I dropped off the radar for a while, but I am back on track again. I had a very painful embarrassing mini-intervention with my family. They kind of cornered me and told me how scared they were. I knew it all was true, but it’s never fun to experience that. I am glad though, I know they love me and it gave me a chance to tell them honestly what I needed. Like—For my mom to stop going to garage sales and buying my size 16 jeans as “goal pants” and for my sister to stop pressuring me to go out to eat when my parents aren’t home. And for all the other little things.
It’s so difficult being told that everyone talks about you when you aren’t around. I mean, I already know that. The Diabetes threat was tossed around quite a bit too.
I’ve never been a binge eater, I just have to work hard to change. I am lucky in some respect. I went off my diet for a whole month and didn’t gain a single pound back. But maintaining is NOT my current goal.
I had a lot of time to analyze myself over the last few days and I think I understand the problem a little better. Whenever I start a new diet or program, I get so excited. I burst with energy, I hit the gym equipment with gusto and determination. I eat raw bell peppers and pretend they taste good, and I buy journals, make posters and march around like I have an amazing, unheard of agenda. There is SO much glory and power in my new decision that in three weeks, I am utterly exhausted. NO ONE can keep up that level of enthusiasm, and if they can, they are really annoying to be around after about an hour.
So my new plan is, I’m just doing this. It’s not exciting, it’s not amazing, it’s just simple what has to be done. I’m not spring-boarding myself into the clouds with overzealous workout schedules and ridiculous food plans. I’m not shelling out my life savings. I’m just gonna stop eating the stuff I shouldn’t eat, and start eating the stuff I should. And if I eat a bell pepper, I am gonna make a face and say eee-gads, this is foul, and go find a way to spice it up and make it tolerable. That way, in three weeks, I won’t be burnt out, exhausted and sick.
I can’t ever have my family talk to me like that again. I can’t listen to people I love cry about their inability to sleep while thinking about me. Fear of burying me. Fear of the diseases I may contract. Fear of me being alone my whole life.
So with that plan set in motion, I would like to mention how very much I am enjoying my new Wii Fit. I didn’t want to step on the thing until I was under 310 pounds, because if I stepped on it and broke it, I would be mortified. I wish Nintendo had decided to make it a bit sturdier, so it could hold more than 330 pounds. But now that I can use it, I am crazy about it. It’s the best work out I’ve done in a while. It’s fun, it counts my minutes, and it keeps charts for me and encourages me. Since I first got on it 6 days ago, I have done over 9 hours of exercise. That’s a record for me. I don’t feel burnt out either, I feel sore but that’s always a good feeling for me when I first start working out, it means everything is working.
My big fear right now is that in August I am starting grad school and I have been chosen to teach a freshman composition class all by myself. I’m terrified. I seriously can’t fathom standing in front of a class of people. I have nothing I can wear. I have the self-confidence of a groundhog. I know there is no way I can lose enough weight by August to feel good about myself in front of these people—to teach them and hope they aren’t just looking at me and thinking “what a fatty”. In the past year, I’ve lost a lot of faith in the human race to be acceptable towards me. But then again, I can’t ask the human race to do something I’m not willing to do myself.
Sorry for the long post. I am so glad to see everyone here since when I left last. I have been lurking regularly, but now I know that this is no longer an option. You guys are my best bet of dealing with my situation without becoming a crazy person. I seriously have you all in my heart with my every decision and every difficult step along the way.
Dusty-I've been offered two really good jobs since I've been in Canada. I took neither. I can tell myself that I'm not up to either one yet, but I have this nagging thing in the back of my head that if I was smaller, and could wear what I would consider a proper professional wardrobe, that I might have taken them. Sometimes I think we hold ourselves back more than anyone else possibly could.
I had to skip the pool this morning to wait for a courier with more books to sign. I hope after the signings in Vancouver and Victoria next week that things will slow down. That's also going to be the last trip until October. I'm doing it only because it is a short flight. I've put my foot down that I'm taking no more long flights until I can sit more comfortably on the plane. That gives him incentive to help out by not scheduling things that he knows I have trouble with.
I'm looking forward to working the football game on Thursday more than I am anything else. How weird is that? I'd rather stay here and work 5 hours in a hot kitchen for free than fly off somewhere exotic.
Catherine, sometimes the thought of being able to chuck a frozen hotdog at a drunk is incentive to work in a hot kitchen at a football game...hehe. There is also a sense of accomplishment when it's over too.
