Late nite drive-by post before bed. I did much better today, more in control though the cravings are still there, and to be realistic, they probably always will be to an extent. I don't feel like I have to give in to them the way I used to.

I did get my errands run today, except a trip to the grocery store, but everything else got done. I felt spoiled over the summer too, doing my bill paying and shopping whenever, now Saturdays will be my busy run run run day. Sunday mornings my DH and I like to go out for breakfast alone, let the kids sleep in. It's nice. Now that they're older (12 & 13) we don't have to take them with us everywhere, and honestly, they really don't want to go!

As for getting up early, I spent years working in a bakeries and got so used to being at work at 5 a.m., it's just ingrained in me now. If I sleep til 7 I've really slept late and have a headache to show for it! Getting up at 5 or 5:15 to do 1/2 hour on my bike is easy, it's the getting back on at the end of the work day that's hard, and that's when I need it most.

I hope everyone has a happy, if wet, Sunday. Thunder boomers predicted here, too, but oh well.
storylady

hello all....ahhhh, a group of people who will understand the amount of work that I bring home with me...thank you all for being here! thank you for understanding "what's so hard about teaching?" (I actually had a friend's husband ask me that last week. When he regained consciousness...just kidding....I invited him to visit my first grade room ANY time he felt the need to find out about "whats so hard about teaching"! I don't think he is
going to drop in! What a *insertCURSEWORDhere*!)

storylady~I *KNOW* the spoiled feeling of doing a bit of house stuff each day whenever I wanted to! Now that I'm back at work, I
honestly HAVE to write stuff down like "laundry" or "bills" on my To Do List or I will forget to make time to do them. BUSY BUSY BUSY! Right now, our bills need to be done....I will do them right after I return from the grocery.

I did my run/walk in a light mist this morning. It would have felt good had it not been so humid that I couldn't breathe. I'm SOOO ready for this weather to change....Autumn, I welcome you! This summer had THE oddest weather around! ..and quite truthfully, I'm sick of rain and HEAT. Sorry...didn't mean to turn this into a weather RANT!

Students come back on Tuesday....which means that I won't sleep AT all on Monday night....It will be October before I sleep right again. Stress makes me crazy! ...ok..CraziER!

Gotta get my menu/shopping list finished and get to the store!
will check in later...
take care,
enjoy this calm before the "storm"!
HatterasMermaid

Happy Sunday Teachers! Mermaid, can you believe I had actually forgotten that I brought home work to do over the weekend until you said that in your post?! Thank you for reminding me! It just seems like the days are never long enough, there isn't time to sit and do the paperwork and I often find myself bringing it home so that I can get done there the things I can't do at home. I can't believe I forgot!

Went to breakfast with DH, our recent Sunday ritual between church and grocery shopping. Half of the Slim Slam Breakfast at Denny's is only 5.5 points without the fruit on the pancakes. I can actually eat half now and feel satisfied and not feel like I "should" eat the rest, oh the waste! It's only been the last year or so that DH has decided he needs to "take" me to the grocery store. Why, I don't know. I can see a glimpse into the future of what we'll be like when we retire and he feels the need to take me places. Maybe I can convince him to take up a hobby. I hear golf is very addictive to retirees.

At the grocery store today I FINALLY remembered to bring my poinstfinder along and am so glad I did, I got some great low point finds. I got a Tyson pineapple glazed ham, 3 ounces for 2 points, and stuffed crab for only 2 points each. I found whole wheat pitas for 2 points (I am so tired of the bread I usually eat, I need a change). Lunches for work next week should be a breeze. Already other teachers are eyeing my lunches saying they want what I have. I like to take a frozen entree like say lasagna and half it, then add at least 2 veggies to round it out. If I don't get veggies in at lunch, I get home hungry, knowing I "need" to eat all 5 veggies and it hangs over me like a rock. Mental, I know. But I don't want veggies, I want, you know, food (chocolate) something to fill and satisfy but not a meal (chocolate) so the pitas will be great. Stuff them with a little chicken or whatever, some veggies and I'm all set--satisfied and not feeling guilty! I really feel good today, in control, unlike yesterday when I struggled to come back from Fridays TOM chocolate mania. Although I must give myself a little credit, the mania wasn't as manic as it used to be.

