The power is finally back on!! What a scary day. The wind blew part of my chimney off and it gashed a hole in my roof on the way down :( Must call my insurance tomorrow.

My driver's license said 160 when I was definitely at least 175, probably more like 180. I just had it renewed last month by mail, and they didn't ask me to update my weight but I crossed out what they had and wrote in 135 :D Now that's already a lie, but in a good way! It is funny though bc it says 135 but the pic is of my fat 180lb face lol.

skinny- yeah, I'm at a really good place with my running actually. For a while I was feeling really guilty about not doing it, but now I'm just doing it when I enjoy it, and I know that next summer when I start running outside again I'll be able to pick up where I left off...or even farther along, since I'm staying in shape. I want to be fit for a long time, so I'm in no rush :)

ETA: the mention of sucking it in over in the photo album thread made me think about this memory I have of the first time I remember really being skinny. I was a chubby kid, and remember being skinny for the first time in 7th grade, after I lost a bunch of weight--I was 5'2" and about 105lbs. The specific memory I have is of walking to the beach in Georgia, in a bikini top and shorts, and marveling at the fact that I didn't have to suck in my stomach. That is a feeling I would like to recapture. I'm almost there...maybe it's more of a mental state than a physical one, I'm not sure. But it was a good feeling.

i was going to go to the gym to work off some stress, and half way down the road my battery and heat lights come on so i have to turn back. :< i hate my life sometimes

Hey ladies! Just getting home from work...how can an early release day mean I walk in the door at 7:30 when I left for work 12 hours ago???? Yea I'm not sure how that seems to happen.

It's interesting to hear you all talk about "getting into the size you used to be". I am always been fat...always. I weigh less now than I did in high school. In fact, until October 09, I had not GAINED or LOST weight in 10years!!!! Yes, no joke. Haven't gained anything more than your typical gain and lose the same 15lbs. Maybe this is why My wardrobe is so tremendously large and it all fits or is too big :)

I completely ate terrible today!!!! I doubled my water intake to 1gallon to combat the salt. Oh well. Such is life. My tummy hurts, but I need to go do my weight training and 45min of cardio I guess. UGGHH!!!

Forest - If I can ever walk on the beach in a bikini and not feel like I have to suck it in, that will be one amazing goal accomplished! I have never ever worn a bikini before (even when I was in shape, yet still overweight I've always worn tankinis). I'm working towards a flat tummy (it's getting there...) and hopefully one day wearing a bikini in public :D I have 2 or 3 really cute ones that would love to see the light of day lol! Now if only my boobs were a little bigger to fill out the tops better... damn you tiny 36Bs :C

I have no idea how I'm supposed to focus on my paper right now. I'm SO hyped up on how good Glee's season finale was. GAH is it April yet??!?!?!

Do any of you ladies tell yourself "skipping my workout today isn't going to make a huge difference in the grand scheme of things"??

Air - I always try to not skip my workouts. When I do, then it leads to going completely off plan and at the end of the day I'm disappointed in myself because I know that if I had just worked out, then I would have been on plan for the day. So, working out is sometimes the glue that holds my plan together.

air- yes, yes i do. same as "this bite wont make a difference in the long run". Its really bad

Well, I think its my catalytic converter light. I cant be certain, because my car manual is entirely in japanese :dizzy:

I thought my gym was closed so I was doing some exercises at home, but then I heard the power was on in town so I went over there and they were open :) I spent an extra-long time since there was no power at my house...didn't have anything better to do.

Platform- I think bikini-wearing is totally about frame of mind. On the way up, I never would have considered wearing a bikini at 160lbs, but when I got back DOWN to 160, that was a whole nother story! I will never have a flat stomach, and I'm trying to come to terms with that. I'm built like my mother--she's 5'7" and 118lbs, and is built like two grapes and a cantaloupe on twigs. We just store our essential body fat in our abdomens, so unless we get underweight, proportionally our lower bellies are just going to jut out a bit.