Dusty, I am so sorry your family cornered you about their concerns. It's not as if your self-esteem isn't already at an all time low, they needed to add to it. I know they think they did it out of love, but I think interventions need to be limited and kept in the hands of professionals. With that said and it already being done, I'd like to say that your approach today is a healthy one. I've certainly done *exactly* the same thing you describe... being totally enthusiastic and high energy for a time and then give it up. My energy only lasted 3 days though..hehe. Today, I am doing my best to eat healthy. If anyone asks what I do, that's the answer.
w00h00 for having Wii fit! I can't afford a Wii system yet, but I have a ps2 and an xbox with DDR on it. It's called Dance Dance Revolution and it's loads of fun and great exercise! I've even gotten my family addicted to it. I heard the Wii version even uses the arms. There's no weight limit to the dance pads and they are meant to be stomped on!! I continually wow my family when we get together.."man, if the fat chick can dance that good, *I* can certainly do it". heheh..that tickles me to no end.
About your teaching fear, you can do it! I taught at my highest weight (freshman biology) and also made professional presentations in front of science peers. My fear was just knowing the material correctly! I never could imagine people nekkid while doing a talk, but could imagine them all being 4 yr olds and I was in charge. That gave me confidence.
An update on Captn kitty:
Captn kitty is feeling the same and not eating. I have totally ticked him off by giving him 3 types of medication and 150 mL of IV fluids. I'm hoping he'll rest a little bit. Then I'll start the meds again in 8 hours.
Meanwhile, the boss has been wonderful and allowed me to work at home the rest of the week to take care of him. I oscilate between hopeful and fits of crying. Why is it that none of my animals can just fall asleep and cross the rainbow bridge quietly? He's in his box sleeping on his towel. I have to resist going over there and fussing with him.
Ratkity, I'm glad you got to work at home so you can tend to Cap'n Kitty. Poor little kitty. I totally hear ya on wishing they would cross over into the light by just falling asleep. We have a dog, Daisy, who is about 17, and I know she's in pain from arthritis, and we have her on Rymidyl, but she just pants and pants and walks in circles and around the house until she exhausts herself and finally lays down. But when she's outside, she lopes along and she smiles (yes smiles) and is full of life. Sometimes I just pray that God will take her, but I don't have the guts to put her down myself. I know it's selfish, but i just can't do it. So, I feel your pain. Just give him all the love you can and make him comfortable.
Dusty, welcome back! Even though your family pulled an intervention on you, and it made you feel bad, it's still great that they love you enough, and care enough to give you the wake up call that you needed. And yeah, you're going to do it right this time without all the hype that you had before. Just drinking the water and exercising is a HUGE step in the right direction. Good luck to you, and I know you can do it!!
Catherine, what day will you be in Vancouver? That's only a couple hours away from me!!
Last night I spotted the wascally wabbits surrounding my veggie garden. I went out there and ran 2 of em off, but one stood it's ground and stared me down!!! We have plastic all the way around it now and I know it's only a matter of time before they chew thru it. Hopefully we will get the chicken wire this week. I've gotta get out there and plant some more radishes and cantalope and mabe a couple more lettuce seeds.
STill OP and drinking my water. Can't wait for Friday to get here!!
Keep movin' and groovin'
Debbie
Well, yesterday wasn't the greatest on-plan day for me . . . I did walk 5 miles in the park, but I spent the day/evening playing bridge & went out to dinner in between sessions. Restaurant meals and eating on plan just don't get along for me, so my calorie deficit for yesterday was a (not so) whopping -31. At that rate, it'd take me over 100 days to lose a single pound
I am meeting some friends for dinner out again tonight, so I'm going to head out for my walk shortly so at least I get my exercise in, and I'm going to try to limit the damage tonight. I have GOT to figure out a way to stay on plan when I'm eating out . . . or maybe become a hermit . . . a THIN hermit
dgramie -- cleaning and mowing will def burn off that taco shell - good for you!
Heather -- I've always wanted to learn to scuba dive . . . I hope you keep posting about your experiences as you learn . . . it's definitely on my "bucket list"
Julee -- Vegas can be tough . . .temptation of all kinds just abounds out there! Your plan to do a lot of walking and treat yourself to some time in the spas is great . . . hope you enjoy your trip.
CatherineM -- love your response, and glad your visit to the hospital was so productive.
halcyon -- congrats on getting back on the scale and facing the task at hand . . . I know from personal experience how hard that can be. It's great that you have a walking buddy!
Debbie54 -- glad to hear that the program is working to curb the cravings!
Zelma -- sorry you're not feeling well . . . your trip sounds like a great anniversay present to each other.
Penny -- I've been there with the pizza . . . that stuff is evil
Dusty -- welcome back. Sorry you had to go thru the conversation with your family . . . it's so hard to hear, even when you know it's done out of love. It's an honor that you've been chosen to teach that class, and YOU CAN DO IT . . . you don't need to put your life on hold while you're losing weight. Stay on your plan & make progress toward your goal - and love yourself just as you are while you're doing it. Like many who are actively trying to lose weight, I can't relate to all of the FA stuff, but I do find some of it helpful . . . here's a link on the subject that you might enjoy. http://kateharding.net/2008/02/04/here-to-go/
Ratkitten -- to you and cap'n . . . glad your boss is understanding so you can be home w/him
debbie- how long till you see cantalopes after the blooms. We have had blooms for weeks now.
i picked a zuch today and a few more grape tomatoes...i should have more reg squash by the end of the week if they dont develope blossom end rot like the one did last week. GRRRRRRRRR
Hi Peeps - what a beautiful day! Hope your day is as nice as mine.