Mermaid, I have a neighbor who years ago when they first moved in teased me about being a stay at home mom. He made jokes about being a lady of leisure and eating bon bons all day. Well after he was laid off from his job, he became a stay at home dad and the teasing stopped. After awhile I thought he's seen the light and grown up some. Then just the other day he makes a crack about my job. "How hard can it be to read to kids?" he asks. Like you, I invited him to come up to the school and find out. It's useless to explain it to him, he'll never get it.

My I have rambled on today. I hope everyone is having a great Labor Day weekend, rest, relax and renew.
storylady

Mermaid: You are living my life! Everything you wrote, I said, "Yeh, me too." I always vacation on Cape Cod and plan to retire there. But, my brother and his family have travelled to Cape Hatteras, Nags Head to be exact, for the past 25+ years. He is actually there as we "speak." His wife is a paraprofessional and is starting school on Tuesday. So, the day after they get home from paradise, she has to return to school. YUCK!

Storylady: Your life seems an awful lot like mine as well.

What is it with these people who think we have it so good? Other professionals with degrees similar to ours make gobs more money. We constantly have to bring piles of work home. We miss our lunch breaks (at least two-session teachers like me) because a child from the AM session doesn't get picked up from school, and the PM session arrives early. The specials teachers don't get subs when they're absent, so we lose our precious planning time. We have to hold our urine until we nearly explode...God forbid we have our period. I've gotten to the point where I wear a tampon and a pad just to be safe. We must strive to be better than ever while the funding decreases. We have to be a social worker, psychologist, diplomat, nutritionist, disciplinarian, entertainer, mother, secretary, nurse, while we strive to educate. I feel so undervalued by the administration in my district. My fellow teachers feel the same way, in fact, my principal told me that she feels it too. She is leaving to move on to the suburbs in January. She hopes it will be better. She hopes to be respected.

We are underpaid, underappreciated, and overworked. Honestly, if it weren't for the summers off, I would find something else to do. I love kids, but since I have my own, if I stopped teaching, it wouldn't be the end of the world.

Wow!!! I guess I really needed to get that off my chest!!! Sorry to complain so vehemently. I've just sort of had it.

I do love teaching. You know, the actual act of teaching. It is all of the other crap that goes along with it that I can't stand.

It turned out to be a beautiful day, but because we were expecting rain, we had a lot of indoor activities planned. So, we are just now getting ready to get outside. I didn't get nearly as far as I had planned on my school work. I will have to devote a couple more hours today and several hours tomorrow morning.

Have a wonderful rest of the weekend.

Take care all!

Summer

Bumping us up. The day started out soggy but the sun is out, finally. I've spent the day fighting a headache, I guess it's a sinus headache but nothing so far has relieved it. I worked on my lesson plans some and did my paperwork I had forgotten. Maybe that's what gave me the headache!

Here's hoping us all a sunny Labor Day, and a very good day tomorrow. I'll be thinking of you all.
storylady

Storylady, Mermaid, Braillelady, & Educated Diva: My mood has turned more positive. It was a rainy day, so except for taking my daughter to the movies, I was able to get a lot of work done. I have a truckload of work to do at school early this week, but at least I've done as much as I could at home.

Tomorrow will be my first official day back on program. I'm looking forward to getting back under control.

Have a wonderful week everyone. Let us have less headaches, less stress, more satisfaction, and more uplifting moments!

Summer

Hello all! It is hump day! Hurray!

