Well, the downside is that she suddenly feels less cool and less attractive than she ever has before.

LOL! I am actually quite jealous. I never seriously looked further than Miami, which was where my dad did his grad work and where mom did her undergrad. Dad did his undergrad at Wooster, and I don't remember if he ever suggested a small LAC to me. I can't wish away my family, of course, and I very likely wouldn't have met John if I hadn't gone to Miami, but I kind of wish I'd gone to a place like CC.

LOL! It actually looks like a lot of fun, though I'm sure it takes quite a bit of practice.

Well, it was 2.5 days of orientation with parents there, then 2.5 days without parents, then the 5-day trip, which arrived back Sunday and classes started Monday. She tweeted this yesterday about her first class: >>>"I wish Honey Boo Boo Child would grow up and come to CC so she can be in my class." - my sociology prof #gonnabeagreatclass <<< You may need some translation. Honey Boo Boo Child is the breakout star of a reality TV show called Toddlers & Tiaras who now has her own reality show. I haven't seen either show, but the gist of the first show is the whole JonBenet Ramsay thing with pageant parents and professional pageant coaches absolutely ruining little girls. And apparently this Honey Boo Boo Child (her appalling redneck parents' nickname for her) is simply not easily ruinable -- just a completely intact ego in a world that easily could ruin anyone less strong. I still cringe at the idea of any child, no matter how comfortable in her own skin, becoming a TV star at age 4 or 5, but like I said I haven't seen the show. The # is called a hashtag and it's ostensibly used to provide searchable groupings (there are probably hashtags of #DNC2012 for instance so that people can search on that and find out what others are saying about the convention) but it's more often used by kids to provide "subtext" commentary. My niece recently tweeted, >>>"Does everyone have a somewhat muddy idea of what social judgement theory is?" #WorstProfEver<<< So, long story short: Jane's liking her first class and thinks her prof is way cool, and she's probably bragging a little about it to her friends who are at the giant state flagship listening to undermotivated grad students and/or sitting in 300-student lecture halls.


Uh, yeah, especially when she has a nasty habit of sticking straight into the laundry any outfit she tries on and rejects! Methinks she'll finally stop doing that now that she's 100% responsible for her own laundry and can't just depend on her dad to keep the machines moving.

Hm, looks like there are several recent books that could be described that way, so I'll wait until you get back on campus!

They were here until late yesterday. They seemed to have a great time, though they unfortunately got rained out of both the fireworks and the ball game. But they did a lot of shopping -- bought 'levvies' which you can't easily find in Hungary, are expensive if you do find them, and so are a status symbol. I was like, "levvies?" and had to take a beat to realize they meant Levi's. Also bought peanut butter, which apparently you can't find in Hungary, and barbecue sauce ditto, and Converse and Adidas shoes, and tote bags that said Go Reds! and I (heart) Cincinnati. Very cute.

Ai yi hi! You actually sound like it didn't make you depressed or overanxious, though -- you just dealt with it, so good for you. So, uh, what are you thinking about a strategy of not weighing?

Absolute Fricking Roller Coaster. Honestly. Text late Sunday night (came in while I was sleeping, so of course I saw it at 4am and couldn't respond) saying >>>Sometimes I feel like I have a lot of friends here and sometimes I feel like I don't. :/ And it makes me sad because my friends at Ohio State all have each other and I don't have anyone like that. I try to put myself out there and hang out with whoever's around but then those "friendships" go away immediately because you don't actually know the person yet. And I just feel like I'm a really awkward person who no one likes. It's scary and lonely coming to college so far away all by myself. I feel like I'm not cool enough for most of the people here. Like I'm too awkward and not attractive enough and just like weird or something. It feels like middle school and I just don't know the right things to do.<<<

Hookay. As you can imagine, I spent the next six hours fretting. Then during the opening convocation she texted and I made what I hoped were helpful comments -- that if she kept putting herself out there it would happen I PROMISE, that once she had even one friend she felt comfortable texting or calling to ask to go to something with her she'd feel better. She said there were several people from her trip group she could call or text but it still just felt weird. So I said maybe she was expecting too much too fast, that that the last time she was starting from zero she was FIVE and that 18-yos don't become besties on the first play date. Then later she texted that she'd texted the 'shy girl' from her trip group to see if she wanted to go to a soccer game with Jane and 'some other people from the trip group' and the girl had texted back, "Yeah!" and then later that she'd gone to dinner with the girls from the soccer game and they were going to do yoga together in the morning. :::sigh::: Uh, Jane? Those are BUDDING FRIENDSHIPS you're experiencing. Ai yi yi. Before we left her at CC I told her my policy was that I wouldn't text unless I had something to tell her, but that I was available, so she was in charge of how much we texted. No news is definitely good news with Jane! I hardly heard from her at all during her trip -- a few tweets with pics, and a couple texts about the shopping trip to Santa Fe to show me what she'd bought. I've reminded myself of one other infobit in my arsenal -- that the reason colleges tell parents they shouldn't let their kids come home for six weeks is that it takes that long for most kids to find/form a social group. If/when this comes up again, I'll tell her that. This whole texting thing -- it's just so easy for them to text mom just to sort of vent about what might just be a momentary anxiety, and then mom sits home and worries until the pendulum swings in the other direction.