Forest - Well I just did a bikini fashion show in my room LOL and... it's weird, I'm looking at myself in the mirror and I'm thinking "yeah.. ok, we'll get there, you're looking good..." It's so weird! And hey, I have seen your bikini pictures - you rock it! ;D I think what's weird is that generally, I still FEEL like a size 18, yet I'm a size 10/12...

I completely know where you're coming from, platformnine. I often look in the mirror and am like "yup. tight 16's...." other days its the opposite. Bikinis will be so fun. I wore my first one ...since like 5th grade....two summers ago and it was awesome. At first I was like "****, I'm freaking people out" but then I realized no one was staring and the world wasn't going to end. I even got hit on. Yup, in bikini. So, go for it!
Today was good eating wise until nightime when I ate pasta, okay. Also, had dessert. Then a second helping of dessert. I could have dealt with the single dessert and pasta, as I planned calorically for it. The second? Nope. Problematic. On a positive note, one I lose 6 more pounds I'm ready to try a size 8 because my 1O's are getting loosey and I love it. I've never worn an 8. Ever. So pumped. Will not purchase, as I am not buying major wardrobe staples until I am at/5 lbs within goal.

Okay, just walked in the door from my workout. I went. I suffered. I complained to myself since I was the only one that could hear me. I did my weights and double cardio for cheating today. I burned 515cal on cardio alone :) When I finished my body was so jello-y and like cloudy. Glad its good I stopped. I have now officially drank 1 gallon of water today (In hopes to combat the salty foods I ate at lunch). My stomachs hurts but it is either too much exercise (I get light headed sometimes) or too much water. I dunno and it doesn't matter really:)

Forestroad – I think you guys had the same crazy storm we had in California on Monday. 68,000 in san diego lost power… we aren’t used to that kind of thing! Lol . I also have a random memory of what it’s like to not feel the need to “suck it in” I was sixteen (and the actual weight on the drivers license -125) and I was in the choir room (gleek!!!) and I was working out in a sports bra. I want that back!! Haha

Mary – Its funny how sizes have so much importance…. Almost as much as the scale. I find it interesting that you say you feel like an 18, even though you are down to 10/12. I think it really does take time for our minds to catch up to our bodies. Ps GLEE finale was awesome!!!! Finally LOVE on glee, yay!

I can’t wait til I can comfortably wear a bikini and not be self-conscious. My dream is to be able to run around on the beach with friends playing frisbee/football/whatever and not feel the need to but on a t-shirt first so I don’t frighten the world with too much jiggle. That will be amazing.

Redliss – congrats on being so close to getting into a size 6. That is effing awesome. You are so close to shopping time!

Air- I also am trying not to skip workouts. If I do, I’ll end up with a gain, even if I eat right that day. No bueno. Good job for getting to the gym!! It’s worth it, right??

goodnight, or good morning :dizzy:

<3, Jess

I think it always takes a while to adjust your mind to your new body. I was in denial for the longest time about the extent of my gain, it was only when I sorted out some old clothes that I realised, OMG I'm way bigger than I thought! And I never realised how little I was when wearing those clothes (UK 8-10, probs US 4-6), must have some kind of body dysmorphic disorder.... So I need to check the scale, because it's apparent I can't tell by looking in the mirror :/

About bikinis, it's so empowering to wear them and feel good! I have a feeling we'll all be in our bikinis this summer! :)

Good Morning Ladies!!!!

Sounds like the east coast had a bunch of crazy wind storms yesterday. It was crazy gusty here all day!


icon - I'm not sure what the laws are in NZ about your catalytic converter. Here in the States we have to have yearly emissions tests done. My Mom's car had an issue with her's and the check engine light would randomly go on and off. Luckily she always managed to take it to get inspected when the light was off so she got away with it for a while! LOL GOOD LUCK! Car trouble SUCKS!