This week I gained 3.25 pounds - OUCH - I had once bad meal out and one 'iffy" meal on Father's Day. What changed? I did not drink my water and I did not exercise the day I was at the lake. So guess what - logging at the Daily Plate, making sure I get my water and exercise! This is not a feeling I want to experience often.
Dusty -- I've taught at my high weight, and I was morbidly obese when I started teaching in grad school. I won't lie. I was bothered by it.
But I found that I just needed to have confidence and be myself as a teacher and students warmed to me. If students were ever bothered by my weight, I never heard about it.
I did always make sure to try to dress nicely. I knew some grad students who could wear jeans to teach in, but I couldn't. I didn't necessarily "dress up" but I did do my best to wear nice, clean, clothes, etc...
ok posted a screen capture of my spreadsheet on my measurements....(an image) anyhow
I am thrilled about the inches in 2mths!!! even though I haven't lost alot and stayed the same a couple of weeks in a row!!!
I know some of those titles I have for measuring sound odd....but that's how my body is and I needed something concrete to know where I measured the last time LOL
well I will pop on later and do personals gotta go cook dinner for dh....he is on his way home now!!! LOL
Debbie-His speech is at Douglas College, Wednesday June 25th from 7 to 9 pm. There is one other speaker, and the thing is being put on by the BC Schizophrenia Society, so it is free to the public. There will be a table with my books, that God I hope they don't expect me to sit at. At least I don't have to write a new speech for this one. He can give the same one I wrote for Calgary. I don't know yet where the speech in Victoria is going to be.
dmpls_ great job!!! Isnt it amazing how when we dont see weight loss on the scales we see inches come off!!I love the scales losses but I think i may love the inches more!! That means smaller clothes!! :O)
I just did mine and i only lost an inch on my chest in the past month. I do my measurements monthly. Did you start measuring the day you started your diet?? I am amazed to look back at my measurement in jan.
debi
Dusty Miller reading your blog and your families intervention ....I can relate my sister has never had a weight problem always weighed approximately 110lbs ....And for my whole life I have been overweight and always had this struggle ...My sister in September this year started harping everytime she seen me ....So I would do everything to avoid her .....My mother in her 60's finally told her enough ...Your sister is old enough to make her own decisions ..And when she decides to diet we will support her...( without realizing it my sisters actions caused me so much hurt and unhappiness ..I was close to going into a depreesion.... Not smiling and crying often....When she let it go ...so did I let go of the hurt...And this February I started thinking maybe it's time .....I will cut down .....And gave up my favorite food Potato Chips......In March I said I think I will begin to investigate those support groups for diets.... And I thought and in the end of April I made an appointment ...........And that is how I started.....You have to decide for yourself when you are ready....And I am now committed....I know I will faulter at times....But I know feel I have the best concellors and even better a support group here...I feel we all struggle with the problem ...And we all support each other...And I can't tell you how much I look forward to reading everyones blog ...And how supported we all are for each other.... Catherine what book did you write ....I am a avid reader!Would like to look it up!! Ratkitty you and your kitty are in my thoughts...A sick pet is so hard ..they are so important in our life... Debbie54 The story of those blasted wabbits is so sweet ...brought a smile to my day thank you...
Merksie "You go girl keep up that walking!! dgramie ""'Good gardening" gggirls So fell off for a short period ..Hop back on that bike and you will get those 3 lbs off You can do it...You are an inspiration to me you lost 65 lbs!!
Have a good day all Angels
Hi all!
Been lurking for the last couple weeks, only post if I have time. Been spending several hours jobbing on the computer, by the time I'm done and cross-eyed, I forget to come here and see what's happening. Then there's the few hours I spend at my sister's pool, so by eve, I'm pooped! Imagine if I was actually working...lol!!
I managed to catch up on this weeks thread.
Zelma...I'm sure it's too late, but you should try using peroxide. It's the "miracle cure" in our house. After spending time with sick kids or filthy public places, come home and take a 50/50 water/peroxide mixture and spritz into the nose and on the back of the throat. You can find the little bottles at Walmart. Or you can gargle with the 50/50 mix, but don't rinse it away. Just go to bed. I do that every time, like once or twice, and I never get sick....unless I forget to do it. Not sure if you guys have seen the e-mail about peroxide, but it has about a billion different uses...it's the best stuff ever made!! Anyhow, hope you feel better.
