FRIDAY NIGHT (actually Saturday morning!): Hope you are OK! I had a decent day. Weight was down another .4, had a personal training session at which my trainer outlined his extreme plans for my summer "shape-up" (third day in a row I went to the gym-yay me!), had a deficit of about 400 calories according to my Exerspy, did not quite finish my grading in time for graduation tonight but can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Tomorrow I can start back to reading Beck and continuing on the tasks.
SATURDAY NIGHT: Weight was unchanged this morning, had a deficit of about 650 calories today, went to the gym on my own for an hour (4th day in row to the gym, a record for me!). I continued with the prep tasks in the second book. Task Five--I organized my kitchen cupboards and threw out the few remaining NS desserts I had (don't trust myself for now). Task Six--I read all of the memory cards I previously created and put them in my new box, along with a divider to separate them from the new ones I will add this time around. Task Seven--I got together my distractions (Sudoku, bananagrams, crochet supplies, a book I got at the conference where I met Beck last year but still haven't opened, a fashion magazine, a decorating magazine, and a list of websites to visit) in one of my favorite Longaberger baskets. Task Eight--Talk to my family? Can skip that one! Task Nine--Build a sense of entitlement. That's the one where Beck talks about learning to make your own needs a priority instead of always putting others first. My first inclination was to say that obviously that one doesn't apply to me, either, but then I realized that it does, in a way; I may not have a family making demands on me, but I certainly let my work, my students, and my colleagues put lots of demands on me, and I usually respond to those before I get around to taking care of myself. I won't have a chance to work on that one much over the summer, but will use that time to work mentally on getting to a more balanced place prior to the start of the next school year. Oh, and I also made a graph where I can record my daily weight and hung it on the back of my bathroom door. I never did try graphing my weight, but I think the visual record will be helpful.
I still have a couple of hours of grading to do tomorrow. I plan to go to the gym again after church. I will also work on the last prep task--creating the initial response cards. I think I'm going to completely scratch my old ones and start fresh, creating new ones. Even if they repeat the themes of the old ones, I think I can improve them and make them more relevant, and the repetition will help me.
I hope you're OK--I'm getting a little concerned now!
Sorry! Computer issues, then just plain busy-ness! And unfortunately I'm off in just a few minutes to brunch with friends and then stitch, but with any luck I'll be able to get in here tonight, sorry! Haven't gotten anywhere with Beck at all -- hoping I'll be able to tomorrow, when I should have some time.
Sorry! Computer issues, then just plain busy-ness! And unfortunately I'm off in just a few minutes to brunch with friends and then stitch, but with any luck I'll be able to get in here tonight, sorry! Haven't gotten anywhere with Beck at all -- hoping I'll be able to tomorrow, when I should have some time.
I didn't make any progress today, either. I just felt this urge to totally rebel--not with food, just didn't want to be productive after such a long semester. So I spent the whole day on the couch reading a novel. I still have a bit of grading to do, and two meetings at the Kent Campus tomorrow, so my semester is not done. But I needed a break. My weight was down .4 this morning.
MONDAY: Today was fine food-wise, but otherwise, it wasn't stellar. I overslept, waking up to realize that I had to rush like crazy to get to a meeting at the main campus (my first meeting with the other regional campus faculty chairs), so I forgot to weigh. When I got to the meeting, with what I thought was 5 minutes to spare, I discovered that it had been moved up an hour, and I hadn't seen the email in which the time had changed because I was in such a rush this morning. Of course if I had seen it, I wouldn't have been able to get there any earlier anyway, and I would have just been more stressed knowing that I was going to be so late! Then I had another meeting--my last Faculty Senate meeting after 16 continuous years on Senate. It hit me much harder than I thought it would. I was thanked for my service, and......that was it. A part of me was thinking, hey, don't I at least get a gold watch or something after 16 years of hard work and not a penny of pay for it? Oh, well. Anyway, it made me sad to walk out of the governance chambers for probably the last time. I've been on the verge of tears all evening. Didn't eat, though, so yay me! Tomorrow I have a meeting with my dean and the outgoing faculty chair, followed by a training session. I STILL have some grading to do, and the final deadline for submitting the grades is midnight tomorrow, so I have to finish up tomorrow no matter what. I have never in my career taken so long to get my grading done. Then I still have a huge committee report to do after that. I didn't get to Beck at all today. Hope you are OK!
Last edited by 4EverLearning; 05-07-2012 at 10:27 PM.
I didn't make any progress today, either. I just felt this urge to totally rebel--not with food, just didn't want to be productive after such a long semester. So I spent the whole day on the couch reading a novel. I still have a bit of grading to do, and two meetings at the Kent Campus tomorrow, so my semester is not done. But I needed a break. My weight was down .4 this morning.
LOL on not wanting to be productive! I'm feeling some of that, too. I'm rebelling against doing ANYTHING because I have so much on my plate right now.
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MONDAY: Today was fine food-wise, but otherwise, it wasn't stellar. I overslept, waking up to realize that I had to rush like crazy to get to a meeting at the main campus (my first meeting with the other regional campus faculty chairs), so I forgot to weigh. When I got to the meeting, with what I thought was 5 minutes to spare, I discovered that it had been moved up an hour, and I hadn't seen the email in which the time had changed because I was in such a rush this morning. Of course if I had seen it, I wouldn't have been able to get there any earlier anyway, and I would have just been more stressed knowing that I was going to be so late! Then I had another meeting--my last Faculty Senate meeting after 16 continuous years on Senate. It hit me much harder than I thought it would. I was thanked for my service, and......that was it. A part of me was thinking, hey, don't I at least get a gold watch or something after 16 years of hard work and not a penny of pay for it? Oh, well. Anyway, it made me sad to walk out of the governance chambers for probably the last time. I've been on the verge of tears all evening. Didn't eat, though, so yay me! Tomorrow I have a meeting with my dean and the outgoing faculty chair, followed by a training session. I STILL have some grading to do, and the final deadline for submitting the grades is midnight tomorrow, so I have to finish up tomorrow no matter what. I have never in my career taken so long to get my grading done. Then I still have a huge committee report to do after that. I didn't get to Beck at all today. Hope you are OK!
Well, I'm glad you didn't eat even though you were feeling teary all evening! Why do you think it hit you harder than you'd expected?
Report: I can't believe I didn't get in here yesterday! Sorry! I woke up this morning and realized it. Weighed (up .6, eek, must have a good day today), went to class. I'm thinking about adding some Pilates to my schedule. There's a center very nearby -- just about a mile and a half from my house, so again I could walk -- that has classes on Tuesdays at 10am and on Thursdays at 9am.
Still no progress on Beck -- still so busy, too many irons in the fire.
LOL on not wanting to be productive! I'm feeling some of that, too. I'm rebelling against doing ANYTHING because I have so much on my plate right now.