Yay on the scale moving in the right direction. I weighed this morning and am up slightly, must have a low day. Back to class tomorrow! Hm, need to make sure I know where my workout clothes are!

Hope you had a great day at school again!

THURSDAY: getting ready to leave for Asheville for a wedding -- taking my laptop, hoping to check in while we're gone. Weighed this morning, just under goal so I'll have to try to eat sensibly while out of town.

FRIDAY: Hm, 3FC doesn't seem to want to let me edit that previous post. We're in Asheville to attend a wedding, brought my laptop along and I'm hoping to check in while we're here but if I don't, it's because we're too busy. I hope you're all right!

SATURDAY: Hope you're okay! Getting a little worried about you!

Funny that YOU were having troubles with this site!! I'm here and OK, just ridiculously, absurdly busy. I worked until 10PM both Friday night and last night. Then I was so wired when I finally did get home and go to bed last night that I couldn't sleep for hours. I only got 2 hours of sleep and then had to get up early for a meeting at church before the service. Now I feel like I am getting a cold. I've been doing well food-wise, though, and have been weighing daily, seeing at least a little bit of a decrease just about every day. Am down a total of 1.8 pounds from where I was at this time last week. Have fun at the wedding!!

Considering that those are both relative judgments, I'll bet she still feels pretty cool and attractive on an absolute scale!!

Maybe you can use Jane's experiences to live vicariously! I understand what you mean, though. There's plenty to be jealous of there!



OK, the hashtag thing totally confuses me, and I don't really understand what Twitter is (although I have certainly heard of it), BUT I have watched both "Toddlers and Tiaras" AND "Honey Boo Boo Child" more times than I want to admit!! (It was actually Bethy who got me started watching "Toddlers and Tiaras", and the other show is a spin-off.) Watching either one of those shows can be as compelling as watching a train wreck; you just can't pull your eyes away, although you hate yourself for it! Your analysis of Honey Boo Boo's ego is spot-on.


How far away does she have to go to do the laundry? I have not-so-fond memories of trekking miles to the basement of the dorm only to discover that all of the washers were taken.

Oh, shoot, I forgot. I will write myself a note right now to look it up tomorrow.

LOL on the levvies! I think we should thank them for doing such a good job of stimulating the Ohio economy!

I'm thinking it's a pretty slippery slope!

Oh my goodness. Talk about a slippery slope. My heart breaks for her, although of course everything she is saying is completely normal and not at all unexpected, not that that's any comfort to her. She just doesn't realize that MOST of the people around her, even the ones who seem so cool and attractive and popular, are thinking exactly the same things she is.

Technology really does change the dynamics of relationships on multiple levels, doesn't it? Man, can you imagine having the capacity to be in such regular contact with your mom when you were that age? I was lucky if I talked to my mother once a month when I was in college. The whole notion of being able to communicate your innermost thoughts and feelings so easily and, in a way, anonymously, must be very compelling. But then you've committed those thoughts and feelings to writing, AND sent them to someone else, only to discover that five minutes later you are thinking and feeling something entirely different! Since I've never sent or received a text message, I am going to ask a question that I'm sure is incredibly dumb: Is there a lasting record somewhere of messages sent and received? What I am wondering is whether you can look back on your previous messages and reflect on them, like a diary or a personal log.

Hope you are having fun at the wedding! I'll try not to be away for so long, no matter how crazy my schedule gets. OH--I forgot to report that I went to the surgeon for follow-up on the abnormal mammogram, and he was willing to let it ride for 6 months, then do another diagnostic mammo. That only postpones the inevitable, but at least I get a temporary reprieve.

I've been resisting TiVoing those shows for just that reason!