I still have a lot of crying children at school. It seems like I get at least one new student every day. I wish they all started on the first day of school. The kids who are finally beginning to relax have to watch the new ones cry, and then they start to cry too! My own daughter is giving her kindergarten teacher a hard time with crying. At the end of the day, she has to go to the cafeteria where the YMCA houses the after-school program. She is only there for a few minutes until one of us can pick her up. Anyway, when her teacher says that she has to go to the YMCA, my daughter cries thinking that she is going to the actual YMCA. I've explained over and over again that she just stays in the cafeteria, but she panics and cries.

My eating has been so so. I stay on program until I get home from school. Then, whatever crisis has occured during the day gets to me, and I throw in the towel. Yesterday, I came home to my dog, sitting in a pile of dog poop in his crate. Gross!!! I cleaned the crate, hosed him off in the backyard, then gave him a bath. I kind of gave up on the diet after that. Today was a pretty lousy day at school. I again gave up around 4:30.

So, my goal is to get through the hours of 4:00 - 9:00pm. HELP!!! Any ideas?!

Summer

Hi everyone! Summer, I can so relate to your struggle with the evening eating. That's exactly how I put on 25-30 lbs last school year, most of it by Christmas. The stress was unbelievable, and I came home and ate ate ate. Who am I kidding? I ate in the car waiting to pick up my middle schoolers before I ever made it home!! By about, oh, April I had gotten myself under control pretty much, but it was not easy. That reward-myself-after-a-hard-day mindset was hard to break. I had to do alot of self talking to get past the urge to eat from the time I left work until bedtime. I finally started asking myself what I was rewarding. That I made it through the day, or that I did a good job? Well I get a pay check for both of those circumstances, so that made no sense. That I had gone for the previous 7 hours without over eating? Maybe. Then I started asking myself if eating was going to make me feel better. For a minute or two yes, but not for long. I had also managed to outgrow all of my clothes and by the time the year ended I had only about 3 tops and 2 pairs of pants I could wear to work. It was embarrassing, and humiliating but I absolutely refused to go buy 'fat' clothes. Maybe that's what ended up saving me, I wanted my clothes back. I still can't fit into most of them, and yes I did end up having to buy a few things to start the school year, but I bought inexpensive tops that I can easily alter as I lose. I knew all along that if I could just start, get on on program, that I would start to feel so much better physically and mentally, and the momentum would build from there, and I was right. I'm not saying it's easy, it's most certainly not. And some days I still come home and prowl around the kitchen looking for something, not a bit hungry, just want to eat. I love to eat, it's one of my favorite things to do! Sometimes I win the battle, some times not. The main difference is now I have much healthier choices around so if I do give in, the damage is minimal. I'm so sorry you've had a rough start to your school year. Those little ones crying just break my heart. My son was cryer, he cried every year until he was maybe fourth grade. He does not like change, does not adapt well to new people and routines. It's hard on the kids, the parents and the teachers. Hang in there, and just the best you can for now. You'll get there, you want to "skinny by summer 2004", remember? Vent here and let us share the load, if only in spirit. Take care and HAPPY FRIDAY TEACHERS!!
Storylady

Storylady, thanks so much for your honesty and helpful words. I eat more for comfort than reward. When I was a child and felt overwhelmed, I just wanted to climb into my fluffy bed and hide from the world. I was never allowed to stay there, and somewhere along the way found another way to feel cozy and warm inside. I discovered that certain foods were very comforting, and when my mother died, I found solace in food. My father didn't handle his grief well and moved to Florida leaving me to grieve alone and pay a mortgage. I held it all together with roommates for a couple of years, but eventually had to sell the house so that I could finish college. I can still remember the house being sold and empty except for a mattress and t.v. in my bedroom. For a few weeks before I had to vacate, I would go to morning classes then pick up fast food take-out. I would bring the food up to my room, close the door (close the world out), watch my soap operas, and binge. I was like a chubby caterpillar in my cocoon getting bigger and bigger...only I never metamorphosized into the beautiful butterfly. Years have gone by since then. I graduated college, got married, had my daughter, and started teaching a couple of years ago. I have not been thin since 1986 when my mom died. But, I was never over a size 14 until pregnancy. Now I am 70 pounds overweight. I would really like to set the butterfly in me free. Something is holding me back...fear? I'm gonna keep on trying until I finally succeed. Summer