What's going on that's keeping you so overwhelmed?
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Originally Posted by va1erie
Well, I'm glad you didn't eat even though you were feeling teary all evening! Why do you think it hit you harder than you'd expected?
I think it was yet another major change in my life. Being on Senate was part of my identity. It's also the reason that I've had early morning classes for the last 16 years (so that I had "free" afternoons to go to the main campus), so maybe I will have some later classes now!
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Originally Posted by va1erie
Report: I can't believe I didn't get in here yesterday! Sorry! I woke up this morning and realized it. Weighed (up .6, eek, must have a good day today), went to class. I'm thinking about adding some Pilates to my schedule. There's a center very nearby -- just about a mile and a half from my house, so again I could walk -- that has classes on Tuesdays at 10am and on Thursdays at 9am.
I don't fully understand what Pilates is (are?), but my limited knowledge tells me it would be a reasonable, low-impact thing for you to do.
Quote:
Originally Posted by va1erie
Still no progress on Beck -- still so busy, too many irons in the fire.
I didn't get anywhere with it today, either, but I do believe I will finally have some time tomorrow. I finished my grading today. I also wrote a rough draft of the big report I still have to do and am hopeful I can get that finished tomorrow. I also officially became faculty chair again today and already had a few things to take care of. It felt good, though!
My weight was up 1.6 this morning (???). Had a good personal training session. Stayed OP all day and had a calorie deficit.
What's going on that's keeping you so overwhelmed?
Farmers' market, mostly. I'm just so over it, which translates to me procrastinating when I need to be doing that work, which leads to me having to scramble to get it done.
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I think it was yet another major change in my life. Being on Senate was part of my identity. It's also the reason that I've had early morning classes for the last 16 years (so that I had "free" afternoons to go to the main campus), so maybe I will have some later classes now!
Yay! For me of course I'd be the one scheduling early classes, but I know you prefer a later start.
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I don't fully understand what Pilates is (are?), but my limited knowledge tells me it would be a reasonable, low-impact thing for you to do.
I don't really understand it either, but I guess it's a very intentional kind of exercise? At any rate, they require 8 prerequisite classes to get you up to speed before you do the equipment classes. But there are floor classes you can take before you take the prereqs, so tomorrow I'm going to try one of those.
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I didn't get anywhere with it today, either, but I do believe I will finally have some time tomorrow. I finished my grading today. I also wrote a rough draft of the big report I still have to do and am hopeful I can get that finished tomorrow. I also officially became faculty chair again today and already had a few things to take care of. It felt good, though!
Good for you for getting stuff done! I'm still dogpaddling. Maybe tomorrow. If not tomorrow, I'll definitely be in better shape Sunday.
Report: didn't weight, arg! But I did go to class and worked out like a freak. Pilates tomorrow, I hope.
Farmers' market, mostly. I'm just so over it, which translates to me procrastinating when I need to be doing that work, which leads to me having to scramble to get it done.
Why are you "over it"?
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Originally Posted by va1erie
Yay! For me of course I'd be the one scheduling early classes, but I know you prefer a later start.
I think not having to get up so early in the morning would make life a lot less stressful. But I do feel more productive when I get up early and get moving. I would get lazy if I didn't have anything to force me to get up.
Quote:
Originally Posted by va1erie
I don't really understand it either, but I guess it's a very intentional kind of exercise? At any rate, they require 8 prerequisite classes to get you up to speed before you do the equipment classes. But there are floor classes you can take before you take the prereqs, so tomorrow I'm going to try one of those.
It's all about strength as opposed to cardio, right? Good luck with the floor class. I can't believe there are so many prerequisites!
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Originally Posted by va1erie
Good for you for getting stuff done! I'm still dogpaddling. Maybe tomorrow. If not tomorrow, I'll definitely be in better shape Sunday.
Dogpaddling--I like that word! It definitely describes what I'm doing right now, too. I couldn't sleep for anything last night (which just goes to show that I can have insomnia even without caffeine!), which meant I was too exhausted today to do anything beyond working on the report that I absolutely couldn't put off any longer. I'm stuck in that stage of not being able to decide what to do, a very uncomfortable place to be. And, like I've told you before, I've often stayed stuck in that endless cycle of indecision for months or even years in the past. I'm desperate to do something about my weight, and I find myself not wanting to be around people because I feel so "fat", but I can't decide what that "something" should be. I can't decide whether to stick with the commitment not to drink diet soda. I can't decide what diet to do. I can't even decide if it's all worth it anymore (I can't believe I'm even questioning that).
Tomorrow I also have to go back for my six month check-in with the surgeon who did my breast lumpectomies to see if I should have another round of screening. That terrifies me and is not helping my mood. And I admit that part of the reason i am dreading it is that I know I have gained weight since the last time he weighed me.
My weight was down 1.2 this morning but will surely be up again tomorrow, since I stopped at Dairy Queen on the way home from choir practice and had a Blizzard. Other than that, I ate OP. Didn't make any progress on Beck.
I know that part of my low mood is just my regular end-of-the-school-year crash, but instead of riding it out, I want to be proactive in dealing with it head-on.
Have I told you that I am going to be out of town next week? I can't remember. I'm going to a conference in the Niagara Falls area and will be gone Monday through Thursday.
Quote:
Originally Posted by va1erie
Report: didn't weight, arg! But I did go to class and worked out like a freak. Pilates tomorrow, I hope.
I'll be interested to hear your impressions of Pilates!
Short attention span. I tend to be someone who sets things up and then looks around for someone else to maintain what I've built.
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It's all about strength as opposed to cardio, right? Good luck with the floor class. I can't believe there are so many prerequisites!
I think it's all strength, but I really don't know anything about it. I didn't get there today unfortunately but I did get on the treadmill for an hour!
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Dogpaddling--I like that word! It definitely describes what I'm doing right now, too. I couldn't sleep for anything last night (which just goes to show that I can have insomnia even without caffeine!), which meant I was too exhausted today to do anything beyond working on the report that I absolutely couldn't put off any longer. I'm stuck in that stage of not being able to decide what to do, a very uncomfortable place to be. And, like I've told you before, I've often stayed stuck in that endless cycle of indecision for months or even years in the past. I'm desperate to do something about my weight, and I find myself not wanting to be around people because I feel so "fat", but I can't decide what that "something" should be. I can't decide whether to stick with the commitment not to drink diet soda. I can't decide what diet to do. I can't even decide if it's all worth it anymore (I can't believe I'm even questioning that).
Why do you think it's not worth it? What's not worth it -- remaining thin? Not becoming diabetic again?
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Tomorrow I also have to go back for my six month check-in with the surgeon who did my breast lumpectomies to see if I should have another round of screening. That terrifies me and is not helping my mood. And I admit that part of the reason i am dreading it is that I know I have gained weight since the last time he weighed me.
