Miniapple, so sorry for your loss and what you are going through. Please continue to be strong. Congrats on all of your hard work!
Did well today. I had 1369 cals and exercised for 65 minutes. Gotta take my car in for service tomorrow. I probably won't have time to exercise like today. I hate it when things ruin your routine and motivation. Gotta stay strong!
made it to the gym finally! Now that I'm taking 2 classes instead of 3 at the college, I can actually find time for it! so far anyway.
I did 5 sets of flys (chest), 3 sets of chest presses, 5 sets of lat rows, and 30 minutes up a 12% grade on the treadmill at 4 mph. I lift rather heavy so I burned quite a lot of calories tonight! got my mushroom trio stuffed chicken breast in the oven and after I shower I'm going to steam my lovely broccoli. I feel so GOOD.
Hi everyone, I am a nervous wreck today. I found out my Mother died on Monday.
I have to take a trip to Philadelphia for services. I have not been home for (25) years. I never wanted to go back fat. And also, I'm worried that I will not be able to maintain my very strict eating plan. I feel lousy for even feeling this way.
I was not close to my mother but it is still pretty difficult. I find myself wanting to scrap this whole process. Fear of my own mortality is showing up, and it is not motivating in the right direction. Also, I am wanting to eat for comfort. I have not given in yet.
My Mother was very sick with all the complications of all the crap I'm running from with my diet and exercise. I hope it is not too late for me. I just don't want to live for 20 years sick and bloated and disabled. She had a horrible (sick) existence in a nursing home.
I thought I would post because I am on a slippery slope. I did do Leslie's 4 mile today but felt like I was moving in slow motion. It did not take my mind off my grief. I am officially eating on plan as of today. Well, yesterday was hard to eat anything but I did. I even walked the dogs in slow motion I think.
I don't leave til Sunday so I'm gonna try to post everyday til then.
Ugg. Why does there always have to be some difficult mountain to overcome. Yup, self-pity for certain.
I am so sorry for your loss and what you are going through. It's wonderful that you were able to stick with your healthy lifestyle today. Please know that you have support here and keep posting often.
B - Bear Naked Morning Power Pack
S - Fiber One Lemon Bar
L - Parmesan Pepper Pork Loin + Cheesy Potatoes
S - Dark Chocolate
D - 6 in. Subway Spicy Italian + Sweet Potato Chips
S - Hi I'm Skinny Sweet Onion Sticks
Exercise: 30 Minute Mile w/ Dog
I'm trying to cut pop back out of my diet again. I went six months without it before, but I started drinking it again a while back. I don't even really like pop. I just drink it because its there. Day 3 with no pop (or coffee, even though I'm not stopping that) and doing well.
I started taking some supplements. They're technically for weight loss, but I'm just taking them because they give me serious energy in the morning. Everything they contain is known to be safe and they're good quality supplements that I was able to snag for $2 at Big Lots. It may be a placebo affect, but I haven't needed caffeine since I started taking them. Nutrition is HERE if anyone is interested.
Last night I did: Qigong Stress Relief from 5 Day Fit Chi
Today will be another rest day from my regular workouts.
I woke with hives and a swollen face again. It will all regulate after a couple of days. I'm sure the gain is a combo of TTOM and angioedema. But I am thinking it has more to do with angioedema. I get these "cuts/tears" on the inside of my mouth/lips from the rapid swelling and I have all of that nonsense going on.
Not been checking in daily like I should, been busy but no reason not to do it on the train. Weekend went ok, cut back yesterday to make up for it.
kcal yesterday: 400
Weigh in: 252.8
change: -4.2#
Not as busy today so aiming for 10 tons+ at the gym, we'll see if I can wheez my way through it.
Hi everyone, I am a nervous wreck today. I found out my Mother died on Monday.
I have to take a trip to Philadelphia for services. I have not been home for (25) years. I never wanted to go back fat. And also, I'm worried that I will not be able to maintain my very strict eating plan. I feel lousy for even feeling this way.
I was not close to my mother but it is still pretty difficult. I find myself wanting to scrap this whole process. Fear of my own mortality is showing up, and it is not motivating in the right direction. Also, I am wanting to eat for comfort. I have not given in yet.
My Mother was very sick with all the complications of all the crap I'm running from with my diet and exercise. I hope it is not too late for me. I just don't want to live for 20 years sick and bloated and disabled. She had a horrible (sick) existence in a nursing home.
I thought I would post because I am on a slippery slope. I did do Leslie's 4 mile today but felt like I was moving in slow motion. It did not take my mind off my grief. I am officially eating on plan as of today. Well, yesterday was hard to eat anything but I did. I even walked the dogs in slow motion I think.
I don't leave til Sunday so I'm gonna try to post everyday til then.
