[NotTheCheat]

I am not in WW, but I saw this and wanted to make a comment. Having been the heavy child one thing I can say is that it is so important to make sure that your SD doesn't feel that you think less of her because of her weight. Somehow growing up, my mother really made me feel like there was something inherently flawed and wrong with me for being large. It hurt so much to think that my parents thought there was something wrong with me. Not that you or your husband feel this way of course, but I would be very careful about how you approach her. I don't think my parents felt that way either, but somehow as a teenager that is how I internalized it. These things are rarely logical and so wrapped up in emotions - shame, fear, self-doubt, etc.

Recently my stepmother (my mother died when I was a teenager) told me how my father is always talking about how smart, funny, amazing and BEAUTIFUL I am. I was shocked and moved. It was really healing for me to hear that. I would try to focus on the positive and build trust as much as possible. In the end, she will only be ready when she is ready.

[Bobaloola]

Food can be an addiction and like any other addiction a person cannot cure another person just because they care for them. It has to be the person with the addiction that makes the decision to succeed and follows the steps to do so. This is true with diets as well. If she doesn't choose to do this on her own, she will just resent him for offering to help. Tell him to just be there for her when she needs him... nothing more. He's going to hurt her and himself if he decides to cross that line.

[HippyHippo]

My stepdaughter is only 11 and a chubby little thing. Her mother and father are both overweight (and me of course!) and she and I have talked about her weight a number of times, altho of course slightly easier to talk to an 11 year old than a 20 year old about it. Her mother blames us! We have her 4 days a month and it's our fault! The school nurse has threatened her mother with calling child services (it's counted as child abuse these days to have an overweight child!). My 14 year old step son is also chubby but a little more active than his sister. His problem is, if he finds some sweeties, he will eat the lot (before breakfast). Example: a few weeks ago I treated my self to a box of After Eight Orange thins...wasn't being as strict as I am not but I would have had them for weeks as my treat. Bought them on a Saturday, went to bed not thinking left them on the coffee table...got up Sunday morning, Larry had got up first and there were FOUR left!. Now, we don't do that, I have since found out he does it at his mother's house and she hides everything. Could she not have told us this? It's something he has started doing recently, I'm told it's 14 y o hormones...I don't believe in those kind of hormones....lol We noticed he ate a lot of sweeties over Christmas but when I was a kid, sweets got left out and were eaten...it just didn't occur to me that he was shovelling them in...all at once!

I hope I have made enough of an impact on my stepdaughter about not turning into an overweight adult, she's seen my weight go up and down, she saw her parent's marriage fall apart cos her mother lost weight and got herself a toyboy then put all the weight back on again...

I have to stop rambling when I am posting...

Hugs to all

[Thinfor5Minutes]

My mother (who died when I was 24, now I'm 50) was obsessed with appearances and being slender. She was naturally slender and athletic. I have always had a lot of round curves, but never was I overweight until after my first child was born when I was nearly 25. But I had that hourglass figure with a very slim waist and full, round hips and larger thighs. My mother used to tell me I had "fat legs" and would never have nice legs like hers. My aunts used to call me "Buckets" because of my ample rump. I weighed all of 115 lbs. when they were saying this, and they had a nerve because they were overweight themselves! I used to feel like nothing but a great big giant rear end walking around. Adults can sure do things to mess up kids' heads.

[Sis]

I know the feeling. I love my mom very much but I have been put on diets since I was about 10 yrs old. I was a bit overweight then, but I found some pics of me at about 16 yrs old a few yrs ago while at my moms and I couldn't believe my eyes. I was skinny! I am 5' 5.5" tall and was about 145 in those pics. I remember feeling like I was a cow at that age and not having very good self esteem. My mom was always about 98 lbs and 5' 3" tall. She was never fat unless she was pregnant. I think a lot of my prob.'s with weight stem from always being told I was fat. I think if I had been left alone I would have figured things out on my own. Or at least not had it pushed at me as much as it was. Sometimes well meaning constructive criticism can have just the oppposite effect when you are young. Just my 2 cents. I know sometimes you HAVE to do something for their health, it's just such a fine line with kids that age. Best of luck.... Sis