You haven't gained more than a couple pounds, though, have you?
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My weight was down 1.2 this morning but will surely be up again tomorrow, since I stopped at Dairy Queen on the way home from choir practice and had a Blizzard. Other than that, I ate OP. Didn't make any progress on Beck.
Why the DQ run? What was going on?
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I know that part of my low mood is just my regular end-of-the-school-year crash, but instead of riding it out, I want to be proactive in dealing with it head-on.
What do you have in mind for dealing with it?
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Have I told you that I am going to be out of town next week? I can't remember. I'm going to a conference in the Niagara Falls area and will be gone Monday through Thursday.
Maybe getting away will be good for your mood?
Report: didn't weigh, but did exercise. Didn't do any Beck. Can't believe it's Thursday already and the FM is in less than 2 days again. Gah.
Short attention span. I tend to be someone who sets things up and then looks around for someone else to maintain what I've built.
I get that. I really love to decorate. One of the reasons I rented so many apartments rather than buying a place (I've lived in 18 or 19 places since college) is that as soon as I would get a place decorated just to my liking, I would get bored and want to start over again. As smart as you are, it doesn't surprise me that you'd get bored once you've got something figured out and set up.
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Originally Posted by va1erie
I think it's all strength, but I really don't know anything about it. I didn't get there today unfortunately but I did get on the treadmill for an hour!
And I bet an hour on the treadmill burns more calories!
Quote:
Originally Posted by va1erie
Why do you think it's not worth it? What's not worth it -- remaining thin? Not becoming diabetic again?
I was thinking that the effort isn't worth it. But of course staying thin and not diabetic ARE definitely worth whatever it takes. Thanks for reminding me!
Quote:
Originally Posted by va1erie
You haven't gained more than a couple pounds, though, have you?
When I got weighed today at the surgeon's, I was 8 pounds heavier than last time I was there (in October, which was the absolute low point for my weight). I was fully dressed and had just eaten, but still an undeniable change and a definite wake-up call. (The surgeon didn't feel anything amiss and so didn't order a mammogram immediately, but I have an appointment for another one in August. He strongly encouraged me to continue taking the Evista even though the hot flashes make me so miserable, estimating my breast cancer risk at about 1/3.)
Quote:
Originally Posted by va1erie
Why the DQ run? What was going on?
That rebellious, screw-it feeling of not caring, along with feeling that I deserved a treat for getting through the semester.
Quote:
Originally Posted by va1erie
What do you have in mind for dealing with it?
I got back into Beck today, and that helped. I have an appointment with my counselor tomorrow, and I'm going to bring up the eating issues (which we haven't said a word about so far, as she is assuming that I've got that under control and don't need her support).
Quote:
Originally Posted by va1erie
Maybe getting away will be good for your mood?
As long as I don't gain any more weight there! The friend I am rooming with has also lost weight, and she loves to take long walks, so we will walk to see the falls every evening, which is quite a hike.
Quote:
Originally Posted by va1erie
Report: didn't weigh, but did exercise. Didn't do any Beck. Can't believe it's Thursday already and the FM is in less than 2 days again. Gah.
You've missed quite a few weigh-ins lately. I wouldn't be doing my duty as your diet buddy if I didn't ask whether you are afraid to see what the scale will say.
My weight was up 1.2 this morning (as I expected). I had a personal training session. I also finished up the last prep task in the second book (the initial response cards). I created five cards. Then I went on to the first Stage One task (creating an Advantages Deck). First I reviewed my previous advantages, which I still think are very appropriate and meaningful to me, so I will retain them:
1. Lightness of body translates into lightness of spirit.
2. There will be no barrier of fat walling me off from other people.
3. I can truly live in the present moment--I can show up for life!
4. I'll have conquered my last demon, and I'll know that I can then accomplish anything.
5. I won't feel weighed down by my own fat or by my constant struggles with food.
6. I can keep my diabetes in remission.
7. I'll be more confident in class and a better role model to my students.
8. I can enjoy shopping for and wearing stylish clothing in small sizes--with no elastic waists!
9. I'll feel much less inhibited in social situations.
Then I added two new ones to address my relationship issues:
10. I will learn to accept myself, both outside and inside, and thereby learn that others might accept me, too.
11. I'll learn to love myself and therefore how to give and receive love.
Then I added the advantages of restricting diet soda (used red ink for these to distinguish them from the other cards):
1. I'll be so proud that I am no longer dependent on a substance to make it through the day.
2. I'll feel calmer and more in control.
3. I can sleep much better.
4. I'll be much less bloated and constipated.
With regard to the soda, my hope is that I will eventually be able to return to consuming small amounts of it (I want no food or drink to be completely off limits) but am going to continue to go completely without it for now, until I feel more confident.
I have to go to school for a short time tomorrow in between four other appointments, and I will use the copier there to make copies of the Stage One skill sheets and will fill them out each day (never did that the first time around). I will also set my alarm to wake me up early enough to read my cards before breakfast (and before my 8AM appointment to get my car serviced--UGH). So I made some progress today, at least. I hope you did or soon will, too!
I was thinking that the effort isn't worth it. But of course staying thin and not diabetic ARE definitely worth whatever it takes. Thanks for reminding me!
That's what gets me...reminding myself why I wanted it badly enough to do all that work in the first place. It's such a hassle to keep going. But MAN it was a hassle being heavy. I hated it. HATED it. Hated so many things about it. Hated feeling my clothing bind, hated walking, hated climbing stairs, hated wearing anything fitted, hated how I looked in the mirror, hated the thought that other people were judging me for my weight, hated that I couldn't run even a few steps, hated trying on clothes. Those were so much worse than just hassling with eating the right things, not eating too much, and getting myself to class.
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When I got weighed today at the surgeon's, I was 8 pounds heavier than last time I was there (in October, which was the absolute low point for my weight). I was fully dressed and had just eaten, but still an undeniable change and a definite wake-up call. (The surgeon didn't feel anything amiss and so didn't order a mammogram immediately, but I have an appointment for another one in August. He strongly encouraged me to continue taking the Evista even though the hot flashes make me so miserable, estimating my breast cancer risk at about 1/3.)
Great news that the surgeon doesn't think there's anything amiss. Sorry about the Evista, though!
Quote:
That rebellious, screw-it feeling of not caring, along with feeling that I deserved a treat for getting through the semester.
I actually think the whole idea of an OCCASIONAL treat is fine, myself. That's what keeps us sane, the idea that occasionally we can have SOME treat. It's having them too often that's a problem, and maybe also that it wasn't planned, I assume? Maybe realize that you're going to want an occasional treat and tell yourself, "At the end of each semester, when I finish my grading, I can have a blizzard." That's two blizzards a year. That's okay, and even something to look forward to. It's not using food for comfort or even reward. It's saying its okay to incorporate food when celebrating a rare occasion. Maybe not THE best way to celebrate, but when you're maintaining it's not a big deal as long as it really is only occasional.