Happy Weekend, Teachers! How was your week? We're old hands now, it was our 3rd week back so our routines are set and we're rockin and rollin like clockwork. I'm getting to know my first graders names, most of them and that really surprises me. Last year it seemed to take forever to start to remember them. Of course I have 2 classes every afternoon, different classes every day, so 120 or so of each grade to try to get to know by sight, it took me awhile! I'm amazed that I remember so many of my second graders this year, I honestly didn't think I would. It's fun to see how much they've changed in only a few months.

Summer, I can so relate to your story. After my son was born with a liver disease I spent the next 2 years, well, waiting for him to die I guess. I was a basket case. I was constantly nervous, afraid of everything and I ate to comfort myself, calm myself, reward myself, you name it. Also, I think my upbringing has something to do with my weight problem. Not that I blame my parents, not at all. But there were lots of times when if my daddy didn't grow it, hunt it or catch it from the lake, we didn't have anything to eat. I remember one summer when I was about 15, we ate fish every single day for lunch and supper. Every day. To this day I have to force myself to choke down fish. The smell of it cooking makes me sick sometimes. So after I left home to go to college, oh man the choices of food to eat astounded me! And the fact that I could eat WHEN I wanted, WHAT I wanted, and usually AS MUCH AS I WANTED!!! Those years, followed by a dozen in various bakeries, well, you know the rest!

I had a NSV today: my jeans are baggy! Granted they are not my good jeans, but hey, I'll take success in any form right now! I had to keep hitching them up today, it felt great! I may just keep wearing them since they make me feel skinny, for now!
I'm hoping for a good weigh in on Monday, it's been a couple of weeks since I've lost and I've tried to stay OP (except for that night my family went to Outback for dinner, oh my those ribs were so good!)

I hope everyone has a restful weekend. It promises to be sunny here so I'm planning walking in the park and lots of yard work.
happy Friday all,
storylady

Storylady: The feel of baggy jeans...now that is a major accomplishment!!!

I'm quite impressed with you learning all of those names. I had my students (2 sessions of 20) wear name tags for three days before I learned them. My aide, who doesn't have both oars in the water, hasn't a clue what half of their names are. But anyway, I thought learning 40 names was tough, but you've got me beat!

Your childhood story reminds me of Audrey Hepburn's. I can't imagine being in that situation. I sounds pretty scary. There are many children now that don't know where their next meal is coming from. In the city where I teach, all children are served free breakfast and free lunch. Many of my students during my first year of teaching relied on those meals as being their only meals of the day. Some would sneak food out of the cafeteria and into their backpacks. I never said a word.

Today is a beautiful day, sunny, clear, dry. My daughter and I have a play date with our best friends. My friend and I go back 15 years. We started out as coworkers, became roommates, were in each other's weddings, and had babies 8 months apart. Since birth, our daughters have been the best of friends. It is truly a blessing. Unfortunately, they live 40 minutes away, so we don't get together more than twice a month during the school year. In the summer, we saw each other weekly. I love my friend, but she makes it hard for me to diet. She sabotages me constantly. When we discuss it, and I take a hard line with her, she cooperates. But when I'm on the fence, she pulls me over to the bad side. Oh well. It is my responsibility to be strong and not blame others for my failures. Tomorrow is my niece's birthday party and my nephew's visit from Colorado. I haven't seen him in two years. I can't wait to give him a hug. He is my daughter's Godfather, and he is missing her childhood. It is kind of sad, but he needed to get out of my sister's disfunctional household. Oh well.