Ugg. Why does there always have to be some difficult mountain to overcome. Yup, self-pity for certain.
While I can't know exactly what you are going through, I can empathize as a similar thing happened to me. My father died when I was 22 years old. I hadn't seen him since I was 12. Well, I had "seen" him a couple of brief hours at 15 and 16, but that's it. He abandoned us after my parents divorce, but not that he was a positive force before that. There was no sexual or physical abuse, but mental - more on that later.
His death was a closing of a door, true, but it meant there were a lot of unresolved issues and that was hard to deal with. I never got to yell at him. I never got to ask him "why?" I now had to deal with him in a whole 'nother way than before and I was a wreck.
I have a similar strained relationship with my mother, though it's a bit different. But I know her death would throw me in a similar loop (though I think going through it once has helped me heal other hurts as well).
So, I won't necessarily send my condolences as that probably feels odd... but I do send some healing thoughts your way.
Just remember that you are your own best friend and worst enemy. Try to be your best friend right now and seek help where you can find it - including counseling if you need it. Ok?
Last edited by berryblondeboys; 04-11-2014 at 08:07 AM.
I am so sorry for your loss and hope you can gather strength and support from your friends here. My father died almost 5 years ago and to this day, have not shed a tear for him yet I feel guilty for not feeling guilty. He was an abuser and our home was not a happy one. Isn't it amazing all of the pain, guilt, sorrow, and bad memories we carry through our lives?
I can tell you that through therapy I have learned that we don't get to pick our family and just because they are family it doesn't mean we are duty bound to love them. My father would not have been my choice as a friend, however I am best friends with my Mom and brother. Our of love for them, I made the funeral arrangements and attended the service for them - not for him. By concentrating on them and not him, I was able to hold it together. Is there someone you can focus on to do the same for you? If not, maybe you can take a friend with you.
Take a care package with you - FOR YOU. Make sure you have good for you snacks and reading material that you can lose yourself in when you feel you need to escape. Take care of yourself. Start a game plan for when you return home. Make a list of things you want to do and when you get home, give yourself a reward for doing your duty. I would not have gone to his funeral had it not been for my Mom and brother and if you feel your presence is not needed, give yourself permission not to go.
You can do this - no matter what your decide to do. And please, touch base with me when you return home or if you just need a friend.
God bless you.
“When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'.”
~ ~ Groucho Marx
Last edited by Chubbie Chick; 04-10-2014 at 10:56 AM.
i have a busy day today that shouldn't be a busy day LOL...i work and then take teenager to school...then i have to take out recycling to the center, go to the store and go to the gym...then i have to clean up from the gym, go to the bank, get some coffee and i have a 12:30 meeting...then i work all day til 6 p.m. and then i have a meeting til 6:30 p.m....then i go home to make dinner etc...
ok, down .2 today - I am still WINE FREE! LOL you wouldn't think that would be such a big deal, but I've been having my glass every night for a LONG time. I lifted pretty heavy yesterday, so maybe that's why I am not down more than .2, but I'll take it. I stayed below calories yesterday, even without counting what I burned at the gym. I have to keep doing that and I'll lose my chub!
Started the Garcina Cambogia today, we'll see if it even does anything.
MENU:
B - 1 slice of Dave's Killer Bread toasted (21 grain) and half an avocado mashed on to it
L - kale salad (I'm going to go to Whole Foods again and get that wonderfully magically delicious shredded salad bar chicken) and I have to buy some dressing
S - damn apple pear (still haven't eaten it!)
D - I think I'll pressure cook some organic chicken breast and baby bella mushrooms. Steamed broccoli on the side, maybe brown rice or quinoa.
Long bike ride with DH after work
check back later!
Last edited by Syckgirlsfv; 04-10-2014 at 11:23 AM.
ok, down .2 today - I am still WINE FREE! LOL you wouldn't think that would be such a big deal, but I've been having my glass every night for a LONG time.
Congrats!
I have to completely quit alcohol when I am trying to lose weight because it stalls me completely. It's hard for the first week or two, especially when you are comfortable with the routine of relaxing with a glass of wine in the evening. But once you get used to NOT having it, it's not so bad. I haven't had any alcohol since before Thanksgiving.
When I reach maintenance I will probably allow myself a glass in the evenings again. But I will count it in my maintenance calories and monitor it using my diet software. If the calories spent on wine prevent me from eating a satisfying diet in maintenance, the wine will have to go, except for special occasions.
you wouldn't think that would be such a big deal, but I've been having my glass every night for a LONG time. I lifted pretty heavy yesterday, so maybe that's why I am not down more than .2, but I'll take it. I stayed below calories yesterday, even without counting what I burned at the gym. I have to keep doing that and I'll lose my chub!