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I got back into Beck today, and that helped. I have an appointment with my counselor tomorrow, and I'm going to bring up the eating issues (which we haven't said a word about so far, as she is assuming that I've got that under control and don't need her support).
Good for you for getting back into Beck. Me, not so much. I've been procrastinating some. But I did go to class this morning.
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As long as I don't gain any more weight there! The friend I am rooming with has also lost weight, and she loves to take long walks, so we will walk to see the falls every evening, which is quite a hike.
Great that she's also lost weight -- you can support each other around food as well as exercise.
Quote:
You've missed quite a few weigh-ins lately. I wouldn't be doing my duty as your diet buddy if I didn't ask whether you are afraid to see what the scale will say.
Yes. And I know how counterproductive that is.
Oops, gotta go! I'm going to save this and hope to get back to finish responding later, but I've got a crazy 36 hours coming up...have two meetings this evening, then need to take an ambien and get into bed by 8 because I have to do the 3am-6am shift at Relay for Life chaperoning, then the fm at 8am - 1pm, and I may just want to go back to bed after that.
Quote:
My weight was up 1.2 this morning (as I expected). I had a personal training session. I also finished up the last prep task in the second book (the initial response cards). I created five cards. Then I went on to the first Stage One task (creating an Advantages Deck). First I reviewed my previous advantages, which I still think are very appropriate and meaningful to me, so I will retain them:
1. Lightness of body translates into lightness of spirit.
2. There will be no barrier of fat walling me off from other people.
3. I can truly live in the present moment--I can show up for life!
4. I'll have conquered my last demon, and I'll know that I can then accomplish anything.
5. I won't feel weighed down by my own fat or by my constant struggles with food.
6. I can keep my diabetes in remission.
7. I'll be more confident in class and a better role model to my students.
8. I can enjoy shopping for and wearing stylish clothing in small sizes--with no elastic waists!
9. I'll feel much less inhibited in social situations.
Then I added two new ones to address my relationship issues:
10. I will learn to accept myself, both outside and inside, and thereby learn that others might accept me, too.
11. I'll learn to love myself and therefore how to give and receive love.
Then I added the advantages of restricting diet soda (used red ink for these to distinguish them from the other cards):
1. I'll be so proud that I am no longer dependent on a substance to make it through the day.
2. I'll feel calmer and more in control.
3. I can sleep much better.
4. I'll be much less bloated and constipated.
With regard to the soda, my hope is that I will eventually be able to return to consuming small amounts of it (I want no food or drink to be completely off limits) but am going to continue to go completely without it for now, until I feel more confident.
I have to go to school for a short time tomorrow in between four other appointments, and I will use the copier there to make copies of the Stage One skill sheets and will fill them out each day (never did that the first time around). I will also set my alarm to wake me up early enough to read my cards before breakfast (and before my 8AM appointment to get my car serviced--UGH). So I made some progress today, at least. I hope you did or soon will, too!
That's what gets me...reminding myself why I wanted it badly enough to do all that work in the first place. It's such a hassle to keep going. But MAN it was a hassle being heavy. I hated it. HATED it. Hated so many things about it. Hated feeling my clothing bind, hated walking, hated climbing stairs, hated wearing anything fitted, hated how I looked in the mirror, hated the thought that other people were judging me for my weight, hated that I couldn't run even a few steps, hated trying on clothes. Those were so much worse than just hassling with eating the right things, not eating too much, and getting myself to class.
When you lay out all those things you hated, it's almost impossible to understand why you would ever do anything to jeopardize all that hard work, isn't it? We'd have to be insane to want to go back, and I know neither of us is insane! But the problem is that we forget. The more distant we are from the bad old days, the harder it is to remember how miserable we were. We start to take our new bodies for granted, like we're entitled to them simply because we worked so hard for them. But the truth is that we have to KEEP earning them. I think both of us are at the point of having to really work to accept that hard truth.
Quote:
Originally Posted by va1erie
I actually think the whole idea of an OCCASIONAL treat is fine, myself. That's what keeps us sane, the idea that occasionally we can have SOME treat. It's having them too often that's a problem, and maybe also that it wasn't planned, I assume? Maybe realize that you're going to want an occasional treat and tell yourself, "At the end of each semester, when I finish my grading, I can have a blizzard." That's two blizzards a year. That's okay, and even something to look forward to. It's not using food for comfort or even reward. It's saying its okay to incorporate food when celebrating a rare occasion. Maybe not THE best way to celebrate, but when you're maintaining it's not a big deal as long as it really is only occasional.
I think so, too, absolutely. But in this case it wasn't planned, and I was just having a pity party and whining that I was entitled to a treat, which is of course exactly the kind of thinking that got me in so much trouble in the first place.
Quote:
Originally Posted by va1erie
Good for you for getting back into Beck. Me, not so much. I've been procrastinating some. But I did go to class this morning.
Today I read the next two sections (the one about daily weighing and the one about eating slowly, sitting down, and enjoying every bite). I copied the daily skills sheets at school and will fill one out before I go to bed. I made a card about weight just being a number that gives me feedback about my behavior, not a measure of my worth, and put it on my bathroom door with my weight graph. I also made a reminder card about sitting down and eating slowly and put it on the refrigerator. I'm going to take Beck's suggestion to change my eating environment as a reminder to eat slowly; I can easily do that by sitting at the counter in my kitchen rather than at my dining table (which also has the advantage that I can not see my TV set from the counter). I did get up 15 minutes early this morning so I could read my cards. I read my Advantages Deck very slowly and took the time to bring to mind an image or memory for each of the advantages. For instance, for the one about lightness of body translating into lightness of spirit, I closed my eyes and remembered the feeling of running with my trainer and how happy it makes me.
My weight was unchanged this morning. I didn't go to the gym.
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Originally Posted by va1erie
Great that she's also lost weight -- you can support each other around food as well as exercise.
She's lost about 60 pounds--and she did it partly because of my example!
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Originally Posted by va1erie
Yes. And I know how counterproductive that is.
Yes, you DO know. And it's probably even MORE important to do the daily weighing when you are afraid of the result, because every time you don't do it, you reinforce the habit of not weighing unless you think you are going to be rewarded by a lower number. That gives the scale too much power. Believe me, I totally understand where you are coming from, so I am kicking my own butt here as much as I am kicking yours. Lately, I've had to argue with myself every morning to get myself on the scale. It's one of those things that has to go in the NO CHOICE category.