Angel – I’m not sure whether you have noticed a pattern before, but I know that I have trouble sleeping around a full moon. Some of hubby’s co-workers were saying yesterday morning that they had trouble sleeping and put it down to the full moon. I am not sure whether it is simply because it is lighter, or whether it upsets the ‘system’, but it seems to affect a few people. May be something to track in the future.
Dusty – I am kinda in two minds about the intervention by your family. Personally, I don’t think it would have had any effect on me until I was ‘ready’ to lose weight, so I am definitely glad that you are taking it so positively. I would have been angry I think, but maybe it would have also given me a chance to tell people things I wish I had been able to tell them before, such as “Showing me diets every time I show up certainly doesn’t help. Especially when you then offer me cream cakes for morning tea.” And many others.
I think your current approach sounds fantastic. That was how I lost weight – healthy food and exercise. Not strict pattern, just gradually changing things I ate and adding in extra movement whenever I could until it became a ‘habit’.
I hope you do well with the ‘teaching’ position. I am into my 26th year of teaching and although I loved teaching while I was bigger, I had the same worries you have when speaking to older children or adults. It is only since I have lost weight that I actually look forward to working with older people. I’m not sure how I can reassure you, except to say that if you have been especially asked to do this, then you have something special that you can share with this group and you have to remember that you are ‘helping’ them. They will appreciate this and will look past the surface and see the depth of knowledge that you have to impart to them. Good luck with it.
Penny – I am SO glad that you have not been affected by the flooding. I have been seeing footage on the news that had me thinking of you and I would not wish that on ANYONE! How devastating for those people involved.
It is funny that your daughter is now so sweet and adorable because she has a boyfriend. Have you warned your younger daughter to take advantage of it while she can, because if/when there is a break-up then she could become the ogre all over again. And it could even be WORSE. Oh the joys of young love.
Ratkity – I am really sorry to hear about Captn Kitty. I haven’t had pets for a while, because both hubby and I are allergic to pet hair. I know though that they become your ‘babies’ and it must be so hard to watch them suffer, knowing that you are doing your best, but still wishing there was more you could do. I am glad that your employer is showing such consideration and you are able to stay close by.
Catherine – I hope you have a lovely time at the upcoming book signing sessions. I am going to PM you with details to hold me a book if that is possible. I am worried that with all these signing sessions coming up that you will sell out before I get my act together. Aside from all of my joking about the book tour, I truly do hope that these sessions become more comfortable for you as you do more of them. I want you to be able to enjoy your new-found stardom.
Debbie – I hope that you can soon get those rabbits sorted out before they demolish your produce and leave you with dirt and lots of holes. Maybe I will be thankful that we live in the city when I actually get around to planting my own veggies. I have been thinking of putting them in pots anyway, which would probably help if we DID have rabbits. We had a few kangaroos wandering around when we first moved in, and THEY would have had fun with plants in pots, but I haven’t seen any around with all of the latest road works they are doing behind us.
Oops... other personals will have to wait as I have just looked at the clock and I had better get my act together to get ready for work. I have to get there early because we have a before-school choir rehearsal. I’m going to see how I go after that. It isn’t a teaching day, so I won’t have to do much talking, but I am still pretty tired and am getting headaches still (which I have rarely had since eating better). I have a certificate for today, so at least I can come home again if needed.
Debi, I don't have a clue since the rabbits ate my little leaves!! I'm going to plant some more and see what happens. It sounds like your crop is going pretty good. How did the squash rot?
Carol, maybe it's more water weight than anything!
Catherine, darn, I was hoping it would of been on the Friday or the weekend. We could of come up then, but with Jim working nights, it's not doeable. Hope you have some fun on this trip though. Come on, go sign some more books!!
Angels and Dusty, it is so true about having to "be ready" to lose weight. No one can MAKE you do it. My dil was pressured by her parents to lose weight, and went so far as to pay for her lapband surgery. That was last year, and she still hasn't lost anything and I think has gained some. It's so sad, but they don't realize, she wasn't ready and I hated seeing her go thru all that.
Glad you got a giggle out of the rabbit stories
Zelma, I think once we get the chicken wire around the veggies, that will stop them. We're going to dig down a bit to set the wire into and then cover it back up and hopefully that will deter them. Good luck if you do start a veggie garden in pots, it just might work. I would think it would be so fun to see kangaroos hopping around. I know they're probably wild, but can you go up to them without them clobbering you with their feet?
Tonight I'm feeling a bit icky tonight. I just chalk it up to the change in diet. Some people get nauseated but I tend to get the upset tummy that leads to you know what. ICK!! Hopefully this will pass soon.
Have a great night
Debbie
to you and cap'n . . . glad your boss is understanding so you can be home w/him