She's just moved dorms (she got detripled into a single in the dorm where most of her friends live, so we think it's okay she's in a single even though normally I wouldn't want to see a freshman go into a single) and at least in the first dorm, there was a big laundry room on every floor. A nice big laundry room with lots of machine that you can just put your student account card into so you don't need quarters. I used to have to drag everything down to the basement, too, and there were never enough machines.

Me, too! If I'm afraid to weigh, it probably means I definitely should weigh!



No matter how many times you tell them that...

There is! Your text messages stay on your phone for a long time -- you can page back through them. Not sure how long. Your tweets are forever unless you delete one. They go into your "feed" which is a chronological list.

We had a ball! Though this particular group are such hearty partiers that it wears me out just watching them, never mind trying to keep up!

Well, at least that must mean he doesn't think it's a major issue!

Report: weighed (2 under goal, yay me for eating sensibly in Asheville!), fell back asleep this morning and missed my class, gah!

TUESDAY: So just a story to contrast Michael with Jane: Since their move in days were the same day, we'd had my dad take Michael up to Muskingum with just the stuff he needed to get through his first week, and John and I drove up Saturday a week ago to take the rest of his clothes, his fridge and microwave, etc., and to leave him the car now that Jane's gone. When we go there he said his roommate had gone home for the weekend. The room was warm and there was a fan lying on his roommate's bed with a pillow sitting on top of it, and I asked him why he didn't set the fan up. He picked up the pillow to show me a note saying "Don't Touch My ****" under it on top of the fan. Apparently the first thing the roommate had told him was that Michael probably wouldn't like him and that he had anger management issues. (And oh btw he's a wrestler, ai yi yi. I was just standing there thinking it was a good thing Mick's probably in the 99th percentile for "easy to get along with.") Mick said they were getting along okay, though, and he thought it would work out. So last night John called Mick to see how things were going. "Oh, I'm moving. It's just not working out with Malachy." Seems Malachy liked to fall asleep with his 42" TV on, and if Mick turned it off Malachy would wake up and say, "Don't touch my ****." Or if Mick's trying to study or sleep, Malachy will be blasting his stereo and Mick asks him if he can put on his headphones. "No." O-kay. And numerous other hostile behaviors. So a friend of a friend was living single in a double and offered Mick the chance to move, and Mick decided that would be the best option. John asked him if he needed us to come up and help him move (he has some physical disabilities that would make it impossible for him to move the fridge and microwave and difficult to move several other items) but he said no, with the car and help from friends he thought he'd manage. If John hadn't called him we probably would have found out he'd moved when he came home in October. No drama, that one. Just handled the issue himself. I'm actually wondering if it's possible the roommate was actively trying to end up in a large cheap single. Because if he's really as much of a jerk as he was acting, I kind of feel sorry for him.

Report: weighed (no change), ate fairly sensibly though I did make a turkey noodle casserole for dinner that wasn't particularly low cal. Class tomorrow for sure, I've already set out my clothes!

Why did she get moved into a different dorm? Is she happy about having a single?

Definitely! I weighed myself a couple of days ago (can't even remember now what day it was) and was 133. I was OK with that.


So, potentially, all those little gems are like a diary of your personal history!

But it can be lots of fun TRYING to keep up, right?



Yikes. Malachy is either a real piece of work, or sly like a fox! And Michael sounds incredibly easygoing. How well do he and Jane normally get along?

Sounds like you're still doing well with your weight. Good for you! I'm doing well, too, feeling pretty in control lately. I am ridiculously busy, though. I barely have a minute to myself. Today, for instance, I got to my office at 7:35AM (ACK) and worked for 15 hours straight and STILL didn't get done everything I hoped I would. The only break I've had for the entire week was to go to happy hour(s) with colleagues on Thursday night, and then to another bar for trivia (my first trivia night ever; great fun). I'm sorry I can't get on here every night, at least for now.

The book that I had told you about is called "Look Me in the Eye: My Life with Asperger's", by John Elder Robison.

My niece had her baby this morning (a daughter named Grace), and mother and baby are doing well.

I'll do my best to get on here more often. I do miss you, and I think about you every day even when I don't have time to check in!

That dorm was the one that had an opening. She's happy about having a single. I think she would have been unhappy starting out in one because she saw having roomies as a way to make friends, but now that she feels confident she has friends she appreciates the privacy.



They get along great. They're very different, but there's nearly zero conflict between them. Sometimes I'll get up at 1am and discover them arriving home from a junk food buying trip to Krogers.



That's okay, take care of yourself!

Thanks, I'll see if I can get it from the library!

Oh, fun! Will you be able to go visit sometime soon?

TUESDAY: weighed (about a pound under goal), class tomorrow!