Quote:
Originally Posted by va1erie
Oops, gotta go! I'm going to save this and hope to get back to finish responding later, but I've got a crazy 36 hours coming up...have two meetings this evening, then need to take an ambien and get into bed by 8 because I have to do the 3am-6am shift at Relay for Life chaperoning, then the fm at 8am - 1pm, and I may just want to go back to bed after that.
YIKES. I need a nap just reading that, especially the part about the 3-6AM shift. That's cruel and unusual punishment!! I hope you have a good day tomorrow despite all of those commitments.
Oh, my counselor had to cancel my appointment for today, and we rescheduled for next Friday. And the other thing of note that happened today is that I spoke on the phone to Mr. Hot and Cold, and I handled it calmly. Best of all, I did NOT eat anything afterward. YAY ME!
SATURDAY: You must be sleeping!! I will be shortly, too, since I am on my way to bed before it's even dark out! I'm totally beat. Made some progress today, though. I got up early and read my cards, continuing to associate images and memories with each of the advantages. Today at breakfast I did the task in which Beck says to divide a food in half, then eat half quickly while distracted and the other half slowly and mindfully, to discover the difference in enjoyment. This proved very interesting indeed. I discovered that I actually had trouble eating quickly, and even though I was reading the newspaper while eating, I automatically kept directing my attention back and forth between the newspaper and my food. That was a revelation. I guess I have learned more about mindful eating than I realized! (I know that I eat totally mindlessly during my meltdowns, though.) I spent the day at a Longaberger event where I had a $20 voucher for lunch in their restaurant, so I had lunch out. I decided to try your strategy for eating out. I ordered what I really wanted from the menu (a modified Reuben sandwich [no dressing--GAG--and wheat bread instead of rye] and strawberry shortcake) but ate small portions. I had less than half of the sandwich (which had only ONE slice of corned beef on it anyway--skimpiest one I was ever served, but it was still delicious), four french fries, and half of the shortcake. I ate everything very slowly and mindfully (ate the sandwich with a knife and fork to further slow myself down), not reading the book I had brought along, truly enjoying every mouthful and walking away feeling satisfied and guilt-free. I did have a moment of indecision when the waitress first asked me what I wanted to drink (this was the first time I had to place an order since going soda-free). But I got water. YAY ME! I will fill out my skills sheet before bed. I weighed once this morning (down 1.2) and recorded it on my graph. I contacted my diet buddy.
I hope you had a good, or at least productive, day and are catching up on your rest!
SUNDAY: I weighed once this morning, down .2. I read my cards before breakfast. This time, while I read my Advantages Deck, I associated each one with some event that was on my schedule for today, imagining each event being thin vs. being fat. All these little tricks I have tried seem to be helping me to process my cards more deeply and really think about what I am reading. I continued working on slow and mindful eating. Yesterday when I went to the event at the Homestead, I was given a flower crafted from basket weavers. I put it in a bud vase. In addition to eating at my kitchen counter (a new place to eat) today, I also used a new placemat AND put the "flower" on the counter in front of me, partly to set a festive mood but mostly to remind me to eat slowly and mindfully. I also was careful to leave a bite of most foods (something I hadn't done in a long time). I ate about 1280 calories today. I filled out my skills sheet last night and will do one tonight before bed. I contacted my diet buddy. I didn't get any planned exercise today, though. I am planning to get up early enough in the morning to go to the gym before leaving for Niagara Falls. I will not be taking my scale with me. I won't have my computer, either, so I will not check in again until Thursday night.
I hope you are OK and that you will have posted by the time I get back. My pastor gave a really good sermon today. The message had a religious context, of course, but the upshot of it was that "true friends hold each other accountable." Of course this made me think of you and the awesome journey we have taken together. I absolutely consider you a wonderful friend, and I hope you think of me as your friend, too. You've always kicked my butt when I deserved it or needed it, so I want to do the same for you (assuming you need it). This is a journey we need to take together, OK?
Last edited by 4EverLearning; 05-13-2012 at 08:37 PM.
Sorry, slept most of Saturday and was sick yesterday. Still sick today, bleah. [QUOTE=4EverLearning;4330416]
Oh, my counselor had to cancel my appointment for today, and we rescheduled for next Friday. And the other thing of note that happened today is that I spoke on the phone to Mr. Hot and Cold, and I handled it calmly. Best of all, I did NOT eat anything afterward. YAY ME![quote] Yay, you indeed!
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SATURDAY: You must be sleeping!! I will be shortly, too, since I am on my way to bed before it's even dark out! I'm totally beat. Made some progress today, though. I got up early and read my cards, continuing to associate images and memories with each of the advantages. Today at breakfast I did the task in which Beck says to divide a food in half, then eat half quickly while distracted and the other half slowly and mindfully, to discover the difference in enjoyment. This proved very interesting indeed. I discovered that I actually had trouble eating quickly, and even though I was reading the newspaper while eating, I automatically kept directing my attention back and forth between the newspaper and my food. That was a revelation. I guess I have learned more about mindful eating than I realized!
That is interesting! I don't think I ever did that experiment...or at least I don't remember it.
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(I know that I eat totally mindlessly during my meltdowns, though.) I spent the day at a Longaberger event where I had a $20 voucher for lunch in their restaurant, so I had lunch out. I decided to try your strategy for eating out. I ordered what I really wanted from the menu (a modified Reuben sandwich [no dressing--GAG--and wheat bread instead of rye] and strawberry shortcake) but ate small portions. I had less than half of the sandwich (which had only ONE slice of corned beef on it anyway--skimpiest one I was ever served, but it was still delicious), four french fries, and half of the shortcake. I ate everything very slowly and mindfully (ate the sandwich with a knife and fork to further slow myself down), not reading the book I had brought along, truly enjoying every mouthful and walking away feeling satisfied and guilt-free. I did have a moment of indecision when the waitress first asked me what I wanted to drink (this was the first time I had to place an order since going soda-free). But I got water. YAY ME!
Yay, you! Why wheat instead of rye -- is wheat better than rye?
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I will fill out my skills sheet before bed. I weighed once this morning (down 1.2) and recorded it on my graph. I contacted my diet buddy.
And yay for being down 1.2!
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SUNDAY: I weighed once this morning, down .2. I read my cards before breakfast. This time, while I read my Advantages Deck, I associated each one with some event that was on my schedule for today, imagining each event being thin vs. being fat.
What a great idea! I need to remember that one.
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All these little tricks I have tried seem to be helping me to process my cards more deeply and really think about what I am reading. I continued working on slow and mindful eating. Yesterday when I went to the event at the Homestead, I was given a flower crafted from basket weavers. I put it in a bud vase. In addition to eating at my kitchen counter (a new place to eat) today, I also used a new placemat AND put the "flower" on the counter in front of me, partly to set a festive mood but mostly to remind me to eat slowly and mindfully. I also was careful to leave a bite of most foods (something I hadn't done in a long time).