Air - I think we all try to convince ourselves that missing one work out won't be that big of a deal. I find that if I do skip it I have a hard time making up for it. So I do one of two things - get it over with and then it's done or I MAKE myself do it the next day. No excuses no choice. I find that most of the time the next day I'm grumbling at myself about how I should've done it the day before so I go ahead and do it... because a lot of little things add up as we all know!

I was actually talking to the therapist last night about body image disorders. We didn't get really into it, but for example:

Saturday I was doing some Christmas shopping and saw a girl I graduated high school with for the first time since 2002 (graduation). She was always a heavier girl and she and I were good friends. After I walked away I remember thinking to myself "OMG.... This is NOT how I would've wanted her to see me... 10 lbs heavier than I was at my highest weight in high school." It was an INSANE thought because a) like she would really look at me and say OMG YOU'VE GAINED 10 lbs since I've seen you last! b) like she would really care c) I didn't notice she had really lost weight but I certainly didn't say OMG YOU'VE GAINED!!!! I don't know if she has or hasn't and I don't care!

Point being... It's a SELF conscious thought. Completely in our own heads.

I also remember when I was down to one of my lowest weights... (probably 160 or so) I had gone shopping with my mom for something. I was in a department store and asked the lady working there where the women's section was. She looked at me shocked and said "Honey, you don't need those clothes, go to the regular section." I can't wait for that.

Here is a really weird question for you guys...
I HATE dressing up. Always have. I hate shopping for clothes... like with a passion. Mostly because I have a really hard time buying pants (thank you hips and hippo thighs!). But I've kind of found that I don't buy super cute clothes because I hate doing the shopping almost like I don't DESERVE it because I'm overweight. I'm not FRUMPY, I just know there are things I could buy and I could really DRESS to impress for work but refuse to do so.

I hope you guys don't think I'm crazy. LOL. Again, I know its in my head and even thought I RECOGNIZE that it's hard to stop the thought. Good thing I'm in therapy I suppose.

Red- Yeah it's really weird, some days I'll walk by and back track and be like "Who is that thin little waif in the mirror!?" and then other days I'll feel bloated and totally see myself where I started again. But then again, I never actually saw how heavy I was at my starting weight. Congrats on the loose 10s!

Air - Good job for going to the gym and working out hard! I need to work out hard today, I'm still retaining water weight argh!

Jess - GLEEKS! I miss the days of hanging out in my choir room :C lol! I was actually looking through some of my cousins pictures last night (since they're about the same size I am right now... just with better boobs) and they wear bikinis all the time and they are not stick figures but they look good in them. The first test will be when my best friend's pool is opened in late May or whenever it starts to get warm. I'm most comfortable around her and I'd like to ease into bikini wearing lol. By May I'm hoping to be in the 150s or lower, so hopefully I'll be bikini worthy!

Sanna - I have that problem too! Now I'm having trouble seeing the change in weight sometimes, and when I was at my starting weight I was in denial for YEARS over how much I'd really gained.

Feral - It was crazy windy here too! I go through those self-concious thoughts when I'm around new people or old friends I haven't seen in a while. But I always tell myself they don't care, and I don't care so just shut up Mary lol. As far as dressing up goes, some people like it and some people hate it. There isn't much of an in-between. I'm a person who loves to shop (even at my highest weight, I could always find something cute to add to my wardrobe) and I love to dress up. My friends joke that casual for me is dressy for them (because I'll wear nice tops, jewelry, and dressy flats or heels with jeans). I think you need to first become comfortable with shopping - take a really close friend with you and take a few things back to try on. Where do you usually shop? I get my dressy clothes from Charlotte Russe and Forever21 and Delias and I get my casual clothes from American Eagle. Dressing up for work can be as easy as wearing a pair of black slacks, a nice pair of flats (or heels if that's your thing, even low heels!) a camisole with some lace or other kind of embellishment, some statement jewelry, and a nice cardigan. If you're not used to dressing up take it slowly at first and see how comfortable you are with it!