FRIDAY: headed out of town for the weekend, back Monday!

FRIDAY 9/28: You must be crazy busy! I came in just to check to see if I'd somehow missed the email notification that you'd posted. Hope things are going okay.

FRIDAY 10/5: Okay, starting to get worried! Are you okay?

MONDAY 10/8: I'm going to email you, and if you don't respond by tomorrow morning I'm going to call you. I'll be leaving town Wednesday morning, possibly won't be back in here until next Monday.

Hi, Val! ACK, I was appalled when I looked back and realized that it has been close to a month since the last time I posted. I truly had no idea. My life has been crazy out-of-control in terms of my work schedule, to the point of absolute ridiculousness. I've been working 7 days a week, usually from early morning to late evening. My only reprieves are choir practice on Wed. evenings, church on Sunday mornings, and happy hour with colleagues on Thurs. evenings. And sometimes those activities go by the wayside too. I'm exhausted all of the time. Sometimes I'm just busy but manage to stay happy and upbeat, and other times I'm completely overwhelmed.

In all of the craziness, my eating habits have slowly but inexorably backslid. I have not weighed myself in over a week, but I do know that my clothes are now noticeably snug, and it's time to do something about it. Tonight a reread the intro to Beck's first book and am going to start all over again with her program. Right now I am going to bed so I can at least face a new day and a new week hopefully feeling rested and ready. I obviously need to make myself my first priority instead of my last. So, until I get firmly back on track, I will commit to doing my Beck work every day even if schoolwork has to be pushed temporarily to the back burner.

How are you doing? I've thought about you every day, despite my appalling lack of communication. How was parents' weekend? You recently had a birthday, if I am remembering correctly. Hope it was a happy one! Mine was pretty decent. I went to meet my friend Bev in PA that weekend (the very first day I had taken off for the entire semester so far, and I had to work like a dog beforehand to make it happen), and we had a great time.

I've completely given up on dating for the time being. I just plain don't have the time. I haven't even thought about it and don't miss it, which, I think, is rather telling!

I won't be able to do long posts on a daily basis, that much I know. But I will at least pop in regularly for a short report.

MONDAY: It's now 11PM and I still have some more schoolwork to do before going to bed, and my workday began at 7 this morning. But I still took the time to read about the first task (creating the ARC) and then went on a hunt for my cards, which I hadn't read in so long that I couldn't even remember where I'd put them! But I read them, carefully and slowly, and remembered all the reasons that being thin really matters to me. For now I will read them before each meal.

Hi, Robin! Good to see you in here!

As long as you're more or less happy and upbeat, it's all good!



Good plan! I haven't weighed in a while either.

I did have a happy birthday! Glad you saw Bev and had a great time! Parents' weekend was a lot of fun. Jane is making friends and has a 'sort of' boyfriend though that's pretty complicated -- he's Jewish and from a prominent Manhattan family (his grandmother was an assistant Sec'y of Education, his grandfather Lieutenant Governor of NY, his mother a producer for 60 Minutes, his father head of a merchant bank) who expect him to marry a Jewish girl. (This came out in their Sociology of the Family class, which they're both in now -- the prof assigned them to pair up and draw up a 'marriage contract,' and Jane and he are doing the project together.) He appears to be conflicted about dating a gentile, especially when there are Jewish girls present in the room. Jane says when they're alone together he acts 'all boyfriendy' but when they're in a group they sort of ignore each other, and she says she's not sure whether he started that and she followed his lead or whether she was acting less PDA-ish and he followed hers, but either way apparently the entire class is confused by their relationship and it's a topic of much gossip. But she says his apparent feeling of conflict also includes not having tried to have sex with her <g> so I think maybe he's a nice kid trying to figure out how to deal with the situation. He went to a private Jewish high school, so it's possible he hasn't actually had this come up before.

Academically she's doing fantastic. The classes are heavily discussion based, and on the first day of the first block (all freshmen do the first two blocks with the same prof and class group, and Jane's first two blocks were Intro Soc and Sociology of the Family) the first thing the prof said was that while they all were probably used to being among the best students in their high schools, college would be different "especially for those of you from public high schools." Nice way to diss the public school system, eh? Anyway, later during that first class during some discussion Jane made some comment that her prof responded to with "You get the genius points for the day. Plan to sit down with me sometime your junior year to talk about using that as your senior thesis." And it's gone on from there -- Jane's getting papers back that typically are marked with nothing but "Excellent" and a near-perfect score, and after the oral final her professor emailed to say she'd been "dazzled" by Jane's performance, that her understanding was far beyond 100-level sociology, and that her final grade for the class was the highest the prof had ever given. Her advisor told her the prof had stopped by his office to talk about Jane with regard to choosing the rest of her classes for the year. You go, public school girl! I know Jane about killed herself working for that class, though, probably partially because of the public school statement scaring the crap out of her. So who knows if she can really keep that up. But it did show her she had the potential, at any rate. The second block ends Wednesday, so it'll be interesting to see if the prof is still high on Jane.