I've been bad about that, too.
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I ate about 1280 calories today. I filled out my skills sheet last night and will do one tonight before bed. I contacted my diet buddy. I didn't get any planned exercise today, though. I am planning to get up early enough in the morning to go to the gym before leaving for Niagara Falls. I will not be taking my scale with me. I won't have my computer, either, so I will not check in again until Thursday night.
Oh, and here I am back and now you're back out again -- I'm sorry! It was such a messed-up weekend.
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I hope you are OK and that you will have posted by the time I get back. My pastor gave a really good sermon today. The message had a religious context, of course, but the upshot of it was that "true friends hold each other accountable." Of course this made me think of you and the awesome journey we have taken together. I absolutely consider you a wonderful friend, and I hope you think of me as your friend, too. You've always kicked my butt when I deserved it or needed it, so I want to do the same for you (assuming you need it). This is a journey we need to take together, OK?
Yes, we both need it, and yes, you're my friend. I will absolutely do my best to make time for Beck in the next week. This past month and the month ahead are just crazed at our house. I'm not sure I've ever had a more crazy schedule than mid-April through mid-June 2012. And August is going to be nuts too. I've been trying to offload less-important things but it's hard to give up things that seem important even when they aren't really. I just purchased three flats of flowers, for instance. Why? Like I can't go one year without planting annuals when life is too crazy?
OTOH I am trying to find time to just relax. I purposely scheduled two meetings not =quite= back-to-back at the same restaurant on Friday so that I'd have a half hour to read in the sun on the patio and have a glass of wine between the two of them.
Sorry, slept most of Saturday and was sick yesterday. Still sick today, bleah.
Sorry to hear you were sick. Hope you are feeling better now!
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Originally Posted by va1erie
That is interesting! I don't think I ever did that experiment...or at least I don't remember it. Yay, you! Why wheat instead of rye -- is wheat better than rye?
I don't think I had ever done that one, either. I think at that point we were still using the first book, and that experiment is only in the second book.
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Originally Posted by va1erie
What a great idea! I need to remember that one. I've been bad about that, too.
I thought so, too, if I do say so myself!!
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Originally Posted by va1erie
Yes, we both need it, and yes, you're my friend. I will absolutely do my best to make time for Beck in the next week. This past month and the month ahead are just crazed at our house. I'm not sure I've ever had a more crazy schedule than mid-April through mid-June 2012. And August is going to be nuts too. I've been trying to offload less-important things but it's hard to give up things that seem important even when they aren't really. I just purchased three flats of flowers, for instance. Why? Like I can't go one year without planting annuals when life is too crazy?
Yes, the world would keep turning if you didn't plant any annuals for a year. But it's always difficult to let things go when they feed into your identity and your self-esteem.
I got home this evening. I had a great time and did really well with my eating for the most part, making good choices when they were available and eating very small portions when the options were less diet-friendly. I tolerated lots of hunger and gave myself lots of credit. And I did a lot of walking. But there was one notable exception. Last evening there was a party with an open bar. My friend and I each got a glass of wine and intended to drink just one. But a server kept coming around and topping off the glasses, so casually that we hardly noticed. I have no idea how much I actually drank, but I probably ended up drinking more than I have since the wild days of my misspent youth (although nowhere near blackout stage, thankfully), and so did my friend. We ended up walking (none too steadily) to the Hard Rock Cafe for dinner (good thing we weren't driving). We had planned all along to go there, and I had planned to have a "real" hamburger and eat just half of it. Well, I discovered that it's really hard to stop myself from eating delicious food with all that disinhibition going on, and I ended up eating the entire burger along with about half of the fries. On top of the calories from the wine, this was definitely a diet buster. I also drank a Diet Coke with dinner, because I ordered it mindlessly when the waitress asked me what I wanted to drink. Oh, well, move on. But big lesson learned: copious alcohol consumption does not facilitate restrained eating! And I was too out of it to really even enjoy the burger. Definitely not an experience I want to repeat.
One other thing of note: I also had a Diet Coke in the middle of one afternoon of the conference when I was so tired I was falling asleep on the table. It didn't even taste very good. And the worst part was that it induced a major hypoglycemic episode complete with confusion, the shakes, and that desperate, clawing, gnawing hunger that can't be ignored. I ended up eating half a candy bar to counteract the low blood sugar. I was astonished at the intensity of my reaction to one measly can of Diet Coke.
Between the drunken hamburger and the dreaded travel bloat, I am not expecting tomorrow's weigh-in to be pretty. I have only 8 days before I leave for the Grand Canyon, so I am going to step up the exercise this week. I will get up early tomorrow and start the day by reading my cards. I will also pay very careful attention to eating slowly and mindfully.
Last edited by 4EverLearning; 05-18-2012 at 12:23 AM.
Yes, the world would keep turning if you didn't plant any annuals for a year. But it's always difficult to let things go when they feed into your identity and your self-esteem.
I think it's also my not-so-latent perfectionism which spring gardening always triggers. This year I will garden PERFECTLY! It's that two-part meme you see everywhere online: Plant ALL the annuals! Weed ALL the beds! Divide ALL the perennials! Fertilize ALL the weeks! By August when I get home from vacation and the beds are clogged with weeds and it's 95 out by 9am...I'm at the second part: Weed -all- the beds?
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I got home this evening. I had a great time and did really well with my eating for the most part, making good choices when they were available and eating very small portions when the options were less diet-friendly. I tolerated lots of hunger and gave myself lots of credit. And I did a lot of walking.
Yay, you!
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But there was one notable exception. Last evening there was a party with an open bar. My friend and I each got a glass of wine and intended to drink just one. But a server kept coming around and topping off the glasses, so casually that we hardly noticed. I have no idea how much I actually drank, but I probably ended up drinking more than I have since the wild days of my misspent youth (although nowhere near blackout stage, thankfully), and so did my friend. We ended up walking (none too steadily) to the Hard Rock Cafe for dinner (good thing we weren't driving). We had planned all along to go there, and I had planned to have a "real" hamburger and eat just half of it. Well, I discovered that it's really hard to stop myself from eating delicious food with all that disinhibition going on, and I ended up eating the entire burger along with about half of the fries. On top of the calories from the wine, this was definitely a diet buster. I also drank a Diet Coke with dinner, because I ordered it mindlessly when the waitress asked me what I wanted to drink. Oh, well, move on. But big lesson learned: copious alcohol consumption does not facilitate restrained eating! And I was too out of it to really even enjoy the burger. Definitely not an experience I want to repeat.
Oh, well. Yes, I do understand about alcohol consumption and restrained eating, LOL! And about not even really enjoying the burger -- that's the worst part!