Have a great weekend all!!!!! Enjoy the beautiful weather!!!!

Summer

Hatteras Mermaid, Educated Diva, and Braillelady: We miss you! Come back and visit with us!!! We would love to hear how your school year is going as well as how your dieting is going. Have a relaxing weekend!!! Summer

Teachers, how is everyone? Mermaid, Diva, Braillelady, don't tell me we've bored you and scared you off already? We're just getting going, huh Summer?! Seriously, I've wondered how your school years are going so far.

I cheated and got on the scale yesterday morning instead of waiting for Monday and was rewarded--2lbs down!! I thought I had lost, baggy jeans and all, but needed to peek to be sure! So glad I did, it gives me the motivation I need to stay OP the rest of the weekend. I walked 2 miles in the park yesterday and today. It was wonderful, so cool and crisp, no mosquitoes. During the summer it seemed I was always being targeted by a mosquito or a horsefly that insisted on buzzing around my face, where I had put on the least amount of bug repelent because of the smell. I know I looked ridiculous waving my arms and slapping at my own face and head line a maniac.

Summer, my school is a Title 1 school, with a very high number of free and reduced lunch and breakfast kids. I see them take an extra cereal at breakfast, or two, and put it in their backpacks for snack later or to take home. We don't stop them either, so many of them get their only nutritious meals at school. Though lately I've had to wonder at the "nutritious" part. A few chips with some watery chili on top and tiny cup of grated cheese is nachos? And they can either take a cup of lettuce, tomato and pickle slice for their burger or a cup of fruit but not both? But the ice cream machine is open every day, no matter what.

As much as I enjoy it here this isn't getting my floors mopped, my laundry done, my bathrooms cleaned, etc., etc. Enjoy your Sunday, teachers!
storylady

Hey Storylady! My school is Title 1 too, and my pre-k program falls under "School Readiness." I am appalled by what is considered nutritious. The kids rarely have fresh fruit and I have never seen a fresh vegetable. The closest thing to a veggie is ketchup! I keep on reading articles in the paper about changing the meals to be more nutritious, but I've yet to see any changes. And, as far as exercise goes, K-3 is only allowed 10 minutes of recess a day. All the principals care about are the CMT's and Pre-CMT's. Testing, testing, testing. And if the kids don't make the mark, the school gets identified as failing. So, kids are eating badly, not exercising, being force-fed academics that they are not developmentally ready for, and the country wonders what is wrong! Sorry, I've been going off a lot lately about the state of education. I'm so happy that I teach pre-k. At the moment, developmentally appropriate practice still reigns.

Yesterday, I had my niece's birthday party. My nephew flew in from Colorado to stay for one week. I haven't seen him since he took off almost two years ago. He and my sister had a falling out, and he left without saying goodbye to anyone, including me, his favorite aunt, and my daughter, his Goddaughter. It was heartbreaking. At the time, my sister was mum about it. She was still so angry and bitter that she was just glad he was gone. He has always been mistreated by his parents, and my mother (died in 1986) and I were his only champions. We always looked out for him, and since she died, I'm the only one who stands up for him. When he left, I was devastated. We have kept in touch through letters, cards etc., but 25 year old males aren't great at letter writing and calling. To see him yesterday, I was so elated!!! I hugged him and wouldn't let go.

Eating, well, I did great until 4pm today. Then I ate a bunch of goldfish and peanut butter and a chocolate cheesecake bar. But then, dinner was back on program. I really need to find an after school snack that is satisfying but not sinful. HELP!!!

Hope everyone is having a good beginning to their school year!

Summer

Bored or scared??? NOT even close! I don't get any computer time these days! Was just running by.....and will try to get back here at the end of the day! Was just IM with Diva....and yesterday was her first day back! ARGHHHH....there is no time for MEEEE right now, whine whine whine!

take care...will try to get back soon!
Robyn