh.

OH, I must add, I was only 19 when I had my ODD. I never got the opportunity to spread my wings before they were clipped but I didn't mind because I, like you, truly love my baby and put my life on the line for her several times. I was married to an abusive husband and I had several major injuries protecting her. I left her Dad when she was only 18 months old but what I went through must have impacted her in a bad way is all I can figure out. Now, she is 20 and I totally don't understand her and she is abusive to me.

Tinky ~ I think it just takes a few days and some major rest to get through trauma and for it to stop consuming our every waking thought. Anger is a good sign that your moving through the phases of what you have gone through. I hear you on the tummy problems.

Amy ~ How horrible about your daughter. The good news is she is still here and you figured things out. One of the girls I work with her son has many of the same allergies so she cooks from scratch and they don't eat any boxed foods. All veggies and fruit are fresh. I think its a blessing in a way because her family is very healthy.

Thank you for saying this because this is the lesson we are trying to teach my DD. Don't slap the had that is helping you or it will be taken away. I realize I am the enabler and I am not helping her and I making matters worse. If I had custody of my GS things would be totally different and easier but I can't continue to let my love and fears his well being prevent me from forcing her to grow up. She has proven he is hers and flexed her parental powers and I need to say lesson learned. I have to trust God will watch over him until she gets her act together.

Zenor ~ HUGS! The park sounds like something you needed to help you get through your time of sorrow. I am sure the walk balances out what you ate and I will definitely keep my fingers crossed for your DH.

We didn't go away as planned but we did go up north and have lunch with my DH's supervisor from the company he works for most of the time. I really like him a lot, the guy is a hoot but his wife is the opposite. They are always wanting us to do things with them but I told DH I feel like its a one sided conversation. I mean I like to talk but not to myself all the time. DH just chuckled and said I know what you mean.

We went to Ruby Tuesdays and I got their veggie burger. It was so funny because when they brought the food out DH and his supervisor looked at their burgers to make sure they didn't get mine mixed up with theirs because mine was twice the size of theirs. It was really good too.

DH and I did have GS all weekend. The poor little guy was sicker than sick. We wanted to take him to the hospital but didn't dare after the last time I did it. I think I got him over the hump of the illness and as long as DD tends to him he should be fine. I prayed over him most of Friday and Saturday night and even offered to take his illness so he didn't have to be sick. I did get it thats for sure but I don't care he is feeling better. Most of Friday night Jose slept with is arms wrapped around my neck, his head resting against mine and I was holding him. I felt very special and loved. ODD and I got into twice over the weekend about GS being sick and I ended up binging all weekend long. DH stepped in on Sunday and took over. Long story short we are not talking with her for a while again but step in the right direction she didn't threaten us with taking GS away. Although she did say she was doing us a favor by letting us have him. HMMM! Letting us have a extremely sick child that we can't even take to the hospital because we don't have permission is doing us a favor. In a way it was because I took care of him but it should have been her.

On the diet front I am trying something new and I am hoping it will work. I am not going to log my food or step foot on the scale for the next month. I pledged this to myself and to all of you.

I am going to start listening to my body and eat when I am hungry, stop eating when I am full.

The scale has not been friendly to me and if I lose well during the week I feel I can blow it on the weekend. I am totally addicted to the scale and I allow it to dictate my mood and what I eat. I also race up and down the same 5 lbs over and over again. This weekend I had to take the battery out of the scale because the ear thermometers battery went dead and it just so happens my scale uses the same battery. I am not putting the batter back in until April 30th. It has been very hard and I almost cracked today.

I am also not going to log my food or have set eating times. I have been eating every 2 to 3 hrs now for about 5 years. It obviously has helped but at the same time maybe my body has gotten a little to used to it. Logging my food is also great but when I do it, I make sure I get a set number of calories each day. So what is happening is I am eating when I am not hungry and eating more than I really want just to keep a set number of calories. I don't think this is learning to listen to my body. I already have eating disorders and why create any new. LOL! Logging doesn't seem to slow me down any. Maybe the unknown will help me stay in check.

OK, meat doesn't taste so great anymore. For some reason I felt obligated to eat some ham with DH last night. It tasted just like something dead and since it is I shouldn't be shocked. It was totally unappealing to me but I ate it anyway. I ate some buffalo style boneless chicken with him on Friday night and it didn't taste bad but that ham was nasty.

Well I better stop jabbering and go for a short walk and eat my snack. I can tell my tummy is actually going to talk. I am over an hour past when I usually eat.

Tinky ~ I don't know why but I just want to HUG you. I swore I would never give up the habit of daily weighing that it wasn't an addition that i needed to break but now I think it is.

My binging is done also. It surely didn't help the situation any and thank goodness I can't get on the scale to know the damage that it did because that could lead to more.

I also and getting back into exercise. For some unknown reason after years of walking all the time I stopped and wasn't exercising at all. I wasn't even doing strength training. So today I am going to take 3 - 15 minute walks, not breaking any records because I am sick but at least I am moving. I already did my strength trainings for my arms and legs. Tomorrow I am doing my corr. I will strength train each section of my body twice a week. I need to start taking care of ME again and stop feeding the negatives in life.

Hope everyone had an OK Monday. I am off and I will talk to you all tomorrow.

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Irish~ I just read back and saw the thing about vaccinations. I think that we over vaccinate our children in the US (don't know how it is in Canada.) I've been doing some research on this since DH and I are ttc. It's amazing to me how many a child ends up having by 6 months! Way more then any of us ever had, that's for sure. I went back and looked at my records. When I was a child I didn't even get the first one until I was 4 months (now they start at birth), plus I only got 3 different ones. I'm sure you know all this, but I just want to get across that I understand. I haven't made any decisions yet. I'm hoping that someday they'll ban the use of mercury in vaccinations so that the complications aren't as bad.

Also, I saw an interesting study about SIDS. It was done in Australia. Researchers there believe that it is cause by a chemical reaction between a natural fungus that is on a baby's skin and the flame ******ant chemicals in mattresses. Apparently the reaction causes the chemicals to turn into a gas that lingers on the top of the mattress. This is why SIDS hits babies who lie face down more often (they are breathing in more of the gas.) Now granted, I'm sure there are many causes of SIDS, but I found the study interesting and appalling! Why no one has done anything or let the public know about this upsets me.

GrammyL~I've been thinking about trying out intuitive eating for maintenance. I think that's the therm for just listening to your body. I don't think I can give up fitday just yet though. Maybe once the stress is over with I can do it. Keep us posted on how it works out.

Tinky~Dh bought lip balm while he was there and he did say it was very dry. He also got sunburned. Dh is half Latin decent (Mexican/Spanish/Portuguese) and he doesn't usually burn. They told him that it has to do with the altitude, that because the air is thinner there is less protection from the sun. If we end up moving then I'm going to have to slather on SPF 45 several times a day. ;)