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One other thing of note: I also had a Diet Coke in the middle of one afternoon of the conference when I was so tired I was falling asleep on the table. It didn't even taste very good. And the worst part was that it induced a major hypoglycemic episode complete with confusion, the shakes, and that desperate, clawing, gnawing hunger that can't be ignored. I ended up eating half a candy bar to counteract the low blood sugar. I was astonished at the intensity of my reaction to one measly can of Diet Coke.
WOW! I had no idea a diet coke could cause that reaction when you aren't used to it! Is that because you'd been diabetic? I'm sure I've gone many days without a diet pop before drinking one, and I don't think I've ever noticed anything like that. Do you ever drink coffee?
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Between the drunken hamburger and the dreaded travel bloat, I am not expecting tomorrow's weigh-in to be pretty.
Travel bloat, yeah, and the salt from the burger and fries, sure. But one burger and a few more fries than you'd planned is probably no big deal, especially when you'd been doing a lot of walking. I bet the effects will be gone in a couple of days.
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I have only 8 days before I leave for the Grand Canyon, so I am going to step up the exercise this week. I will get up early tomorrow and start the day by reading my cards. I will also pay very careful attention to eating slowly and mindfully.
Good for you! Wow, I can't believe your GC trip is upon us! How are you feeling about that? You're at basically the same weight as the last time they saw you, is that correct? So maybe they'll get it: this "obsession" with exercising and controlling your portions, even on vacation, is simply what formerly-fat people have to do to maintain. How many people maintain their weight loss for a year? I bet it's under half. I read somewhere that of those who use only diet (rather than changing their exercise habits too), 95% will regain within 3-5 years. I think that's oversimplifying, though. I think it's that people who maintain have truly CHANGED the way they approach food and exercise. They haven't just changed their behaviors to lose weight. They've embraced these behaviors as part of their lives. They wouldn't go on vacation and not exercise or not eat mostly-healthy any more than they'd go on vacation and not brush their teeth. Oh, take a break from this obsession with brushing your teeth twice a day! You're on vacation! Live a little!
I'm up early to go exercise. Weighed, and I'm JUST within goal, where I've been for the past week-plus. I really want to get back safely under goal. Been doing a lot of gardening (yes, bought two more flats of begonias plus several more perennials and planted peas), which can't hurt. I wish I knew where my pedometer was, I'm sure I'm getting tons of steps in. That's one good thing about my perennial though short-blooming spring gardening enthusiasm.
I think it's also my not-so-latent perfectionism which spring gardening always triggers. This year I will garden PERFECTLY! It's that two-part meme you see everywhere online: Plant ALL the annuals! Weed ALL the beds! Divide ALL the perennials! Fertilize ALL the weeks! By August when I get home from vacation and the beds are clogged with weeds and it's 95 out by 9am...I'm at the second part: Weed -all- the beds?
That perfectionism is definitely part of your identity and is yet another manifestation of that all-or-nothing thinking that gets us in such trouble with food. What would a good middle ground be for your gardens, and what do you need to say to yourself to help you feel comfortable with that middle ground?
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Originally Posted by va1erie
Oh, well. Yes, I do understand about alcohol consumption and restrained eating, LOL! And about not even really enjoying the burger -- that's the worst part!
You were definitely on my mind while I was eating that burger--I kept thinking, so THIS is what Val is talking about!!
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Originally Posted by va1erie
WOW! I had no idea a diet coke could cause that reaction when you aren't used to it! Is that because you'd been diabetic? I'm sure I've gone many days without a diet pop before drinking one, and I don't think I've ever noticed anything like that. Do you ever drink coffee?
I'm sure that my hypoglycemic reactions are related to my diabetes in some way, although I would imagine that the cause-and-effect goes in the opposite direction. In other words, I would suspect that my tendency toward hypoglycemia predated my diabetes and contributed to the development of diabetes. I've never tried coffee, although the idea of drinking something hot is certainly appealing given that I am almost always cold.
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Originally Posted by va1erie
Travel bloat, yeah, and the salt from the burger and fries, sure. But one burger and a few more fries than you'd planned is probably no big deal, especially when you'd been doing a lot of walking. I bet the effects will be gone in a couple of days.
I DID do a lot right, of which I was reminded when I reread the section on giving yourself credit earlier today. I realized that I was once again focusing on the few mistakes and not sufficiently acknowledging and celebrating all of my successes, and there were many of them.
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Originally Posted by va1erie
Wow, I can't believe your GC trip is upon us! How are you feeling about that? You're at basically the same weight as the last time they saw you, is that correct? So maybe they'll get it: this "obsession" with exercising and controlling your portions, even on vacation, is simply what formerly-fat people have to do to maintain. How many people maintain their weight loss for a year? I bet it's under half. I read somewhere that of those who use only diet (rather than changing their exercise habits too), 95% will regain within 3-5 years. I think that's oversimplifying, though. I think it's that people who maintain have truly CHANGED the way they approach food and exercise. They haven't just changed their behaviors to lose weight. They've embraced these behaviors as part of their lives. They wouldn't go on vacation and not exercise or not eat mostly-healthy any more than they'd go on vacation and not brush their teeth. Oh, take a break from this obsession with brushing your teeth twice a day! You're on vacation! Live a little!
Well, I'm feeling a little regretful that I am obviously not going to get to 127 before I go like I had originally hoped--but only a little. I think that part of my recent gain has to be due to muscle development, because I've noticed little change in the way my clothes fit, and my stomach is actually flatter than it was. And I do weigh about the same I did at this time last year (the last time I saw my friends, other than Bev; I'm about 3 or 4 pounds heavier than the last time I saw her). But I look more fit and toned than I did a year ago. Hopefully they will be smart enough to figure out that my weight would have kept dropping if I was anorexic. (I talked with my therapist about this issue today, and she told me that she has been watching me carefully for signs of anorexia and is convinced that I do not have a problem.) I like what you said about teeth-brushing and will definitely use that analogy if my friends give me a hard time. My therapist also coached me to talk about how my vacation splurges are just in a different form than food now--I hunger for new and exciting experiences that I can fondly look back on for the rest of my life, not big fattening meals!
I completely agree with what you said about those studies that identify the behaviors of successful maintainers. They are too superficial. What really makes the difference is the permanent change in mindset that enables those behavioral changes.
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Originally Posted by va1erie
I'm up early to go exercise. Weighed, and I'm JUST within goal, where I've been for the past week-plus. I really want to get back safely under goal. Been doing a lot of gardening (yes, bought two more flats of begonias plus several more perennials and planted peas), which can't hurt. I wish I knew where my pedometer was, I'm sure I'm getting tons of steps in. That's one good thing about my perennial though short-blooming spring gardening enthusiasm.
So you're weighing daily again? YAY YOU! Once you start working on the other skills again, your weight will take care of itself. You went to exercise class? YAY YOU!! How is your pain level these days? Still wearing your boot at all?