Yes, that is rather telling! But it could just be because you're way too busy to miss ANYTHING social?

That's cool, pop in when you can and at least give a weigh-in report! You can ignore everything else -- don't feel you have to respond to, oh, say, my lengthy brags on my daughter!

Good for you! And before each meal is a great time -- perfect to help you remember, and the reading doesn't actually add much to the time required.

Hope you had a good one! I'm going to go weigh now! (Back -- .4 under goal, what a relief! I was expecting to be over goal and had avoided the scale becaus of that, stupidly. But I still am going to try to have a low day, as I'd really like to be more than that far under goal.

Wow, a lot has happened in Jane's life in such a short time! How interesting that her new relationship arose in the context of working on a "marriage contract" together. Sounds like both of them are rather confused about the nature of their relationship. How does Jane feel about being the topic of so much gossip, particularly after her experience with her ex-boyfriend (was his name Ritva?)?

I'd say "fantastic" is an understatement! You must be grinning from ear to ear with pride! Is Jane proud of her achievements, or does she feel ambivalent about being the recipient of the kind of accolade that could potentially single her out and make her seem superior in front of her peers? Clearly she is in an environment in which she can thrive and is making the most of it!

I suspect it's just dating in particular that I feel that way about, and that on some level I am relieved to be too busy to even think about it for the time being.

I still haven't weighed myself and know it won't be pretty when I do. As for you bragging about your daughter, I'd say you have every right to do that!

I'm finding it hard to remember to read my cards before each meal. I think of it before breakfast, and often before dinner, but not before lunch, when I'm typically in the midst of a flurry of activities and in a headlong rush to eat and get to the next activity. (Obviously I need to work again on skill of eating slowly and mindfully, too.)

That's terrific that you're still under goal. That would have to feel like a major relief.

I know without getting on the scale that I will not be able to say the same for a while. I'm getting back on track, though. I'm working harder than ever at my personal training sessions (and proud of myself for continuing to even GET to the sessions at a time that is so incredibly inconvenient), and I'm still taking a walk with an administrator at school every day. I'll check in again tomorrow. Have a great weekend!

[QUOTE=4EverLearning;4502283]Wow, a lot has happened in Jane's life in such a short time! How interesting that her new relationship arose in the context of working on a "marriage contract" together. Sounds like both of them are rather confused about the nature of their relationship. How does Jane feel about being the topic of so much gossip, particularly after her experience with her ex-boyfriend (was his name Ritva?)?[quote] Ritvik, yes. Jane didn't seem upset -- it sounded like the gossip was mainly people asking each other what was going on, which Jane's curious about herself.



A little of both, I think. She worries that she talks too much in class, that maybe she's the obnoxious one we all roll our eyes at when we encounter them in similar settings. I always worry about that, too. Hopefully she's not being too much of a gunner.

Yeah, and they've already seen some of the benefits of this plan. The second week of their sociology of the family class, they all spent two days at family court (the county courthouse is several blocks away from campus) sitting in the gallery at various domestic violence and other family court cases. One of the cases Jane attended was a child molestation case and the judge had a fifteen minute conversation with her after court one day. Her second block final is Wednesday, after which she'll be leaving for a student-run rafting trip for block break. On the downside, I think that having a single class at a time sort of feeds any incipient perfectionism: with four or five classes, most students know it's impossible to do your absolute BEST on every assignment -- there are too many instances where you've got multiple papers or tests on the same day or whatever. With a single class, I think it's easier to feel you ought to be able to do everything perfectly.



Yeah, I get that.



Okay, so what's the upside of not weighing? Because we know what the downside is. We know the reason we don't weigh: fear. But what's the upside? That you won't KNOW the bad news but can only suspect it? Because that doesn't seem like much of an upside. That if you don't know it, you can't react badly to it?



Even just before breakfast and before dinner is a really good number of times to read them, though!



It is. I was surprised, though. It really made me feel I do need to weigh EVERY DAY.

Yay, you, for getting in your training sessions! What's so inconvenient about the time?

You have a great weekend, too!