When is Jane's graduation? Is that part of your busyness and stress?
report: I weighed once (was up just .2, so I really must have done a lot of things right while I was away). I got up early to read my cards. This time, for my Advantages Deck, I associated each advantage with the way I imagine I will feel on my vacation, as opposed to how I would feel if I was facing the same trip at 220 pounds. I had a personal training session, at which my trainer tried really hard to teach me to refine my running technique so that I will be lighter on my feet and not be pounding my knees with every step. Once again I totally cracked up when he demonstrated for me how I look when I run! I ate everything sitting down at my kitchen counter, with my special placemat and basket flower. I also tried describing to myself the mouth sensations I experienced with each mouthful (like the crunchiness, crispness, and tartness of the apple I ate) to help slow me down and get more enjoyment from each bite. I will fill out my skills sheet before I go to bed. Tomorrow I will work on giving myself credit.
Hope you had a great day!
Last edited by 4EverLearning; 05-19-2012 at 12:02 AM.
That perfectionism is definitely part of your identity and is yet another manifestation of that all-or-nothing thinking that gets us in such trouble with food. What would a good middle ground be for your gardens, and what do you need to say to yourself to help you feel comfortable with that middle ground?
Well, for me the problem is that at this time of year I LOVE to use the garden to procrastinate nearly everything else. I love gardening on cool May and June mornings. So part of it is just lack of discipline. Then too I feel I need to keep the front of my house looking okay for the neighbors, but my real interest in gardening is vegetable gardening and perennial beds to make the deck and back yard pretty for me. I was actually thinking of maybe hiring a service and just telling them to make the front yard look like everyone else's, which would leave me to play in the back where no one can see my messy gardens. If it were up to me I'd plant veggies in the front yard because that's where I have the most sun and put the shady areas of the front yard in some low-maintenance groundcover. But that's not the kind of neighborhood I live in, unfortunately.
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You were definitely on my mind while I was eating that burger--I kept thinking, so THIS is what Val is talking about!!
LOL! Yes, you've now experienced a wine-induced snackfest!
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I'm sure that my hypoglycemic reactions are related to my diabetes in some way, although I would imagine that the cause-and-effect goes in the opposite direction. In other words, I would suspect that my tendency toward hypoglycemia predated my diabetes and contributed to the development of diabetes. I've never tried coffee, although the idea of drinking something hot is certainly appealing given that I am almost always cold.
Whoa, you've never tried coffee? Man, I lived on it in grad school. I love me my coffee in the morning -- I can easily drink a pot by myself, which is why I started lowering the caffeine content. I've now got us at 1/4 caff, 3/4 decaff, and John hasn't said anything so I don't think he's noticed. I haven't really noticed any difference in how I feel either, though I think I'm averaging more cups than usual so maybe my body is trying to get more caffeine.
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I DID do a lot right, of which I was reminded when I reread the section on giving yourself credit earlier today. I realized that I was once again focusing on the few mistakes and not sufficiently acknowledging and celebrating all of my successes, and there were many of them.
Good for you for realizing and acknowledging the fact most of what you did was good.
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Well, I'm feeling a little regretful that I am obviously not going to get to 127 before I go like I had originally hoped--but only a little. I think that part of my recent gain has to be due to muscle development, because I've noticed little change in the way my clothes fit, and my stomach is actually flatter than it was. And I do weigh about the same I did at this time last year (the last time I saw my friends, other than Bev; I'm about 3 or 4 pounds heavier than the last time I saw her). But I look more fit and toned than I did a year ago. Hopefully they will be smart enough to figure out that my weight would have kept dropping if I was anorexic. (I talked with my therapist about this issue today, and she told me that she has been watching me carefully for signs of anorexia and is convinced that I do not have a problem.)
Good to hear, especially just as you go once more unto the breach with your dear friends. I wouldn't be at all surprised if your slight gain is indeed muscle if your stomach is flatter and your clothes don't feel any tighter.
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My therapist also coached me to talk about how my vacation splurges are just in a different form than food now--I hunger for new and exciting experiences that I can fondly look back on for the rest of my life, not big fattening meals!
Yeah, a fattening meal at Applebee's is unlikely to be a memory you want to fondly look back on!
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I completely agree with what you said about those studies that identify the behaviors of successful maintainers. They are too superficial. What really makes the difference is the permanent change in mindset that enables those behavioral changes.
And good for us for getting back into Beck to help reset/strengthen our thinking! I've been listening to the CD again since I haven't been able to work the book consistently yet -- I'm going to do that until my time frees up, so I can at least be LISTENING to the info if not actually doing the exercises.
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So you're weighing daily again? YAY YOU!
Yes, and I'm glad I am. I'm holding steady. And I'm exercising, and since the weather's nice for gardening and walking I'll be getting more exercise than I have for the past six months or so.
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Once you start working on the other skills again, your weight will take care of itself. You went to exercise class? YAY YOU!! How is your pain level these days? Still wearing your boot at all?
Not wearing the boot, not having any pain really. I'm still being careful about impact, though, probably will for a couple more weeks.
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When is Jane's graduation? Is that part of your busyness and stress?
Graduation is the 31st, her party (not here at our house, thank goodness -- she and two friends are having it at one of the other girls' houses because they have a pool) is the 27th, her last day of school is tomorrow! They let the seniors leave about two weeks before the end of the year as long as they don't need to take any finals to get a passing grade in a class they need to graduate.
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report: I weighed once (was up just .2, so I really must have done a lot of things right while I was away).
Yay!
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I got up early to read my cards. This time, for my Advantages Deck, I associated each advantage with the way I imagine I will feel on my vacation, as opposed to how I would feel if I was facing the same trip at 220 pounds. I had a personal training session, at which my trainer tried really hard to teach me to refine my running technique so that I will be lighter on my feet and not be pounding my knees with every step. Once again I totally cracked up when he demonstrated for me how I look when I run! I ate everything sitting down at my kitchen counter, with my special placemat and basket flower. I also tried describing to myself the mouth sensations I experienced with each mouthful (like the crunchiness, crispness, and tartness of the apple I ate) to help slow me down and get more enjoyment from each bite. I will fill out my skills sheet before I go to bed. Tomorrow I will work on giving myself credit.
A very good day!
I weighed, still holding steady even though last night was Dinner Club (two friends and I take turns choosing a restaurant we've either never been to or that is offering some special meal event) so that's good. Off to the farmers' market to help set up, then back here to plant begonias in the front yard and tomatoes in the side yard, back to the fm with Michael who is volunteering this summer at the market manager's booth, back home, back to the fm for teardown, the probably out with John for a cold drink after teardown, back home to shower and dress and head down to Kentucky for a heavily food-oriented charity event this evening. Not really looking forward to the drive, especially the drive home.
